Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Thu Apr 28, 2005 at 05:59:01 pm EDT
Subject
A Hatman Roast tie-in story
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In a back room of the Lair Legion Mansion's basement, there sits a man in a windowless room. He sits at a regulation issue desk, the desk is covered with old & new books, files & other assorted reading materials. To the right of him on a small desk, is an iMAC computer for which he uses to access the LL's computer files & the internet. The room is littered with papers, file folders (both filled & unfilled), files, bookcases jammed with items, filling cabinets & other things of that sort. This man is Lee Bookman, a sometimes rogue IOL Librarian & associate member of the Lair Legion. He is also their unofficial record keeper at the moment.

Tonight is the night that most of the Lair Legion has gone off to "roast" Hatman. According to the Mansion's sensors, the only lifeforms left in the mansion now are Lee & Flapjack. Lee locked the File Room door so he wouldn't have Flapjack come down to show him his "video collection".

Lee works away on archive for files about the resent Caphan adventure. As Lee does, Xi J-8 floats over to Lee. Xi J-8 is a pear shaped robot, with a camera lens on the upper part & a speaker on the bottom. Lee does not call it Xi J-8, but calls it Shawn.

"Excuse me, Mr. Bookman." Shawn said, flying over to him using it's miniature rocket boosters, which are connected to it lower section.

"Yes, Shawn." Lee said, not looking up from his books, papers & things.

"The designation is XiJ-8, sir."

"Don't care. What do you want?" Lee said as he wrote a few notes to himself, They were backwards, upside down & in french.

"It is now 20:30. You agreed to be at the HellFriar’s Club Roast of Lair Legion member, Hatman."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes. You agreed to be there to roast Mr. Hatman."

"No, I didn't."

"Your name is on the guest list. So, you must have!"

"No. Someone signed me up. Could have been Dancer, she is always trying to get me to do something social."

"You agreed to do this, so I must ask you to stop your activities now."

"01 11 10 00 01 11" Lee said. Shawn's internal systems shut down. Then, Shawn dropped out of the air back onto the same pile of papers.

Lee got to thinking about the event being held across town, he could drop by if he wanted. He understands the concept of "Roasts": Friends & Family get to together to embarrass the guest of honor. Also, anyone there at the roast is fair game to be embarrassed, too

If Lee went, he wouldn't know what to say. He hardly knows Hatman beyond he has a love of Hats & for Wicans. Plus, Lee has never been good a public speaking. That was one skill that isn't really needed in his line of work. Neither is being social, you don't need to be talkative with books. Sure he can talk to people, he does that all the time & in many different languages. But, that's different.

Also, If Lee went he'd have people starring at him. That thought sends shivers up & down his spine. Then, Lee gets out a piece of paper, writes a short note on it & transports it across to the Roast.

As Jay Boaz sat there getting roasted by all his close friends or people he thought were his friends. He sees an envelope appear before him, it was addressed to him. Jay opens it & it says:

Hatman-

May all your Hats fit & your Women be magical! Congrats on the roast, hope you don't get burned to bad!

Lee Bookman,
The Librarian



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