JJJ: Harrumph. Sit down, kid. What’s your business here?
Kevin Frass, 13 year old comics fan: Well, Mr. Jerkson, sir, er, I heard you were interested in comics and were writing for the Parodyverse Message Board, and I sort of wondered, I mean, I’m interested in comics too, and since you write them, I mean,
JJJ: I don’t write comics. I don’t even read comics, except for a couple of DC titles with good-looking women on the cover that I buy once in a while.
KF: You don’t like comics?
JJJ: Except as an excuse to look at women who I couldn’t get near to in real life – look, kid, you’ll figure it out in a year or two.
KF: But I’ve read your Parodyverse stuff. You must like comics. You know, wasn’t the last Spiderman arc really cool?
JJJ: Haven’t read Spiderman in at least 15 years, son.
KF: Fifteen years? How old are you?
JJJ: See the gray hairs? Notice the pot belly? Enjoy the double chin? Kid, I’m fifty.
KF: Urk. You’re almost as old as my grandpa!
JJJ: Yup.
KF: So you must be one of these rejects who spends all his time alone and collecting things like beer cans?
JJJ: Kid, you need to learn some tact. No, I’m married, have two normal kids, a large suburban house and a very demanding cat. I go to work in the big city most days, sit in an office, tell people what they can and can’t do, and drown in paperwork.
KF: Oh. Sounds boring.
JJJ: It’s worse. I’m a lawyer.
KF: [silent for a few moments, and then tentatively] Does that mean you work, I mean, go, to a court, and defend innocent people against a cruel and unjust system, like Daredevil?
JJJ: Wrong again. I don’t go to court, I don’t defend the innocent, and I slave away trying to keep the system going without too many people finding out too much.
KF: Erm. That really sounds squiddy. You must be, I mean, wouldn’t you want to – I guess what you write is sort of, sort of a way to let yourself be different in the Parodyverse than in real life?
JJJ: Are you’re saying that I’m doing wish fulfillment on the PVB?
KF: That sounds about right.
JJJ: Nope. What I’m trying to do on the PVB is to write stories that illuminate the absurdities I find every day. I’m happiest, and probably best, writing about Elizabeth combating ditzy real estate agents, android-type hospital administrators and a crotchety grandfather. That’s why there’s been so little “try to take over the world” content in my posts. Who’d want to except a madman, and I want my characters mostly on this side of the sanity line.
KF: I don’t really understand all the words you are using. But what I get from what you are saying, you know, is that you don’t get here, I mean, the PVB, that way.
JJJ: Could you try that again?
KF: Well, I mean, why write on the Parodyverse boards for that sort of thing?
JJJ: A little history might explain. About three or four years ago, I happened upon Jason’s Supergirl fiction site, read his stuff, liked some of it, and left. At about the same time, I happened on the Dancer stories by chance and noted them. About a year and a half ago, I went looking to see if there was anything new from Jason, tracked him down to mangacool.com, and discovered the Parodyverse board. With all the contributors, there was a richness of characters and a finely pointed sense of absurdity that I took to. I lurked for about a year, and then began posting.
KF: Oh. Then you really don’t post on the board because you want to make satiric comments on comics.
JJJ: You finally got it, son. I read and post because there is a lot of good plotting, characterization and humor, even though it is inspired by comics. And because there are so many opportunities to jump off from other writers’ ideas, and have them welcome the derivations.
KF: So you wouldn’t want to help me with my new comic character, ElectricEel Man?
JJJ: Not unless he’s in a battle with the power company. And I represent the power company. Sort of a conflict of interest, there.
KF: That sucks.
JJJ: Keep thinking like that, and someday you’ll be able to write like me. O.K., interview's over.
KF: Well, I guess . . .
JJJ: The door's over there, kid.
KF: Er. Thanks, Mr. Jerkson.
JJJ: That's O.K. [calling out the door] By the way, what’s your name, kid?
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