Posted by Since Manny kindly did his part for Spaghetti Week, here's Part Two. Now its up to the rest of you. Lets see some more stories and then i can do part 3 tomorrow, 'kay? on February 28, 2001 at 07:26:44:
Dancer and the Spaghetti Wars Spaghetti Week Special #1 [The scene: The Lair Legion gathers at its mansion to discuss the bloody Spaghetti War amongst Paradiopolis’ criminal fraternity. Dancer is also present to explain why two enforcer thugs are currently making medical history for the most broken bones in any living human being.] Hatman: We can’t wait for Finny any longer. It isn’t like him to be late to an LL meeting. Ziles: Unless he was spoken to by a woman and is now hiding. Goldeneyed: We have to act now. My sources tell me that Don Malevelo Lasagna, the Pastafather, has sent to Italy for the famous assassin Sophia Bolognia. Trickshot: And my sources are warning me about people being found dead in alleys strangled by spaghetti. Sorceress: Um, wasn’t that in the newspapers? Trickshot: Well, this is kind of my sources. Nats: We have to do something. Nobody is allowed to eat anything but pasta in this city these days. Exile is already in a cookie-withdrawal coma. And I’m getting sick of delivering meatballs. CrazySugarFreakBoy!: Heh heh. You said meatballs. Exile (weakly): ….Coooookies…. Troia: Why don’t we just go and talk to this Pastafather guy? And then stab him with spears? Donar: Nay. It twould not be right to do such a thing without proofeth. Troia: Sorry. Donar: Better to bludgeon him with a baseball bat with a naileth in it. Flapjack: Hey guys, the cops and the feds are here to see you. If you need me I’ll just be flushing my toilet repeatedly and microwaving my hard drive for no reason whatsover. Hatman: Commissioner Graham, Agent Drury, what can we do for you? Dan Drury: You ain’t gonna like it, kid, but I’ve gotta tell you your boss dragon’s under arrest. Ziles: Finny? What has he done? How dare he go commit crimes after all that talk about how wrong it was to borrow jewellery for my collection? Nobody in the shop was looking at it anyway, and if they wanted to keep it surely they would put a less primitive alarm system on… um, did I say that out loud? Commissioner Graham: We caught him eating the stolen goods, five hundred pounds of fettuccini. Nats: It’s a frame! Finny is innocent OK. Free Finny! Free Finny! CSFB!: Hey, this could be good. We could do a benefit concert for him, get t-Shirts done, maybe ask some starlets to do walk-on appearances – I’m sure my mom will help and she’s got lots of gal-pals – and then we can do a video and… Commissioner Graham: I’m afraid it’s too late for that. In an amazingly swift passage through the courts, Finny has already been tired, found guilty, and sentenced to the electric chair. Dancer: Since this morning? For stealing fettuccini? Donar: I art guessing that the reindeer incident didst counteth against him. Drury: The law’s the law. I’m here to tell you that the Legion’s suspected as accomplices, an’ I have a court restraining order confining you to this mansion until the investigation’s all done. CSFB!: Restraining orders on the superheroes? That never works. Hatty: Hold on. We don’t want to play into the hands of whoever is behind this by getting ourselves outlawed. Goldeneyed: Assuming there is someone behind this. I mean Finny really does like fettuccini. Dancer: Surely getting the chair is a bit extreme even if Finny did eat that stuff? Commissioner Graham: It’s the new tough-on-crime policies that came through today. Dan Drury: The dragon got off lightly. You should’ve heard what Governor Rape Ape originally wanted to do to him. Nats: I can’t be confined to the Lair mansion. I have to be back at work in ten minutes. Otherwise Mr Limpqvist cuts off my luncheon vouchers. Trickshot: Just be glad it’s not Miss Framlicker. She’d cut off your… Hatty: OK, OK. It’s pretty clear that we have to sit tight while out legal people get on to this. Get me Lisette, G-Eyed. The rest of you… well, just have a seat. Drury: Well, I can’t stay here with you yahoos all day. I gotta go do spy stuff. CSFB!: I thought you were having a date with my mom tonight. Drury: It’s classified junior. See you later. Trickshot: Great! They’ve gone. Now let’s bust outta here like Dancer in a bikini. Dancer: Hey! Hatty: Uh uh! We gave out word. Superheroes must always tell the truth. Otherwise we’re as bad as… Troia: The Hooded Hood, who always keeps his word? Hatty: Um… yeah. But we said we’d stay put, so we have to. Sorceress: *sighs* He is so… Jay. Hatty: And that means you stay put too, Dark Knight. DK? DK? CSFB!: This sucks. Why can’t we go rogue and take on cool other identities? I’ve got four I’ve been dying to try out and… Dancer: That restraining order only covers the LL. Despite being voted most popular candidate to get added to the team in last year’s poll (thank you all folks) I’ve never joined, so I am at liberty to investigate what is going on. Never fear, Lair Legion. I shall restore your reputation. Hatty: Er, do you think you could get us a good one instead? Dancer: *leaps into action* G-Eyed: So, anyone wanna play Trivial Pursuit? CSFB!: Anyone wanna play strip comics trivia? Troia: Anyone wanna help CSFB! to the infirmary? [to be continued…]