Dancer/spiffy I Can’t Believe We’ve Got to #10 Special: We're pleased to announce that orders have been given to shoot spiffy on sight like the rabid dog he is.

Post By Dancer via HH Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 07:09:49 pm EST

[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]
Dancer/spiffy I Can’t Believe We’ve Got to #10 Special: We're pleased to announce that orders have been given to shoot spiffy on sight like the rabid dog he is.

[The Scene: Mark “spiffy” Hopkins and Kerry “pathological pyromaniac” Shepherdson are coasting along at an altitude of around nine inches from the ground in a “borrowed” B.A.L.D. hi-tech hover-weapons platform, bickering again. spiffy doesn’t know about the load of stolen alien combat ordinance in the locked steel trunk behind him that could take out half the planet and which most of the really serious supervillains on Earth are hunting for right now. He’s more worried because he’s AWOL as omni-mayor of nearly everywhere in America, that he’s accidentally eloped with an underage sex-kitten, but mainly because Kerry has never piloted a hi-tech hover-weapons platform before and they’ve just driven over a 7-11 stand.]

spiffy: Was the 7-11 stand looking at you a bit funny too, like the post box and the fire hydrant?

Kerry: Yeah. And that bus stop and the hot dog cart. Relax, can’t you?

spiffy: Relax isn’t a word I often associate with driving at 200 miles an hour in a stolen flying arsenal with a sixteen year old at the wheel who doesn’t even have a learners driving license.

Kerry: Hey, I may not have a license but you gotta admit I look good at the wheel with the wind in my hair, right?

spiffy: …

Kerry: You blush a lot for a guy, you know that?

spiffy: I get the feeling you haven’t told me everything about this field trip, Kerry. What’s in that mysterious trunk you’re delivering to Tombstone, Arizona? Who are we meeting? Why are most of the supervillains on the continent chasing us? Why are you aiming at that police cruiser???

Kerry: Oops. Sorry. There’s got to be a volume control on this thing somewhere.

spiffy: You mean an altitude control.

Kerry: Nah. Volume. Listen to the radio. We’re famous!

Radio Announcer: And in late-breaking news, the Committee to Unelect Mayor spiffy announced just now, “We're pleased to announce that orders have been given to shoot spiffy on sight like the rabid dog he is.”

Kerry: Mark? You’ll damage your fern if you bash your head on the console like that.

[Two hours by B.A.L.D. hover-weapons platform later…]

Kerry: That’s it. We’re here. The ruined frontier town outside modern Tombstone, where I needed to get to. Now I just have to wait.

spiffy, listening to the ping of cooling hover-weapons platform now the damage from the exchange of laser-fire on the way with agents of HERPES is over: Wait? Wait for what?

Kerry: For something to happen. [glances sideways at spiffy and leans back in her chair] Do you want something to happen, Mark?

spiffy: *blushes like a girl again*

Kerry: You’re a strange guy, Mark Hopkins, you know that? I can’t figure you. I mean, we’ve been on the road all this time and I know you want me, but you’ve been like, the perfect gentleman. And I know you wanna kill me as well, but you’re still so nice.

spiffy: Well, you’re only sixteen. Plus, you know, you’re out of my league.

Kerry: Yeah, that’s true. Still… [Leans over and gives Mark a scorching kiss that nearly sets the chair on fire] Thanks, lover.

spiffy: *swallows hard, remembers to breathe, checks his tongue is still attached* Wow. Kerry that was…

Kerry: *clobbers spiffy over the head with a laser-death cannon* Yeah, it was kinda. Sorry, Mark.

Roddy O’Brady, teenage international arms terrorist, climbing into the cockpit: Hey, cutie, so you finally got here!

Kerry, leaping into his arms: I sure did, baby. I brought the weapons just like you wanted. Now we make the sale to Balefire so he can conquer the planet and we live happily ever after, right?

Roddy: Right. *notices spiffy* Who’s that?

Kerry: Him? Oh, never mind him. He’s no-one.

[Next issue: Holy heartbreak, Batman! We ignore all this and go see how Vizh and Dancer are doing with Akiko Masamune and Killer Shrike, in a tale of deceit, sudden death, and fashion tips we could only call “Put down the octopus and step away from the sushi bar or we come in firing.”

chillwater.plus.com (212.159.106.10)
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.0)

[ Reply ] [ New ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]

Follow-Ups:

My response is tardy as usual, but the story is still good. :) (no text) - CrazySugarFreakBoy! - Fri Dec 12, 2003 at 04:21:23 am EST *taps fingers, waiting for the next one* Btw, I only got three people to reply to mine, but I'm still going to post stories. (no text) - ag - Fri Dec 12, 2003 at 12:25:11 am EST Still as silly and amusing as the first time I read it. - anonymous - Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 05:02:15 pm EST Poor spiff, he finally gets some action and then whoops, unconscious. Wait, that's most guys. LOL Great story!! (no text) - sorcy - Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 10:46:23 am EST We can never get enough Kerry. *nt* - Finny - Mon Dec 08, 2003 at 01:03:58 pm EST I figure i should count as the seventh of the ten answers required to unlock part 11 (no text) - HH - Mon Dec 08, 2003 at 06:53:21 am EST TEN REPLIES? Come on! Cut us slack! We want number 11!!!!! (no text) - ag - Mon Dec 08, 2003 at 11:52:25 pm EST Hey, it's not my rule. On the other hand, perhaps we should all adopt it? - HH considers this - Tue Dec 09, 2003 at 06:08:41 pm EST Then the board dies. Becuase no one will be able to repond and no one would post and therefor the board dies. I wont follow the rule. (no text) - ag - Fri Dec 12, 2003 at 12:21:59 am EST Sorry. Cranky. Bad night. Of course I'll respond, but I just wish things were more fair. (no text) - ag - Fri Dec 12, 2003 at 05:35:42 pm EST What do you think has been holding up "Happiness"? (no text) - Visionary'll use any excuse - Thu Dec 11, 2003 at 10:44:26 am EST Maybe it was short. But it was also hilarious. (no text) - Nats - Sat Dec 06, 2003 at 10:35:27 pm EST This doesn't make me eager for Hood's next chapter. Though it's always fun to see spiffy get clobbered. (no text) - Visionary - Sat Dec 06, 2003 at 11:58:43 am EST Man, do I know how spiffy feels. - L! - Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 11:42:30 pm EST Heh! I knew she was up to something! (no text) - ag - Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 10:35:44 pm EST And the Dancer's Diner archive site has been almost updated too. Address inside. - HH - Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 10:23:27 pm EST Editors. Meh. I always knew they'd come to no good end. - anonymous - Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 09:12:42 pm EST Once again, sex scandal leads to the downfall of another politician (no text) - killer shrike finds it funny - Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 08:47:53 pm EST The parallels between this series and The West Wing are just uncanny. (no text) - HH - Fri Dec 05, 2003 at 09:26:08 pm EST

Echo™ v1.8 © 2004 Powermad Software

Copyright © 2004 by Mangacool Adventure