Posted by on April 28, 2001 at 00:14:42:
In Reply to: I found all the Exile stories... they are as follows... posted by Exile on April 28, 2001 at 00:09:40:
Exile #11
"Change"
It was a raging storm in the bay connecting Parodiopolis to Gothemetropolis. The lightning seemed to flicker like a bad bulb, or a dying spirit. Derek's father always said to let the past stay there, but the ghosts in the young man's very soul were restless. Even on the calmest of nights he would awaken in a cold sweat, haunted yet again by the horror of the deaths of people he hadn't saved.
So much had happened since his girlfriend's death. His life was forever changed. He had found out he wasn't even human, he is a mutant, a freak of nature. Since grade 3 been taught that knowledge equals power, right now it was a power he didn't want. For a half a week he'd shut himself out from humanity. He needed his space, to ponder over what he was to do with his life.
Suddenly he heard a sharp clang of metal touching metal on the roof. He burst out of his room to see that Avatar had also been alerted. Quickly he suited up in his redesigned suit and ran to the Quick-Exit tunnel and flew straight up.
When he reached the roof he was standing in front of an armoured figure with what looked like a metal fin on his head.
"I am... *dramatic pause (gotta have those)* SHARK BOY!"
"Please, Mister Whoever-you-are, I'm not in the mood."
"It's Jack Thompson... remember me?"
"Jack.... please... come in."
Once inside, Jack removed his.... interesting headgear and shook hands with Avatar.
"Jack, I have to show you something."
"What? Your TV? Space Ghost Coast-to-Coast is on!"
"No, something on a more serious matter." With that Exile sheds the costume revealing his face and normal clothes beneath.
"DEREK! But.... how... I... HUH!?"
"I can understand if you're offended."
"Offended? Why? My best friend is a super-hero!"
An hour and a few coffees later.
"Why did you make this suit thing again?"
"It seems he wanted to join the crusade against evil." commented Avvy.
"Exactly. And now I have my best friend to do it with..."
"Wait a sec! Hold on! Why me?"
"Because you're already into it, and your my best friend."
"But... but?"
"Bulba!*"
* translation: Fill tummy! Want food!
"What da you want? What your toy?" Derek throws a rubber steak for Ben (His pet Bulbasaur)
Ben looks from the steak to Derek repeatedly and opens his mouth expecting food to fall in. When he doesn't feel anything he walks into the kitchen and yells.
Ben:"BULBASAUR!"
"Oh.. you wanted food."
Fifteen minutes and a five pound bag of apples later.
"That thing is so cool!"
"You should see Avvy's."
"What? You guys have another one?"
"Charizard, come." said Avatar in response.
Just then the six-foot-seven dragon walked out of Derek's workshop (The temporary Pokémon play room).
"Mother! I'm sorry I asked." Jack jumps under the table and starts to quiver.
"Char!*"
*Oh brother.
"You can come out from under the table."
"Wha? Why? There's a dragon in your house!"
"Fin Fang Foom's a dragon. He doesn't hurt anybody. Well besides that time he gassed and lit it on fire. That was definitely a close one. Come on. Show us Why you wear that tin can."
Exile, Avatar and Jack aka. Shark Boy walk into the elevator.
"Let me push the button! I love buttons!" piped Sharky as they proceeded to close the door.
Once on the roof, Jack replaces his helmet and powers up his armour.
"Take a look at this!" Jack aims at a buoy in the harbour and fires a deep blue beam from the protective lens covering his eyes. The buoy steams then starts to sink, due to a hole which the created.
"JACK! You can't just do that! Now I've got to fly over there and fix it!" Exy flies to where the buoy was last seen and creates another in it's place.
"Hey! Ya didn't have to do that. I coulda done it."
Avatar looked at 'Shark Boy' and wondered Why he was even standing there. This was clearly between Derek and Jack. Why did he have to see this. Although it would be good to have seen what the annoyance... uh... lad could do.
Jack then proceeded using the jet-pack in his suit to propel himself skyward. Then once clear of land he went into a forty-five degree dive and splashed into the water. Exile and Avatar could see his shadow racing beneath the waves. Next he flew out and landed safely back on the roof.
"So guys, what do ya think?"
To be continued
Exile #12
"Return"
Exile stood atop the Twin Parody Towers looking towards Hell's Bathroom. This had become a frequent ritual for the youngster. He liked to remember the good times he'd had with his girlfriend. Suddenly an armour-clad figure swooped down and landed in front of him.
"Whatcha doin' here?"
"Go away."
"Wha? What'd I do?"
That moment, in a former U.S. bunker just outside Parodiopolis. A figure lurks just outside the far reaches of the florescent lighting. Just then a miniture figure scurries across the room towards the man in the shadows.
"Mini Maybe! Prepare the laser!"
Mini Maybe runs to the laser and gets on top of it.
"Mini Maybe! Have you been vhatching Austin Powvers again? Now get off of that. That's the second time you've tried to hump the laser!"
Mini Maybe looks at his creator and then to the floor.. ashamed at what he had tried to do.
"Computer.. track ze one colled Exile."
Computer:"Tracking... target is currently stationary on the Twin Parody Towers. You may fire at will."
"Mini Maybe! Fire ze laser!"
Back at the Twin Parody Towers. A bright yellow light can be seen in the sky, pointing straight at Exy's current position. He looks, bewildered into the now bright sky and realizes he's in danger. He tries to fly but is too late. The beam struck him dead center. Destroying the building around him and leaving his body amongst the pile of rubble. His costume had absorbed most of the blast but it had now vanished due to the fact that he had slipped into unconsiousness. His pulse had dropped to dangerous levels. Suddenly a red and black garbed figure emerges from the shadows, picks up Exile and flies back to his base in the harbour.
Derek's eyes fluttered open and he started to scream. As if he were continuing from the last reation his body had failed to produce before being knocked out. He was covered in some thick goo that Avatar had used for treating his wounds. Derek was a little familier with it from his last injury. This substance sped up the healing rate from months or years to a matter of hours.
"Are you capable of movement, Partner?"
"Ow. That smarts. What was that... thing?"
"I belive it was a concentrated form of energy produced by a piece of machinery you call a laser."
"What? Then... uh.. why am I still alive?"
"I belive you can thank your suit for that."
"Where's my jacket?"
"In pieces. I called your friend. I thought he could be helpful."
"Thanks. I've got to find out who did this."
"I already have searched the computer database. The list of people that have access to such weaponary are as such; Thaddeus Raven, Biotech Labs and one Ivan Maybov."
"Ivan Maybov? Could he make this any easier? I already made him lose a hand... what does he want now? A leg?"
Just then a metallic thump can be heard from the roof and then the sound of the elevator in use.
"Derek, you okay?"
"I'll live. You and Avvy head for Dr. Maybe. Al fill him in on the way. I'll try to be there as fast as I can."
"Okay. See ya buddy. SHARK BOY AWAY!"
"Oy... he's got to stop watching the original Batman series"
To be continued
embed Paint.Picture Object1 Derek looked at his arms. The left was partially black with bruises. The other was a mixture of blue and white. His leg which was shattered hours before had now healed due to the blue goop Avvy put on it. Exy could barely move. It almost hurt to think, but he had to get better, a mad man would get at him any way he could. So injured or not, he'd have to fight.
Avatar told him before he left that he'd have to lie down for at least another hour. But still the young hero was restless, and the daytime television didn't help.
*sigh* "What's on Cartoon Network?"
Meanwhile, The alien known as Avatart.. uh.. Avatar and Shark Boy had been patrolling Hell's Bathroom in search of the delirious Dr. Maybe. Avvy had the urge to inform the Lair Legion, but seeing as Exile told him not to, he decided against it.
"Hey Avvy! What's that!?"
"That would be a fire hydrant."
"What about that!?"
"It's a lamppost. Please limit your inquiries.. for some reason the second you open your mouth, my head gets a throbbing sensation."
"..."
3 hours later. Joe Pepper sat in his low-budget apartment eating his lunch.
*chomp*
"Mmmmm.. steak! I love steak!"
He reaches for a knife to cut off another mouth-sized portion, when all of a sudden, Knifey hops onto the table and pushes the steak knife to the floor.
"HEY! I was using that!"
"Uh-oh! It's dirty.. looks like you need to get another one." a devilish grin sneaks across.. umm.. Knifey's.. uh.. face. (Knives have faces right? ... Guys?)
"I know what you're thinking. NO! Only one person touches my food! MEEE!!!!!"
Seeing an opportunity, Knifey leaps from the corner in which he was sitting and snatches the steak off ManMan's plate. ManMan now looking at a bare plate, turns to him in disgust.
"Now look what you did!"
"Heh heh heh... that's what you get for not sharing!"
As Joe turned to the fridge to find another source to nourishment, the phone rang.
"Ughhhh.. hello?"
"Hiya Manny! How's it going?"
"Oh.. great.." he replied, obviously not wanting to talk to Exy.
"What?"
"Ahh.. great.. I'm.. ah.. doing.. great."
"Ok. Are you doing anything lately?"
As Exile and ManMan's conversation progresses, Exy convinces ManMan to help him in the fight against one russian maniac.
"Yes! My vonderful plan iz vhorking!"
Mini Maybe smiles and nods.
"You are not allowed to take the spotlight from me!"
Mini Maybe hides under his master's chair, apparently frightened by his outburst. Suddenly two thumps can be heard from the roof.
"Zey're here. Mini Maybe! Prepare the trap!"
As Stan Lee once coined; If there were only a good synonym for.... Meanwhile.
Avatar and Shark Boy had arrived at the once abandoned bunker, both of their sensing devices had been activated, and were beeping their mechanical heads off. The hero and slightly annoying sidekick of Exile were ready for anything.
Then the roof shook, almost sending Shark Boy into a dumpster below. Suddenly a hole burst from the middle of the building, and a large metal object emerged from it, sending debris into the street.
"Ahhh.. I zee I've got two sparring partners... good vor a varm up."
A van parked in front of the massive base owned by Exile. It's Elvis costume clad occupant exiting and walking toward the titanium structure. The door opened, as if sensing his presence.
"Helllllllllloooooooo?"
"Right here!" replied Exile as he jumped off the roof doing three somersaults before he touched the ground.
"Yikes.. I hope your suit doesn't chafe when you do that."
"Uhh......"
Shark Boy's armour was going through random spasms.. the control circuitry had been destroyed by Maybe's last blow.
The evil Doctor looked at his pathetic prey, his eyes narrowing, then he grabbed the left arm control with his cybernetic hand, and brought the arm of the monstrous robot crashing down.
Exile was ready to do some back flips to show he was in great shape, considering the night before he was almost dead, when he remembered about his two friends he'd forgot about.
"ManMan.. we have to go now. I need to help somebody."
The massive arm was inches from hitting the youngster when a bright red beam sliced through it. The detached piece embedded itself in the street due to the built up inertia. Maybe turned his head to see Avatar with his sword ignited standing in front of him.
"You imbecile! You will pay for this!" With that Maybe hit a button, sending a beam of energy into Avatar's chest.
Avatar flew into a wall, his sword had fell from his grip. Just then a scarlet beam of inter-dimensional energy flew from the sky and struck the giant dead center.
"Is it just me, or do you need some help partner!"
Avatar felt a new sensation, happiness, he wanted to jump repeatedly, but he remembered why he was there. He then ignited his thrusters and flew at the monstrosity, hitting it in the command center, and toppling it onto the ground.
ManMan: "Hey! I wanna do something!"
Exile: "Here take this!" Exy created a laser-like weapon and tossed it to ManMan.
ManMan: "Cool!"
Shark Boy stared in awe of the three heroes attacking the robot in it's most vulnerable state. He still couldn't move. but his weapons systems were still online. He felt what the occupant of the giant armoured figure felt, and fired his laser at Exile. Exy turned to see who his attacker as he almost fell from the sky.
"Jack... what are you doing?"
"That's enough hot-shot! You're not going to hurt him."
"But Jack..."
"But nothing! Either get away from him or fight a friend!"
"You.. you..."
The other two heroes stared at the youngster in awe for what he just said. ManMan was infuriated at what Shark Boy had just said. He was ready to turn and shoot at him, but his conscience told him not to.
"Come on! I wanna fight!" shouted the less-than-normal Knife from his holster at ManMan's hip.
"Shut up." said ManMan as he hit the knife.
Avatar just stood looking at Sharky, wondering if the man in the robot had somehow possessed him.
Maybe, seeing an opportunity, soundlessly creeped out of the robot, activating it's self destruct unit. Exile saw this from the corner of his eye and created a large crate around him. with that Shark Boy prepared to fire another round, but was also encased by one of the crates.
"Avatar, could you take Mister Maybe to the police? I have a few matters of my own to deal with."
"As you wish, partner."
ManMan: "That was easy."
Exile: "I don't know if it's over yet."
ManMan: Well I don't know about you, but I'm going home. I didn't get to finish my lunch.. it's like supper-time now."
Exile: "Okay, I'll call ya later"
Just as ManMan left. The giant robot exploded, sending more wreckage into the streets.
Shark Boy had also felt the explosion, his suit had opened and he knew Exile wasn't close to the crate. He grabbed a metal gauntlet and put it on, then he blew a hole in the side of the crate and ran off. Not seen in the explosion.
Exile: "I'm not cleaning that one up."
Mini Maybe trembled inside the bunker. He also harbored an intense hatred for Exile, now maybe even more than his master. When he knew the coast.. or in this case, the bunker was clear he dashed to the entrance, but found it was blocked by debris.
Exile strided towards the crate that held Shark Boy, but found it empty, except for the bits of machinery inside, there was no trace of his friend. He felt a deep sorrow in his gut.. the kind of thing you get when someone dies. Of course he knew he may never see his friend again, but as his father once told him, he didn't lose hope.
To Be Continued
Next Ish: Has Shark Boy/Jack Thompson gone mad? Will Mini Maybe escape the steel dungeon he'd been trapped in? Speaking of dungeons. Will Doc Maybe escape his certain doom? Is Mickey Rooney's career over? Has this been one issue not featuring an idiotic phrase from our delirious Doc? Am I losing it? Find out in the next issue!
Exile #14
The TV flickered to life inside the Hell's Bathroom apartment of Jack
Thompson. The past few days had been a roller coaster of excitement for the
youngster. One that ended in betrayal.
He had chosen the side of a lunatic over that of his life-long friend, it
was the only thing he could do to save the bastard from his amigo's rage.
Somehow he knew their relationship would be forever changed, that is, if he
didn't do anything. So did what he thought was right. What's wrong with that?
Apparently everything was.
Reluctantly the young man turned off the TV and took his coat off his
hanger and checked for his keys, satisfied that they were there, he walked out
the door to his car below.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Derek sat alone in his room looking at his photo album. He noticed that
every second picture was one of him and his best friend. Suddenly a folded
piece of paper fell from between the pages into his lap. He began to unfold it
when his pet, Ben, marched into the room and began to 'yell'.
"Bulba! Saur! Saur! Bulba!*"
*Translation; Your damn robot dropped Charizard's s**t in my food dish!
"Ok.. here's you toy."
"Bulba!*"
*Idiot!
With that the angered Bulbasaur trotted out of the room, leaving Derek to
read the note.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Elsewhere, Jack pulls into an alley, not too far from his house. He exits
the car and walks to a metal fire escape, pressing a hidden switch and opening
the door to his base of operations, into which he walks, and the door slides
shut.
"Agent Jack Thompson reporting in."
"Retna scan Agent Thompson."
The laser apparatus scans Jack's eye and sends the information to the
computer database which checks for matches in it's memory.
"Identity confirmed, welcome to S.H.A.O."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Derek was pacing in his base rereading the letter, it mentioned a family secret and something that was faded about the house. Using deductive reasoning, our hero found what he was looking for was at his former home. (Wasn't that an incredible observation of the obvious?)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Jack had entered the weapons facility of S.H.A.O and found a prototype model of strength enhancement suits in. Knowing he'd have to make his mistake up to Derek he put it on and left the base. Hoping he'd find his friend somewhere in the city.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A taxi pulled into the driveway of a seemingly abandoned suburban home. A single occupant exited and produced a key. Derek entered the house. Most of the furniture was covered in sheets and dust. The electricity disconnected, so he had to create a flashlight. He began to search his one-time residence. This was gonna take a while.
Next ish: Ex discovers his father's dark secret and reunites with his good ol' pal. SO STAY TUNED DAMMIT!!!
#15
Dan Drury of SPUD stood in an empty room, gazing out an oval shaped window into the star studded night. None of the man's features were recognizable in the darkness. Suddenly a door behind him sending a flood of light into the otherwise pitch black room.
"Do you have S.H.A.O.s progress report, yet? asked Drury, annoyed with the junior officer's barging in.
"Y-yessir, it seems Agent Thompson has stolen one of their prototype strength enhancement suits, and has found and destroyed it's tracking mechanism." replied the younger employee of SPUD, looking from Drury to the piece of paper with the report printed on it in his nervousness.
Drury's forehead wrinkled as he frowned. He obviously knew the consequences of a situation like this.
"Keep me apprised of the situation." He said as he turned back to face the window.
"Y--yessir."
The door closed with a resounding click, and the SPUD official was again bathed in darkness.
Elsewhere.
Derek's eyes widened as he lifted the metal storm drain from his parents' basement off it's resting place. Then he removed the medium sized safe he'd searched all day and most of the night for.
Just as he was about to open the box and find the truth about his parent, a green light engulfed the young man and vanished... leaving no trace to his whereabouts.
Again the getting-older-by-the-second hero known as Exile stood in a room with his mysterious trainer. Usually he'd be in some hellish gym, but he wasn't there this time. He was standing in a temple quite like the ancient Mayans once built. But, with it's likenesses the structure had it's differences, like the geography for instance. Outside the barren stone and ice was unforgiving. As Derek was becoming familiar with his surroundings, his suit snapped on, as if by reflex... or instinct.
"Derek, it seems, that in the short time I've gotten to know you, trained you and became your guardian... that I hadn't been all true to you." the voice boomed.
"How so?.. You forgot to tell me about the amount of food coloring in Fruit Loops?"
The man in the robe almost visibly shuddered, as if he thought about what the hero just said and rejected the 'joke' in the same thought. "There are certain things you must know before opening that box."
"Like what? My best friend is a con, who back stabbed me."
"No, and you don't know what was going through his mind at that time."
"*sigh* You sound like my father did."
"There are reasons for that."
"WHAT!?" screamed the horrified Exile, "That isn't possible! He's dead! So's my mother!"
"I know it's confusing, but true."
"If you were alive my whole life... why didn't you contact me?"
"Here."
"I've almost died repeatedly! And had to wear a dress! Well.. until I sto-- borrowed ManMan's costume."
Derek went on bombarding his 'father' with instances of humiliation, grief and suffering. All with references to his lack of appearance. After all what right did he have to neglect a child of his own... any child for that matter? After letting out years of emotion that had swelled in the young man's very being, he tossed the safe across the room. It hit the far wall and exploded sending articles flying.. the safe obviously wasn't Exile-proof.
"I don't need a father anymore." With that, Exile did something he'd never done before. His father began to quiver and slump to the floor as a portion of his power was drained.
Then Exy's eyes changed from the familier red glow to the green luminance emitted by the Observing Eye portals.
Derek turned from the shuddering form of the man he once knew to be his father, to an empty space near him and created a portal to his base.
"Young man, turn around." said another monk, whom Exile knew as Guumar.
"Why did you people do this? Do you like gradually destroying others' minds?"
The shorter monk took in Exile's words, and chose his own carefully. "Young man, we are here to aid you.. but it seems we now have a special case on our hands.. and as such I will transfer you to Agent Jack Thompson of S.H.A.O. (Super-Hero Aid Organization... heh heh heh didn't see that one comin' did ya?), Farewell Exile."
Before Ex could respond in any way Guumar used his powers to move the portal Exy had created into the youngster, teleporting him 'home'.
Next ish: Ex has a couple problems to sort out and he needs time to mend his newly opened emotional wounds. And to make things worse, some new, but familier baddies show up, and the LL is missing.. could Exile be the earth's only hope? Find out in
Exile #16.
Later,
Ex
Exile # 16
Warning klaxons was the only sound Derek could hear. Bodies of the dead and dying lay strewn around the young hero, some he knew, others he'd never met. Even the body of his deceased girlfriend lay amongst them, thousands upon thousands of them.
Exile bent down to touch the face of his past love, cold, like ice. As he was inbetween bawling and cursing, flames shot form the ground engulfing the deceased in a wisp of smoke. Then large chunks of rock began to displace from the earth. Like weeds overthrowing the plants in a garden.
Then it happened. the ground burst open revealing an extremely large brown hood, like the one his father wore, which was beginning to rise from the crevice.
"You will die!" The voice of the uprising creature boomed, as it removed the massive cloak, revealing the scarred and burning face of Satan himself. " HA HA HA HA!!!! Welcome to Hell, Exile!"
That's when Derek awoke, bolt upright and drenched in a cold sweat. His mind was in jumbled disarray and his heart rate through the roof.
"I've gotta get a shrink." mumbled the traumatized hero, while running a hand through his perspiration-soaked hair. "I'm going nuts."
He decided he couldn't finish sleeping and threw his covers onto the floor and stepped onto the cold carpet, then walked into the kitchen.
"You appear to have had what you refer to as a nightmare." commented Avatar.
"Tell me about it."
"I wouldn't know about the dream to which you refer. You do remember that --"
"That you don't need to recharge your body, gotcha."
Avatar and Exile continued to discuss the young man's nightmare while drinking Avatar's favourite beverage, coffee.
But at the same moment, crime flourished in the city known as Parodiopolis, the rest of the Lair Legion hadn't been spotted in weeks, and Avatar and Exile had been holding down the fort, so to speak. I now take you to an all night bar in the center of Hell's Bathroom. It had been this very bar that had given Avatar his first experience in drunkeness in months, and probably his last.
A tall costumed character stood atop one of the bar's many tables. Lifting a stunned drunkard above his head with one arm.
"Where is Exile!" he questionned. "Where is he!!!"
The drunken man looked down at the crest on the caped man's costume and plainly replied; "But sir.. you're Exile."
"Idiot!" the character yelled as he threw the man across the bar, where he landed atop a pile of others.
The man walked into the light.. but only for a second, revealing a costume that loooked similar to Exile's and his scarred jawline. In fact the man looked as if he were an older version of the hero, except for the cybernetic accessories, he was a perfect duplicate.
All across town, sightings of LLers that were, just a little off the originals were being reparted in. All of these reports stated terrible behavior towards others and mean tempers. Not like any of the real versions.
Two hours later. Exile's base.
After a short 'breakfast' Derek sat down on the couch beside his pet to find it was biting the TV remote, despairately trying to change the channel.
"BULBA!!! ZAUUUURRRRR!!!!!!!!!*"
*"STUPID TELETUBBIES!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!"
The rather large Pokemon looked at Derek, begging him to change it.
"Well.. why didn't you just get Charizard to change it Ben?"
"Zaur! Bulbazaur! Bulba!*"
*"Because he broke the thing last time... and he's too busy s**ting on your new carpets."
"DAMMIT!!!!! AVATAR!!! C4 P1!!!! SOMEBODY CLEAN THAT S**T UP!!! I DID IT LAST TIME!!!!"
C4: "But I'm not programmed--"
"You'll do what I say! Clean it up!"
"Fine." C4 makes a mental note to not wash his android hands before cooking for Derek.
"AND YOU BETTER WASH YER DAMN HANDS!!!!!!"
C4: "Rats."
Next ish: So, I guess you're wondering what the hell is going on.. good, because the part is a secret. Mwa ha ha ha!!!
Later,
Ex
Exile # 17 entitled "Writer's Block sucks" or "Mirror Image"
This takes place after HH's current writings.
"Ow" Exile seethed as Avatar pulled another shard of glass from his shoulder. "That bastard just had to make me jump through that damned window."
"You were in control of your own actions, were you not?"
"Yeah... but he jumped off the building, I didn't have time to think."
"You thought? There's a first." commented a voice from the doorway.
"Jack!? What are you doing here?"
"Just came... *sigh* to apologize. I shouldn't have shot at you. I thought you were gonna kill him."
"Hey. You know me. I wouldn't think of it." replied the infirmary-destined Exile. "Ow.. Could you stop pullin' those out for a sec Avvy?"
"By the way Derek, I brought you something."
"Huh? But I don't have anything for you."
"Take it. I owe you one anyway."
"Wait.. I do have something for you." commented Derek as he ran into his room and rushed to open his nightstand drawer and pull his IDECDs from it. "Here. I remembered you're my #1 fan. They're deactivated of course but they make great mementos." said Derek, handing the devices to his friend.
"Derek, who's there?" queried Valeria, who was walking from the kitchen with the hot chocolate she had made herself, followed closely by Parodiopolis' resident Yo-being. Who also seemed to be lodging at Exile's base for the past couple weeks.
"Cute Valeria being showed Yo how to make yummy hot chocolate!" interjected the thought being, its mouth encircled by a ring of the warm liquid.
"Mmph!" snickered Jack at the sight of the chocolate loving phenomenon known as Yo.
"Uhh.. Valeria, Yo.. This fellow over here who looks as if he's gonna bust a gut is Jack. One of my best friends and my roomie in and out of University."
"What's University?" asked Valeria, who still didn't know everything about earth's cultures, but had learned a great deal considering she' only been with Ex for a handful of weeks.
Suddenly... the roof near the heros and heroines (heroine's' because Yo can pick it's form) and the evil incarnation of Exile appeared through it. Followed by the evil LL.
"You should not have allowed us to assemble, young one. It will be your undoing." said Evil Ex, stepping forward and identifying himself as the leader.
Evil Ex's garb was quite different from his own, noted Exile. Instead of a jacket, a cape went from his shoulders to the floor. And what was black on Ex's costume was white. And where the red normally was, a royal blue resided, as well as on the cape.
Exile:"Who are you?"
Evil Ex:"You, only 20 years away. And quite different from what I was."
Exile:"Everyone's there.. Even Vizh...."
Evil Vizh:"I'm fake dammit!!!"
Exile:"Huh? Lemme guess.. You all the opposite of the real thing.."
Evil Ex: "Quite right. I must remember to thank our cousin for not closing one time portal. His mistake made my forthcoming possible. I found it, harnessed it and came here, becoming your ice god before meeting you. Genius if I do say so."
"What?" Jack sputtered, "There's no such things as gods."
"Don't be saying that cute-Exile friend." Yo returned, volleying the rest of the response to Ex.
"Yo's right, Donar's living proof of gods."
Yo began looking amongst Evil Ex's motley crew, well until it spotted the alternate version of itself, and floated over to it.
"Hello cute-you-me-being. Do you like hot chocolate." Yo asked in an innocent tone of voice.
"Shut up and mind your own business." answered the being, Yo's image reflecting in it's narrowed eyes.
"You not being nice to Yo. Have you-me been playing with fuzzy bunnies?"
"I said..."
"You-me want some hot chocolate?"
"Sorry" Evil Yo replied, "I hate chocolate." it finished as it slapped the mug out of Yo's outstretched hand, sending the cup flying into the nearest wall where it shattered and spilled the contents across the wall, the rug and nearby upholstery.
"Legion, go, find this times version of you and bring him, her or it here. Well.. Young one. Shall we start?"
"I guess, Everybody, get in the boat and leave. I got this guy." said Ex, a hint of anticipation in his eyes.
Exile #18
To Adam Diller, a man of words and heart. Definitely proved that anyone could make a great leader, fake or otherwise, if he/she put his/her mind to it.
Exile's face struck the ground with the force of a small locomotive. For the past hour he'd been getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter by his opponent.
He rose to his feet, almost falling on his way up, and wiped the blood that had accumulated at the corners of his mouth.
"C'mon!" the hero urged as he spat a mixture of blood and saliva on the flaming rubble his base. "I'm not dead yet!!!"
"And soon, young one, you'll wish you were."
"This is madness." Ex thought, " I shoulda taken Cheryl's advice and went on a vacation, but nooooo I had to defend the city. Someone always does. And here I am, fighting a GOD which happens to be me twenty years down the line.... what'd I do to deserve this?"
The hero stood there, motionless, thoughts of life and the battle he was to preoccupied to participate, what would happen if he managed to kill this guy, what if he just defeated him, would he come back for a second round?
The question gnawed at the man's very soul. He was so entranced, he didn't even notice his hovering counterpart freeze the bay surrounding them, trapping his friends in their escape vessel.
Elsewhere, on a white sandy beach in St. Martin's.
"C'mon Whit! Just one game!" asked the familiar figure known to the LL as Jay Boaz, bouncing a multi-coloured beach-ball between his hands.
Whitney, aka Sorceress looked up at her boyfriend, pulled down her sunglasses so her eyes could be seen clearly above the rim and gave him a sultry look.
"No" she plainly replied.
Hat looked exasperated, he'd been trying all day to get her to do something, anything with him besides sit in a lawn chair and sun tan.
"Please? You don't want to sit there and do nothing all day do you??"
"Hmmm.. no... and yes."
Jay flopped onto the ground, defeated once more, and sighed, not noticing his beach ball, which had been rolling down the beach, being picked up by stranger's hands.
"Don't be down, Jay, we'll play with you."
Hatman followed his first instinct, to turn and find the person who was talking to him.
Incredibly, it was him, and his lover.
"Oh..."
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"Shit! Dammit Andy! You spilt mustard all over my new shirt!" exclaimed the Legionnaire known as spiffy, or Mark Hopkins, while wiping at a vividly coloured, floral patterned shirt vigorously with a napkin.
"Don't sweat it Mark. If it doesn't come out in the wash, I'll just get Derek to make you a new one." replied the Foomish (or Foamish >;-p~)
"Hey Andy.. I was wondering... could I have a piece of your sandwich?" queried Lisa, cradling Christopher.
"In a word..... no." said the morphed-into-human-form-dragon, smiling back at the Legion's newest mother, and about to take a bite out of a roast beef sandwich. (which reminds me.. I haven't had lunch yet.)
"Fine." said Lisa, seemingly accepting defeat. "I SUMMONS FINNY'S SANDWICH!"
Visionary sat at his desk, in the extremely overstuffed Donar chair, he didn't quite like the idea of being the leader of the Parodyverse's elite fighting force, but hey, he got more coffee breaks than anyone in the building... except the receptionist known as Troia215.
Currently for him, it was time for lunch.
He reached into the bottom drawer of his desk and removed a lunch box, featuring a picture of the Lair Legion (the original!) expertly painted on its lid.
"What have we got here? .... Ooooo Animal crackers™, part cookie, part cracker... all yummy."
As the Legionnaire was about to bite off the head of a lion, Troia and Cheryl burst into the office, slamming the door and locking it behind them.
"What happened?? Finny came back with a bean burrito?"
"Worse!" The two yelled simultaneously.
"What could be worse than that?"
As if adding an exclamation point to his question, Evil Vizh along with Troia and Cheryl toppled thew door to the office.
"Hello Visionary." rasped Evil Vizh. "Still keepin' it real?"
"Shut up."
"You know, don't you.. You are an android."
"No, I'm not!"
"You're fake, Visionary!"
"I'M REAL!!!"
"Fake!"
With that last word, something in the leader snapped, and he dove for his opponents throat.
"I'm... real... dammit!" he chanted as his throttled the life from his counterpart.
"You *choke*... can't... do.... it... can .... you?"
"No." said Visionary, releasing his enemy.
Meanwhile, Troia and Cheryl, had dealt with their problems, but had only come up with a temporary solution, and the closet door wouldn't hold them for long.
Evil Visionary got to his feet and began to walk towards his ‘twin', rasping all the way. Once he was about three feet away, Vizh remembered his lunch box.
"Hey Real man! Take this!" yelled the legionnaire as he grabbed the box and brought it down sharply on his adversary's head, knocking him unconscious.
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It was a typical day in the life of Michael Andrews aka. Frog-Man, take out the trash, put up with Bry and his Squirtle, help his land Lady up the stairs... that sort of thing. But what he didn't expect was his friend to teleport into his kitchen, in full costume, and snap his neck... something was out of the ordinary.
"Mike? What's going on? It doesn't take that long to open a bag of chips and drop ‘em in a bowl!" commented GE from the living room. "Gee, all the other legionnaires got to go on wonderful vacations.. And here I am.. In front of the TV."
Hearing the true Goldeneyed from the other room, Evil ‘Eyed teleported to the roof and waited for him to enter the crime scene.
"MIKE!? ... fine.. I'll come to you."
Bry entered the dimly lit kitchen, only to find his friend slumped on the floor. His face had a horrible expression of fear on it, and his neck definitely shouldn't have been bent on that angle.
Hearing a low breathing behind him, GE turned around and saw the assailant.
"Oh great! Another one. Lemme guess.. Tomorrow never Died?"
The intruder looked at the hero, a look that could kill.. literally. As he teleported a rather large piece of Bry's shirt off, allowing a portion of his stomach to be exposed.
"Ok.. Next time I'll skip the speech."
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"Boys night out my ass." commented ManMan from his position at the bar counter. "Guys like DK wouldn't be caught dead here... why me?"
"Because you're the prime target." replied CSFB, while throwing some money onto the well-worn runway as a woman nicknamed ‘Lady Love' twirled by, brightly-coloured veils following her every move.
"It was a rhetorical question."
"Hey, it ain't that bad Joe, at least Troia isn't here." answered Carl Bastion (Trickshot).
"And she better not hear about it." said an irate Joe Pepper, raising his clenched left fist menacingly. "Bartender... another drink please.. It may be my last."
"Indeed." added the man, turning and revealing the face of ManMan himself.
"WHA?? I definitely need another drink!"
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His face hurt, his arms hurt, and overall, spiffy felt like shit.
Even his fern doubled over in pain from his counterpart's last blow, but, nevertheless, he kept fighting. The giant Makulan next to him also seemed to have trouble thwarting his metal
re-enforced counterpart.
Then, the fern-wielding wonder noticed an opening, grabbed a papaya from a nearby fruit stand and threw it in Reverse spiffy's face. (Its Reverse spiffy because I'd been informed that Evil spiffy had been done.) Then he grabbed a coconut and beat his adversary to unconsciousness.
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Lisa ran, ran for a fear she never knew. Fear, for her own, her family. Then she stopped at the massive doors of a church, changed direction, and ran at full tilt to the Pastor.
"Please look after my baby for a few minutes." panted Lisa.
"Yes miss, but--"
"I have no time to explain.." exclaimed the First Lady/mother of the Lair Legion.
"She's right... she doesn't."
Next: Things get kicked into high gear as Exile goes the last round with Evil Ex, and the rest of the legion finds out just how strong their can be.
Exile #19
A body is floating in the usually cold-waters of Vengeance Bay (The bay separating Parodiopolis from GMY), on its way to the bottom of the ocean. To become at ease, and return to the earth that had spawned it.
But as the remains began to sink, a latex covered hand thrust its way to what resembled an arm and pulled towards the surface.
The body was totally unrecognizable, the person's face had been disintegrated by the flames.
Officer Sheldrake pulled the lifeless corpse aboard the PPD cruiser. It was a grim reminder of the true evil humanity could bring to life.
Sheldrake pulled a Gene scanner from her pocket and held it about six inches from the charred flesh, running it from head to toe. Then she pressed the Enter key on it and looked into the three by three inch screen.
"sergeant... you should take a look at this."
"What?--"
The balding policeman walked the length of the cruiser's decking and took the scanner from Sheldrake and held it close to his face.
"My god..... It's Exile."
It's Six o'clock. The television in Jack Thompson's apartment is on, although its owner isn't home.
The familiar face of Barry Forth, one of Parodiopolis' star news anchors is on the screen. Reporting the nightly news.
"-- Today, the city of Parodiopolis is saddened to see the passing of one of its protectors.
Exile had become a hero almost a year ago. He'd become an idol to many teens and tried his hardest to keep this place safe for its occupants.--"
The program goes on about the hero's career. His life, and tragic death. Then four of the man's closest friends, appeared on the screen. Yo had tears streaming down his/her face, as with Valeria and Jack, but Avatar was just standing, his face to the fine sand of the Bay's beach.
This would've been too much for Derek Foreman to bear... but he wasn't there... now was he?
Not long ago, Vengeance Bay (The bay separating Parodiopolis from GMY) was covered in ice.
Its water stuck in a standstill.
Two figures above the only island on the bay are fighting for their right to live.
One has a definite advantage. He's a god. He can do whatever he wants... right?
Wrong. Even gods fall. It just takes longer.
The other a human. One with a confusing past, filled with lies, hate and anger.
But guess what. They're the same man.
The battle wages on. The combatants never tiring, always wanting to get the next shot in. They'd never give up, until one wasn't breathing.
Gothmetropolis York
The Dark Knight surveys his city, ever watchful for the slightest disturbance. The disturbance is him. And yet another battle starts, at the whim of the being known only as Evil Ex.
The Happy Place
Destruction... everywhere
Both Yo and Evil Yo fight for an advantage that would end the battle.
But the advantage was not to the Evil thought beings liking, as a gigantic purple bunny's foot landed square on his/her chest, shoving it to the ground.
"Yo am being liking Rabbito for that!"
The Rabbit nuzzles Yo's hand and sits down.
Evil Yo would never be the same.
Lair Island
"HELP!" screamed Visionary as Evil Vizh revived himself.
"Yeah!" returned Cheryl, "We're gonna help you when we have worse problems."
"What?? Your twins are trapped in the closet! You don't have anything to do!"
"Yes we do. I haven't filed my nails for an hour!" said Troia.
"Wonderful."
Hawaii
"Well.... the beach ball helped." said Hatman, looking triumphant as he removed his counterparts Hatility belt and glanced towards Whitney, who currently had her twin ‘wrapped up' in a couple palm trees.
"That has to be the first time I've seen a hero ties up a villain in a deflated beach ball."
"Hey! It's called improvising."
The Dominican Republic
FFF had his twin down for a count, the two had inadvertently destroyed half of Santo Domingo, and had even went as far as to beat each other with unused planes at the nearby airport.
Even spiffy had his counterpart beat. But Lisa was having trouble. She couldn't keep Evil Lisa from Christopher much longer. And the church was about to collapse.
"I SUMMONS FIN FANG FOOM!" she screamed, and the dragon appear next to her. "Finny! Hold the roof up, and building supports won't take too much more of this."
Instead of listening Foom made a quick movement of his tail, and sent Evil Lisa sprawling.
"Well... I guess you could just knock her out... thanks."
"Don't mention it."
Back in Vengeance Bay
Exile was just about beat. Evil Ex had given everything he had, and Ex just couldn't live up to it.
He wasn't the hero he thought he was after all.. The city would be overtaken by everything he fought against.. And he couldn't do anything to stop it.
Wait! How could he just give up like this.. Its not like him to just roll over and die.
Evil Ex is toast!
As the thoughts raced through Exile's mind, he created a pocket of natural gas and nitro-glycerin around Evil Ex.
"It over, young one. You're going to hell."
"You first!"
A scarlet beam of inter-dimensional energy entered the pocket of explosives, igniting them and creating a heat so intense it melted Evil Ex's flesh.
When the smoke cleared. Neither were left standing... and only one body was found.
To be continued...?
Exile #20: "....the harder they fall"
I'm cold...... before I was blistering hot.. But now I'm cold.....
Exile tries to get up from his slumped position on his cell floor.
What the–??? Chains... They won't hold me–
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." a familiar voice calls from one of the darkened corners of the stone-walled cell. "You're wired to power-dampeners, and they are connected to two tonnes of TNT inside this building. The slightest increase in inter-dimensional energy activity in you... and they're going to be picking up pieces of you in France."
"Reject...... you..."
"Yes.. I was behind Evil Ex.. The part about him coming through the portal... all but a lie. It was easy to give him false memories like that."
"Why....... why did you kill her?"
"Because you got my brother killed. An eye for an eye."
"ALL I DID WAS MY JOB!!!!"
"AND SEND MY BROTHER TO HIS DEATH IN A STINGY CELL!! YOU MY FRIEND... YOU'LL GET THE SAME FATE!!!!" angrily Reject turns to the door, but then hesitates and turns back to the downed hero. "You know... I'm considering hitching up with that.. Valeria was it? She looks quite ravishing."
"YOU FREAK!!! YOU TOUCH HER--"
"And what? You'll hurt me? I'm so scared.... Valium?"
The former psychiatrist of the Hooded Hood opens the door to the cell. And pushes in a cart loaded with electrical equipment.
"Dr. Valium, if you haven't met this pathetic ‘hero', he is Exile... give him... a ‘warm' welcome."
The door slams shut as the trench-coated menace walks the dimly-lit hallways of Herringcarp's psychotic ward.
Hours later.
Exile's eyes are heavy... he hardly wanted to go through with another electro-shock treatment.
To add upon that, Reject was syphoning off his energy reserves. Even if he could escape.. He couldn't match the strength of his captor.
Things looked bleak... that's when Valium came back.
Derek's throat was already sore.. But nevertheless... he screamed.
Lair Mansion
Valeria sat on the bed Visionary had gladly loaned her.
Avatar phased back into the Dreary Dimension after his brief stay. He believed he'd be no help to the heartbroken damsel. He was right. Even Yo couldn't brighten the young lady's spirits.
She just sat and cried.. She'd been doing this for the last few days.
She never left the room.
Not even for a bite to eat.
She just sat and cried.
The cycle wouldn't stop unless he came back.. and that wasn't going to happen any time soon.
Gothometropolis York Docks
A black and green suited hero sat upon some large crates. He was overseeing what was supposed to be a regular, nightly cocaine shipment from the middle-east. When the criminals began discussing the easiness of dragging the half-dead Exile to Herringcarp on the other hand.. it became much more serious.
He left the scene, and was speeding at Mach 2 via the KnightJet towards the former home of the Hooded Hood.
The bi-hourly shock treatments were taking their toll on Exile's defiance.
He was broken.. bleeding and hadn't had a cookie since before the fight with Evil Ex.
"You see. You're no match for me. You could never bring me down.... Derek... you.... can't.... win."
Exile spat blood onto the floor.
"You are mishtaken. I... wont... give up... I'm going to get back to Val...... going to get back to Val.." The hero chanted beneath his breath, so Reject couldn't hear. His face was swollen due to a punch from his captor.
"When the night is done, Exile, you will be nothing but carrion. And your life.. will become mine."
Exile looked up as the door closed when Reject left. And with some dramatic prose, the Dark Knight floated down gracefully from a hole in the skylight.
"How've you been holding up?"
"How do you think?"
"You look like shit."
"Thanksh."
"Ok.. There's trick to getting you out of this." DK started, as he noted the extra wires attached to the power dampeners. "You need a key-card to disengage it otherwise the bombs outside will detonate, I'm guessing."
"That'sh what he shaid."
"Ok, let's do this. I'm going to cut these three wires," he said to Ex, pointing out a green, yellow and brown wire.
"What about the red one?"
"We'll find out."
"Oh shit." exclaimed Exile as DK's knife sliced through the polyurethane coating of the copper wires. After some time Ex opened his eyes. "We're not dead?"
"Nope."
"What's the ringing in my ears then?"
"An alarm."
"Great. Now I can show him what I'm worth."
"You do realize that it'll take a few hours in an infirmary before you can fight again."
"As long as I'm walking."
Next: Ex takes on Reject for the final ‘bout... balls to the wall, cash your chips.. This is the big one baby!