Tales of the Parodyverse

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Trickshot
Mon May 02, 2005 at 08:36:05 pm EDT
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The 2005 HellFriar's Club Roast of Hatman: Boaz? Heh.
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“Heh. Look at you Boaz. Just sitting there squirming. Y’know Clancy may be a tool and Foxglove a nerd but you, Jay, you’re a tight goody-two-shoes. Guess every team has to have it’s Superman. You guys know what I mean. That guy who just HAS to do the right thing all of the time. If he walked pass a thousand dollars on the sidewalk he’d yell for it’s owner until a guy like me came by and lied for it. Geeze man, learn to lie for once. I guess his honesty is one of his best qualities.
Heh. At least it’s better than his coal-up-his-ass-becomes-a-diamond stiffness. Well I’m not going to say Hattie is a stuffed shirt but if he was any stiffer Vish would use him fer an ironing board. That is if Vish didn’t burn all o’ his shirts.
Naw I kid. Jay’s a great guy. A little too much the boy scout but hey, I guess someone has to be. Heck, I hear that if he didn’t sleep around so much he would’ve been inducted in the Boy Scouts already! Guess his sex habits make them scared he’ll chase after the Girl Scouts lookin’ fer cookies, if ya know what I mean.
What? Jay’s always a sex machine. Thing is he’s not like a normal stud like me. I mean I see a hot babe and there ya go. Just ask a couple of them Caphan cuties. I was verrry busy at Mumph’s party. But Jay? Noooooo. He’s into weird chicks. I mean he used to keep his little maple leaf just to the witch variety but now he’s branched out! I won’t say any more about that except watch out ladies! Jay’s into necking!
Yeah Jay’s alright. If you want a cloned, once dead, straight shooting Boy Scout with a Wican fixation he’s your man.
Besides, if it weren’t for him we would be left to think all Canadians were like spiffy and Goldeneyed and then we’d have to invade up north just to save them from themselves!
Yeah, Jay COULD use some unwinding though. Every Thursday I invite him to be part of the weekly card game. I’ve been inviting him since way back when, when I joined the Legion. Back then guys like Exile and Jack Rabbit were part of it. Jay would always turn us down every time. He would always give the same lame excuses. “Sorry Carl but I need to practice my powers.” Or “More practice to do Tricky, I’ll pass.” He did sit for one game though. Back in those days it was him and Nats verses Foxglove, G-Eyed an yours truly. Man that was great! I’m not saying he had a bad poker face but man, the things I bought with his money! Yeah Boaz, you need to join the guys in poker on Thursday. With your poker face I could buy a house!
Well, I guess I’d better wrap this up.
You have a good night boy scout. Keep being true to yourself an I’ll always know my back is covered. Love ya man.”







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