"Roasting Backstage": A very short mini-off-roast tie-in. Not what you would expect, yet more than you want to know.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Roasting Backstage

    "Why did you ask me to come here?" Keiko Takashi asked Visionary as he fidgeted backstage, causing him to nearly have another heart attack. Partly because he knew her by reputation, and partly because she was wearing a flattering black dress at the time.

    "I...uh...thought Hatman could use some company?" he volunteered quickly.

    Keiko shook her head. "Try again."

    He sighed. "We were short of volunteers to roast Hatman...and I thought with an attitude like yours you could come up with some really good insults." When her expression didn't change, he shrank away from Keiko and whispered, "Please don't hurt me."

    She gently patted him on the shoulder, making him gasp at first, until she smiled. "I have no reason to hurt you, Visionary. In fact, I think you're frightened by far too many already...I feel you deserve to be protected."

    "Protected?" Visionary sounded surprised. He pondered that for a moment. "Can I go home with you after this roast?"

    Keiko laughed. "Nice try. Now where am I supposed to sit? I'd prefer a spot away from the center of attention."

    Visionary looked through a doorway at the audience outside. "You can sit near the Manga Shoggoth," he suggested, "Most people are too afraid to pay him too much attention."

    "Perfect." Keiko nodded and walked past Visionary. "Thank you."

    "I...I wasn't kidding about wanting to go home with you," Visionary called after her. "It might not be safe for me here after this."

    Keiko simply waved as she walked away, but she didn't reply.

---

    Liu Xi Xian frowned as she listened to CrazySugarFreakBoy! laugh heartily. He found it amusing that not only was she dressed head to toe in silken red fabric, including gloves, but that upon her arrival the first question she asked was whether Hatman would be seriously injured by a 'roasting'.

    "Only his ego," CSFB! finally explained, "A roasting means we...deflate his big head a little with friendly insults."

    "Why is it called 'roasting' then?" Liu Xi asked.

    "Y'know, roasting...as in burned...by insults. Get it?"

    "I think so." Liu Xi finally conceded.

    Finally, CSFB! couldn't asking, "Speaking of roasting...what's with the dragon lady look?"

    "What?" Liu Xi asked. She frowned again as she looked down at herself. "Ebony bought this for me."

    "Don't you think you're old enough to buy your own clothing?" CSFB! asked.

    "I don't like to," she explained. "I have difficulty making myself understood at clothing stores."

    "So mail order everything, then," CSFB! suggested. "You're just about old enough to be legal, right? If you're hot, show off what you got!"

    "Mr. Foxglove!" Sir Mumphrey Wilton announced as he snuck up behind the Wired Wonder. He was visually warned by a look from Sir Mumprey. "You look lovely," he corrected Dream's assessment as he looked at Liu Xi.

    "Thank you," she replied with a smile. She gently took the hand Sir Mumphrey offered.

    "Let's find you placement with a good view, young lady." He looked behind him at CSFB!. "Dream and his lady friend will be sitting with us."

    "I do mail order clothing," Liu Xi told Sir Mumphrey, continuing the conversation Dream began. "I thought this occasion was too formal to wear my usual clothes."

    "Right you are," Sir Mumphrey told her. "And you dressed for the occasion with style."

    "Will I have to insult Hatman too?" Liu Xi asked. "He was always nice to me. I don't wish to hurt his feelings."

    "The point, young lady, is to insult him yet make him laugh," Sir Mumphrey explained. "He will respect you for it."

    "Do I have to with everyone looking at me?" she asked.

    Sir Mumphrey chuckled. "It's purely voluntary, Liu Xi. You can simply watch if you wish."

    "Will he respect me if I just watch?" she asked.

    "I'm sure he will," Sir Mumphrey reassured her.

    It was just then that Hatman walked past them both and nodded once to each of them as he made his way to his seat.

    "Jay," Liu Xi said to get his attention. "Don't let them deflate your head too much. Your hats won't fit anymore."

    "Good one." Hatman smiled at her. "Thanks," he said. "I'll keep that in mind."

    "Good show," Sir Mumphrey encouraged Liu Xi as Hatman walked away.

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Keiko is from World Class (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- Liu Xi Xian is (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason Thu Apr 28, 2005 at 01:58:48 am EDT	Subject "Roasting Backstage": A very short mini-off-roast tie-in. Not what you would expect, yet more than you want to know.

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