Tales of the Parodyverse

Dancer/spiffy Is This Still an April Fools Special #9: I Thought I Was Pretty Safe Just Sitting Quietly Far Away in Dullard’s Corner


Post By

Dancer via HH
Sat Nov 15, 2003 at 07:26:24 am EST
[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]

Dancer/spiffy Is This Still an April Fools Special #9: I Thought I Was Pretty Safe Just Sitting Quietly Far Away in Dullard’s Corner

[The Story So Far: Kerry Shepherdson, Dancer's little sister, has run off with a load of alien weaponry and spiffy, trying to get to Tombstone, Arizona on a mysterious quest all of her own. Dancer is trying to find her before she does something even more mindlessly destructive than usual but has been inconvenienced by being kidnapped in her secret identity of not-that-mild-mannered waitress Sarah Shepherdson by the unfortunately-headgeared Killer Shrike. There's a big hole where the motel that spiff and Kerry stayed at last night should be, and the Lair Legion are doing the traditional joke and looking into it. Meanwhile, in the quiet suburb of Dullard's corner, it's Visionary vs the toaster, round twelve…]

Visionary: Give me my fork back, you evil toaster.

Yo: Yo is thinking toaster is not being to be so evil.

Visionary, accusingly: You're Lisa's toaster, aren't you? Admit it.

Yo: Yo is thinking is to be toaster cute Cheryl is buying after Enty's fusion bread browner tried world conquest.

Robo-Donar: Ho, I didst smasheth yon felonious waffle-maker right goodly. Click.

Visionary: Only because it wouldn't date you. Anyway, I'm having a serious fork crisis here.

Yo, looking round : Ah. Yo is thinking we are also to be having a serious ninja invasion crisis.

Robo-Donar, also spotting legion of ninjas now in Visionary's kitchen: Goodeth! There wast nothing on the tivo after Enty didst integrate it into his tachyon washing machine anyway. Except for soap ads from thirty years hence. Let the ninja-slaying commence for the nonce! Click.

Visionary: You start the fight without me, and I'll be with you as soon as I get my fingers out of this toaster slot. Ouch.

Big Ninja Boss, hastily: Er, wait! We, um, we come in peace. Do not hit us with your baseball bat with a nail in it, or your rapier, or your, um, your somewhat battered cheap Brown-o-Matic Bread Warmer.

Robo-Donar: In peace? Damneth.

Yo: Is good cute-ninjas not to be fighting. But we can not be giving you any toast just now due to technical difficulties that are being beyond our control.

Visionary: Aaah! Unplug it! Unplug it!!

Ninja: One of you must come with us. It is decreed.

Yo: Yo will come. As soon as Yo is putting out of fire in Visi's hair.

Ninja: No. It is the, um, the interestingly-haired one we have been sent for. By virtue of this ancient pact signed between him and my mistress, she can send for him at any time for any purpose whatsoever.

Robo-Donar: You dost work for Cheryl?

Ninja: We're here from the Lady Akiko Masamune.

Visionary: Can I go back to being electrocuted by the toaster instead?

[And at the same time, aboard this futuristic stolen hover-flyer heading through the stratosphere towards Manga-Hong Kong…]

Sarah Shepherdson, conversationally: So what do you use to keep that pony tail so glossy? I mean, my hair's a real nightmare to wash, and it only comes down to my waist, but your fun fur headpiece must be…

Killer Shrike: Shut up! Shutupshutupshutup! You have been chatting non-stop ever since I kidnapped you! Tremble in fear for a while, can't you?

Sarah: No need to be rude. I was just passing the time. You didn't want to play I-spy.

Killer Shrike: Look, I'm a lethal assassin, right? I don't do I-spy.

Sarah: Even lethal assassins can have good manners. It costs nothing, you know. And you haven't even apologised for rudely kidnapping me and dragging me halfway across the country to that motel where my little sister was supposed to have been.

Killer Shrike: Look, I had enough trouble getting out of there alive. Every damn bounty-hunter on the planet was converging on that place, all working for a different criminal mastermind, all trying to get the metagenic weapons your sister and spiffy smuggled out of Gothametropolis. And as soon as I left you in the flyer and went to find this Kerry girl, the flaming Probability Dancer showed up as well!

Sarah: What are the chances? Anyway, back to our conversation on hair care products…

Killer Shrike: We were NOT having a conversation about hair care products. I am a supervillain. I strike terror into the hearts of my enemies, shortly before I rip them out and… *sighs* Oh, alright. Pantene. I use Pantene, okay. Pro-V. Keeps it nice and slippy so my adversaries can't grab it.

[It occurs that this whole passage will be a lot funnier if you know that Killer Shrike;'s costume as a really long green topknot on the helmet. So maybe I'd better explain that much ]

Sarah: It really shows. It's nice to see a villain paying attention to the details. So many baddies these days just rely on black leather, not shaving, and infrequent baths.

Killer Shrike: Yeah, I blew an audition with Magenta St Evil by shaving.

Sarah: So where am I being kidnapped to? You never mentioned. You seemed more interested in stanching your wounds and swearing about Dancer.

Killer Shrike: I am _not_ going to tell you the whole damn plot, sweetheart. Do I look like the information booth?

Sarah: You sort of look like a cross between Gay Bondage Action Man and Hair-Grow Barbie, really. Not that there's anything wrong with that as a personal lifestyle choice. But surely you should gloat a little about my horrible fate? It might help me tremble with fear better.

Killer Shrike, banging head on cockpit: Right. We're going to Akiko Masamune. She wants to question you about your sister's association with teenage international arms terrorist Roddy O'Brady, and where's she's meeting up with him to hand over the stolen munitions.

Sarah: Aha! The plot progresses! Who'd have thought that Kerry's ex-boyfriend was a teenage international arms terrorist?

Killer Shrike: When we get to Manga-Hong Kong you'll spill everything you know. Already Akiko Masamune is gathering a hostage to torture if you don't co-operate.

Sarah: A hostage? Who?

[And in Manga-Hong Kong…]

Akiko Masamune, pink-suited anime crimelord: Can anybody tell me why is the prisoner wearing a toaster on his right hand?

[To be continued more. I think next time it's got to be back to Mark and Kerry, in a chapter we're going to call "We're pleased to announce that orders have been given to shoot spiffy on sight like the rabid dog he is." He he.]



chillwater.plus.com (212.159.106.10)
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.0)
[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Follow-Ups:

Echo™ v1.7 © 2003 Powermad Software
Copyright © 2003 by Mangacool Adventure