Tales of the Parodyverse

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Al B. Harper
Sun Dec 11, 2005 at 02:23:37 am EST
Subject
Visionary and the Heart of Darkness: Epilogue #3 “Chemical Heart” Part 2
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Visonary and the Heart of Darkness: Epilogue #3 “Chemical Heart” part 2

Al B. Harper: “Systems?”

Amy Aston: “Check.”

Al B.: “Diagnostic?”

Amy: “Check.”

Al B.: “It seems like we made it through alright then. Let us open up the shutters and get a visual.” He punches a few dials on the dash board in front of him and suddenly the cabin of the compact vehicle he and Amy are both sitting in is lit up with hues of red and orange as the shutters shielding the windscreen slide open.

Amy: Looking at the view. “It..it is beautiful.”

And it is. A panoramic shot would show the tiny craft deep in some kind of space, but a space like no other, full of red and orange oil slicks, a kaleidoscope of warm colours all shifting and merging together like paint on an artist’s pallet.


Al B.: “Alrighty, let us check on base, back on the outside.” He flicks a switch called “intercom” and adjusts his head mic. “Rover 1 to base, come in base?”

The seductive yet fun voice of Yuki Shiro comes through the speaker.

Yuki: “Base to Rover 1, read you loud and clear Al. Glad to hear you made it through, I told you I was a steady shot.”

Al B.: “There is none better. Switch to visuals and you should be able to see what we can see via the onboard cameras.”

Yuki: “Will do. Wow, it is beautiful. You are making history again Al. First time anyone has shrunk down and entered the blood stream of a living being successfully. Visionary is still resting peacefully, vital signs normal. Over for now.”

Al B. “Copy, over.”


Amy switches the intercom switch off.

Amy: “I still don’t see why she needs to wear the nurse outfit.”

Al B.: “Artistic license, that, plus with all the poster females having lives and being absent, you non-poster females really have to step
up to the mark.

Amy: “Is that why you asked me along?”

Al B; “Look at Hallie, she is now one of the most beloved PV characters ever, all because Visionary gave her a little airtime and a few stories where she…jiggles a bit.”

Amy: Looks at Al frowning. “Keep it in your pants Harper! She is also now first in line to be held hostage, made into a trophy bride, or worse. Plus, she’s also dating that right wing nut Epitome, or so Muffy tells me. I can really do without that kind of help thank you very much.”

Al B.: “Seriously Amy, I brought you along on this little jaunt because we may need your mechanical expertise and I trust you and rely on you as a core component of EEE.”

Amy: “Oh…well, that is alright then…although I still don’t know why we are doing this in the first place. Uhuna said Visionary was fine and alive again, and it’s not like he can pay us for this.”

Al B: “Yeah well, she’s a zombie herself, so as a member of the un-dead, her take on what constitutes being alive and being dead could be a lot different to ours, plus since she’s keen on Visionary, it might be in her interest to keep him zombiefied.”

Amy: “Err…UHUNA, Al, not URTHULA, you know, the minxy little Abhuman Princess who was dating Nats.”

Al B.: “…”

Amy: “Visonary hasn’t dated Uhuna.”

Voice of someone other than Al B. or Amy: “Yet.”

Al B.: “Details. How am I supposed to keep up with all of Visionary’s multiple girlfriends anyway?

Amy: “Just ask Muffy for a coffee…it’s hard to shut her up once she gets started on who’s doing who in the Parodyverse.”

Al B.: “Wait. Who said that before?”

Voice of someone else: “Who said what?”

Al B. and Amy: “Aaaaaaaaaaagh!”

Voice of someone else: “Aaaaaaaaaagh!”

Al B. and Amy: “Aaaaaaaaaaagh!”

Voice of someone else: “Aaaaaaaaagh! Why are we screaming?”

Al B.: Recognising the voice “Fleabot!”

Fleabot: “Al!”

Al B.: “What the h*ll are you doing here? And where exactly are you anyway?”

Fleabot: “On your shoulder. And like I’m going to miss out on being in the story where we go inside Visionary to prove he’s fake.”

Al B.: “That’s…..not why we’re here.”

Fleabot: “Really? Then we’re going to ignore that sign out the starboard window?”

Al B. and Amy look out the window at the “Made in Timely 1945” sign.

Al B.: “Yes.”

Fleabot: “And we’re going to ignore that…thing…floating out the port window?”

Al B. and Amy look out the window at what appears to be a skeleton dressed what appears to be an Ant-Man suit.

Al B.: “Err…yes."

Fleabot: "And we're going to ignore that..."

Al B.: Cutting Fleabot off: "Zip it Fleabot! We’re here to check for zombie residue. That’s all.”

Amy: “Besides, if we find evidence someone else has already been here, Al won’t be able to claim a first in his journal article for Weird Science.”

Al B.: Sighing: “You know, it was much better in the first chapter where I didn’t let anyone speak.”

Fleabot: “No it wasn’t. You just freaked everyone out. Jason thought he was having a nightmare, and AG was having flashbacks to a previous hospital visit he’d tried to wipe from his mind.”

Amy: “Script format is much safer, and only annoys Chris.”

Fleabot: “And he’s not one of the 5 people reading this anyway, so it doesn’t matter. Large readership you have there Al.”

Al B.: Through gritted teeth: “Thanks for pointing that out…”

Fleabot: “Pleasure. And what was that deal with Xander anyway?”

Al B.: “Xander’s magic was called for in order to assist the shrinking process, and thus make this difficult to replicate. It is bad enough I have become an expert on robotics, I do not need to become the man who shrinks as well, there are enough Hank Pym similarities there for my tastes already, and I’m not even married yet.”

Fleabot: “Calling this craft Rover is not going to help…”

Amy: “But why the fake Xander?”

Al B.: “Was it that obvious?”

Fleabot: “Like Al could even have a chance of getting the real Xander to do anything for him. Besides, Xander has not been seen since that UT issue where he went awol. And all that obvious spell incantation and magic dust,... so not Xander.”

Amy: “So who was he then?”

Al B.: “…she…who was she…’

Fleabot: “Oh Al, you didn’t?”

Al B.: “Madam Magica was the only one available at short notice…”

Fleabot: “He did! I don’t believe it!”

Amy: Her voice rising: “Madam Magica? The woman with all those ads in the back pages of the Daily Trombone? You’re telling me we are currently shrunk down, floating through Visionary’s bloodstream, and our very survival rests on the skill of some two-bit penny magician?”

Al B.: “She came with very good reviews…”

Amy: Throwing her hands in the air: “Harper!”

Al B.: “And we’re only partly resting on her skill…there’s a combination of magic and science at work here.”

Fleabot: “Like that’s going to make us breath easier, what with you as the only scientist present.”

Al B.: “Can we please get back to the matter at hand?”

Fleabot: “Zombie residue right?”

Al B.: “Correct”

Fleabot: “Like that stuff we’re coming up to now?”

Al B. and Amy look out the main window, where a pod of weird evil looking little greenish-black creatures with pointy claws and sinister smiles have just appeared.

Al B.: Switching back on the intercom: “Err…Yuki, we’ve got visual.”

Yuki: “I see it Al. Let me check with the expert?”

Madam Magica: The voice of the old crone comes cackling down through the speakers: “Ahhahahahah, yes, my pretties. Zombie residue, clear as mud.”

Al B.: “Ok, looks like there’s nothing for it then.” He picks up a gilded box that was sitting by his seat. “So Madam Magica, all I have to do is release the contents of this box into Visionary’s bloodstream and he’ll be inoculated against these little beggars right?”

Madam Magica: “Ahahahahahah, yes my pretty. One box of anti-zombie residue as ordered.”

Amy: “What’s with the laugh?”

Fleabot: “I think it’s her thing…we all need a gimmick right?”

Yuki: “Err…Al, you may want to check on the temperature outside before you go and do that, my dials are showing it as above boiling point…”

Al B.: Looking at the dash “Hmm…ours say the same thing, how can that be?”

Amy: “We’re near Visionary’s heart right? Maybe he dreaming of Urthurla?”

Fleabot: “Or Uhuna?”

Amy: “Or Hallie?”

Fleabot: “Or Miiri?”

Amy: “Or Priscilla?”

Fleabot: “I don’t think they’re dating yet in the continuity where this story is set…”

Amy: “Either way it’s bound to be hot out there right?”

Al B.: “Yes, now, if only we had someone who was immune to heat who could go out there…”

Amy: “…You knew this would happen, didn’t you?”

Al B.: “Moi?”

Amy: “And how am I supposed to breath out there?”

Al B.: “We have an oxygen mask.”

Amy: “But no suit right? Very convenient.” She sighs, snatches up the box of anti-zombie residue, shoves Al B. roughly back down into his chair and heads towards the back of the craft to the airlock. “I’ll be wanting extra pay for this.”

Al B. turns the craft so its back is facing the incoming pod of zombie residue, and adjusts the camera to swivel around so he and Fleabot can follow the action. The first thing they see is Amy’s overalls burning off in the intense heat outside the craft as she exits, leaving the mechanic naked.

Amy: her voice coming via the intercom in the oxygen mask: “HARPER!”

Al B.: "..."

Fleabot: “Where’s the zoom on this camera?”

Al B.: “Err…relax Amy, just think of all the points you’ll be scoring with the Hallie fan-base?”

Amy: “THAT’S NOT HELPING!”

Al B.: “Ok, just wait for the little gremlin things to get close, and open the box.”

Amy waits for the pod of zombie residue to get close, and opens the magic box, releasing a rainbow of colourful light.

Zombie residue: “We’re dying, dying!”

Zombie residue: “Brains…must eat brains.”

Zombie residue: “We’re melting, melting!”

The pod of zombie residue all die.

Yuki: “Readings indicate all zombie residue is destroyed.

Madam Magica: “Ahahahahahaha. Yes, my pretties, all dead.”

Al B.: “Well, Visionary will be pleased.

Amy: Heading back into the craft: “Ok we’re done, take us home Al!”

Fleabot: “Just how do we get back?”

Al B.: “We pass through Visionary’s bloodstream and out with his urine, where the magic-science combination snaps us back to full size.”

Fleabot: “…”

Amy: Now back in the craft, but still naked. “That’s disgusting!” She hauls Al B. out of his seat, rips his shirt off him (to cover her modesty), and shoves him back down again.

Fleabot: “Yeah, I don’t think you needed to worry about the magic thing Al, no one in their right mind is going to want to repeat this warped experiment.”

Al B.: Sitting up in his chair and getting into character: “Helmsman, hard to port, and head straight for tomorrow!”

Amy: “We better be out of here long before tomorrow…”

Yuki: “Um…Al, just think you should know, Miss Framlicker’s just arrived…”

Al B.: “Gulp!”

Miss Framlicker: Her voice comes streaming over the intercom: “HARPER! What’s the meaning of this unauthorised experiment? You know our insurance policy doesn’t cover exploratory surgery, and as for using an unlicensed magician, you better get your self back here quick smart!”

Al B.: “Err…anyone want to wait a while before we return? We could check out Visionary’s brain cavity perhaps? There's bound to be lots of open space there we could hide out in, err, I mean explore?”

Amy and Fleabot: “No!”

Madam Magica: “Ahahahahaha. Yes, my pretties, my cheque will be in the mail.”

Miss Framlicker: “HARPER!!!”


The End.


Art by Visionary.


Al B. Harper


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