Tales of the Parodyverse

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Arnie J. Armbruster
Mon Feb 28, 2005 at 01:41:38 pm EST
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An Interview of sorts...
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It's early morning at the Fatal Toilet. Most everyone has left for the day & the only people left are the past out drunks. One such drunk is Arnie J. Armbruster, Attorney at Law!

"Hey" yells the bartender as shakes Arnie's right shoulder.

"Don't eat my brains!" Arnie yelled as he awoke form his druken stuper. He then realizes that Vampire Chicks from Venus aren't in fact trying to eat his brains, but he is standing in an almost empty bar.

"I'm going to close the bar for awhile, so I can clean up last nights drunken free for all. You can't stay here!" The bartender said as he ushered Arnie out the door.

"AHHH!" Arnie said as he stepped out the door to in the bright morning sun.

"I hate morning. A prefectly good afternoon ruined by being too early." Arnie thought as he took a cigerette out of his trenchcoat & light. He took as drag off it and began to walk somewhere else. He hasn't had a case in weeks. He needed a place to work off his hangover.

He turned the corner and found it. Astrolucks, The pretentious coffeeshop that all the hip, young people like to hang out at. While they do that, they like to pay an arm and a leg for a small cup of joe. Arnie walks in. bell on the door rings.

"Hello!" the ultratrendy barista says to Arnie. He goes and its down at as table, once he sits down his head hits the table top. Arnie close his eyes. This doesn't last long.

"Welcome to Astrolucks, I'm Annie & I'll be your barista today!" the chipper young femle said gleefully.

Arnie raise his head and as he does, he groans. "What the F*** do you want?" he yells.

"I liked to take your order, sir?" she said, again gleefully.

"leave me alone." Arnie said as he put his head back down on the table.

"I'm sorry. I can't do that, sir. To have use of our tables, you must buy something or I'll have Gunther, our swedish bouncer, touch you out into the street." she said happily.

Arnie groans & takes a drag off his cigerette. "Also, you can't smoke in here, sir!" she says.

Arnie puts the cigerette on the multicolored table top. "Happy now!" he mumbles.

"Yes. What can I get you?"

"Coffee." He says bluntly.

"What type?"

"Black"

"What size?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes!"

"What sizes do you have?"

"Mini, Grande, Maxi, Ultra Lux & Grandesimo!"

"Which means what?"

"Those are out sizes?"

"I'll take a Large."

"We don't have a large, sir."

"Then, I'll have a Ultra Bucks or whatever you called it."

"One black Ultra Lux Coffee coming right up! That will be 10.75, plus tax."

Arnie throws some money at her.

"Would you like anything else to go with your coffee?"

"You to leave me alone."

"Ok!" Annie says as she walks back to the counter to brew up Arnie's drink.

Arnie has a few minutes a quiet, then it stops

"How are you today?" says another chipper voice. Arnie looks up, seated across the table from him was a college age woman. She looks like she's trying to be punk, but is failing. Punks aren't happy. Arnie groans & turns back.

"What's at matter?" she asks with genuine concern. Arnie doesn't say anything & the Punky girl walks around to Arnie & into his range of vision. "I'm Asrael! Well, my real name is Mindy, but I go by Asrael now!" she said as she held out her hand.

Arnie shook it & said "Name's Armbruster. Arnie Armbruster."

"Hi!" she said as she sat back down at her chair. Arnie sat up, he knew sleep would now be impossible here. Asrael/Mindy had a pile of books on the table & a notepad of paper. She also had a vareity of pens, half of them pink.

"So, what do you do for a living?" she aksed.

"I'm a lawyer, or at least that's what my business card says."

Asrael/Mindy laughes. "Your funny, Mr. Armbruster."

"Thanks. You don't know how much that means to me." Arnie says sarcasticly. Asrael/Mindy does get the joke.

"One Black Ultra Lux Coffee for the Mister & a Double, Half, Frap, Mocha Lotta Moo Cow with skim Half & Half with a hint of cinnimon for the lady." Annie, the barista says as she hands the drinks to Asrael/Mindy & Arnie.

They take sips, It's just the way Asrael/Mindy likes it, Arnie thinks some pissed in his coffee becuase that's what it tastes like. But, he keeps drinking it. Arnie read someone that Urine is good for you. They talk or Azrael/Mindy talks & Arnie sort of replies. He finds out that Azrael is from Iowa & moved to Parrodipolis to go to school. She's studying to get a masters in Astro-Pych. Arnie didn't know Stars needed shrinks. He finds out about almost everything about Azrael/Mindy, more then he ever wanted to know.

He finishes his Piss Ultra Lux & leaves. At that moment, he realizes that Life Sucks!


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