Posted by And now, the Hooded Hood, Ziles, Nats, Dynamite Boy, Fin Fang Foom, and Amazing Guy present: on April 14, 2001 at 12:53:36:
Fuzzy Bunnies
Part One (by Ziles):
Mid afternoon, eating tea and crumpets in the mansion
Nats: "can you please put your pants on"
Space Ghost: "pants are such a waist of time you need too..."
CSFB: "pants, pants, pants...heh heh"
DK: "if i hear you babbling about masturbation one more time i'm going to blow up france"
Goldeneyed: "what did france ever do to you"
Xander: "he's just jealous because french is the language of love"
DK: "love, that is a lie"
Finny: "I think I should hide now"
DK: "You mean hide in the closet with Ziles"
Ziles: "why do I always have to be brought into the conversation"
DK: "because your a slut"
Ziles: "i am not"
CSFB drooling: "mmm slut"
AG: "DK you will apoligize to Ziles"
DK tickles Ziles: "Don't get your panties on fire"
AG red: "Ziles is a respectable lady, you should not mock her"
Ziles: "I think i should go now, problem child...."
Finny goes out to try and get Ziles to come back
Troia: "DK you're an a$$."
DK: "I only tell the truth."
Goldeneyed: "can't we all just get along"
CSFB I'm going to go use the bathroom heh
AG still mumbling: "kids these days"
Donar: "I derst say Troia has a valid point"
Troia: "This point would be?"
Donar: "That DK doth vex thine ladies."
Troia laughs: "DK vexes himself."
HH arrives
Troia: "aw man, why are you here father"
HH: "I love you too sweet daughter"
Chronic arrives
Troia: "Isn't it my lucky day"
Chronic: "You're stunning today too, dear Troia"
Donar: "Now this est a fine occation me dear"
Yo: "Yo being is happy father daughter are so nice. Pet fuzzy bunnies."
Xander: "why pray tell are we sitting around her doing nothing, there is work to be done, things to be made, people to see."
Yo: "Yo go with Xander to fix fuzzy bunnies"
Xander and Yo exit
Exile: "I'm just going just be in that corner over there"
---------------------------
Outside the mansion in the garden
Finny: "Why don't you go back inside"
Ziles: "I've had enough of people at the moment"
Finny: "you're beginning to sound like me"
Ziles: "perhaps I was already like this and you are sounding like me"
Finny: "i know you miss home but..."
Ziles: "i don't want to talk about home"
Finny puts his hand of Ziles shoulder: "come inside"
Ziles tredges forward pulling Foom along: "no"
Ziles starts to slow and falls to her knees
Finny: "what is it"
-----------------------
Xander's shop
Yo: "fuzzy bunnies!"
Xander: "I've been working on there for long while i must say"
Yo exuberant: "Yo loves fuzzy bunnies"
Xander chuckles: "Glad to hear, I just need to find a good home for them"
Yo: "Yo take all fuzzy bunnies and love and care for them and make more fuzzy bunnies"
Xander: "Well you just have to know one thing about these bunnies....."
----------------
to be continued by whomever chooses
Part Two: Mummies and Daddies (by the Hooded Hood)
"...the bunnies are radioactive," the sorcerer supreme and master of the myatic crafts warned the pure thought being. "I need you to take care of seven thousand radioactive mutant bunnies while the Lair Legion track down who is responsible for this outrage." "What's wrong, Ziles?" Finny asked, helping the silver-suited alien exile to her feet. "What kind of slime would irradiate seven thousand rabbits?" Troia asked with a suspicious glance at her father. To be continued...
"Is not a problem," Yo replied happily. "I take them to Visi's house."
"A telepathic warning," she gasped, her eyes wide with fear. "He's coming."
"Who?" the Makluan demanded. "Who is coming?"
Ziles swallowed hard. "My husband," she answered.
The Hood continued to lurk in the corner. Nobody tried to arrest him; not since that incident with the geraniums and the bicycle pump.
"Dr Moo would," Hatman considered. "But she's been used quite a bit recently so it's probably not her."
"What kind of experiment would need so many mutant radioactive rabbits?" Dark Knight muttered. "Solve that and you solve the case,"
"Preganancy testing for seven thousand radioactive mutants?" Nats quipped.
No-one laughed.
"Aw, c'mon," the flying phenomenon protested. "You can't really think..."
The call-to-action alarm went off.
In downtime Paradopolis seven thousand possibly-pregnant radioactive mutants had all developed a craving for ice cream and ketchup at the same time.
Part Three: Husband? (by Ziles)
Finny backs away: "You have a husband?!?"
Ziles: "that doesn't sound right, mistress?"
Finny: "You're a lesbian"
Ziles: "no no maybe brother"
Finny: "oh you have a brother"
Ziles: "yes brother, though i seldom claim him as such"
Finny: "when will he be arriving"
Ziles: "when the full moon settles over the asmothe of the ocean"
Part Four: My brother, the Husband (by Nats)
Finny: So let me get this straight...you're married to your brother, who's also a mistress? Continued...
Ziles: Erm...
Finny: *shudder*
Ziles: See, it's hard to explain.
Finny: Then don't.
Ziles: Ok.
*the moon rises*
Mystery figure: Hello.
Ziles: Niles?
Niles: It is me, sister.
Ziles: I see.
Finny: Your names rhyme?
Niles: Yes. Our father is Giles. Our mother is Liles.
Finny: I see.
Niles: Yes. You see, my wife/sister...it is time.
Ziles: Time?
Niles: Yes.
*Niles takes out a weird gun and blasts Ziles*
Niles: It is done.
Finny: What's done?
Ziles: I am pregnant!
***
*the city of Parodiopolis is infested with radioctive mutant fuzzy bunnies*
Yo: Cute bunnies make eveyone happy!
Nats: Not really.
Visionary: I'm not your mother, dammit! Get off me!
Dark Knight to Hatman: What's it look like?
Hatman: It looks like they're spreading out...heading to GothamMetropolis....
DK: Blast it.
*a giant green rabbit's foot smashes into the ground*
Trickshot: @#$%&!
Sorceress: Figures. A giant one. Who writes this, Busiek?
Part Five (by Ziles)
Ziles: "I don't want to be the carrier of spawn"
Niles laughing: "i told you you had no choice"
Ziles breaks down: "why me"
Niles: "you were the favored child now weren't you"
Ziles throws up and pleads meekly: "i don't deserve this"
Niles smiles evily and departs.
All color is drained from Ziles, the white zombie is lifeless. Finny worriedly takes her into his arms and carries her back to the mansion.
He notices a peculiar rabbit hopping in front of the path, dismisses it and continues.
---------
Part Six (by Dynamite Boy)
"Holy CRAP!" Shouted Nats, jumping out of the way of a giant, furry foot. "That thing almost pancaked me!"
"Oh, quiet. Your fate will come by my hand alone--" The Hooded Hood began.
“Um. We have a GIANT GREEN BUNNY-RABBIT here, people!!” Said Visionary, interrupting Hood. “I kinda think we should do something about that first!!”
“Heh. The next thing you know, and it’s shooting laser beams out of his eyes...” Said Trickshot.
<*Zzzzaaap!*
The radioactive beam had completely obliterated a nearby tree.
“Guess I spoke too soon.” Mused Trickshot.
“Ya’ think?” Replied Hatman, quickly.
“Can’t... move... too... many... bunnies!” Visionary struggled through the practical ball pit of fuzzy little creatures that was now Parodiopolis.
“What you think of Yo’s bunnies?” Said Yo, appearing out of nowhere. “Yo makes more bunnies to play!”
“Ohhh... I see. Yo, you made all the bunnies, right?” Asked Hatman. Yo nodded, beaming.
“Of course s/he did. The rabbits are quite sterile after such subjection to radioactivity.” Said Hood.
“Then did Yo make that really, really big one?” Asked Sorceress.
“That is the question.” DK said.
“Hey, Ziles... are you okay?” Said Foom.
“I-- I don’t know. I--” Said Ziles
“It’s ok. Just, let’s go inside and talk... “But just then, a giant wave of furry bunny rabbits came crashing over them.
“Isn’t this my luck!” Said Ziles.
“Gaaahhh!!! I‘m polluted with sweetness!!” The pair quickly ran inside, as the flood kept coming.
“What are we going to do?” Ziles asked Foom.
“Uhh...”
To be continued...
Part Seven: Anticipating the blessed Event (by the Hooded Hood)
”Human mating rituals always baffle me,” the Manga Shoggoth admitted, bubbling forward from the depths of his Antarctic lair and pressing pause on something animated and Japanese. “For the last time,” Goldeneyed told the mutant horde, “we are out of pickled onion flavour ice cream. Go back to your own planets!” “Visionary, get those rabbits out of my house,” Cheryl insisted. “You knew that Ziles’ relative had stolen the genetic material from the Celestians, of course,” Xander the Improbable noted to the Hooded Hood. “And that he’d try to use Ziles as a template.” “Hear me mortals and tremble. I am Wang the Conqueror, time traveller from the far future, and these are my endless legions equipped with weapons far beyond your petty technology. I claim this planet and all who dwell on it as spoils of war. Bring forth now the one known as Ziles that I may take her, and upon her father my child and so conquer the universe!” To be continued…
“Well we’re not about to give you a demonstration,” Sorceress warned him. “We just need your professional opinion.”
“We, uh, we heard that you’re a brilliant geneticist,” Hatman ventured, “Being as how you were created by elder thingies using weird science that man was not meant to know and all that.”
“Oh,” the Shoggoth replied. “I thought you were going to ask me something about anime.”
“Come now dear,” S’Ron, the she-shoggoth chided him. “These fleshy things have travelled all the way from their ephemeral cities to ask for your help. The least you can do is dissect their samples and see what you can find out.”
“We were really hoping for a non-invasive technique,” Sorceress admitted. “Yo gets really upset when bunnies get hurt.”
“And you wouldn’t like him/her when he/she gets angry,” Hatty warned.
“It’s just that we need to know why seven thousand wanna-be pregnant radioactive mutants are having pregnancy cravings across Paradopolis,” Sorcress confided. “And this is our best clue.”
“Well, that and Ziles’ brother turning up and zapping her with a pregnancy ray,” added Hatman.
“And that,” Sorceress agreed, with a little smirk since she wasn’t the one being impregnated for once.
“Alright,” sighed the Shoggoth. “Let me have a look.”
“No, madame,” Exile told another mutant, “I can not rub lotion anywhere on your person. I think Finny’s got a Lair Legion bye-law about it somewhere.”
“This is so cool!” CrazySugarFreakBoy! shouted. “Kind of like when one of the Avengers women was going to be Celestial Madonna, and you had to guess which one. One of these mutants will get impregnated with the genetic material somebody stole from the Celestian Space Robots and give birth to the next leader of the universe!”
“There are certainly enough candidates,” Trickshot noted. “I wonder if any of ‘em’ll need a little consoling if they’re turned down?”
“They art more demanding than a date with Lisa,” worried Donar. “This vexeth me mightily.”
“Aw no!” Nats shouted. “Take cover guys! Here comes a mood swing!”
“Er, that’s not easy to do,” the possibly fake man replied. “You see they’re ever-so-slightly radioactive so it’s not really safe to…”
“I am not having nine thousand radioactive bunnies in my house. Put them somewhere else.”
“You mean seven thousand radioactive bunnies,” Vizh corrected her.
“Visionary, they’re rabbits,” Cheryl explained. “Just move them.”
Vizh was about to complain that there wasn’t anywhere he could take them; but then he remembered that Space Ghost had a cupboard.
“Of course,” the Hood answered. “Who do you think arranged for the theft in the first place?”
“So is Ziles with child now?”
“Of course not,” the Hood smiled. “Whatever she and all those over-imaginative young alien ladies might think, she merely has the template within her. The rest is merely the genetic imperative in the Celestian material bending people’s minds towards its purpose. Soon it will be irresistible. Whoever is the first to offer the, shall we say the trigger, to the young lady will set the thing in motion and determine what form the eventual Celestian child will take.”
“We’re talking the traditional method of triggering here?” Xander checked. “That could be very interesting indeed.”
Part Eight (by Ziles):
Ziles hides behind Finny: "I will not have it"
Ziles goes invisible and runs off into the dark world.
Wang the Conqueror: "my fiends find her, she will have my heir, and contain her friend"
Finny blows up to his big size and steps on some people then smashes through a horde of mutants and then transforms into his Andrew Dean disguize "i've got to find her and help" He heads to the oasis she goes to.
------------------
HH: "Seem that it will be very interesting indeed. About these rabbits Xander have you came to any possible cure besides extermination"
Xander: "Yo would not go for the last, I shall keep trying"
The bunnies start to look at them in a 'funny' way. Terror sets in.
----------------
Finny sees Ziles swimming around like a fish at sea, he stop mezmerized by the motion, shakes himself out of it and goes to the shore: "you ok?"
Ziles starts to come out of the water and Finny stares then turns red and shelds his eyes, handing her her outfit.
Ziles: "best i can be at the moment"
Finny helps her dress, feeling a strange desire to stroke her.
Finny: "um well we will find a way to make this right"
Ziles sighs and hopes this is the case.
-----------
Cheryl: "Vizh it's these bunnies or me"
Vizh: "it's not my fault, Space Ghost's cupboard that's it!"
Vizh hords the bunnies into aunt sally (the car), I don't think 7 thousand will fit!"
Cheryl: "You better think of a way"
Nats: "just pile em in they'll fit, i have faith in aunt sally"
the squeeze the door shut and hop in to go to space ghosts house.
Part Nine (by Fin Fang Foom):
Ziles, still soaking wet from her swim in the pond, had finally pulled on her dress. Finny turned around, crunching the wet grass, and sighed. "So...you're pregnant."
"Sort of, yes."
"But you won't actually have...it? Them? Until you have sex."
"Yes."
"Who told you that?"
"Hooded Hood did."
"Well, it wouldn't be a first for HIM to lie...I say we wait it out."
"You should wait somewhere else, my empathic powers are sending out, umm...vibes."
"Vibes?"
"Bad vibes."
"...Bad THING vibes??"
"Yes."
"Crap. Um, how do these things usually work on your planet?"
"I don't really know...I was sort of an outcast, I don't even know if I was originally born on that world. It's not like they all had empathic powers too."
"Uh-oh."
"Yes."
The Dark Knight hopped out of a tree, looking at Finny. "Careful, she's pumping out telepathic pheremones like there's no tomorrow."
"Um, what's up with her, man?"
He glanced at her. "You don't look pregnant. Maybe you don't get biologically pregnant. Maybe you get empathically pregnant."
"I don't know, but I am feeling weird in my mind. All sorts of memories that were never there before, of a family..."
"I'm thinking that may be a family-related hallucination." DK stated. "You're already mentally affected by this."
Ziles rubbed her temples. "Is this a bad time to mention that I think my head is going to explode?"
She collapsed, and both Finny and DK caught her. Pink energy gathered around her like a halo, and psionic spores began flying out of the circle.
Finny looked nervous. "Um, pregnancy is about bringing life into the world, right? So what's she bringing to life?"
The spores began hitting trees, which proceeded to grow arms and legs. "I'd say...those. Among other things."
"Well, on the upside, HH was lying. On the downside...we may have a whole bunch of newborn, formerly-inanimate objects rampaging."
"Gee, really? Moron."
The spores spread throughout the world...
Continued!
Fin Fang Foom
*flies away*
Part Ten: The Terrible Triumph of Wang the Conqueror (by the Hooded Hood):
Space Ghost awoke to find something covering his face. And twitching. He felt as if he was under a very warm, very heavy blanket. A very warm, very heavy, very fluffy blanket. “We’ve got to do something!” Nats worried. “Half the team’s missing and we have two major menaces on the loose, plus seven thousand hormone-crazed radioactive alien mutant wannabe mothers.” “Look, we’re the all-conquering inter-temporal hordes of Wang the Conqueror,” the War Commander argued. “My plan is pure genius!” Wang the Conqueror proclaimed to himself. “Already my sensor drones have located the wench who will be fortunate enough to receive my seed. Once I eliminate her draconic escort she will be easy meat. Dispatch the Nightgropers to destroy Fin Fang Foom and the Dark Knight!” Spurred by the side-effects of the genetic mating imperative that Ziles was resisting, random inanimate objects sprang to live all across the city. The rolled, crawled, bounced or slithered to join together in an unstoppable army under their leader, the Wardrobe of Doom. “See, what I was thinking,” Dreamcatcher Foxglove told the Hood, “was that you don’t actually tell lies, just like all classy supervillains, but that doesn’t mean you exactly tell the truth.” Yo had finished briefing Rabito. Yo believed that Rabito was the key to solving the problem. And what the pure thought being believed was what was. “Go , Rabito,” Yo told the lop-sided purple thought bunny. “Set your cute-friends free!” “Hold it!” Hatman called, racing into the Lair Mansion with Sorceress and dragging off his Jets hat. “We’ve just got back from the Manga Shoggoth. He’s done his analysis. We know what’s going on now!” To be continued…
“How nice of them to give me this nice warm fluffy blanket,” he said to himself, turning over and snuggling back to sleep under the nine thousand rabbits that Visionary had piled into the closet where the pantsless wonder slept. He didn’t even hear Vizh nailing the door up.
He just chewed on some of the nice raisins that whoever had given him the blanket had left on the floor for him and went back to his dreams.
“Simple!” CrazySugarFreakBoy! called. “Let’s use the old get-the-two-villains-to-fight-each-other ploy! G-Eyed and Donar can lead the giant green bunny towards Wang the Conquerors armies and Exy and Tricky can bring that purple-faced poser this way.”
“I dost not need help gainst yon prodigious lapine,” bled Donar, “but still I wilt bring it to the fray as thou suggesteths.”
“What will you be doing, CSFB?” asked Troia.
“You and me are going to have a word with your dad,” the wired wonder answered.
“That doesn’t stop you from contributing towards the African Famine Appeal,” Dancer told him. “There are children starving out there who need help, and your, er, space-zloties will help buy medicine and seeds and stuff.” She rattled her tin hopefully.
“We are here to annihilate all resistance and grind mankind neath our boot.” The War Commander growled.
“Then you should be able to spare a little cash for others less fortunate than yourself,” Dancer answered brightly. “You can eliminate us all after you’ve made your contributions, ‘kay?”
He was halfway through a sinister laugh when a giant radioactive green bunny stepped on him.
But as always, heroes were there to stop them.
“I just don’t understand why it has to be us,” complained ManMan.
“Rampaging sentient objects are definitely in my patch,” Knifey argued back.
“I don’t see why you called me up to join you,” worried Dynamite Boy.
“You’re the only superhero in the phone book listed under their superhero name,” ManMan shrugged.
Then the Wardrobe of Doom attacked, and his horde fell upon the heroes.
“Way to get yourself retconned into an Image character,” Troia breathed to CSFB!
The two legionnaires had found the Hooded Hood still drinking tea in the Lair Lounge with Xander the Improbable. The Hood placed his teacup back on its china saucer and regarded them with his glowing green eyes. “Go on,” he commanded.
CSFB! took a breath “Well, it’s just too big a coincidence that Ziles suddenly gets a brother…”
“Or husband,” chipped in Troia..
“And family that we’ve never heard of before, in fact that she’s never heard of before, on the very day that the Celestian genetic matter gets stolen and brought to Earth, and then that this brother…”
“Or husband,” added Troia again.
“…sort of pre-impregnates her so that she has to have sex and will conceive some sort of super-infant.”
“Indeed,” the cowled crime czar noted. “So what so you conclude.”
“That you’re up to something else,” CSFB! replied. “Something devious.”
The Hooded Hood steepled his fingers and smiled.
Rabito twitched his nose and lolloped off into a wall.
“Yes,” the Sorceress agreed. “And this changes everything.”
Part Eleven: The Giant Bunny vs. Wang vs. Ziles vs. The Wardrobe of Doom vs. the LL vs. a horde of rabbits vs. Finny vs. the Bad Thing...and the Hooded Hood vs. everybody. (by Nats)
"Okay..." the imperial and sneering villain known as the Word said, looking out upon the world...well, mainly Parodiopolis. "The Legionnaire named Ziles realized she had a family from outer space, so her brother, who was also her husband, came to Earth at the full moon and blasted her with a ray of pre-pregnancy, which made her the template for the Celestial Madonna, and she released many empathic spores, which caused inanimate objects to come to life and become the Wardrobe of Doom. Somehwere along the lines, Wang the Conqueror came to Earth to sleep with Ziles and create an heir that would take over the universe. Meanwhile, thousands of pregnant fuzzy bunnies invaded Parodiopolis, and a giant green bunny with laser vision attacked, and so, while the possibly-not-fake Visionary deals with giving Space Ghost thousands of rabbits, Yo sends in Rabito to save the day, and Donar has lead the giant bunny to beat up Wang. And suddenly, Sorceress and Hatman have discovered the secret of the bunnies, and ManMan and Dynamite Boy are going to be killed by the Wardrobe of Doom."
The Word then absorbed all he had said.
"Looks like I'm going to have to meet with the Hooded Hood," he concluded.
***
The Hooded Hood and Xander the Improbable, meanwhile, we enjoying a cup of tea, when Hatman and Sorceress burst in.
"We know the secret of the rabbits," Hatman said.
"Well? What is it?" Xander asked.
The Hooded Hood took another sip of tea.
Sorceress glared at him. "You knew all along," she said.
"Yes, I did, my dear Whitney," the Cowled Crime Czar told her. "I knew that, by retconning Ziles' family into existence, that she would become the template for the most powerful child in existence. I knew that the empathic spores would spread. And I knew, that the reason seven thousand radioactive fuzzy bunnies were raiding the city looking for food, was to herald the coming of Galactivac, when he came back to earth. You see, those rabbits weren't just radioactive...but they had the power cosmic."
Sorceress and Hatman looked puzzled. "That's not what the Manga Shoggoth told us," the Capped Crusader said.
"Really?" the Hooded Hood said.
"Yeah. MS said that they were there to eat Ziles so that the all-powerful celestial messiah's birth would be delayed."
"Then it appears I overlooked something," the Crime Czar said.
***
Wang the Conqueror jabbed his sword into the giant green rabbit yet again. "Take that, you disgusting radioactive creature, you!"
Then the rabbit blasted him with its radioactive lasers from its eyes. Wang hurtled through the sky, and crashlanded in the Lair Legion mansion, where Ziles was currently being protected from man-eating trees by Fin Fang Foom and the Dark Knight.
"Ziles, my mate..." Wang began.
And then the couch attacked him.
***
Space Ghost wasn't happy.
"How am I supposed to stay all boozed up when those darn rabbits drank all my hooch?" the pantsless wonder bawled. "It's not fair!"
"Then tell HIM that," Visionary said, pointing to something.
The giant rabbit was suddenly there, looking for its family.
Nats thought fast. "Um...would you like scotch or brandy?" he asked the monstrosity.
***
"We're not getting anywhere!" ManMan yelled.
"Well, it's not my fault," Knifey said. "Sometimes, living inanimate objects go bad."
"Dynamite Boy!" Joe Pepper screamed, as the Wardrobe of Doom continued to beat him up. "Can you blow these guys to kingdome come?"
"Maybe...I'll try!" So he concentrated very hard, and produced the biggest explosion of his life.
That's when ManMan realized that he should've gotten far away first.
***
The rabbits had escaped, and circled around the LL Mansion. Visionary, Nats, Space Ghost, and the Aunt Sally had been swallowed by the giant bunny.
Rabito suddenly appeared, on the roof of the mansion.
And that's when Galactivac landed.
CONTINUED!
Part Twelve version four (by Dynamite Boy):
“Aunt Polly!! Noooo!!”
“You have indeed overlooked something, Czar. I am surprised.” said the Word, suddenly appearing in front of The Hooded Hood, Xander the Improbable, Hatman and Sorceress.
“Ahhh... the Word. I knew someday we‘d meet again.” replied Hood with a glare.
“So you knew I was watching. I‘m impressed.”
“But of course. I know of all that surrounds me.”
“I would have thought it so, if you hadn’t so foolishly disregarded the warning signs...”
The Hooded Hood looked shocked.
“What ‘warning signs’?”
“Didn’t the coming of the messiah-child spark anything within that pea-sized brain of yours?” said the Word with a grin. “You fool. It is the coming of the Apocalypse...”
And suddenly, a blast that rocked the world.
“Ow. Ow. Ow...” said ManMan, as he shakily got up and surveyed the area. “Man, DB, you can blow...”
Glass was shattered, piles of rubble where cluttered about the streets. And there was no sign of Dynamite Boy, or the Wardrobe of Doom.
“Uh... DB? DeeeeeeBeeeee?!?!”
“Huh? ManMan? I’m over here!”
“What? Where?”
“Ow. You’re stepping on my head.”
Wha-- Gaaahhhhh!!!” Joe Pepper looked down, and was quite shocked to find Dynamite Boy’s head severed from his body.” Y-y-your body! Where’s you body--?”
“Oh. Yeah. Heh. Well, see, when I explode, my body kind of goes with it. Ya know, ’Booom!’ So anyway, uh, my arms and such are probably scattered about the city right now...”
“Uh. Oh. Okay. So, uh, can you reform?”
“Yeah, but the problem, see, is that they have to be near me. And seeing how that was an awful big explosion, they probably flew pretty far away, and--”
“And you need my help to find them.”
“Yeah.”
“Great. All right, c’mon...” said ManMan, as he scooped up Dynamite Boy’s head and began to search his missing limbs.
“The couch is on me! Get it off! It’s biting me!” screamed Wang the Conqueror, not unlike a little girl.
“Oh, come on! It’s just a couch!” said Foom, battling one of the killer trees.
“It’s heavy.” Whimpered Wang.
“Fine.” said Foom. He quickly blew fire at the couch, as it clung to Wang. Unfortunately, it was a wooden couch.
“Awww, God! I’m on fire!! Get it off!!! It burns!!” yelped the Conqueror as he flailed about the room, waving his arms and catching just about anything he came in contact with on fire.
“Huh. Guess I’m not as good of an aim as I thought.” reflected Finny.
“Uh. So who’s this lady?” said Space Ghost, poking an old woman who was also in the stomach of the giant radioactive rabbit.
“I’m Sally Mulcahey, but you can call me Aunt Sally.” said the women.
“Hey lady! You ain’t my aunt!” Said Space Ghost. Aunt Sally’s reply was a quick backhand.
“Heeeyy, you’re kinda frisky for an old gal...” Said SG, still quite drunk and pants less. “And you’re not too bad looking, either!”
“Oh, my! I haven’t heard someone talk to me like that since the 1923! Come here, big boy!” Said Sally.
“Oh, Sally!”
“Oh, whoever you are! I’ve never felt so alive!!”
“Oh my God!” said Visionary, who was forced to watch the spectacle. “And where the hell is Nats?”
Where is Nats? Why is Space Ghost tonguing with Aunt Sally? How come it has to be the Apocalypse now? This and many other questions answered by someone else in the next chapter of...
The Fuzzy Bunny Saga.
Be there!
Part Thirteen: Things Heat Up (by Amazing Guy)
"WHAT THE CRAP? Where the heck am I?" Nats asks while hovering in the air.
"Hey, it's ok Flyboy. I got you! I used my energy to snatch you from that crazy giant rabbit." Amazing Guy responds while putting the flying wonder down.
"Dont call me Flyboy! And what are we going to do about the others?" the red headed flyboy wondered.
"Thats up to us!" Exile said.
He, Goldeneyed, Trickshot, De Brown Streak and NTU-150 were all fussing over some kind of gizmo.
"I call it my Bunnie-Regurgitator! Nats, switch it on!"
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Meanwhile, ManMan and the severed head of Dynamite Boy were shocked at what they saw after they rounded the corner.
"OH MY %^&%$!! The radioactive, cosmic powered bunnies are eating my body parts!!!!!" DB yells.
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While Yo, Hatman, Sorceress, the Hooded Hood, Xander, Troia and CrazySugarFreakBoy! looked on, Rabbito started to glow.....
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"Hit him with everything you’ve got!" DK commanded as Ziles and Finny charged Galactivac. Dancer wanted to help but she started to feel very strange..
to be continued!!!!
Part Fourteen: Bring on the Bad Thing (by the Hooded Hood)
”Foul scourges of the Parodyverse! Eat Mjalcolm!” screamed the hemigod of thunder as he ploughed his way through Wang the Conqueror’s hordes of future-mercenaries. “Uh, excuse me guys,” Amy Racecar warned the Lair Legion, “but our threat board just exploded. It coped with the radioactive bunnies, Ziles’ non existent brother or husband arriving with stolen Celestian genetic material to impregnate her, the hormone-crazed alien mutant would-be mothers, the combined giant green radioactive bunny, the temporal invasion of Wang the Conqueror, and the accidental animation of various inanimate objects under the leadership of the Wardrobe of Doom. But when Galactivac, the world-devouring Living Death that Sucks showed up it just exploded like an NTU-150 electric whisk.” “I’ve never been inside a giant rabbit’s stomach before,” Space Ghost admitted. “It’s kind of an interesting spot for a first date.” Rabito, the pure thought bunny, hopped lopsidely into the seething mass of radioactive rabbitry. Recognising their natural leader (since that was how Yo thought of him) they hopped behind him as he moved towards the heaving swarm of radioactive mutant would-be mothers. As each clutched up a rabbit to their bosom in maternal bliss ManMan unexpectedly bounced Dynamite Boy’s disembodied head and drop-kicked it into their midst. “Please don’t panic,” Mayor spiffy told the citizens of Gothametropolis. “And, er, please don’t assassinate me. We already have our contingency plan for dealing with rampaging sentient wardrobes well under way.” “So what the hell do we do?” Trickshot demanded. “AG can’t hold back that horde of walking objects forever.” “Well, the regurgitator worked better than we expected,” Enty noted. “I, um, didn’t actually expect the giant radioactive rabbit to turn itself inside out, but nobody can say it didn’t stop him. “We’re running out of little problems,” Hatty noted back at the Lair Mansion. “We’re down now to the really big ones. Like Galactivac hovering above us about to eat the planet. Anyone got any ideas on how we could, y’know, cope with that?” To be continued…
“Why does he keep hitting us?” one of the high-tech soldiers moaned as he lay there bleeding. “We all contributed to that Dancer woman’s collecting tin.”
“Galactivac is here because of the genetic material,” Dancer sensed. After all, technically she was the herald of Galactivac, although she had a worse job attendance record than Troia 215. “He wants to absorb it.”
“Why?” puzzled Troia.
Dancer frowned. “For the same reason people like eating veal,” she answered.
“You said the Hood had miscalculated,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! challenged the hologram of his still-didn’t-know-who-it-really-was archenemy the Word. “That it was the coming of the apocalypse. What did you mean?”
“Why that the Hood set in motion this whole plot, creating a family Ziles had not had before with a brother…”
“Or husband,” interjected Sorceress, Hatman, CSFB!, Troia, Amy Racecar, Flapjack, and Dancer.
“…in order to steal the Celestian genetic material and bring it to Earth. He also caused the radioactive rabbits to be made ready for the radioactive mutant would-be mothers’ pregnancy testing, and arranged for the genetic template imperative to be placed in Ziles,” explained the Word. “The rest is mere side-effects…”
“I am not a side-effect!” shouted Wang the Conqueror. “I am an all-powerful warlord. I claim this planet as mine. Now surrender the alien wench to my lusts, or be destroyed!”
Finny sat on him.
“…except that the Hood did not expect the world-devouring Galactivac to take an interest,” the Word concluded. His exposition completed he flickered out and went to arrange his evacuation to another planet should it become necessary.
“You made a mistake, Hoody?” CSFB! asked wonderingly of the cowled crime czar.
The Hooded Hood said nothing. After all, as has been pointed out before, he never lied.
Aunt Sally, the No-Girls’ Club interdimensional whizz-wagon (who had been transformed into the shape of an old lady by the inanimate object animation effects of the Celestian genetic material) looked around her at the acid-filled chamber. “Not where I’d have picked,” she admitted, “but it has a certain ambience.”
“Isn’t anyone bothered that we’re in the stomach of a giant radioactive green rabbit?” Visionary asked plaintively. “Or that I haven’t had time to get the milk Cheryl sent me out for?”
Suddenly Goldeneyed teleported into the stomach-cavity and dropped a dangerous-looking piece of technology amongst them. “Okay Enty,” he called through his communicator, “the cosmic regurgitator’s in place. Go for it!”
“Regurgitator?” Vizh worried. “That doesn’t sound good. I wonder what it d…”
Then Enty flipped a switch and he found out.
“Hey wha?” DB had time to complain before he instinctively detonated. Since the rabbits had consumed his other body parts it suddenly got very messy.
“Heh. At least he’ll reform in one piece,” snickered Knifey. “Eventually.”
“Isn’t that kind of cruel, blowing up bunnies like that?” De Brown Streak asked Yo disbelievingly.
“Oh no,” answered the thought being. “Is alright. They will be to be reforming in the Happy Place. Cute Dark Knight is promising.” s/he said this with a simple happy trust.
Rabito looked a bit puzzled at the sudden disappearance of his pack and hopped away to bounce off a tree-trunk.
The Dark Knight loomed on a parapet above Off-Central park and addressed the shocked rabbit-covered radioactive alien mutant would-be mothers. “The rabbit died,” he told them. “Congratulations. You’re all pregnant. Go home.”
He left ManMan and the others to watch the horde disperse. “Now to stop Galactivac” he muttered.
“And what is that?” the press asked.
“Er…” answered the ferned phenomenon.
“The Wardrobe of Doom is the key,” Exile decided. “If we can deal with him we can take the rest. He’s the dangerous one.”
“So whut’s the plan?”
“There’s only one answer,” Exile frowned. “I’m going in.” He swooped down, moving just too slowly to avoid the massive piece of furniture. The door swung and knocked him to the ground. Then the chain of coathangers hooked him and dragged him into the Wardrobe’s dark interior. The door slammed closed.
“The poor guy,” Amazing Guy worried. “I’ve gotta…”
Then the Wardrobe of Doom exploded into toothpicks. A ragged and exhausted Exile dropped to the floor, his energies expended. “The terrible mothballs…” he muttered as he passed out.
“And we saved Vizh, this old lady and the others,” Nats noted, carrying Aunt Sally to the floor. She pulled a wad of chewing gum out of her mouth and stuck it in Nats’ hair. “Ouch, what was that for?” he asked, baffled.
“See how you like it stuck to your dashboard, young man,” Aunt Sally told him primly.
“So what exactly do we do with approximately eight hundred tons of radioactive pre-filleted rabbit meat?” G-Eyed wondered.
“I am also a deadly menace,” Wang the Conqueror warned in a muffled sort of voice from under Finny’s backside. “Surrender now.”
“It’s fairly obvious what needs to happen,” Xander the Improbable noted, pouring himself another cup of tea amidst the debris. “Galactivac is only interested in the genetic template after all, not in the rest of the planet just now. There are two possible solutions.”
“Great!” CSFB! grinned. “What do we do?”
“Well, the first option is to feed Ziles to the Living Death that Sucks,” Xander suggested.
“I’m not too keen on that one,” Ziles admitted. “What’s option two?”
“Activate the template,” the master of the mystic crafts replied.
Sorceress caught on first “But, doesn’t that mean…?”
“Oh yes,” Xander agreed. “Ziles has to have sex and become pregnant. Right now.”
Finny blanched. “Why is everyone looking at me?” he asked.
Part Fifteen: What Bunnies Do Best (by the Hooded Hood)
“Er,” said Finny. “Y’know Hoody, I’ve been thinking,” CrazySugarFreakBoy! said to the archvillain who was drinking tea in the Lair Legion Living Room, “How did Galactivac know to come here to find the genetic template in the first place?” Niles was having a good day so far. Not only had he got his sister (or wife) pregnant – or at least ensured she would be – but he had just emptied the Paradopolis Diamond Exchange of enough produce to purchase a six week deluxe package on one of the Bondage Beaches of Frammistat Eight. “Okay, according to our sensors Galactivac’s world-sucking machine will be operation in about three minutes,” Miss Framlicker reported. “What do we do?” “You never wanted the genetic template, did you Hood?” the Word asked the cowled crime-czar in the quiet monochrome of Mr Book’s office. “You merely wanted to ensure that nobody else had it, even the Celestians. Am I correct?” A little while the heroes remembered that somebody should tell Ziles and Finny that the crisis had passed. The End
“Er,” said Ziles.
It had just been revealed that Ziles carried a stolen Celestian genetic template within her body, that she was ready to conceive a child who would reign over the Parodyverse, and that unless she did so very quickly then Galactivac the Living Death that Sucks,would hoover up the planet to devour the unused template.
“Hey, look, if the world’s at stake I’ll do ‘er,” Trickshot offered. Troia brought him down with a lampstand to the stomach.
“The world is at stake, Finny,” Ziles admitted. “Do the feelings of two people matter when so many lives are at risk?”
“There’s always another way, dammit!” Fin Fang Foom growled.
“Yeah,” snickered CSFB! “Dozens of ‘em. I could lend you some mags…”
“Shut up, Dream,” Sorceress chided. “They’re nervous enough as it is. If you two need any… technical instruction…”
“No,” Ziles and Finny said together.
“There has to be some alternative to the Bad Thing,” Dark Knight scowled. “I’ve always said so.”
“There’s no time,” Dancer chided them. “C’mon you two. I believe the bedrooms are this way. Take this champagne and CD player, get in there, and don’t come out until you’ve saved the planet at least three times.”
“I couldn’t say,” the cowled crime-czar answered.
“Did you tip him off?” Goldeneyed demanded. “My cuz is in the infirmary right now having wardrobe splinters removed from his... removed because of your plots!”
“And I got sicked up by a giant radioactive rabbit,” Visionary complained. “Again.”
“Yo is thinking that uncute Hooded Hoodily is not to be making any mistakes. And Yo is wondering if nasty archvillaining is to be having some other way of stopping the Living Death that Sucks if plan with Finny and Ziles not to be working.”
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure he has,” CSFB! asserted. “I knew that all along.”
“Then why didn’t you say anything before we sent Finny and Ziles off?” Troia demanded.
“I just think they make a really great couple,” Dream shrugged. “Besides, Finny really needs a good…”
“What other way is there to stop Galactivac?” Hatman demanded.
“You may as well tell them,” Xander the Improbable advised the Hood. “Otherwise I will.”
The cowled crime-czar sighed. “You may recall Niles, Ziles’ retconned into existence brother…”
“…or husband…” everybody chorused.
“…used a genetic template imprinting rifle to impose the stolen Celestian materials upon her. Clearly the same weapon could be used to implant them on somebody else.”
“Volunteers?” Trickshot asked.
Only Space Ghost raised his hand.
“We needs must get yon weapon,” Donar decided. “Right hastily.”
“You will be too late,” Wand the Conqueror crowed, pulling himself out of the crease in Finny’s armchair. “After all, I have time on my side!” And he vanished to claim the weapon.
His life was going just perfectly until he was seized by the lapels and hoisted vertically upwards at just short of MACH-1 by the superhero Nats. “Hi! I’m the bouncing inspector. Ready for your test?” the red-headed hotshot grinned at the Xynlonian.
“Don’t… don’t drop me!” Niles stammered.
“Gee, I dunno. You’re awful heavy. Maybe if you were to give me that Genetic Gun you used on your sister – or wife – I might be able to keep hold of you.”
Niles fumbled to hand over the weapon.
Wang the Conqueror blasted Nats from behind. He allowed Niles and Nats to fall to their deaths but scooped the device with one of his futuristic force fields.
“I’ve got the falling guys!” De Brown Streak called, plucking Nats and Niles from the air so fast they seemed to blink away. “Somebody deal with Wang!”
“I am not fighting anyone called Wang,” ManMan announced hypocritically.
“As if any of your pathetic twenty-first century technology could match my peerless power anyhow!” the Conqueror boasted.
There was the sound of repulsors powering up. “Sounds like a challenge to me,” said NTU-150.
Donar, Exile, Goldeneyed, Hatman, and Amazing Guy circled round the time-traveller.
“Let the smiting commence for the nonce!” said Donar.
“We find a female who is willing to accept this genetic template and be fed to Galactivac,” the Dark Knight frowned. It was a tough choice but it had to be made.
“I’ll do it,” Dancer said. “It’s to save the world, right?”
“Yo is thinking that it not to be any person to be having template,” Yo reasoned. “Yo is having the perfect candidate right here.” And s/he held up Rabito, the purple thought-bunny.
“You’d let Rabito be destroyed by Galactivac?” Sorceress wondered.
“Is not necessary,” Yo beamed. “Please to be using Niles-gun on Rabito to give genetic templating.”
NTU-150 activated the weapon they had taken from Wang the Conqueror. With a bizarre sound effect the template passed from Ziles to Rabito. “What now?” he asked.
“Now is to be asking CSFB! and DBS to be speeding up Rabito as Yo puts Rabito in Yo’s bunny collection,” Yo explained.
“Why would you do that?” Hatman puzzled. “What’s going to… oh. What rabbits do best. I see. At, er, at super-speed.”
“The rabbits doth beget rabbits… which dot begat rabbits,” Donar noted. “They art most… enthusiastic.”
“Cosmic-powered rabbit shagging!” CSFB! grinned. “Awesome!”
“There must be about seven thousand of them by now!” Troia guessed.
“Yes! Yo agreed. “Please to be turning off super-speed. Now is time for Yo to talk with Aunt Sally.”
“What’s that dear?” the old lady who had previously been the time-space car asked, detaching herself from Space Ghost and coming over. “What do you need?”
“Of course!” Dark Knight realised. “We need you to be a vehicle again, Sally.”
“Aunt Sally,” Aunt Sally said disapprovingly. “Well, I do miss having a turbo-fan intake. Very well. Bye Spacey.”
“Bye snookums!” Space ghost sniffed.
Aunt Sally shimmered and suddenly the hot red futuristic whizz-wagon was back.
“What now?” G-Eyed wondered.
“Bundle all the rabbits in there,” Xander commanded, appearing from nowhere. “Time is running out.”
The Lair Legion and their allies fell to rabbit-bundling.
“Now set the controls to send Aunt Sally back to the exact moment that seven thousand radioactive mutant bunnies first appeared in chapter one,” Xander instructed.
“I see!” Sorceress realised. “It’ll be a time loop. These rabbits are the one that started it all off, and cause these rabbits to exist in the first place The genetic template will be lost forever in paradox, Galactivac won’t have any reason to eat the Earth, and nobody - HH, Wang, nobody - will be able to use the template ever! You are a clever dad!”
“Why thank you,” Xander nodded, “but it was Yo’s idea.”
Nats was revived when ManMan threw him into a fountain and the flying phenomenon quickly set Aunt Sally’s controls and sent her off with her time-mangling cargo.
They knew the plan had worked when Galactivac phased out with seven seconds to spare.
“We did it!” Troia breathed. “That was pretty close!”
As the Hooded Hood lost interest in him Niles phased out of existence too.
“Now all we have to do is gather together the bits of Dynamite Boy, tidy up tons of radioactive rabbit droppings, make sure all those wannabe alien mutant mothers got off Earth safely, and put back all the no-longer-animate inanimate objects and we can call it a day,” Hatman announced.
“I couldn’t possibly say,” the Hooded Hood replied with a little smile.