Adventures In Parodyverse: Act Of Desperation, Part 1

Note: I'm posting this now knowing that next week's might be a little late. Part 2 is about half done, and it getting completed depends on how many more emergencies come up and how I'll be able to handle things emotionally, including the chemo and radiation my dad begins this week.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Act of Desperation, Part 1

    Yuki Shiro approached a table in a rather noisy, seedy club somewhere in Paradopolis. It took quite a while to track down the men she was looking for - they had left their usual hangout in Gothametropolis behind, and existed mostly under the radar for months.

    The men at the table, all dressed in white zoot suits, hats, and shiny shoes, were clustered around the table smoking cigars and laughing. There were only eight of them - those were the leaders of the Zoot Suit Gang, which was rumored to number in the dozens in membership.

    "Expanding your territory to Paradopolis, I see." Yuki said loudly as she stood over the table.

    "It's the detective extrodinaire!" Frankie, the head of the Zoot Suit Gang, exclaimed, with a little sarcasm in his voice. "How ya been, hun? I hear you run with the Lair Legion these days."

    "I do," she replied, leaning her palms on the table. "You have a problem with that?"

    "Maybe I do." Frankie took a puff from his cigar. "They're lookin' for us you know." He looked at his friends and added, "But they aint found us yet." The others laughed.

    "Maybe I just need someone to watch my back," Yuki pointed out. "Or haven't you heard about the Machine Shop's grudge against me?"

    Frankie shrugged. "I heard. But y'know, doll, Hatman aint gonna be too pleased with you just chattin' with us like this. Or do you have him waitin' outside to bring us in?"

    "He is waiting outside," she admitted. "But he's not going to bring you in...if you help me."

    "Still settin' terms even though you're outnumbered." Frankie took another puff of cigar and nodded. "I like that. Whattya need?"

    "The Zero Street Gang," Yuki began. "Brand-new, but they already have Mac Fleetwood scared. His mission has been just about empty. People just stopped showing up there over the last few days. Word is neighborhood kids are getting huge incentives to join up."

    Frankie looked at his buddies and laughed. "Incentive? You got that backwards, doll. Bobbie here had a run-in with a couple of 'em yesterday. Didn't ya Bobby?"

    "Yeah," Bobby spoke up. "Said they'd cut my fingers off if I walked down Zero Street again."

    "Tell 'er what ya did, Bobby," Frankie prodded.

    "I cut the one guy's ear off," Bobby said. "And I made his friend eat it."

    "That's just gross," Yuki pointed out.

    "The guy who runs 'em is a real hard-core type," Frankie told Yuki. "Not like us. We know how ta have fun. This guy's cold, like he's just outta the joint or somethin'." He shrugged. "I tried to be civil with him, but I had to blow up his car to make my point."

    "Your point was what?" Yuki asked.

    "That he needs to stay outta my way," Frankie replied, almost ominously. "That he aint gonna succeed declarin' war on the Zoot Suit Gang. Even Akiko's with me on that."

    "Akiko...Masamune?" Yuki asked. "She's working with you?"

    "Hey," Frankie leaned back and smiled, "Whoever said there's no honor among thieves is a sucker lookin' to get his kiester kicked. Of course I'm workin' with Akiko. The Zero Street Gang is dangerous. They got no plan, no business...they're just tearin' up the city block by block."

    "I see." Yuki nodded. "Thanks for the info, Frankie. I'll be seeing you around."

    "Count on it." Frankie went back to playing cards and smoking with his friends.

---

    "Now we arrest them," Hatman told Yuki when she arrived outside.

    Yuki rolled her eyes and sighed. "Remember that whole lecture I gave you before we came here about delicate balance?"

    "They're criminals!" Hatman protested. "We can't just let them--"

    "Keep your pants on, and nobody gets screwed," Yuki told him. "Ever hear that expression?"

    "No," Hatman replied. He looked at Yuki. "And I think it's very inappropriate."

    "It's a measure of safety," Yuki continued. "If you march in there and start arresting people you'll start a firestorm that we won't be able to put out for months. Trust me, Hat. Leave it alone for now, we'll get our chance later."

    "I have to agree with Yuki," the Psychic Samurai suddenly piped up. "Besides, we're being followed. We should move away from here quickly."

    "Okay," Hatman agreed. He followed Chiaki, assuming that her suggestion meant she knew which direction to head. Yuki, meanwhile, mumbled something about having to sleep with Jay to get him to listen, but he didn't really pay attention.

    "I've asked Akiko to meet with us," Chiaki announced. "Not that we need an appointment to see her, but it's only polite to call first."

    "Good," Yuki agreed. "Now maybe we'll get somewhere. This Zero Street Gang...everyone seems to know where they are but us and our sources. It's very frustrating."

    A long cab ride through heavy traffic later they were walking in Mangatown toward the hideout of Akiko Masamune. The Psychic Samurai froze suddenly as they were making progress, and she looked around suspiciously. "What's going on here?" she asked in a whisper.

    "What do you mean?" Hatman asked.

    "There are cars...but this street is usually full of people," Yuki answered. "Something has scared them all back to their homes."

    "Indeed." Chiaki took a deep breath. "I have a very bad feeling about this."

---

    There was a loud crash and the muffled sound of a secretary threatening to call security at the office of Harry Flask, the Lynchpin of Crime. Her threats seemed to be muffled as the sound of a fire extinguisher went off for a few seconds.

    "What's going on out there?" Flask demanded as his chair, and the floor, creaked dangerously when he shifted his tremendous bulk to hit the intercom button on his phone. His lunch had just arrived, a gigantic sub sandwich fit to feed a small country for a week. He hadn't managed to take the wrapping off of if yet before the disturbance occurred. "Who dares interrupt my lunch?" he asked angrily.

    The door burst open and five men in white zoot suits stepped in carrying tommy guns. Frankie stepped between them and began approaching the desk.

    "Gamona!" Flask ordered his staff assassin and bodyguard to help him.

    "The green nearly naked chick?" Frankie asked. "She's been foamed."

    "Foamed?" Flask noticed one of the five men carrying what looked like a large fire extinguisher, only it was labeled 'Safe-T-Foam'."

    "You got people workin' for you to patent weapons," Frankie shrugged, "I got people workin' for me to patent non-lethal stuff. It's all business, right?"

    "What do you want?" the Lynchpin asked angrily.

    "I got a few issues," Frankie began as he stood over the Lynchpin's desk and opened the wrapping on the giant sub sandwich. He took a pocket knife out and began slicing it into pieces. "Want any boys?" he asked. He began passing out pieces of the sandwich to his gang.

    "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Flask was furious. "That's my lunch!"

    "You can stand to skip a few of those," Frankie pointed out. "I'd call you fat but I think you passed 'beached whale' already."

    Flask sat fuming so his enormous fat hands were shaking.

    "What was I saying? Oh yeah. You've been givin' this new gang on Zero Street weapons and money. That's gotta stop."

    "Or else what?" Flask asked the obvious question.

    Frankie shrugged and took a bite of the sandwich. "Mmm, not bad. Or else we'll be takin' a lot more than just a sandwich, fatty. We got lotsa hungry people in my gang. We can chip away at everything you got till you got nothin' left."

    As Frankie spoke, two of his men retrieved Gamona, trapped in a white foam, from the reception area out front and placed her in the middle of the office.

    "Speakin' of which." Frankie turned and gave Gamona his attention. "How much is fatso here payin' you?" he asked. "Enough to deal with his stench, and his temper?" He looked at the fat man again and then gave Gamona a sympathetic look. "He's not makin' you blow him too, is he?"

    "What? Outrageous!" the Lynchpin fumed some more.

    "He's paying me more than you can afford," Gamona dutifully replied.

    Frankie raised an eyebrow and snapped his fingers. One of his men opened a briefcase, and Frankie pulled one wad of cash out of many from the case. He began counting many, many hundred dollar bills in front of her. "I dunno," he said. "I can afford quite a lot." He looked at her and added, "And what I don't got in cash I make up for with respect."

    Gamona was speechless as she watched him count the bills quickly in front of her.

    "Don't just sit there!" Flask ordered her. "Break out of there and kill all of them, now! What the hell do I pay you for?"

    "Whattaya say, green chick? A nice clean white pressed suit, maybe a hat. You'd look hot. The street is where the action is these days. Not fatty's stuffy office that smells like old lunch meats."

    "Don't listen to him, he's small time," Flask said.

    "Everythin's small-time compared to him, doll," Frankie said. "Except maybe--" Frankie shrugged.

    That was the first time that anyone heard Gamona giggle.

    "Jacket." Frankie snapped his fingers and pointed at one of his men, who immediately handed over his own pin-striped suit jacket. He pulled out the pocket knife again and jammed it into the foam, cracking it enough to pull it apart and free the green assassin. He then tossed the jacket across her shoulders.

    She was genuinely surprised by the gesture. "Uh...thanks," she said quietly.

    The Lynchpin stood, knocking his chair over violently and nearly causing his own desk to tip over. "You ungrateful bitch! I'll see you die for this!"

    "First ya gotta get out from behind that desk, fatso," Frankie pointed out. He handed Gamona a piece of the carved-up sandwich. "Here ya go. C'mon, let's find ya some useful work."

    Gamona stopped on the way out as Frankie led her to the door and looked at the Lynchpin of Crime. "You never once even tried to offer me a jacket," she whispered. With that, she turned and left the room, following Frankie's men into the hallway.

    Frankie shrugged before leaving the office. "Women," he said. He laughed the whole way out of the office, the rest of the Lynchpin's lunch in hand.

---

    Chiaki took the lead as the entered some sort of secret headquarters of Akiko Masamune. They had to enter the place by going through a comic book store in Mangatown and entering a small door at the rear of the establishment. Inside there was a small room with two Japanese men in all black clothing brandishing swords. Chiaki simply bowed to them, and they returned the favor and stepped aside to allow her and her guests to pass.

    "This isn't the usual place, is it?" Jay asked.

    "No," Chiaki replied as they climbed a staircase to the second floor. "Something must be wrong."

    There were several more guards at the top of the staircase. Chiaki bowed to them too, and they too returned the favor before allowing her group to pass. She entered the last room at the end of the hall and knocked on the open door.

    Akiko Masamune looked up. She was sitting on the floor looking at papers on a short table in front of her. She had a cup of freshly brewed tea nearby. "Welcome," she said. She waited for Chiaki to bow, and she did as well.

    "What's wrong, Akiko?" Chiaki asked, placing her sword on the table and sitting on the floor across the from Akiko. The guards in the room didn't seem the least bit concerned by Chiaki's forwardness or the guests she brought with her. "Why are you in the safe house?"

    Yuki and Hatman looked at each other. Safe house?

    Akiko frowned, and clenched her teeth as she spoke. "I've been threatened," she explained. "By a vicious animal with no regard for his own life. My office is currently safe, but approaching it would mean battling with his minions almost daily." She seemed exhausted herself as she added, "He is trying to wear us down."

    "Maybe if I talked to him," Chiaki offered.

    "No," Akiko replied with a certain finality. "He has already killed two of my negotiators before they had a chance to speak. He kills for fun."

    "Maybe we can help," Hatman finally piped up.

    "Oh really?" Akiko frowned. "Perhaps begin a pitched battle between the Lair Legion and the Zero Street Gang until there is nothing left but rubble?"

    "She's got you there, Hat," Yuki joked. "Listen, Akiko...we're not going to start any kind of battle, okay? If we can capture the guy who's running things--"

    "You can't," Akiko interrupted. "His minions are very loyal. He takes people who have escaped from prison, or who are wanted for horrible crimes. If they don't serve him they go to jail. If you try to stop the leader the others will protect him to protect themselves."

    "Perhaps we could offer a bounty for him," Chiaki suggested.

    Akiko smiled for a moment. "That's an idea."

    "No bounties," Hatman said plainly. He tried to ignore the stares which tried to tell him that he had no authority here.

    "A capture bounty," Chiaki corrected herself, trying to placate Hatman.

    Hatman smiled at her for a moment, noting her attempt. But then he turned serious again when Akiko looked at him.

    But it was too late by then. Akiko smiled slightly and decided to prod Chiaki. "He likes you, I see."

    "Yes," Chiaki replied. "We're good friends."

    "Friendly with one of the pillars of the superhero community." Akiko nodded at Hatman. "I'm proud of you, Chiaki. You've really grown."

    "Thank you." Chiaki gave her the slightest nod in return. "Now about this vicious animal," she tried to change the subject back.

    "Yes," Akiko sighed. There was a long pause while she took a sip of tea and thought for a moment. "To be honest, Chiaki, I'm nearly out of ideas. That's why I'm here."

    "Maybe we should ask the Hooded Hood for help," Yuki suggested, a little bit sarcastically.

    Akiko gave her the strangest smile. "Funny you should mention that," she said. She held up her cup of tea and a Japanese man filled it up from a small teapot. "It's rumored that this massive power shift in town is his doing."

    "The Hooded Hood?" Yuki looked at Hatman. "But why would he want to get involved in a gang war?"

    "Good question," Hatman replied.

    "It's not his doing," Chiaki told them. "If he's involved at all he's merely taking advantage of an unfortunate situation."

    Hatman stared at her for a moment and then nodded. He was used to the Psychic Samurai's strange intuition making its presence known without warning.

    "So nobody has any ideas?" Yuki asked. She paused for a moment, allowing for a second or two of silence before offering one of her own. "Very well," she sighed. "I have one, but it will require your cooperation, Akiko."

    Akiko leaned back and folded her arms. "I'm listening," she said.

    "Put out the word that you're taking over Zero Street." Yuki smiled as she spoke. "We'll smoke 'em out."

TO BE CONTINUED

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2006 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Post By Anime Jason Sun Dec 25, 2005 at 12:29:46 am EST	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Act Of Desperation, Part 1

	[Reply] [New] [Email] [Print] [RSS] [Tales of the Parodyverse]	Next In Thread >>