Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Sun Sep 05, 2004 at 08:21:54 pm EDT
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Dancer Week presents Sarah Sheperdson in "We're Just Good Friends, Honest!" :)
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Sarah Sheperdson, secretly the spandex-suited superhero and Lair Legionnaire known as the Probability Dancer: Here you go. One Greek plate special, complete with lamb kabobs, pita bread, feta cheese, tzatziki dip and a Mediterranean salad, with a caramel cider on the side. Hope you like it.

April Alice Apple, creator of the costumed crimefighter and comic character known as the Groovy Gecko-Gal: Oh, hey, thanks. Mm. Good stuff.

Sarah: Why, thank you. That’s always good to hear. You know, I don’t mean to pry, but I don’t think I’ve seen you here in the Bean & Donut before. It’s just, you know, I’ve worked here a while, so I’m familiar with a few of the faces by now.

April: Oh, no, I understand. Back in high school, I was a waitress at one of those ‘50s-style drive-up root-beer-and-burger stands, where they make you wear roller-skates and those skimpy skirt-uniforms, so I know how it goes. Actually, this is my first time in Parodiopolis. I mean, it’s kind of funny, because I’ve lived in New York City for the past seven years, ever since I turned 14, and it’s not until now, that I’m moving back to Seattle, that I’ve finally made the time to take the trip.

Sarah: And we’re certainly glad to have you. I’m curious, though, how you happened to come upon our own modest establishment? After all, it’s not as though this little cafe is one of the more fashionable hot-spots in the city, that tourists would be likely to have read about in their travel guides, or anything.

April: Yeah, you can thank my friend Bernice for that one. When I told her that I was planning to swing by the city for the weekend to hook up with my boy … um, I mean, one of my other friends, she made me promise to stop by and sample the Greek plate special.

Sarah: Well, that was awfully nice of her. So, does Bernice live in Parodiopolis as well, then?

April: Oh, no, she just comes out here to cover news stories every once in a while, but she lives in Seattle. Actually, she’s one of the reasons why I’m moving back to Seattle. We’ve been friends ever since grade school – I mean, she’s probably one of the best friends I’ve ever had – and we never lost touch with each other, even after I moved away. So, when we talked about how I was maybe possibly thinking about heading back home to the Pacific Northwest, to deal with some family issues and other stuff, she offered to hire me on the spot as an art director and editorial cartoonist for her magazine.

Sarah: I see. Hm. Your friend Bernice’s last name wouldn’t happen to be “Teschmacher,” would it?

April: Yep. Bernice Teschmacher, of Who Watches the Watchmen? Magazine. So, you do know her, then. Huh. That’s neat. In fact, now that I think about it, I seem to recall her making mention of you, too.

Sarah: Really? I have a hard time believing that. I mean, not to differ with you or anything, but I can’t imagine what a person like her could possibly have to say about a person like me.

April: Oh, trust me, you’d be surprised. Not only did she speak highly of your friendly customer service, but in one of her articles, she even went so far as to name-check you alongside the Probability Dancer, by pointing out how it’s more than a little messed up that some leotard-clad super-powered professional athlete should score more positive attention from the public and the media than a working-class waitress who volunteers at least five to seven nights out of every week at soup kitchens for the homeless, all while barely scraping by on minimum wage and tips herself.

Sarah: Um, well, while that’s a very flattering assessment, I’m not so sure that Bernice is being entirely fair to Dancer, or to her teammates on the Lair Legion. A lot of them stop by here, you know, for coffee and bagels and the like, and while some of them might be a bit rough around the edges, they’re all good people, whose hearts are in the right places, even if their heads are off in the clouds at times.

April: Hey, no, it’s okay. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Bernice is like my sister, and I love her to death for being even more of an unapologetically liberal feminist than me, but even I have to admit that she could stand to ease up on the “all capes and cowls are code for crypto-fascists” rhetoric by about a factor of ten. Trust me, I’m about the last person on the planet who’s inclined to paint everybody who wears a mask with the same broad brush. In fact, my boy … I mean, the friend I’m meeting today just so happens to be -

Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove, a.k.a. CrazySugarFreakBoy!, clad in his Silly Suit of Impossibilitium: April! Hi! Sorry I’m late. I got caught up with Lair Legion stuff, and, well, you know, you know? Oh, hi Sarah! How’s it goin’?

Sarah: Dream?

April: Oh, so you two know each other, too?

Sarah: Um, well, I mean, yes. Dream’s a sweetie. He comes in at least every Friday night, after taking in that evening’s marathon of older and more obscure movies over at the Parodiso Cult Classics Cinema, for multiple servings of cheeseburgers, buffalo wings, calzones, gyros, slices of stuffed spinach-and-cheese pizza and plenty of Rocket Fuel Soda Pop. He’s an excellent customer, who always leaves healthy tips.

April: Heh. Yeah, he’s definitely got a growing boy’s appetite.

Dream: Of course, there’s something else I’d much rather be eating, right about now …

April: Ahem. We need to go now. Sarah, it was a genuine pleasure to meet you. Dream, please try to behave, at least until we get back to your place.

Dream: Yes, Aphrodite.




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