Posted by Donar, up to the challenge, presents on May 09, 2001 at 04:48:46:
In Reply to: Dancer/Donar Spectacular #3 posted by The Hooded Hood was dared by Donar and in turn dared Dancer, who was more than happy to take up a dare (as always), so since Donar asked for it (in more ways than one, here's Dancer's part of the NEXT Dancer/Donar tag team story... on May 08, 2001 at 15:47:19:
Dancer/Donar Spectacular #3 part 2 (we didst haveth a #2?)
"It's too tight." Visionary continued to adjust his suit, last worn at his and Cheryl's wedding. "Must've shrunk in this wooden chest thing in the attic...the altitude's not good for corduroy you know."
Cheryl flipped down his collar and took a look herself. "Or maybe you've grown some?"
"Nope." Visz said, visibly holding his stomach in. "It definitely shrunk."
"Exhale hun...you'll turn blue." Cheryl advised. "Besides. I don't think we have to be THAT formal for this little dinner date."
"Oh sure...you say that NOW! Then when I show up in jeans and a shirt, I'M the odd one out."
"You're always the odd one out..." Cheryl placed an affectionate kiss on her beloved's cheek. "...That's why I love you so much."
Visionary felt a warmness overcome him. He knew he was missing something, as usual, but he didn't mind. Hearing Cheryl speak so highly of him always made it feel like he was the resident God. A bellow from below them brought him back to Earth.
"NE'ER SHALL THE OLDMANSON GRASPETH THE CONCEPT OF A NOOSE ROUND HIS NECK!"
"We better go check on him...before he smites something." Cheryl suggested.
Donar was also having problems with his clothing. After taking Dancer's advice (and much applause from his co-inhabitants,) he partook of an extended spa bath. This was followed by washing his hair and the application of "Foul stench-ridden poisons no doubt designed by Blackhurt himself", also known as deodorant. It seemed that clothing, the final step, was causing him as much trouble as the most pestilent Frosting Giant.
"Donar? Hun? What's wrong?" Cheryl enquired, smitten Visionary in tow.
"This...abomination.." Donar said, tearing the strip of fabric from his throat ".dost vex me most soundly. Tis an abhorrence I shalt not be a part of."
"It's a tie, Greek Guy. They're tricky." spiffy remarked "Plus, you know...having a neck helps. Lisa let me in on her way out. Hi Visz..Cheryl."
"Coat rack, thou art indeed correct." Donar agreed. "I shalt wear not this implement of torture."
"Even if it will impress Troia?" Visionary asked, enjoying the form of compassionate cruelty that was once only Lisa's and Cheryl's field of expertise.
The Thunder-God stood mute. "Very well." He stated. "Tie me."
"Where being we going do you think we am be going to, cute Dancer?" Yo asked in his/her own special way.
"Well Yo, to be honest? That's what I'm worried about." Dancer replied, trying on the twenty-second pair of earrings in the last hour. "I've left that to Donar, so I'll have something to teach him from."
"We am being lucky if meat is cooked being I think." Yo nodded in doubt. "Cute Donar am being good friend but eating strange food is also being."
"I think we'll be ok. I called Cheryl to 'assist' his decision in advance. He had actually planned a picnic where he was going to hunt a fresh bull and roast it for our dining pleasure."
Dancer's word's had barely passed her lips when the doorbell rang. "I am going now door to be answering!" Yo spat out excitedly, running out of the room.
"Uh Yo?? You may want to put on a top when in your female form." Dancer advised. "You know...for spiffy's sake."
"Yo is forgetting being. Silly Yo." she/he agreed.
Dancer instead took the role of host and answered Yo's door for him/her. "Greetings milady. I dost arriveth on time for our evening I doth hope?" Donar charmed. He was wearing a black suit and vest with a grey shirt and black tie. His hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail, and reading glasses adorned his face."
"Donar.." Dancer said, quite stunned "You look..great! I never knew you needed glasses though."
Donar grinned slyly "I doth not..Tis a cunning disguise."
Yo came out embraced in a black cocktail dress, not unlike the silver one adorning Dancer. They were both looking quite stunning.
"Yo...Dancer...thou doth both looketh stunning. We had best away to yon taxi carriage. Seems Visionary art paying for it and didst remindeth me to make haste continually on the way hereth. "
spiffy's jaw dropped. "That's Yo?"
Cheryl took delight in spiffy's sudden shock. "Oh that's right hun..you haven't seen Yo in female form wearing anything other than her costume, have you?"
spiffy thought for a while.."Sorry, did you say something" he replied..
A short drive, and several of Visionary's hard-earned dollars later, the sextet arrived at the finest eatery in town, according to Donar. "The Shank Palace?" Dancer asked.
"Aye" Donar beamed proudly. "Thou art surprised at mine resourcefulness, art thou not?"
"That's my bad, Dancer…I thought he said it was a 'swanky place' before I O.K.'d it." Cheryl apologised.
"Who knows?" Visionary added as a proud Donar, and excited Yo and a speechless spiffy filed in the door before them. "Maybe Troia will like a place where cutlery is optional."
"Now. Donar. We'd better begin the lesson. You've done well with the suit and complimenting your date before the evening. And making bookings in advance is also a big plus, as was holding out my chair. I'll let you off on threatening to "Rend limbs from any man that doth cause an effrontery to mine wenchly companion." Because although it was visually graphic, it was quite chivalrous. Just remember to keep that one to yourself and save the rending until someone actually upsets Troia."
Donar listened intently to Dancer's advice, nodding considerately. "Yes dear." He muttered.
"What was that hun?" Cheryl enquired.
"Tis something Visionary didst impart to me."
"So, who wants pretzel sticks..anybody? Drinks? I ..uh..hear they make a great garlic bread here." Visz attempted to distract the conversation.
"Sit." Cheryl smiled at her now manic other half. "Donar..you were saying?"
"Aye, the wisdom of Visionary is indeed a well kept secret. He didst sayeth that if e'er I art in doubt as to what a woman doth say, and wish not to cause more fuss to simply nod thoughtfully and say 'Yes dear' in tones most genuine."
"Visz? Is this true" Cheryl confronted.
"Yes dear" Visz admitted. "But in my defence, I WAS kidding. Really."
"And now Donar, we come to the meal. Choose what you eat carefully as it can say a lot about the suitor." Dancer explained. "You see…if you choose say..vegetables and rice, it says you are health conscious, and look after yourself. Steak and potatoes in a creamy sauce, however, implies that although you enjoy life, you care not as much for your health as some."
"So..if I dost order the head of a roast bear and much mead to quaff ?" Donar asked.
"I think it means you're medieval." spiffy interjected. "And strange. Troia will love you."
"Yo is thinking it is cute being Donar learning to make Troia be happy on date." Yo remarked, clasping her hands together over her ample and now present bosom. "To be loving is sweet being."
"Speaking of…" noticed Dancer. "You've been pretty quiet tonight, spiffy. Something wrong with Yo's dress?"
"Uh. No. I hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary." spiffy lied.
"Other than Yo's resemblance to Salma Hayek wearing a napkin?" Visionary added, glad he was not the focus of attention any more.
"I have no idea what you mean. If you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little fern's room."
"Poor Coat rack." Donar noted. "He doth look more confused than a Fjengrdemon with a Slaytrill."
"I'm guessing that loses something in the translation from Ausgardian." Dancer wisely observed.
"Yo being upsetting poor cute spiffy? Yo should being male Yo to make things again good?"
"I wouldn't advise it dear." Cheryl commented. "Unless you want him to go into shock."
And so meals were ordered and devoured. Donar not only kept the food off his clothing, but eventually held the knife in a not-so-likely-to-stab-something fashion, and even kept his elbows down and by his sides. Visionary openly discussed the idiocy of a salad spoon, until told there was no such thing. Yo and spiffy spoke to each other for the majority of the time, spiffy skilfully looking at his plate the whole time..eye contact was not an option. Mutterings of "This is Yo. Yo. The guy Yo." Were barely audible from his confused lips. Cheryl and Visionary however did keep eye contact, speaking volumes without saying a word.
"Penny for your thoughts, Donar." Dancer asked.
"I..I am just admiring milady Cheryl and friend Visionary. Tho' she doth oft jest at his expense, and he dost usually fumble things..cannot be denied that therein lays a love as true as mine own godly blood. I doth oft envy these mortals, Dancer. I, who for eons have walked the streets of Ausgard, and yet to find one I couldst hold fore'er twixt mine arms…and in short time, they have found each other and do enjoy every second of their lives." Donar took a sip of his wine. "Tis truly a beauteous thing to behold…something which I doth fear, yet wish I couldst haveth."
Dancer wiped a tear from her eye. "That was beautiful D. Now all you need to do is tell that to Troia."
"Tell her what?" Donar asked quite genuinely. "I didst simply speaketh from mine heart, yet my words linger not in mine head."
"Well….when we walked in…did you speak from your heart with the 'rending' and such?"
"Nay Dancer…wert from mine warrior's gut instinct. Verily must I shield all I doth care for from harm, whate'er form it doth take."
"Hmmm…I have an idea. Let's dance."
"OK..last step of the evening. Dancing. I trust you know how to dance?" Dancer asked the bemused Thundergod.
"Seems much like slowly wrestling a horned Vjallirgarn whilst still standing." Donar noted. "But less blood."
"Come on hun…follow our lead." Cheryl said as she and Visz swayed slowly in each other's arms.
"Yo is being wanting to dance too!!" Yo added excitedly. "Being dancing Yo with spiffy please??"
"Uh." spiffy replied eloquently. "Sure…I guess.." he added while trying to look at the ceiling the whole time.
"You ready Donar?" Dancer asked, pulling Donar onto the dance floor by one hand."
"Verily shalt I, or slay mine enemies til mine death trying."
"That's the spirit!" Dancer complimented. "Now. Watch my feet…I'll try not to mess with any probabilities, cause you need to do this yourself."
And they danced. Donar not quite as clumsy as oafish and inexperienced, started to get the whole "rhythm" and "tempo" thing down in a short time.
"We've been dancing for 30 minutes now. "Dancer noted. "And you're getting pretty good."
"Wouldst seem I haveth a good teacher." Donar admitted. "Mine thanks Dancer. Tis a favour that must be repaid in kind. If e'er thou dost wish to hunt wild boars in the Ausgardian plains, thou hast but to asketh."
"I'll keep that in mind." Dancer grinned.
"Ow." spiffy added, his neck letting him know that looking up for a full half hour will cause pain. "Can we go now?"
"He's right…it's getting pretty late" said Cheryl stifling a yawn. "I have a press conference tomorrow morning to explain those towers that Enty was working on.
Why he felt that we needed a ICBM deflector in the first place is beyond me."
As they left a familiar voice rang out over the general din. "Going home already?"
It was Lisa.
"Cute Lisa!!" Yo shrieked, running over to hug the voluptuous vixen herself. "You are being on date too being?"
"Sort of…just a nice dinner is all. Enty volunteered to look after Chris tonight, so I thought I'd take a night out."
"And thy suitor? Be he worthy?"
"You tell me, Godling." HH commented sharply, returning from the bar with two drinks, one with a garish umbrella adorning it's frosted rim.
Donar reached for Mjalcolm, only then remembering his beloved weapon was at home. "It matters not, foul felon." He then replied. "I need not mine weapon to smite thee where thou dost stand…or…sitteth."
Lisa let loose a warm chuckle. "Relax Donar…I'm not his prisoner…it's a simple chat over a nice meal…nothing more."
HH stared intently into Donar's eyes. "Yes, my little friend..what possibly motive could I have for being here…I see you yourself are on a date with Dancer no less..this WILL make interesting conversation when next the family gets together for dinner."
Donar went to say more, but was hushed by both Cheryl's and Dancer's looks.
"Have thyself a good time then, Hooded one…and know this. If Lisa art a casualty of thy plots and schemes…the last thing thou dost see shalt be mine wrath exacted 'pon thee."
"Of course…I expect nothing less." He replied with a seemingly genuine smile.
The ride home was quieter than expected. Dancer broke the ice. "You're not worried about Lisa are you Donar?" she asked him.
"Nay…I know milady can handle HH e'en better then ne doth reckon…I do howe'er wonder at his motive."
"Well…speaking as a woman." Cheryl interjected. "I'd say he was testing you. Seeing where your loyalties lie. It appeared to me to be the act of a doting father..though he'd never admit that to anyone, himself included."
"So.." Visz pondered aloud. "He and Lisa aren't..?"
"Probably." spiffy answered him. "If anything it's HH we should be worried for. She's been at home an awful long time..the second that cork pops from its bottle.."
" What is being popping from?" Yo queried, herself alost popping from his/her dress.
"Nothing. Stop the cab. From here I walk." spiffy replied, getting out and briskly jogging off into the night.
"Yo is being having fun with poor spiffy." Yo admitted.
"We noticed dear" Cheryl replied.
Donar walked Dancer and Yo to Yo's door. "I thank ye for thy guidance milady. Tis a gift I shalt cherish verily." Donar told her, adding a grateful hug.
"Don't worry Donar." She comforted him. "Like I told you last time…she's as scared as you are."
"DONAR!!" Visz yelled from the backseat of the taxi "C'mon! We're missing Letterman's monologue!"
"And I must away…I thank ye again.." Donar added, running to the waiting taxi.
"I hope you're ready for him Troia.." Dancer said to herself.
And behind the bushes across the street, an Amazonian tear fell.