Peaches and Cream
Posted by Z knowing she might regret this RR but something ought to spice up the board on October 05, 2001 at 20:37:08:
Troia: Hon It's like we never go out and do stuff, you are always going out to do God things.
Donar: Tis a God's duty to do Goddly things. Wherest we be without them.
Troia: Don't you sweet talk me you big muscular man you.
Donar knowing he's won sweeps Troia into his arms and carries her to somewhere....
-------------
Finny: It's not right, It's just not right?
DK: Were talking about a female here. They don't make sense.
Ziles scouling: Why is it always a gender thing with you to. Admit it humans don't make sense.
Dancer strolls in looking at the scene: Did I uh walk into something?
Ziles goes into a tranquil state and assumes an indifferent stance.
DK: Don't get your panties on fire.
Finny turning red: Panties?
Dancer: I got red one on thank you.
CSFB! skids into appearance: Did i hear something about lingerie?
Dancer: Never mind that we need to discuss something, something very important.
---------------------
Yo jumpin around in the forest: Peach a bunnies. Yo no like this no. Yo going to be very busy.
----------------
Goldeneyed looking at a full moon: Exile you ever wonder what it'd be like to just be normal.
Exile: No, it'd be hell. Everything is Hell.
Goldeneyed: You are awefully chipper tonight.
Exile: Chipper? What have you been smoking. Did Lisetter make you a whooped man? Do you not have a sensible bone left in you, all twitterpaited.
Goldeneyed now a bit angry: I'm not whipped. I'm in love......erm well uh i'm something. But wait a minute how did we get on this subject.
Exile: Riiiiiiiight that's it.
Goldeneyed: You've been hanging with DK too long man.
-----------
to be followed by the next passer by
Follow Ups:
· Finny Er. 14:47:39 10/07/2001 (0)
· ...*backs away slowly* 11:05:38 10/06/2001 (0)
· Nats I'd like to see someone make an RR out of this. :) 10:55:09 10/06/2001 (0)
· Visionary, who would continue it if he knew what was going on. I'm pretty sure that Finny's panties were purple in the comics. 09:28:45 10/06/2001 (2)
· Z sniffling greg did point out i wasn't coherent when i wrote this however 10:26:45 10/06/2001 (0)
· Z aren't you just supposed to decide that it is a rr after all 10:04:56 10/06/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream Part 2
Posted by Z, since everyone thinks i'm insane on October 06, 2001 at 14:26:38:
Doc Moo: Larz are they twitterpaited yet?
Larz: Uh yeah sorta yeah.
Doc Moo: I just need to have one more spice and it should be complete.
------------
Dancer: Have you saw Donar or Troia?
DK: No and it best this way.
CSFB!: I tried to get some peep action but Donar by the whirlwind stopped me.
Dancer: Well I know there is something going on there, but just something
doesn't see right.
DK: Love isn't right, live with it.
Dancer: DK you'll find your someone soon enough.
DK: Bullocks.
Ziles: I think Dancer is right, something is peculiar.
Finny drooling: mmmm
Ziles: Something is very peculiar.
Dancer: Uh Finny I think you should go lay down.
Finny: With you my sweet.
Dancer more shocked then anything: Get an ambulance this man needs help.
CSFB!: I could get him some porn, porn would cure him.
DK: Someone just shot him and put him out of his misery.
Ziles takes out some relaxor cream and makes him go to sleep.
Dancer: Oh dear it's worse then i could have imagined.
---------
to the next passer by continue it dammit
Follow Ups:
· HH It was good, but I didn't see any peaches. Or cream. 06:46:29 10/10/2001 (0)
· ag, who will write a part closer to the weekend. hehehe! 05:42:16 10/09/2001 (0)
· Finny People just need to stop picking on me... 14:50:56 10/07/2001 (1)
· Z just know it's cuz we love you 18:43:15 10/07/2001 (0)
·
The next
passerby Peaches and Cream Part 3: Turtles
Twitterpation in time 21:14:01
10/06/2001 (5)
· ag I have nooo idea how to follow this :) 05:45:17 10/09/2001 (0)
· My Eyes. 19:57:40 10/08/2001 (0)
· Chronic Ack.... 20:58:03 10/07/2001 (0)
· Finny Dr. Moo is the long-lost love of...Austin Power's enemy? : ) 14:54:09 10/07/2001 (0)
· Nats That was...yeah. 10:39:42 10/07/2001 (0)
· ... 17:17:03 10/06/2001 (0)
· Nats *whistles**looks around**waits for HH to continue it* 16:47:51 10/06/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream Part 3: Turtles
Twitterpation in time
Posted by The next passerby on October 06, 2001 at 21:14:01:
In Reply to: Peaches and Cream Part 2 posted by Z, since everyone thinks i'm insane on October 06, 2001 at 14:26:38:
"Umm... Doctor Moo... why are we in 1969..?" a baffled Larz sputtered.
"Must I explain everything.. I mean.. the audience *IS* watching this..." quipped the uddered-wrong-doer.
"Bu... but...."
"Shut up dammit... fine.. to go the route of a Bond villain.. we're here because I like the pants of this day in age............. snicker and you will be shot..."
*snick---* *BLAM*
"....urk? These were new shorts...."
-----
"Whoa!" exclaimed a hormone-driven silly-strung ller as Dancer put the finishing touches on his Impossibilium prison. "I didn't mean it! Honest! C'mon! I won't sell the pictures!!"
"Pictures?" questioned a rather out-of-character Makluan as he passed his sugar-high compadre a twenty.
"Y'know, something is very odd here.." a very astute you hero announced... this hero being Exile... no one ever said he was bright... well.. maybe he did...
"This twitterpation is getting out of hand..." Dancer followed. "I wonder what the cause it.."
"1969?" Exile answered.
"Probably..." Ziles added.
"Not again..." Goldeneyed replied. (I'm a poet and I didn't know it! :D)
"Make with the portal, Sir Whooped-alot." the rejected hero muttered.
Loud noises are heard from Donar's room upstairs.
"..." the Dark Knight ...-ed.
"I think they're not coming..." said the Inter-Dimensional Mail-boy known as Nats.
"Au contrare.... they may be.."
Audience: "......."
-The preceding story is a production of the Exile Studios,
Independant Republic of Canadia
Follow Ups:
· ag I have nooo idea how to follow this :) 05:45:17 10/09/2001 (0)
· My Eyes. 19:57:40 10/08/2001 (0)
· Chronic Ack.... 20:58:03 10/07/2001 (0)
· Finny Dr. Moo is the long-lost love of...Austin Power's enemy? : ) 14:54:09 10/07/2001 (0)
· Nats That was...yeah. 10:39:42 10/07/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream 4: I Claim No Responsibility For This.
Posted by on October 08, 2001 at 22:07:26:
The sky looked at the earth, and decided that it desired it sexually.
Which, you know, gave rise to the legends that men call the Creation Myths.
It was during this time that a Makluan dragon was being impersonated by a Scottish tranvestite named Seamain Whoresnapper, who had something of a fetish for ladies' undergarments.
He spread his evil throughout the land, making things ever so not grand, through hormonally-charged pheromones that made males globally lose their minds, and want to rut.
Until one day, when the Dark Knight said, 'Enough of this smut', and blew up the planet.
To be continued by whomever.
Follow Ups:
· Visionary So... wait... um... okay. 15:56:09 10/10/2001 (0)
· HH Yeah, that's what Osama bin Laden and OJ said too. 06:47:33 10/10/2001 (0)
· Chronic Dude, what are you on? And can I have some? 16:07:21 10/09/2001 (0)
· Finny *sedates you* 10:41:04 10/09/2001 (0)
· ag :) Almost poetic. Almost. 05:54:35 10/09/2001 (0)
· Um... Sure.... 'Peaches and Cream Part 5' 22:23:05 10/08/2001 (5)
· Nats These were....um....yeah. 16:08:20 10/10/2001 (0)
· Visionary Okay... I can sort of follow this one... 15:56:59 10/10/2001 (0)
· Finny Excellent...with Greg out of the picture, I'm at last able to...uhh...something... 10:42:58 10/09/2001 (0)
· ag Not bad. *Thinks of something to do for a new part* 05:55:41 10/09/2001 (0)
· Messenger Oh that was by me.... Duh. 22:24:53 10/08/2001 (0)
Um... Sure.... 'Peaches and Cream Part 5'
Posted by on October 08, 2001 at 22:23:05:
In Reply to: Peaches and Cream 4: I Claim No Responsibility For This. posted by on October 08, 2001 at 22:07:26:
The Dark Knight woke up from his drug-addled haze of dreams and bad trips and realised that the Earth was still around and the only thing he blew was... er... anyway.
FinFangFoom placed DK in the 'Betty Ford Clinic' and attempted to clean his crack-ladden system.
It would be a long and turbulent road but one that the Dark Knight was prepared to take.
To be continued...
(hey, it's no Messenger saga, but I wrote it in two minutes...)
Follow Ups:
· Nats These were....um....yeah. 16:08:20 10/10/2001 (0)
· Visionary Okay... I can sort of follow this one... 15:56:59 10/10/2001 (0)
· Finny Excellent...with Greg out of the picture, I'm at last able to...uhh...something... 10:42:58 10/09/2001 (0)
· ag Not bad. *Thinks of something to do for a new part* 05:55:41 10/09/2001 (0)
· Messenger Oh that was by me.... Duh. 22:24:53 10/08/2001 (0)
Peaches and cream, part 6: someone's not getting on Top of the Pops.
Posted by dull thud on October 09, 2001 at 08:48:18:
Back in the Lair Mansion, an exhausted Fin Fang Foom settled back into the monitor room chair and flipped idly through the channels. He needed something to take his mind off the Dark Knight’s personal troubles. Of course, it would be only a matter of days before DK was back to normal - in as much as a brutal, psychologically scarred crimefighting denizen of the shadows could ever be quite normal. Oh, and a genius. And dead. Finny kept forgetting the dead part.
He shuddered and switched monitor twelve from a view of the Lairjet hangar to a local public-access station. A young, nubile presenter was standing before a five-piece rock band fronted by a large balding man dressed in black.
"And here to close the show," she said, "with a track from his new album, it's Flint Michigan and the Sudden Impacts."
The band starts thrashing.
Close up on Michigan.
Caption: THE NORWAY SONG.
He sings.
My name is Sven
And I come from Norway
It’s very cold and there’s nothing much to do
We sit around taking heroin
Writing death-obsessed poetry
Then we go out and molest the caribou
Fucking reindeer,
fucking reindeer
Reindeer the long winter through
Fucking reindeer, fucking reindeer
Molesting caribou is what we do.
You’ll never see
A happy Norwegian
We spend so much time just being bored
It’s not much fun
In the Arctic regions
So we just drown ourselves en masse in the fjords
Fucking reindeer,
fucking reindeer
Reindeer the long winter through
Fucking reindeer, fucking reindeer
Molesting caribou is what we do.
Sealclubbing, we’re
sealclubbing, we’re walking through town
(repeat to fade)
Fin Fang Foom shook his head sadly and went to run a bath.
Follow Ups:
· This is officially the most fucked up RR ever. 20:18:27 10/10/2001 (0)
· Nats LOL! 16:11:09 10/10/2001 (0)
· Visionary It's enough to make me wish I were pining for the fjords. 15:58:33 10/10/2001 (0)
· Gav, who has just drop-tuned the N2 to B I'm Norwegian..mostly.....and that song rocks. ;) 07:40:50 10/10/2001 (2)
· dull thud *considers trying that with his Tele, suspects it would be like stroking garden twine* I did sing it to a Norwegian girl once, and her considered opinion was "yeah, but at least I'm not bloddy Svedish", which seems fair enough. 09:21:55 10/10/2001 (1)
· Gav The gauge helps..(52-12) >;) 10:14:59 10/10/2001 (0)
· HH Didn't that song win the Eurovision Song Contest a few years back? 06:47:06 10/10/2001 (1)
· dull thud You may be confusing it with the recent Moldovan entry Oog Ugh Fa Sh-boom Boom. Similar bassline. 09:11:58 10/10/2001 (0)
· ag There's a song you'll be catching the nuns singing. ;) 23:55:13 10/09/2001 (1)
· dull thud Curiously enough, the verses fit quite well over those of So sings my soul, my saviour God, to thee. 05:21:50 10/10/2001 (0)
· Z uh catchy lyrics, quite the poet yes 20:23:20 10/09/2001 (1)
· dull thud I promise you, it's the Rubiayat of Omar Khayyam compared to his usual stuff. 09:28:02 10/10/2001 (0)
· Chronic Holy crap.....that has the potential of being the greatest metal song ever....screw potential, that IS the greatest metal song ever! 16:10:32 10/09/2001 (2)
· Chronic Oh and don't knock Flint, Michigan. I know some ppls from there. 17:43:44 10/09/2001 (1)
· dull thud It was either that or Jordan Minnesota, and that's a v.v.bad place indeed. 06:04:18 10/10/2001 (0)
· Messenger-- Rudolph's career was never the same after that... Heh... that song is gonna give Finny ideas, and the last thing we need is another Dragon/Reindeer scandal... 11:23:30 10/09/2001 (1)
· dull thud The mind boggles. *image haunts me for days* 06:08:14 10/10/2001 (0)
· Finny Well...uhhh...: ) 10:45:04 10/09/2001 (1)
· dull thud No doubt about it. :) 09:32:19 10/10/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream: Part 8: Things Get Serious...
Posted by Messenger on October 10, 2001 at 17:53:07:
FinFangFoom stands bloodied and beaten at a secret base in a secret place....
"I know you're behind this, you evil bastards... You are the ones who gave the Dark Knight that crack and destroyed his mind. It's you!! And now you're going to pay..."
Flint Michigan and the Sudden Impacts clear their throats and speak (amazingly) in synch with each other.
"Yes, we have been sending subliminal messages to your drugged out partner... We told him to smoke that crack!! AND FUCK THOSE REINDEERS TOO!!!"
FinFangFoom raises an eyebrow in puzzlement and then assumes a fighting stance....
Suddenly he sees a figure emerge from the darkest shadows of the room....
A rebuilt cyborg strutts in.
"FinFangFoom... It is time to die!!" He says in a threatening voice.
It is Larz, who after his brutal beating at the hands of Chronic, needed to have half his body replaced by cybernetics and scrap-metal in order to survive.
To his chagrin, his secret employer and the ones who rebuilt him were the genuises behind 'Napster'..
'those bloody bastards...' he thinks to himself even as he yells obscenities at Finny.
"And now, with the help of my new found friends, Flint Michigan and the Sudden Impacts, I shall take over the World...."
"Fucking Reindeer..." Flint Michigan coughes.
"Oh and yes... We shall also fuck every single Reindeer alive in Canada.... Mwahahahahahaa.... ha..."
"This can't be good...." FinFangFoom sweats.
.
.
... Somewhere else.... a shivering Dark-Knight tries to get back to his senses,
even as he curls up in a fetal position at the Betty Ford Clinic.
-TO BE CONTINUED...
(Will DK regain his sobriety in time to help out his surrounded friend??... Will Larz get revenge on his new-found employers...?? Will Flint Michigan REALLY fuck every single Reindeer in Canada...??!?!?!
Be here, same Dark time, same Dark channel...)
Follow Ups:
· Finny I eat fettuccini too, y'know... 19:49:39 10/11/2001 (0)
· Nats Things got serious? I must've missed something... ;) 16:32:18 10/11/2001 (1)
· Nats And I CALL PART NINE, peeps. 16:33:28 10/11/2001 (0)
· ag Fun except the part where I had to try to pass over *that* word every few bits. I still have no clue how to continue. 05:41:34 10/11/2001 (1)
· Messenger is confused... What's wrong with the word 'that'...? 08:09:29 10/11/2001 (0)
· HH At least the dead reindeer are safe. That would be sick. 03:57:29 10/11/2001 (1)
· Chronic But it's ok to molest the live ones? You are evil indeed, Mr Hood 09:49:28 10/11/2001 (0)
· Visionary Hey, hey, hey... let's watch the language. Finny eats those things, after all. 23:25:49 10/10/2001 (0)
· ...When I stop laughing, I'll try and continue this... 20:44:29 10/10/2001 (0)
· ...I had to go and make everything a thousand times more fucked up than they had to be...and then you lot had to make it even worse...We're all very sick, sick people... 20:13:21 10/10/2001 (6)
· Z well you started the insanity ;) 20:16:38 10/10/2001 (5)
· Chronic I thought you did... 20:20:10 10/10/2001 (4)
· Messenger A dollar to anyone who can sum up this Round Robin so far and make sense of it in one paragraph.... 20:54:18 10/10/2001 (3)
· Nats Dr. Moo's evil plan to make the LLers fall in love is sidetracked by a band led by Flint Michigan and Moo's assistant Larz to destroy Dark Knight's mind iwth a naughty, naughty, song. Then FFF goes to rescue him... 16:31:19 10/11/2001 (0)
· Lots of people got all fucked up on Peyote and impure crack. There, I tried. 21:09:19 10/10/2001 (1)
· Chronic Uh....the evil guitar made me do it... 21:23:01 10/10/2001 (0)
· Chronic Hehehehehehe......oh man.....hehehehehehe.... 18:10:53 10/10/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream Part Nine: It Only Goes Downhill From Here.
Posted by Nats on October 11, 2001 at 16:45:43:
Fin Fang Foom struck a heroic
pose.
"You will NOT destroy the
minds of those all over the world with your naughty, naughty songs and naughty,
naughty, behavior!" the Makluan dragon boomed.
"Well, we just wanted to
*bleep* the *bleeping* reindeer, you *bleeping* *bleep* of a *bleeper*,"
Flint Michigan spat.
"...yeah!" the now
cyborg-Larz added. "What he said."
"So *bleep* off and go
*bleep* some *bleep*, while we *bleep* reindeer during the *blee---urk!"
Flint grunted, as a draconic tail smashed him into the floor.
"Uh..." Larz uh...ed.
"Can't we all just...get along?" Another tail swipe sent him reeling.
"You won't do that to the
reindeer! Not even if I have to eat every one of them in order to save them
from a greater evil!"
Flint took a deep breath. So did
his band. "*BLEEP*BLEEP*BLEEP*BLEEEEEEEPITY*BLEEPER*BLEEPING* Reindeer!
*BLEEPILICIOUS* *BLEEEEEEP*!!!!!" they cried out in unison.
The door was smashed down.
"Who the *bleeping* *bleep*
in the whole *bleeping* *bleep* of a @#$%&ing *bleep*
@#$%&$#&#!" Jam bellowed.
Once Finny's ears stopped
bleeding, he spoke up. "Jam! Weren't you banished by HH to some..."
"I cam *bleeping* back for
this *bleeping* RR's *bleep*-fest here."
"I see..."
"So *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
off, you *BLEEEEEEEEP!" Jam screamed, following it up with a good
"@#$%&!!!!!"
FFF, Flint and the band, and Larz
were left sprawled over the floor.
"Hey," Jam noted.
"Is that a *bleeping* TV hook-up? Well, I'll be *bleeped* It's time to
*bleeping* branwash the whole @#$%&ing world!"
Soon, every TV in the world was
tuned in.
"HELLO, *BLEEEEEEPING*
WORLD!" Jam yelled.
Dr. Moo then came bursting in.
"Larz! Where are the next batch of peaches? I need to get these fools
twitterpatted or whatever the hell it is before...uh...." She looked at
the unconscious bodies, then at Jam.
Chronic poked his head through the
door. "Can I use your bathroom? ...uh oh."
Jam smiled. And took a deep
breath.
***
Betty Ford Clinic...
When the nurse came to check on the Dark Knight, she couldn't find him.
The dark avenger had escaped into
the night.
His TV was left on.
TO BE CONTINUED by the next poor
sucker...I mean, author.
Follow Ups:
· Visionary When was it going uphill? 11:05:32 10/12/2001 (0)
· Chronic Oh *bleep* it! What *bleep*ing good are a bunch of *bleep*ing bleeps anyway? 09:56:49 10/12/2001 (0)
· HH Yep, you were right. Downhill. 09:46:00 10/12/2001 (0)
· Messenger .............. er.............. 09:34:56 10/12/2001 (0)
· ag Thanks Nats! NOW I finally know what to do! :) 05:41:08 10/12/2001 (0)
· ...Communal Crackpipe, meet BZL. 20:25:30 10/11/2001 (0)
· Finny Bleeptastic. 19:51:32 10/11/2001 (0)
· Z i got confused from the bleeps i think 19:50:43 10/11/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream Part Ten: Who Bleeped my Bleep?
Posted by on October 12, 2001 at 05:55:34:
Jam looked at Chronic.
Chronic looked at Jam.
Moo covered her ears.
Her peaches started to stir.
Jam: "BLEEEEEEEPIN' BLEEP! YOU MOTHER BLEEPER!"
Chronic: "Wha? So! Thats your game? Well try this!" He pulls out his
instrument..no, not THAT instrument! And plays Steve like theres no tomorrow...
*POWERFUL GUITAR SOLO*
"BLEEPIN STINKFEST OF BLEEPIN' BLEEEP!"
Chronic, sweating in pain, still playing like a bleeper.
Jam, also in pain, still swearing like a bleeper.
Meanwhile, deep in Moo's sinister... kitchen,
the peaches start to boil. They churn, they bubble, then, incredably, they
explode!
NTU-150 and omike015 enter the kitchen in deep conversation;
NTU-150: "Shame Troia 215 couldnt come to our Posters With Numbers
Party."
omike015: "Uh huh. Got any chips? OH MY BLEEP!"
NTU-150: "Hey! Watch your laungue! %^&*)$!!!"
The peaches grow at an alarming rate, thanks to the over exposure of swearing
and evil music.
Then the giant peaches turn and look at the heroes and all bleep breaks out....
To be continued by a bleepin bleep of a bleeper!
Follow Ups:
· Visionary "Attack of the Killer Peaches" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Although it does sound a bit better than the title to the next Star Wars film. 11:16:00 10/12/2001 (0)
· Chronic Never pictured you as the crack smokin' type..... 09:55:52 10/12/2001 (0)
· HH At least we have the peaches now. But where's the cream? 09:45:14 10/12/2001 (0)
· Messenger ..............um.................... 09:37:00 10/12/2001 (0)
· Z hopefully this isn't turning into james and the giant peach 07:19:14 10/12/2001 (0)
· ag Uh, that was me, but you probly knew that so now I just wasted bandwidth to tell you so...ah BLEEP! 05:56:49 10/12/2001 (0)
Peaches and Cream Part XI – Now It All Makes Perfect Sense
[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Parodyverse ] [ FAQ ]
Posted by De Brown Streak on October 12, 2001 at 11:41:21:
Peaches and Cream Part XI – Now
It All Makes Perfect Sense
Finny:
“We have to do something about this situation.”
Dancer:
“Okay. What? Uh, are you wearing makeup, Finny?”
Ziles:
“I think it kind of suits him. A sort of reptilian Alice Cooper.”
Hatman:
“He looks frighteningly like Joan Collins in a certain light.”
Dancer:
“Whatever is warping our minds, now it has gone too far!”
Suddenly
Nats enters wearing a sequinned ballgown.
Everybody:
“Ack!”
Hatman:
“We’ve gotta get to the bottom of this. As soon as I adjust my stilettos.”
G-Eyed:
“Does anybody care that we’re being attacked by giant peaches for no easily
understandable reason?”
Troia:
“We can always try to eat our way out of danger.”
Then
the door bursts open and the real villains behind all of this leap out. The
Lair Legion gasps!
Lair
Legion: “You!”
De
Brown Streak, Omike, Balefire, and Deathstar Druid laugh. “Yes us. The
forgotten ones, who hardly ever get written itno these kinds of stories! But
this time we shall have our revenge!!”
AG:
“Hey, c’mon. I wrote some of you, and everybody appears in HH’s stories sooner
or later.”
DBS:
“Exactly! Everybody! And still some of us haven’t appeared. And Whitney hasn’t
written the ending to our tag-team either. Do you know how sexually frustrating
it is to wait all this time to see if I get to ravish Lania on national
television?”
Trickshot:
“I can imagine.”
Finny
growls.
Balefire:
“So we decided to launch a plot so bizarre, so complicated, that in the end the
only possible way to resolve it and save continuity would be for HH to have to
write the last chapter. Then we would be part of the Parodyverse. Bwa-hah-hah!”
NTU-150:
“You fiends!”
Omike
makes a dramatic gesture, and the cyborg musicans, giant genetically altered
peaches, retconned former posters, and one lost and confused beaver attack.
Deathstar Druid turns the twitterpation generator to OVERLOAD….
To be
continued…
Follow Ups:
· HH But surely if HH writes the last chapter then the bad guys will have WON! That can't be allowed to happen, so that means I don't have to do the final chapter. QED. 16:23:13 10/12/2001 (0)
· Nats Balefire *will* be in a story, dammit. I just need to write the next LL arc... 15:07:05 10/12/2001 (0)
· P and C part X 12:28:38 10/12/2001 (5)
· HH DK does Astro City. 16:23:52 10/12/2001 (0)
· ...Damn it. 12:30:29 10/12/2001 (3)
· Nats I liked the first title better, even if it did remind me of Algebra. *shudder* Oh, and HH better write the conclusion, if only so people can finally understand what the hell is going on. 15:10:00 10/12/2001 (0)
· Messenger Well... chapter XII if you wanna get technical... :) 13:23:17 10/12/2001 (1)
· ...(censored) insomnia... 13:34:40 10/12/2001 (0)
P and C part X
Posted by on October 12, 2001 at 12:28:38:
In Reply to: Peaches and Cream Part XI – Now It All Makes Perfect Sense posted by De Brown Streak on October 12, 2001 at 11:41:21:
As the League of Forgotten launches its hideous strike against Parodyverse continuity, let's step into the thoughts of witnesses of this historic event.
Maynord T McGillum, GothaMetropolis York's oldest living citizen: By Gum, I never did see such a sight. In my day, we just had us people that looked like dangfangled screwin's of a bowling ball and a human being tryin' ta blow us all up, and suchlike. It do beat all, bah Gahd.
Gregory Burch, GMY Squire Crime Correspondent: It's just more evidence that God hates us all.
spiffy, GMY mayor: No comment. I said no comment. And by looking at me, does that mean you might want a date with me in the next millenium?
yurt: Yurt SMASH puny evil peaches. Yurt not like uppity fruit that tell Yurt what to eat.
Which was all very well and fine, until word got out amongst the psychic realm that the peaches of the world had become a bit uppity for their standing in the comsic sphere of things, so the potatoes and the strawberries started making secret and terrible plans to kill things.
And the Dark Knight shook off the last remnants of his crack
addiction, and prepared great and terrible beatings for those who had touched
his caffeine.
Peaches and Cream,
Chapter XIII
Posted by Fin Fang Foom: Was Half-Asleep When He Wrote This on October 14, 2001 at 23:18:07:
Peaches and Cream Chapter XIII
Things Get Worse
"What the--!?"
Deathstar Druid's eyes shot open, but it didn't do him any good--the room was pitch-black. For some reason, air was whipping through his druidic robes. Nausea and vertigo jolted through his system; he couldn't even feel the ground underneath him. As he reached out to brace himself, and found nothing but empty air, he realized why: he was falling.
When the Skree had "enhanced" him, they'd also injected him with a good deal of knowledge about their space empire. He could recall it instinctively. Most of it was pretentious prattling and horribly one-sided history lessons, but at the moment, their folklore involving never-ending holes was fascinating.
The last thing he remembered was overloading the Twitterpater Generator. Everything else was a blur...but at the time, everyone's thinking had been screwed up by...something. Maybe it had affected his memory. But by that line of reasoning, maybe he was hallucinating all this.
His body slammed against something, and he felt blunt, cold pain--he was now sprawled on a carpeted floor. Despite the aching, he was glad that he was on solid ground again. As he got to his feet, he started to say something, but someone muffled him.
"Ssshhhh! They'll hear us!"
The lighting was incredibly dim, but he managed to make out the speaker: it was a scarecrow! He was wearing overall cut-offs that were so dark brown they were almost black, and his arms, legs, and head were made of long bundles of straw. He almost seemed to be glowing--though after getting a better look at him, "smoldering" was a more accurate term. Despite the physical impossibility of it, the straw acted as some sort of skeleton--it even allowed his face to have expressions, as well as eyes and a mouth. He wore loose gloves and boots that were the same color as his overalls.
"Balefire?? Is that you??"
They were crouching in front of an eight-foot-tall theatre stage. Spotlights roamed it, providing a little bit of ambient light. Deathstar Druid felt his knees bumping into something--he quickly realized that they were the chairs meant for the orchestra.
Vague voices were coming from the stage--apparently, that's who they were hiding from. But why?
Deathstar Druid looked at his friends for answers, but found that doing so only created more questions. When he'd last seen them, they looked completely different--he was sure of it. omike015 was now a featureless being, with a neon green bodysuit that had two large black O's on it--one where his face should be, and one on his chest. De Brown Streak seemed to have his normal costume on, though. But, everyone was giving Deathstar Druid the same "What's wrong with YOU" stare that he imagined he was giving them.
He looked down--he was wearing flowing black robes, which seemed to flicker with starlight. If he'd had a mirror, he could've seen that his face was shadowed, with glittering stars having replaced his eyes.
He looked back up. "...did we look like this before ??"
omike shook his head. "I have no idea...but I feel like I drank a few gallons of Latverian vodka. Well, OK, I've never actually had that, but..."
DBS looked nervous. "Um, is the LL gonna kill us? Y'know, for the League of the Forgotten thing?"
Balefire sighed. "That seemed like a good idea at the time..."
"The good news is that we seem to be sane and self-aware, again," Deathstar Druid stated. "The bad news is that our cry for attention may have made them a bit mad--"
"--which is why we're hiding from the LL and everybody else, since they're up on-stage." Balefire said.
"Ahh, that explains that." DD looked around. "Do we know if they're back to normal, too?"
"Nope."
"Then I vote that we keep hiding...the combination of anger and insanity just doesn't work in our favor."
"How can you be so calm??" DBS demanded. "But, it sounds good to me...I'd rather avoid 'em, especially FFF. I am after his sorta-girlfriend--even under normal circumstances, running into him just isn't my idea of fun."
Balefire sounded annoyed. "We're voting ? What, are we a team or something?"
DBS scoffed. "Hey, if you wanna walk up there, apologize, and hope they don't kick the crap out of you, be my guest."
"Guys, be quiet!" omike whispered. "Somebody getting close!"
Up on the stage, heavy footsteps could be heard. Someone was talking.
A deep laugh, followed by "You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you?"
They froze up--but it wasn't directed at them. The voice belonged to Fin Fang Foom, and he was addressing a small crowd of superheroes.
"It happens in every Round Robin. 'Let's pick on Finny!' 'Let's marry him off, or make him have sex!'. You think that's funny, huh?"
In the shadows of the orchestra pit, DBS was visibly shaking. "I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'm--" The tone of his voice suddenly switched from panicked to remarkably calm. "--the good news is that, if he's flipped, Lania's all mine. I don't think she'd go out with an evil dragon. The bad news is, I don't think I'm gonna live long enough for that to happen."
Several giant, sentient peaches were bouncing around the stage. Finny was holding a giant gun of some kind. Everyone else was standing still, apparently free of their earlier dementia. "Like my loveray? I made it from the Ripoff Ray*, actually. I aimed and ripped it off!"
(*see old issues of Adventures in the BZL)
"Dr. Loveray won't mind, I'm sure. But I just made it, so I don't think it's what made all of you crazy before. But wait! It's time for the weddings, isn't it?" Several wooden podiums sprung out of the floor. The heroes remained oddly stiff and motionless.
"He's in control of...this realm, or wherever we are," DD said. "I think he can stop them from moving...this can't be good..."
Finny fired a few shots into the crowd. In moments, DK and Troia were in front of one podium; G-Eyed and Ziles at another.
Donar was clearly struggling against Finny's control. The dragon sighed. "Yes, yes, you're all godly and immune to this sort of thing. I can't mind-control you with just my loveray, and my pocket reality can't keep you still, either. However...I know your weakness."
With a snap of his claws, Lisa appeared. Despite Finny's control, every male in the room gasped.
"Oh, you're used to usual-Lisa. But..." He zapped her. "This should have the opposite effect on her. She's already quite...romantic. But now, she'll be all tame and helpless. Aww..."
Donar found that his fear of Lisa's hormonal capabilities had been replaced by the sudden desire to take care of her...
"Zap! Zap! Zap!" Finny shot him with the loveray. "And zap! again. Just to help you along. I swear, you viking gods can't be in a relationship unless you're in charge..."
spiffy was trying to signal Finny with his eyes. He kept glancing at Dancer.
"Fine, fine..." A second later, spiffy and Dancer (in the skimpiest wedding bikini you ever saw) were before an altar.
Cap walked up to the podium with DK and Troia. "Um, only sea captains can do this, and that's when they have a ship to--"
Water started splashing against the stage. "There, it's yours. Get on with it!"
Troia glared at DK. "You have a plan, right?"
"I'm still kind of out of it from the insanity and the...um...why do I remember being in the Betty Ford clinic?"
"I don't need to be in a...a love-quadrangle!" G-Eyed worried. "No offense."
"None taken," Ziles said. "But I'm picking up conflicting emotions from Finny, he's being influenced by something else...probably what got us before."
"Wow...is something good actually happening??" spiffy whispered. "Don't jinx it, don't jinx it..."
"Just stop staring at my cleavage!" Dancer complained.
"Don't worry, once you've...consummated...those messy traces of sanity will be long gone," Finny assured them.
"Um, we should do something," omike said.
Balefire rolled his eyes. "Like what?"
"Like this." DD vanished, and reappeared on-stage. He locked onto a peach with cosmic radiation, tightened his hold, and splattered it everywhere. Finny blasted him with flame breath, but DD turned intangible.
"Hey, stop that!" A stream of green-and-black O's burst from omike's fingertips, sinking into the dragon, and knocking him back. He then took to the air, flying around and shooting the peaches with the same stuff.
"We're only doing this so they'll owe us, and not beat us up, right?" Pressurized heat distorted the air between Balefire and a peach, which quickly melted away. A small cushion of it formed under his feet, and he started skidding across the stage.
DD caused several internal-combustions within Finny, but he shrugged them off and backhanded Balefire in the process. His hay-bale form knitted itself back together, after bouncing off an unmoving NTU-150.
"I can sense that something has a hold on you, but I can't break it," DD apologetically told the heroes. omike was keeping the dragon distracted with his energy rings, but Finny seemed to be getting agitated...
"EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED OR HAVE SEX OR BE HIT ON BY BERT FROM BERT AND ERNIE!!"
"Look out behind you, Finny!" spiffy shouted. "I mean...uhh...aww, c'mon..."
Cap started reciting the marriage vows--and to their horror, DK and Troia were repeating them.
"Do us first," spiffy pleaded. "Do us first! I mean, um...the loveray must be affecting me, and, um, yeah..."
"Ow. Ow. Ow." Finny tail-whipped omike (thus the "ow"s), and laughed at DBS, who was trying to vibrate-shake the other heroes back to normal.
"DBS, hon, you're nice, but I didn't wear a sports bra today," Sorceress said.
DD was having trouble. "Makluan biology is hard to get a lock on...I'm trying, but...!"
Finny grabbed DBS from behind, slammed him into the floor, and threw him at Balefire. Unfortunately, Balefire chose that exact moment to blast Finny with heat...
"Uhh, sorry..."
At that moment, Troia and DK ran off into the shadows, and everyone felt just a little bit more scared...
Fin Fang Foom
*flies away*
Peaches and Cream Chapter XIII (and 1/2)
Just a brief interlude....
Balefire *looking around at the strange
scene*: Hey wait, I wasn't hurt yet...
* walks away*
Follow Ups:
· HH I'm sure you'll get badly hurt before long. Trust me on this. 04:13:01 10/21/2001 (0)
· dull thud ...which probably means you can expect something extra-nasty in the next one. Anybody claiming it? 08:29:00 10/18/2001 (0)
· ag LOL! Great stuff! Write more! 21:01:59 10/16/2001 (0)
· Nats *claps* The most competent chapter yet! Good job! *claps* 18:00:39 10/16/2001 (0)