Tales of the Parodyverse

Dancer/Non-Visionary Special Waay-After-Easter Edition #6? 7? Who Cares?


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Dancer (via HH)
Tue Jul 22, 2003 at 12:08:19 pm EST
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Dancer/Non-Visionary Special Waay-After-Easter Edition #6? 7? Who Cares?

[The Scene: A bar in Parodiopolis. But this is not the Parodiopolis we know. This is a Parodiopolis in a world where Visionary never existed, and where for plot reasons yet to be explained by clever people than me there are no super-heroes. What there still are, however, are men, who think that three tired waitresses getting a quiet drink after a long, long shift want to be chatted up by three drunken slobs with beer bellies.]

Sarah Shepherdson: We can buy our own drinks, thanks. Even though we are very impressed that you are a brain surgeon, a marine jet fighter pilot, and an astronaut.

Cheryl Shexenmayer-Boyne: And that two of you can correctly do your own flies up.

Whitney Darkness: Also, I have a huge jealous boyfriend. Cheryl is recently divorced. Again. And Sarah thinks all men are slime.

Brain Surgeon, closing his flies hurriedly: Hey, your loss sugar toots.

Sarah Shepherdson: I should also point out that nowhere, even in very bad seventies movies, has the phrase sugar toots been known to make women like the man who says it.

Marine Jet Fighter Pilot: Ah, ya cheap sluts. We bought you drinks and everything!

Whitney Darkness, frowning: Here. Have them back. * pours drink down front of MJAP’s pants *

MJAP: Why you…

Four Foot High Man With Black Eye: Excuse me. I think the ladies were asking for some privacy.

Sarah, Cheryl, and Whitney: ????

Astronaut, who is clearly not on a no-alcohol pre-flight status right now: Huh? And you’re gonna chase us off, ya little runt?

Indiana Gnome: Nah. My two big invisible friends who you can’t see are gonna chase you off. Y’see, we’ve managed to get a bit of a reality boost, thanks to the Abyssal Grey draining some power off these Acolyte guys we pounded, so although you can’t see them let me assure you there’s a really huge gargoyle and an even huger troll standing right behind you scarfing off the peanut bowl.

Cheryl, looking accusingly at Sarah: You said this was a quiet place!

Astronaut: * punches Indy – well, he would have if he hadn’t been picked up by the gnome and thrown into that big glass mirror at the back of the bar *

Sarah: It’s all relative.

[Gunther and Wangmundo grab the other two guys, giving them the pantsing of a lifetime, and throw them through the windows.

Sarah: See?

Whitney: Those men flew through the air although there’s no-one behind them. Or… is there? * squints * I’ve got to get new glasses.

Dead Boy, sitting down at the table: Hey there. Um, can you see me?

Sarah, looking concerned: Yes. Are you okay? Did you have a freak combine harvester accident?

Cheryl: You look half dead.

Dead Boy, cheering up: Really? Only half?

Indy: He’s partly scientifcially undead, y’see, so we can use him to interact with the mundane world. Or something. I wasn’t really listening to the Abyssal. He kind of drones.

Wangmundo: I know these women. I have seen them before. One of them has the stench of a Sorceress. And the other two are strange as well…

Sarah, not even hearing Wangmundo (which is probably as well given his voice powers): So, um, does your pale friend need some first aid? Or maybe a tanning salon?

Dead Boy: No, I don’t. But we do need you to save the universe.

Cheryl: There’s a real chat up line.

Gunther: Yes. I must remember that one.

Indy: No, really. You must have read the newspapers, seen the skies. Bad things are happening. The Apostate is nearly here. His Acolytes hunt you already. Only you can restore the universe to the way it used to be.

Whitney: This restored universe… is there any way it could include me being ten pounds lighter?

Dead Boy: The best we can figure it, your only chance is to go out to Herringcarp Asylum in upstate Gothametropolis. Seek out the Hooded Hood.

Sarah: And then what?

Dead Boy: And then hope he’s in a good mood.

Wangmundo: And also not dead. Nothing personal, Dead Boy.

Dead Boy: Hey, I’m used to vitalist prejudice by now.

[Suddenly the two guys who got tossed out of windows get tossed back in. and then the Apostate’s Acolytes burst through after them to lead up to a big cliffhanger]

Sarah: Eeek! I wonder if those guys want to buy us drinks?

Indy: We’ll hold them off. Run! Remember what you have to do!

Cheryl: We have to find a better place to go for a drink, I know that much.

[To be continued (I hope). Any takers???]





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