Posted by Dancer on February 24, 2001 at 12:29:12:
[The scene: a spooky old watermill, at full moon. The wind blows through the rotting boards like Vincent Prince organ music.] Dancer: This place gives me the creeps ManMan, spiffy, Ziles: Me too! Hounddog: Reee roo. ManMan: Just remind me why we’re here again? Ziles: Because the Headless Huntsman is scaring off the workers who want to change this place into a state of the art day care centre. We’re helping old man Codgerly to find out what’s going on. ManMan: No, I mean just remind me why we’re here again? Dancer: Because I owed Con Johnstantine a favour, miserable worm-sucking ratfinkle. ManMan: That’s Johnstantine that’s the worm-sucking ratfinkle, right? Dancer: *smiles* ManMan: So that’s why you’re here. Remind me why we’re here. Dancer: Why, because it’s a good thing to do. What other reason is there? Knifey: Hah! She’s gotcha Joe! Ziles: I came along to see if I could detect any ectoplasmic activity using this wave-interface harmonizer. And because Troia was busy on account of being temporarily dead, and Sorceress said she wouldn’t be seen dead in a place like this bit I could be if I wanted to. ManMan: OK, but what about him? He’s supposed to be mayor of virtually everywhere, isn’t he? spiffy: Hey, I get a day off you know. My aides set it up for me every so often. They book me in for a game of Freeway Basketball or that game where you dress up as a bear and jump out to scare hunters in the woods. Besides, Hounddog needed walkies. Hounddog: Grrufff! ManMan: I can’t believe you brought him. That dog’s got all the powers of Superman. If he cocks his leg on a wall he can blow a building halfway to Denver. Knifey: You’re just sore that when you got your powers you got the proportional strength of a man and the dog got flying, super-strong, super-speed, super-hearing.… ManMan: I’d have settled for the X-Ray vision. Really. Besides, I have a super-strong grip. Ziles: Yeah, Troia said. C’mon, let’s find this Headless Huntsman. ManMan: Why don’t we split up and search the place? That way we can die quicker. Dancer: Hmmm. That’s a good idea. We can split into two teams. We’ll all go this way, and spiffy and Hounddog can check out the basement. spiffy: Hey, wait a minute! How is it that ManMan gets to go off with two hot girls and I get the smelly dog? Knifey: Well you’ve gotta have some brains in your team *snicker* spiffy: Hey! I had a Detective Agency, you know. And a beaver problem. And I once died and went to Hell, Nebraska. And I lived in Visionary’s brain for a while. Boy, that was cramped. I deserve some respect. Er… where is everybody? Hounddog: ….. spiffy: Well, I guess we’d better check the cellars and see if there’s an axe-wielding Headless Huntsman down there. Hounddog: Ruh-uh. spiffy: Not even for two… ah get down there ya mutt, before I set Lisa’s cat on you! [Meanwhile, ManMan, Dancer, and Ziles creep along in single file] ManMan: Y’know, in the cartoons I always wondered what the other team was doing while the guy and his dog went and got chased by the monster. CrazySugarFreakBoy has this theory that they were… Dancer: I’m not sure we need to hear CSFB!’s theories right now, thanks Manny. And you forget about trying any practical tests right now. ManMan: Stop snickering Knifey. Dancer: Are you getting any readings yet, Ziles? Ziles? Er, Ziles? ManMan: Stop snickering Knifey. Knifey: That’s not me snickering. ManMan and Dancer: Zoinks! The Headless Huntsman! Run!! [Meanwhile, spiffy and Hounddog have found the cellars where there are lots of drums of a thick black sticky substance obviously pumped up using the drilling equipment in the corner] spiffy: This is mysterious. And I bet in these drums we’ll find crude, natural oil! [Checks] Or, as a second guess, Tobasco Sauce. Somebody has discovered that the mill sits on a natural source of pure Tobasco Sauce! Hounddog: Rowf! [Suddenly the pre-set death trap springs shut to crush spiffy flat. Only the last minute reflexes of his symbiotic fern manage to hold the jaws of the crushinator apart – barely.] spiffy: Hounddog, go get help! Hounddog: Woof! spiffy: Get help! Find Dancer of ManMan or Ziles! Hounddog: *wags tail* Spiffy: Hurry. I’m dying here! Hounddog: *rolls over* Spiffy: listen, get some help up here you mangy mutt or I’m having you neutered. Hounddog: Urk. [Flies off for help] [Three seconds later, at the Lair Mansion:] Sorceress: Oh look Jay. It’s Hounddog. He wants something. Hatman: He probably wants some scraps. C’mon boy, let’s see what we can find in the kitchen. Trickshot: You could give him that pie that Troia baked. He’s supposed to be invulnerable. [Hounddog forgets his mission and goes off to get fed] [Meanwhile again, Dancer and Manny are still running – right into the trapdoor on the floor which drops them down, down down… *splash!*] ManMan: Well, you live and learn. Who would have thought that old haunted mills came complete with their own indoor crocodile pit? [And back with spiffy, still struggling to keep the crushinator from, well , crushing him, and now with Ziles beside him courtesy of the villainous Headless Huntsman] spiffy: Quickly Ziles. Use your escape skills to get us out of here. Ziles: I would if it was not for the little problem that the villain appears to have superglued me to you, spiffy. I can’t get away. spiffy: Why didn’t I think of that for my dates? Now it’s too late and we’re all going to die! Headless Huntsman: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Dancer: If he has no head, where is he talking out of? [To be continued…!]