195.44.216.136 writes:

The scene: a busy lunchtime at the Bean and Donut Coffee Bar, where Dancer is working in her secret identity of Sarah Shepherdson, waitress.

Mr Papadopopolis: Sarah, take these double decaf cappuchinos over to table three, wipe up tables eleven and thirteen, then see to that fellow in the unusual pink and purple mask who has been waiting almost five minutes for his cream-topped laté with extra sprinkles.

Sarah: Yes, Mr P. [Sarah avoids grabby customer on table nine, who instead accidentally knocks his streaming hot mocha surprise into his lap, getting an entirely new kind of surprise, and performs her duties with an amazing sense of grace and timing until she ends up in front of customer with unusual pink and purple mask] Here is your laté, sir. Is there anything else you want?

Customer with unusual pink and purple mask: Ja. I vant ein chocolate chip cookie, some brown sugar, and to rule the vorld. And then I vish to talk mit you, Dancer.

Sarah: Dancer? You are referring to the fact that I once went to ballet school?

Customer with unusual etc.: Nein. I am referring to the fact that you are secretly the new superhero known as der Probability Dancer.

Sarah, with a very hollow phoney laugh: Hahahahahaha! What a ridiculous thing to say! You are a one, sir.

Customer with etc.: Nein, I am Baron Heinrich Zemo, the greatest archvillain of der Parodyverse, and you are very, very out of your depth.

Sarah, gulping and reverting to basic training: Would you like a napkin, Baron Zemo?

Baron Zemo (for it is he): What I vant is for you to come mit me now. I haff an offer you cannot refuse, unless you enjoy going to funerals of all those you haff ever known and loved.

Sarah (still trying to work out what to do): How did you discover who I am? I mean, if I was who you say I am, which I’m not saying I am, but if I was?

Baron Zemo: Ack! Others may not notice the remarkable resemblance between vaitress Sarah Shepherdson and super-powered crimefighter by some remarkable lack-of-coincidence und the fact that Sarah wears a blue hair band to make her look different… but Baron Zemo is a criminal genius! Who but Zemo could deduce the identity of an adversary from so little evidence and use it to bring them to utter defeat?

Sarah: The Hooded Hood?

Baron Zemo: For that, you vill receive no tip. Now come mit me or I vill get villainous with you.

Sarah: This is a really bad time for a supervillain attack, Baron. There are lots of people still waiting to be seated. Mr P will have a fit if I walk out just now. Couldn’t your world domination plans wait just a little bit until I’m on my break? Please?

Baron Zemo, summoning Mr Papadopopolis over to his table: Mein host, you are this young voman’s employer, ja?

Mr P: Sure, Sarah’s my finest worker, always on time, always polite and nice. I tell her she should get out more, meet a nice young man, but she is so shy and…

Baron Zemo: I vish to hire your waitress for ze afternoon. Here is one hundred thousand dollars.

Mr P, a bit shocked at the sudden appearance of a months’ takings: Oh, um… Sarah?

Sarah: He needs me to cater for him.

Baron Zemo: I have… special tastes.

Mr P, more shocked: Sarah!

Sarah (blushing): Not like that, Mr P. he just wants me to spend the afternoon with him. [then, with sudden inspiration] He’s taking me to a movie!

Mr P: Well, as long as you treat her nice, mister. Sarah’s a good girl. [Takes money and leaves]

Baron Zemo: Now, Fraulein Dancer, we haff much to talk about.

Sarah: Just so long as you don’t talk through the movie. I hate guys who do that.

Baron Zemo: Movie? Vat movie?

Sarah: The movie we’ve got to go to now because I told Mr P we were going to one. You don’t want to make a liar our of me, do you?

Baron Zemo: I am der archvillain of der Parodyverse! I do not go to der movies!

Sarah: Oh, but one of my favourites is on, the classic "From Here to Eternity" Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr on the foam-lashed beach…

Baron Zemo: Bah! The Japanese should have viped out the verdammned Amerikaners at Pearl Harbor if only… vait a minute, Frank Sinatra vas in dat film! He received ein Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.

Sarah: Sure. Ol’ blue eyes is one of the best things about the film.

Baron Zemo: You… you like Frankie?

Sarah: Oh yes. Guys and Dolls made we want to become a dancer. But I also like his serious work, like The Man With the Golden Arm, Suddenly, Never So Few, as well as his Rat Pack stuff…

[Later, coming out of the cinema] Baron Zemo: I vas not crying. I got popcorn in my mask eyepiece.

Dancer: Whatever you say, Baron. So why did you want to talk to me so badly that you paid $100,000 to Mr Papadopopolous for one afternoon of my time?

Baron Zemo: My wife is frozen.

Dancer: Hey, I don’t mess with married guys, and I’m not for sale. You’ll have to work out your marital problems some other way…

Baron Zemo: Nein! Nein! I mean that mine wife is frozen in cryogenic suspension and cannot be thawed out until her horrible injuries by an assassin’s bullet are somehow cured. It would take a miracle... or an amazing coincidence.

Dancer: And you want me to help?

Baron Zemo: Nein. I command you to help. You vill join me at once and become part of mine team, the Scourge of the BZL.

Sarah: Oh.

{Meanwhile, in the shadows] Messenger (speaking into little pocket tape recorder): Messenger’s war journal entry #3288485868668. It looks like Zemo is recruiting a new member of the Scourge. I’m going to have to act to eliminate her before he can turn her loose on humanity. It’s a tough job but somebody has to do it. End entry. Oh, P.S. buy some Brussels sprouts for tea tonight.

[To be continued. Will Dancer become a baddie? Will Dancer become a corpse? Did Messenger remember the Brussels sprouts?]



Dancer, with a plot assist from HH - be afraid!!!