Dancer/spiffy April Fools Special #4: It’s Either the Flames of Passion or Somebody Has Torched the Motel

Dancer/spiffy April Fools Special #4: It’s Either the Flames of Passion or Somebody Has Torched the Motel

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Dancer via HH
Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:08:27 pm EST

[ New ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Dancer/spiffy April Fools Special #4: It’s Either the Flames of Passion or Somebody Has Torched the Motel

[The scene: spiffy and Kerry, the runaway mayor and Dancer’s sixteen year old sister, are driving a scorched and battered official limo down a deserted highway]

spiffy: You know, I don’t think they’ve actually hanged a U.S. Mayor for over a hundred years. Until now. Maybe bringing the flamethrower along wasn’t such a good idea?

Kerry: On the other hand, that’s one burger place that won’t forget my pickle again, right?

spiffy: True. You know, there’s also a technique where you politely say “Excuse me, I appear to be missing a pickle”.

Kerry: I very nearly did say that. Well, I said “Excuse me, have you met my flamethrower?”

spiffy: Yes. Why exactly did you bring a flamethrower with us?

Kerry: Well, it’s nice of you to give me a lift and all that, but I was worried you might get fresh. Every girl hitch-hiker needs a flamethrower.

spiffy: You haven’t actually explained why your sister wants you to go to Tombstone, Arizona yet, you know. What are those packages Dancer wants you to deliver? Why couldn’t she just UPS them? Or make Nats do it?

Kerry: They’re personal items. Very fragile. Best not to drop them unless you have a bunker handy.

spiffy: Er…

Kerry: Oh, look! A motel! Let’s get some rest. We have days more travelling to do before we get to the meet… to where we’re going.

spiffy (pulls the car into the lot): Okay. I’ll go grab us a couple of chalets.

Kerry: Great. How much cash do you have on you?

spiffy: This is the US. Here we have things called credit cards.

Kerry: Yeah, but they’re traceable. Er, this may be the time to mention that technically you crossed a state line with a minor.

spiffy: What? What do you mean?

Kerry: Also, we’re not doing an errand for my sister. I’m doing a favour for a friend.

spiffy: What? What do you mean?

Kerry: Also, I kind of left my sister a note about us eloping.

spiffy: What? What do you mean?

Kerry: Will you stop shivering like that! It’s creepy. Also your fern is showing.

spiffy: You are telling me that… that…

Kerry: Hey, we’ve made it to APB status. We might get on America’s Most Wanted. Well, you anyway. I’m just Bonny. You’re Clyde.

spiffy: I’m screwed. We gotta get back.

Kerry: And we will. And I’ll be certain to tell everybody that you didn’t take advantage of me or take naked photos of me or sell me to men at truckstops. Just as long as you get us to Tombstone first.

spiffy: Are you… related to Lisa as well?

Kerry: Of course, if we don’t get to Tombstone…

spiffy: Okay! Alright! I get the idea. You’ve got me by the…

Kerry: Not yet, but play your cards right… Look. You’d better just hire the one room. We can’t use traceable plastic, and if we start knocking over gas stations they’ll soon find us. I’m sure I can trust you.

spiffy: Because you’re the one with the flamethrower.

Kerry, happily: And the chainsaw. Grab us a cabin while I sell the limo and get us a pickup.

spiffy: Er, that limo is the official property of Gothametropolis York.

Kerry: Great. Then they’ll be able to pick up the insurance when it catches fire after we’ve sold it.

spiffy: ………

Kerry (gives him an affectionate pack on the cheek): Hey, it’s the fern that’s supposed to be green, right?

[To be continued again, in #5: “I Want spiffy so Dead That All His Other Deaths Seem Like a Head Cold”]

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Follow-Ups:

Both the story and the picture of Sarah were appropriately cute. (no text) - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Tue Jul 29, 2003 at 10:47:41 pm EST

I do believe that we're in need of another accompanying picture of Real Sarah. - anonymous - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:44:43 pm EST

I do believe that we're in need of another accompanying picture of Real Sarah. - anonymous - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:43:57 pm EST

I really dont see why. PVB Dancer looks much better :-/ - Dancer - Fri Jul 25, 2003 at 12:29:50 pm EST

I like her for spiff! She keeps him on his toes! (no text) - ag - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 01:22:44 am EST

Who knows what positions theyll end up in??! - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:35:41 pm EST
- I'm afraid to think about it. (no text) - Nats - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 10:27:59 pm EST

I love it! I love it so much! Although the "next issue" title has me ever-so-slightly uneasy... (no text) - spiffy - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 12:13:11 am EST

Hey, Im not worried ;-) - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:41:47 pm EST

Insanely funny, but it needs more alcoholic spiffy jokes. :) (no text) - Nats - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:25:43 pm EST

Then I need more alcohol! - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:41:09 pm EST
- I think you've had enough, you boozed double-poster. :) (no text) - Nats - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 04:54:24 pm EST
First goive me the alcohol! - Dancer needs to drink more - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:38:37 pm EST

All of these were excellent. (no text) - killer shrike - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 03:11:12 pm EST

Y'know, you talk and write like IW. - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:38:11 pm EST
- I couldn't ask for a nicer compliment. Thank you. :) (no text) - killer shrike - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 06:55:13 pm EST

I didn't know you could buy that kind of thing at truckstops. Anyway, I'm loving this story. :-) (no text) - Visionary - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 01:34:33 pm EST

You didnt know that?? No wonder you failed your Spark test!! - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:35:54 pm EST
- "failed", eh? ...I suppose that's one way of looking at it. >:-) (no text) - Visionary - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 03:28:27 pm EST

Good but too short. Don't make us to wait too long for the next chapter, please! (no text) - Yo - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:37:44 pm EST

No promises. - Tardy Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:38:16 pm EST
- dammit...well, I tried ;(. Seriously, that was too good to let it get old. (no text) - Yo - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 03:25:08 pm EST
Yes folks, it's DANCER WEEK here at the PVB. Or not. (no text) - HH - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:44:13 pm EST
- It's not really Dancer week unless she shows up, is it? (no text) - Visionary - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 01:35:22 pm EST
  - Sure it is. you dont need Lincoln there for Lincoln Day do you?? - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:36:20 pm EST
    - I don't know... the auto dealerships always manage to dredge up somebody in a beard and hat... (no text) - Visionary - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 03:29:47 pm EST
  - She often looks in to check her replies a day or so after she's got me to post something. So folks had better make with the replies - fast! (no text) - HH public service warning - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:11:11 pm EST
    - You make me sound like some fearful nagging devil-shew. Hmm. Maybe ;-) - Dancer demands answers - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:38:12 pm EST
    - I think we at least need a QUESTION from her... After all, Manny's around for the drumroll and everything... (no text) - Visionary - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:25:20 pm EST
      - *Looks round for manny* - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:36:28 pm EST

And the image to go with this story - Dancer done it - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:12:21 pm EST

Nice pic Sarah! (no text) - ag - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:04:04 am EST

Thanx! :-) - Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:36:42 pm EST

And risking death (or worse), here's what I reckon 16-year old Kerry REALLY looks like - Evil, but soon-to-be dead, HH - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:39:42 pm EST

I'll leave it to someone else to say how georgeous she is cuase I dont notice those things anymore. But you should take more pics of Shep, for Andy ! (no text) - ag - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:07:02 am EST

I'm not allowed to notice those things either. (no text) - Wedded HH - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 06:50:06 pm EST

See?That is why I don't want to marry...cause the blindness that acompany it.. (no text) - Yo - Thu Jul 24, 2003 at 05:16:08 am EST

Don't notice those things, or aren't allowed to? *checks for pulse* ;) (no text) - Nats - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 04:48:00 pm EST
Hey, Ive only seen IW twice in the last 20 years - That makes Dancer feel old! - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:36:48 pm EST

I've seen both of these pictures before, and they're both quite good. Well, okay... the photographer of the second could use some training... (no text) - Visionary - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 01:36:26 pm EST

Well, in fairness he was quite young when he took it (on a ferry to Europe), but at least she's clothed - HH - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:05:05 pm EST

That was back when you were a perfect gentleman! :-) - Clothed Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:38:03 pm EST
I'm afraid to think of what other pictures may hold. (no text) - Nats - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:26:15 pm EST

I've got one of Sarah in theatrical costume, but I'm forbidden to post that on threat of Mutual Assured Destruction. - HH - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:51:02 pm EST

And dont you forget it, director-producer-writer-boy! >:-/ - Dancer growls - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:36:53 pm EST
How mutual? (no text) - Nats - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 09:38:07 pm EST

It would be bad. Let's leave it at that. (no text) - HH - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 06:50:26 pm EST

So you believe the clothing improves the picture? Definitely more training is needed... (no text) - Visionary - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:24:11 pm EST

We're not all nudity-crazed artists, Vizh. Some of us are models ;-) - Life-Study Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:41:33 pm EST

Hee. (no text) - Nats - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 04:55:30 pm EST

Actually, I think that's true. I believe Shep did some work for some Parisian art college or some such. (no text) - HH knows too much - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 06:48:57 pm EST

Yeah. But I'm not paying for the funeral. (no text) - Nats - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 10:25:23 pm EST

I believe the clothing improves my chances of survival. I don't have many Shep pictures anyhow, and this is the least offensive. - HH - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 08:49:44 pm EST

So nudity offends you now, does it?? - Wicked Dancer - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 02:41:19 pm EST

No, just yours. - Certainly not Nats - Wed Jul 23, 2003 at 04:56:02 pm EST

Yep. You're dead. :) (no text) - Nats - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 01:32:30 pm EST

I have seen that before. Cool! (no text) - Yo - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:38:55 pm EST
Dancer/spiffy April Fools Special #1-3 Reposted - Dancer (via HH) - Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:09:20 pm EST