Posted by Donar on February 12, 2001 at 22:09:38:
Last episode: Donar visited the Death Pty Ltd office in Ausgard, to check up on the stated of his departed ally Troia, and that evil rotten scoundrel evil villian Chronic.
Due to a clerical error, it seems Troia ended up in Valhalen, fighting off a pack of Nordic nutcases, instead of running through the Elysian Fields ...doing whatever the Hel you do in a tranquil afterlife...patchwork?
So we conclude our two part story... (which WAS a one part story until some nameless Amazon kept nagging over ICQ that she wanted to read it "Now" and that I should hurry up and pay her some attention.)
PART TWO: TO BE OR NOT TO.
Donar left Troia to ponder the offer he'd brought forth. A return to life, or Elysian Fields with chariot insurance. She'd scowled, as he expected, when told that the Elysian Tenants Comittee had declared that the greens were to precious, so no, she could NOT take a 450ci Chevy Camaro instead of a chariot.
As he wandered back out into the foyer, he was again greeted by Hypnos.
"I trust all is well, Oldmanson? The Amazonian will accept the offer?"
"I know not, aged one. She doth ponder thusly for the nonce."
".........."
"She art thinking it over."
"...you knoweth, I think that thou wert droppped on the head in thy youth on occasion...wouldst explain for much."
"Aye, i always wert a strong youtheth. Tell me, withered crone, Chronic dost still wait in Purgatory?"
"Verily. Thou wouldst have words with the villian too?"
"Aye."
Donar strolled over to the water cooler, taking the third door on the left. The sign on the door read "PURGATORY: No shirt, no shoes, no service." It seems even the afterlife had a dress code. Seeing as he was indeed shirted and shoed, he continued...there was his first suprise. Standing next to Chronic sticking a finger in his chest was a hooded man...actually, he looked more like a hoodlum...a..hooded hood?
The Hooded Hood spun on his heel, and greeted the Demigod.
"Ah, here at last are you? You don't happen to know where my dear departed daughter is, do you? All I can get from this fool is a stupid smile and bloodshot eyes."
Donar paused in thought. If the Hooded Hood was here, in the nether realms, he would already know where Troia was. Donar had a strange admiration for this foe...he was evil...but it was an honorable evil.
"Very well" he began. "I wouldst suggest thou dost speak unto Hypnos, keeper of the Necronomipedia. If any know...he shall...as I expect would you."
The Hooded Hood kept his stoicity, and hid the grin he felt.
"My thanks...Hero.." With a quick step he disappeared into the shadows, leaving Donar alone with Chronic.
"So." the bad bad person began. "You're Donut, huh?"
"And thou art Chronic. I wouldst say it art a pleasure, but thou art already dead..." Donar turned to face Chronic "..which makes slaying thee pointless."
"Tough talk, big guy...face it, I've won. Troia's dead, I'm untouchable, and I get eternity to laugh at the fact that you heroes and your gaudy little costumes were powerless to stop me. My true evil genius has cut you all, and you don't have a band-aid big enough to stop the pain."
Donar continued, ignoring Chronic's musings. "Why Troia?"
"She was my enemy...I don't know why...she was a challenge. Her and the big talk about the spear..heh...some warrior SHE proved to be."
"And the bomb?"
"Failsafe..no one gets out alive."
"Well, twould seem by thy own words that the bomb wert only to be set off in the event of thy loss in battle."
"I..guess.."
"And seeing as the bomb WERT detonated, that Troia didst kicketh thy ass..."
"NO! SHE NEVER!! I.."
"And, the fact that wert it not for the bomb that you wouldst both be alive now, thy actions did in fact undo any victory thou might have claimed. Troia's honor proved her the victor, and by thy own deeds, thou hast proven thyself NOT a criminal mastermind, but no more than a coward with an explosive device. Masterminds need not a failsafe."
"I!...You!!..She...I wanna see a lawyer."
"Thou art in the bowels of Hell. Thou art surrounded by them."
"That Hooded guy...he said..."
"Farewell, Chronic."
Donar exited the room, suppressing the same grin that had inflicted the Hooded Hood before.
At Valhalen's gate, Troia stood carrying a knapsack, awaiting her guide. Donar made his way back over.
"Thy decision art made, Amazonian?"
"Yeah...time to blow this fruitbowl. Time I headed on to a better place."
"Aye. Didst thou see thy father afore?"
"Um..no." she lied. "Didnt have ANY discussions with him at all...on a totally unrelated matter, he didnt ask me to suggest this."
Troia bent and whispered in the Oldmanson's ear, as that suppressed grin made it;s way to his lips.
"Aye milady. Tis a good idea that thy father had nothing to do with."
With that, Mjalcolm once again sung her tune, and the two heroes departed.
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Donar strolled back into the LoR HQ, seemingly seconds after he had left.
"Short trip hun?" Cheryl enquired. "Find Troia?"
"Aye...she art in a better place now."
"And Chronic?" Visz asked.
"He too...has been moved. Oh, that dost remindeth me...SHe shalt be here for a welcome home dinner tonight."
"Here is the better place?"
"Here.." Donar mused "..has Camaros."
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As Troia dumped her unearthly possessions on the floor of her place she wondered to herself..why did Donar come running so quickly..not to mention, why her father decided not to just retcon the whole chain of events.
As she lay back on her bed and cuddled her sock monkey another thought filled her head.."I wonder what Chronic's gonna do when he wakes up on the Elysian Fields as a serving boy to a gang of Amazonian women?"
The Endeth.