|
|
Post By Dancer, via Donar Tue Aug 31, 2004 at 04:07:51 am EDT |
Subject
Dancer/Donar Back-From-Cancellation Special Edition #20, Just When You Thought It Was All Over | |
|
|
Next In Thread >> | |
[The Scene: the Petting Zoo at Byrnewood Country Park, where four familiar figures, two of them roughly the size of trucks, are examining the animals]
Donar: Whenst I said I didst owe thee an adventure, Dancer, I thought mayhap we might team together to defeat some ravening monster or fell villain. I didst not expect to be taking yon two younglings to the Petting Zoo.
Dancer: Life never quite works out how you expect it, does it, big guy? I mean, when were you planning on telling us you were married?
Donar: I am sureth I didst send a wingéd fafterhorn to inform thee…
Dancer: You’ll have to tell me all about it later, possibly in some kind of Dynamic Donar Special Edition. Meanwhile, enjoy the afternoon. The kids seem to be, er, moderately happy.
Kerry Shepherdson, secretly Dancer’s little sister: Happy? When you said Petting Zoo this wasn’t really what I had in mind.
Harlagaz Donarson: Aye. I had bethought more things to wrestle and overcome.
Kerry: Yeah, me too, big guy. Like a normal date.
Dancer: Look, poor Vizh said he needed the afternoon off. He probably needs to stock up on burn bandages again or something.
Kerry: Hey, I never told him to store all that agent orange in the garage. He said it was just in case the bromide gun didn’t work on spiffy.
Donar, examining small goat: Ist just me or wouldst yon quadruped be hard pressed to haul a spiked-wheeled battle chariot?
Harlagaz: Father, you do knowest that I am nigh on a thousand years old now, righteth? So why canst I not have the keys to the goat-chariot once in a while?
Donar: Because thou still hast many lessons to learn. Thinketh thou that I hast not perceived yon copies of Valkyrie Vixens neath thy bedding?
Kerry: Hah! Busted!
Harlagaz: Since mine father hath got yon Crystal Orb of All-Probing life hath sucked totally.
Dancer: If Harlagaz is nearly a thousand shouldn’t he be out of his teens by now?
Donar: We Ausgardians doth mature slowly. So sayeth Queen Annj, when she didst discover me engaging in a contest of skill with mine warrior subjects.
Harlagaz: But I still say you got it highest up the wall before you soaked your boots, dad.
Kerry: Can I at least set a petting sheep on fire?
Dancer: You can be grateful that I don’t wall you up somewhere until you’re a thousand too. At least that would keep you from running off with boys.
Kerry: I don’t run off _with_ boys. I just run off and they seem to follow me.
Harlagaz: Tis true. Many times I hast smitten them most wrothfully and demanded they return mine lady Kerry’s underwear.
Donar: This good to smite underwear thieves most wrothfully.
Dancer: You know this from first hand experience?
Donar: Nay, the Oldmanson’s underwear canst defend itself, having had many centuries of experience in close combat with the hemigod of thunder. It couldst take out any foul underwear thief most verily.
Kerry: And moving right on…
Donar: Aye, tis best we proceed now to yon lapine section. Here is one of the many places wherein we donateth yon bunnies granted us by mine boon companion…
Dancer, spotting boon companion petting bunnies: Yo! What are you doing here. No, silly question.
Yo, coming over to join the tour and leaping on Donar: Donar-friend! Yo has been to be missing you! But you are coming to back see cute-bunnies, yes, and to be bringing cute Dancer and cute Kerry and cute Harlagaz with you!
Harlagaz: I art only cute if that is Yo-woman that sayeth it.
Dancer: So you’re here visiting the bunnies, Yo?
Yo: No. Not this time. This time Yo is to be visiting Visi-friend. *points to Visionary in big bunny costume entertaining the kiddies* See, cute-Visi is to be teaching young peoples of liking of bunnies.
Kerry: Dorko’s here? He’s more likely to be giving them a lifelong aversion. But that costume does look pretty combustible.
Visionary, seeing Dancer and the others: Aaagh! Er, I mean, hey. What a nice surprise.
Dancer: Vizh, what are you doing?
Donar: Mayhap he hath disguised himself thus in a cunning ploy to stalk some international bunny thieves and is but lying in wait hoping to be kidnapped?
Harlagaz: Mayhap he just liketh the costume?
Visionary: It’s my second job, if you must know, since the LL Associate thing apparently doesn’t pay. All those burn kits at the Condo don’t come cheap. *notices Donar* Donar? I thought if you came to Earth you had to leave the Oldmanpower behind and Hoki would get it and all kinds of bad things would happen?
Dancer: Ah, you haven’t heard about Queen Annj, have you? Mrs Donar.
Visionary: Really? I’d shake your hand only it’s stuck in a large stuffed paw just now. Congratulations though. And by the way, do we have to mention meeting me here to anybody else.
Kerry: I dunno. Can we discuss my allowance again before I decide?
Donar: If thou art shorteth of cash I couldst give thee more gold from Emoh Sranod, old companion Visionary.
Vizh: Thanks, but the problem is it tends to turn to leaves in the morning.
Donar: Damned fairie bankers and their exchangeth rates. But there are riches aplenty in the far realms beyond Ausgard. We couldst simply go there, get rich quick, and be back in time for a light supper of slaughtered grimpenbeast.
Harlagaz: Mmm. Mine favourite.
Kerry: What, we go to Ausgard, get treasure, and come home incredibly rich? Or else we have to stay in the Petting Zoo all afternoon.
Yo: Is no choice. We stay at Petting Zoo, yes?
Vizh: Well, if I see the supervisor I guess I could ask for a bathroom break.
Donar: Pointeth him out and I shalt asketh him for thee.
Dancer: Then he’ll need a bathroom break as well. Best let me talk to him.
Harlagaz: You’ll like Ausgard, fair Kerry Shepherdsdotter. I canst show thee mine room.
Donar: *whacks Harlagaz upside his head* Thou art going to show Sarah Shepherdson’s little sister naught at all. Remembereth our conversation regarding mortal wenches and ye gelding shears?
Harlagaz: I wast only going to show her mine war club.
Donar: *whacks Harlagaz again*
Kerry: If I had a dime for every guy who wants to show me his war club…
Dancer: Good news, Vizh. I spoke to your supervisor.
Visionary: And I get a break?
Dancer: You’re fired. But now we can all go to Ausgard, get rich, and be home by Kerry’s curfew.
Kerry: I don’t have a curfew if I’m out with you, do I?
Visionary: The police said differently, Kerry.
Donar: So. We shalt journey now to the furthest and most dangerous regions of the outer realms of Ausgard and the nine worlds, in search of fell adventure, raiding, and treasure.
Harlagaz: Adventure!
Kerry: Raiding!
Visionary: Most dangerous?
Yo: And bunnies?
Donar: *swings Mjalcolm and brings the chapter to an end*
dialup-63.128.220.203.acc01-oliv-alb.comindico.com.au (203.220.128.63) Australia
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows XP (0.3 points)
Microsoft Internet Explorer 6/Windows XP (0.3 points)
| Follow-Ups: |
|
| Echo™ v2.1 beta 1 © 2004 Powermad Software |
|
|