Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike hopes he does not offend
Wed Mar 02, 2005 at 11:27:35 pm EST
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A little light reading for Interview Week
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Threat Assessment


“So, you’re out of the hero business,” Aldrich Grey observed.

His companion, a large, square-jawed man dressed in tie and shirtsleeves, nodded briefly.

The Grey Eminence nodded back to Dominic Clancy, “Good.”

The two were sitting poolside at the Bar Naught Ranch. Since Grey’s better half was midway through her spring tour of the Seychelles, they could speak without fear of any non-participant in the Conspiracy coming in at an inopportune moment. There were servants still in the home, but these were men and women rescued from various Third World nations or totalitarian regimes by the Eminence, and could be trusted. They would sooner die than betray him.

Epitome had been in state to speak at a conference on meta-espionage, and instead of bunking in his Dallas hotel had chosen to stay with his mentor. After dinner he had led Grey out to the wicker furniture that sat by the billionaire’s Olympic-sized swimming pool and after some discussion on various sundry topics (March Madness, Aldrich’s role in the Berlin Airlift, and Syd Cherise being three of note) the conversation had eventually turned to the Lair Legion.

“Tell me what you thought of them,” the Grey Eminence asked.

Dominic’s mood became reflective, “They were an eclectic and disorganized mix of personalities and motives. If I were to generalize, I’d say most of them are unwilling to come to terms with how powerful they are, how unique they are. They don’t understand what it means when they’re called superheroes.”

Aldrich wasn’t too sure himself, “What does it mean?”

“Well, let me explain what I think they think it means. The Legion sees it as an intramural nickname, like for us there are the Longhorns and the Sooners, for them it’s the Superheroes and the Supervillains. They have their uniforms and their rivalries and their trophies. I’m not implying they don’t take their job seriously; they do. And they are damn good at it. But in the end they don’t look beyond the limits of their playing field.”

“Why is that?”

“I think most of them are too egalitarian to admit to being a superhero means you are also a superhuman. They don’t want to believe they are any different from anyone else, when they clearly are. Look at the Hellraiser attack. The Chain Knight and his minions were five of the most dangerous Supervillains the Legion ever faced. They had a plan and the power to back it up and managed to bring the team to the brink of defeat. Hell, they killed several of group’s support staff- friends and lovers- wiped out. But the Legion won, and except for three poor college kids were able even to rescue their friends from Death.”

The wizened old man still had enough hearing to detect a trace of bitterness in his protégé’s voice, “Three kids and seventeen OPS agents,” he noted somberly.

Epitome agreed, “My people dead, because I was thinking like them,” he shifted in his chair, “But they fail to recognize how superior they are. Overcoming insurmountable odds is par for the course for them. And that’s why I think they have the potential for being so dangerous.”

“Well, yeah. I’ve been saying that for years, boy. What finally brought you around?”

“The real world doesn’t work that way. In the real world, when you face insurmountable odds, you get your ass kicked. So if the Legion tried their approach to solving society’s ills, we’d be faced with the catastrophe of a bunch of frustrated, desperate do-gooders slamming their collective heads up against the brick wall that is the status quo,” Dominic sighed and sipped on his beer, “It was of great relief to learn most of the current Legion doesn’t have much interest in bringing about real change.”

“You may be relieved, but I ain’t. There’s too much raw power in the Lair Legion to let them go around unsupervised,” Grey groused, “And their leader, Wilton, he’s a man that understands how to use power.”

“Oh, I agree on both counts, sir. Sir Mumphrey is much more than he appears. But I don’t think he’s a threat, if we leave him be. He’s very comfortable with the status quo. I’d say the same of Miss Waltz, as well.”

“So what are your concerns?”

Epitome’s eyes narrowed, “The Manga Shoggoth is… hard to comprehend. I don’t see him actually trying to subvert our society in any way: the idea of slavery, of dominating others is anathema to him. But if the Shoggoth felt we were suborning the popular will I think he would line up against us. Hatman too. Mr. Boaz is no rabble rouser, but if he thought we were breaking the “rules” he would resist, and prove an implacable enemy.”

“What about the big mouths? Foxglove and Clement?”

Epitome finally smiled, though it was hardly a joyous expression, “They have a tendency to act before they think, yes. Very passionate, and we can use that. Especially once HR 3451 gets put on the fast track.”

“The mutate draft,” Grey chuckled, “Freaking brilliant, Clancy.”

“Thank you, sir. We can expect problems from those two, and the archer as well, not because of any political beliefs he has but more because of the fact Trickshot is a born contrarian.”

“And the others?”

Epitome sighed, “I don’t see Al B. Harper as politically motivated, and as such, not a concern. The Librarian, well, he has exhibited resistance towards authority figures in the past: his own sponsors, to be exact, but the IOL seems such a bureaucratic morass that’s understandable. Nats: I have no idea. But I’m also not especially worried.”

“Nats is the one who flies, right?”

“Yes,” Dominic rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “I actually wish Visionary would seek out more power and authority in the Legion, because I think he would serve as an ideal leader for our purposes. Of all the Legionnaires he’s the one most unwilling to accept his “superhuman” designation, and also the one most unlikely to take the team beyond a limited mandate of reactive good works.

“Dancer and Yo have unconventional approaches to problem solving, and are both extremely powerful. But they are more concerned with the personal than the profound. More locally focused. However, if they thought we were endangering their friends, it would be next to impossible to stop them.”

“But you’re working on that, right?” Grey asked, “Ways of stopping them?”

“There are protocols being put in place, yes. It’s my hope that those can be avoided.”

The Grey Eminence didn’t especially care to hear such an admission from the one he had hand picked to run his Organization once his time was done, “Hope’s a wonderful thing, boy. Just don’t go and get blinded by it.”

Dominic Clancy nodded, but inwardly, he wasn’t willing to give up on it just yet.









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