Posted by Dancer wishes everyone a happy Easter :-) on April 13, 2001 at 05:03:04:
Dancer #22 [Previously: Investigating a haunting at the spooky old watermill for old man Codgerly, Dancer, ManMan, spiffy, and Ziles all split up and got into trouble. Now Ziles and spiffy are superglued together in the basement crushinator, and Manny and Dancer are stuck in a pit with some hungry crocodiles. Oh, and the headless huntsman is doing his evil laugh, which is really spooky since he doesn’t have a head to laugh out of.] Dancer: We have to get out of this crocodile pit, Manny. I’ve lost all interest in writing this plot. Knifey: You will get out, but it is going to be in little chunks inside crocodiles. ManMan: Isn’t it time for something improbable to happen, Dancer? Dancer: It’s hard to dance in this water, but I’ll see if I can make them into vegetarian crocodiles. Knifey: And I’ll see if I can make them into handbags. [Meanwhile, back in the crushinator] Ziles: Darn! I was sure that Relaxor Cream would unglue us. Spiffy, enjoying the relaxor cream: Never mind. Let’s just get crushed. Was it good for you? [And back in the crocodile pit] Dancer: It was the best I could do with a hand-jive. Sorry. ManMan: Don’t complain. The sudden appearance of A.S.P.C.A. officers to check for unlicensed crocodile farming is most welcome. We can escape while they are being eaten. Dancer: * Looks at Manny * ManMan: Alright, alright. I’ll go back in and rescue them. I suppose you’re going to want me to wrestle those crocs while the inspectors get to safety? Dancer: Well you do have a super-strong grip. According to Troia. You deal with that and I’ll see about the Headless Huntsman, okay? I think I see Ziles and spiffy in a crushinator over there, and either it is a specially kinky date or they really need some help. Knifey: It’s spiffy. It can’t be a date. Dancer: What are the chances of an escaping crocodile getting stuck in the mechanism of the crushinator, bringing it to a grinding halt seconds before it Ziles and spiffy were ground into paste? spiffy: I dunno, but I don’t object. Ziles: Can you get us out of here? spiffy, I hope for your sake that it is your mobile phone that I’m feeling pressed in to me. spiffy: It is. Honest. Can’t you feel it vibrating? Dancer: I can’t see any way to reverse the mechanism without hurting the crocodile. [Dancer would like to assure the readers that no crocodiles were hurt in the making of this parody] Ziles: Look out, Dancer! Behind you! spiffy: It’s the Headless Huntsman! Dancer: Eek! [kicks headless huntsman in chest, scoops his legs from under him, and topples him backwards into the crushinator with Ziles and spiffy.] Ziles: Get him off me! His tube of superglue has burst! spiffy: Now we are stuck to a Headless Huntsman. Aaagh! Ziles: And by the feel of it you just got e-mail. Headless Huntsman: Graaagh! I will crush you all! Dancer: Not so fast, Huntsman. You made the mistake of having the initials HH, which are already taken, and that makes you a one-off villain. Plus you are glued to a fern and an alien so you cannot get away. So let me take a closer look at you… Dancer: Why this is a fake set of shoulders. The whole thing is a costume! Ziles, spiffy, ManMan, and the A.S.P.C.A. inspectors: A costume?! spiffy: That was unexpected. [Dancer pulls off the headless costume to reveal…] Ziles, spiffy, ManMan, A.S.P.C.A. inspector etc: Fin Fang Foom! spiffy: That was really unexpected. Ziles: Finny, I can explain about the being glued to spiffy thing. ManMan: I was so sure it would be old man Codgerley, trying to squirm out of converting the mill into a day care centre since he discovered the natural Tobasco sauce springs under his property. Dancer: Wait! That’s another mask. [pulls off Fin Fang Foom mask] Ziles, spiffy, ManMan etc etc: Old man Codgerly! Old man Codgerly: …… ManMan: Oh come on. You’ve got to say it you know. Old Man Codgerly: Shan’t. Bugger off. Ziles: Oh come on. Please. spiffy: You have to. It’s in the rules. Knifey: Otherwise we glue * your * groin against spiffy’s mobile phone. Old Man Codgerly: Dang it! I’d have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you interferin’ kids. Dancer: Thank you. You’re a good sport for a miserly old would-be murderer who’s going to prison for the rest of his natural life. ManMan: Well, that’s another case solved. I guess we just have to wait for Enty to invent a superglue solvent and then it’s all over with. spiffy: You know I bet if I unzipped Ziles’ catsuit and she sort of squirmed and wriggled out of it we could… Ziles: Forget it, weed-boy, we wait for the solvent. And that * better * be your office calling you again of you’re going to need surgery to answer your next message.