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Nitz the Bloody
Fri Sep 16, 2005 at 03:02:29 pm EDT
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Silver Age continued, Parts 3 and 4
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Nitz returns for Unfinished Story Week: Welcome to the Silver Age!
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Nitz the Bloody
Fri Sep 16, 2005 at 03:01:21 pm EDT
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The Commission: The Silver Age #3
By Neil Kapit

“ I saw you guys on the news, “ Nats told Nitz the Bloody over his cell phone. “ What the hell happened? “

” We were cleaning up an oil spill off the coast of Oregon, “ Nitz told his friend in the Lair Legion, speaking from his room in the Citadel. He was lying on the bed reading a thick book on poor paper called “ The Essential Thor Vol. 1 “. “ And someone noticed, and called the National Guard on us. We tried to reason with them, but they opened fire immediately. “

“ And I noticed that you fired back. “

” Hey, things haven’t been going well for the team lately. Some of us wanted to prove that the Commission is still a force in the world. But I think the team’s pretty much done. The world doesn’t want post-humans meddling in its affairs.... “ A gentle tapping resonated from Nitz’s bedroom door. “ Could you excuse me for a second? Come in! “

Molly Kitsarugi entered the room, holding some books; “ Marvel Masterworks: Avengers “ and “ The Green Lantern Archives “. “ Hi, Nitz. I brought you back your 60’s comics...”

Nitz got up from his bed and to his feet. He was wearing a monogrammed “ NTB “ bathrobe, and his omnipresent helmet. “ Thanks, Molly. How did Stacy like them? “

Molly smiled. “ She really enjoyed them, she hung on every word. She wants to read more, and that’s great, though I’m concerned with the lack of good female role models... “

Nitz shrugged. “ Hey, it was the Silver Age of comics. Newer comics have stronger women in them, though the new comics aren’t really appropriate for kids. I mean, all the heroes went downhill around the 80’s and beyond; Hal Jordan a mass-murderer, Scott Summers an adulterous dick on two occasions, Tony Stark an alcoholic, Hank Pym a wife-beater... “

With the last phrase, Molly froze. “ Ant....Man? “ She squeaked.

Throwing up his hands, Nitz flew into a rant “ Yeah, and that was just in the 616 universe. God knows what he’s doing in the Ultimates. We don’t have any positive heroes any more, just a collection of post-humans with leather bondage gear and permanent smugness. “

“ Aren’t we like that? “

” Yeah, and that’s part of the problem. But I probably sound incurably geeky to you. So what else brings you here. “

Molly looked away. “ I wasn’t here just to return books. I need a favor from you. Stacy’s become a lot of powerful than even before. She doesn’t obey my parenting, she draws on the ceiling with telekinesis, she turns her vegetables to fudge... “

” Well, with that kind of power, proper nutrition seems the least of her concerns. “

Molly frowned. “ This isn’t funny, Nitz. I don’t know what to do about it. I was hoping you could do something with your magic. Some kind of power removal spell “

” I’ll try. I need to consult my space rhino first. “

She raised an eyebrow. “ Space...rhino? “

” Yeah, the invisible Sumatran Rhinoceros who appears in my dreams. Don’t you have one? “

Molly paused, and shook her head. “ Well, do whatever you have to. Just please, do it soon... “

***

Under the illumination of a simple desk lamp, Phillip Hobbes Smith peered through a modified microscope. Normal microscopes he couldn’t see through, so the lens was widened to accompany his feline eyes.

He looked at the midochondrial strains on the lens. The designer cells he had made were acting normally, but they were glowing gold. That was expected, since Smith had altered the cellular sample, simply to prove he could. What wasn’t expected was that the golden color reminded him of Christine’s hair.

It was five years ago that she left him, but the last conversation they had resounded through his head every day. “ I’m leaving you, Phillip, “ she said, walking out of the house.

“ Why are you doing this? “ he said. What did I do now? “

” I’m sorry, I just can’t take it anymore! I can’t live with you! “

” It’s my appearance, isn’t it? “

” Not just your appearance, it’s everything you do! The way you growl in your sleep, the way you rip through your food, the look in your eyes like everyone’s your prey... “

” Bloody hell, this is just the way I am! I thought you accepted that! “

” I tried, Phillip, I really did. But I can’’t handle it! I don’t have the respect of the scientific community, I don’t even have the respect of passer-bys on the street! They call a “ fucking furry “, and not even behind my back! “

“ Well, then, why don’t you get off your high horse and imagine how it is for ME! “

“ I know it’s hard for you. But I wanted a husband, a lover, even kids at some point. Instead I got married to a big cat. I’m sorry, I just have to go. “

And then she ran out the door crying. Like every time Smith remembered it.

From then on, he considered himself to be persona no grata. A novelty amongst the scientific community, a frightening monster to small children, a poor excuse for a man. He put himself into seclusion, using all the money he made from his patents to look for a cure. Eventually he just gave up and devoted his scientific talents to nothing in paticular.

Fifty years on the world, Smith thought, and this was what his life had amounted to? A laughing stock of a chemist, a horror story biology professors tell their students? He might as well just use his homemade proton cannon and do himself in.

But if he was going to go out, he wanted to do it in the public eye. Maybe so they’d all feel sorry that they mocked him, or maybe because he was just an attention whore. It didn’t matter at this point.

***

“ I’m turning in my gear, “ the Designer told the Umbra, dumping various weapons and gadgets on the Conference Room table. “ I’m done. “

” I’m done too, “ Lance Flutterby added. The Umbra just looked at them in shock, with an expression that demanded an explanation.

“ I’m sick of losing battles. “ the Designer explained. “ I’m tired of risking my life for ungrateful people. I want a normal life, not a post-human one. That’s all there is to it. “

” You’re a genetically altered super-soldier from a country that still hates your orientation. “ Alea hissed. “ What kind of normal life could you possibly have? “

” Something better than this, “ Lance interjected. “ I used to have an acting career, I still have a wife, remember? I’ve been talking to my pastor lately, and he suggests against this job. “

” I don’t believe it, “ the Umbra shouted. “ You knew the risks when you committed to the occupation. Why the hell are you quitting now? “

” Look around you! “ the Designer shouted. “ We aren’t making any progress. The world hates us as much as they did when Stanng was in charge. We’re wanted by every government except Canada and parts of Scandinavia, and even the other superheroes don’t trust us. Why not just give up before we all get killed? “

” Because we’re not doing this job to get public adoration. We’re doing it because it needs to be done. We’re doing it for the future of mankind. We’re NOT doing it for a collective hand job! “

” Hey, “ the Bateleur shrugged, “ Just because you don’t have a life doesn’t mean we have to suffer for it. “

” I HAVE A LIFE! “ yelled the Umbra. “ My life is devoted to making the world a better place. Can you say the same?! “

” By killing as many people as possible? That doesn’t seem like progress to me, and that’s all we’ve been doing. I think you’re just doing this to satisfy your bloodlust. “

The Umbra’s body started to glow with black light, as the Bateleur pointed his wrist-launches at her.“ Bloodlust? You want to see bloodlust? Push it just a little further, Flutterby. You’re the same empty-headed coke addict actor you always were! “

” Calm down, “ the Designer snapped, “ This isn’t worth fighting over. “

” Shut up, “ Lance retorted. “ I’ve been wanting to do this for months! “

Then, a voice screamed over the onboard speakers. “ Molly to base, Molly to base! There’s....a situation here. “

” Not now! “ the Umbra shouted.

“ It involves Stacy Infinity. We have a problem... “

“ What do we look like, babysitters? “ Lance growled. Solve it yourself. “

“ Just get the fuck over here, “ Nitz’s voice screamed. “ It’s a fucking emergency! Get over here now! “

“ Can it wait? “ the Designer asked. “ We have an immature superhero hissy fight to resolve! “

” NOWWWWWW!!!!! “

A green energy gate opened in front of the three angrered Commission members. They looked at eachother with scowls, then entered.

***

” Mommy, why is there a giant kitty on top of the bridge? “ A little girl asked her mother from the back seat of the car as she looked out the window.

“ You and your imagination, “ the mother dismissively laughed. “ There’s no giant kitty on top of the Englehart bridge. “ Then she looked out the window and saw the sihlouette of a large humanoid creature, positioned on all fours, wearing a tattered, flowing black cloak. It had cat ears and two long tusks.

“ What’s the kitty going to do? “ the little girl asked. Traffic was upheld as police cars swarmed the area, creating a blockade as a fat man with a megaphone asked the cat-man not to jump.

“ I’ll...tell you when you’re older. “ the mother said, trying to keep her daughter oblivious to the concept of death. Then, after shouting an eloquent speech on the politics of life and death mixed in with a string of profanities, the cat-man jumped off the bridge, falling head-first towards the pavement.

“ Why did the kitty jump, mommy? “ the little girl asked. Her mother responded by putting her hand over her eyes. She herself was staring straight at the pavement, waiting for the cat-man to fall.

Then, the cat-man’s form started to shimmer with yellow energy, and dissapeared.

“ Where did the kitty go? “ the little girl wondered. Her mother, as usual, had no answers, but made something up about going to Heaven to reassure her daughter.

***

” What is THIS? “ The Umbra asked as she and her team stood on the streets of Pierce Heights. In front of them was the ruins of a ritzy apartment complex where Molly Kitsarugi and Stacy Infinity had lived. In the middle of what was left of the building was a tall, wide, column of yellow energy, streaming towards the stratosphere, with yellow particles streaming into and out of the plasma pillar.

“ I-I-I don’t know, “ Molly stammered, kneeling in her sixty-four foot goddess form while looking up at the column. “ Me and Nitz came over to try and remove Stacy’s powers, but by the time we entered her room, the building exploded. I-I-I don’t know what we can do... “

” Where is Stacy??? “ the Designer wondered aloud.

“ In that column, “ Nitz noted, standing with his mystical cudgel extended. Even behind his metal mask, he looked like he was panicking. “ Or more precisely, she IS that column. She’s evolving from her human form into something else. Something new.... “

” Do something about it! “ Molly shouted at Nitz. “ We have to help her! “ Her giant hands were badly burned from trying to touch the column, but she lunged at it anyway. Lightning crackled from the point Molly tried to touch, and she was knocked back into the building across the street, leaving a huge impact crater which was once a series of windows.

“ I don’t know what to do! “ Nitz replied. “ We never knew Stacy’s full capabilities as the Platinum Child. She isn’t magical or mechanical or even mutate, she’s something completely different. I’d try not to piss her off.... “

“ Have you tried ANYTHING? “ the Umbra demanded of Nitz.

“ Only every fucking spell I have since you got here, “ the Priest of Zeku snapped. “ I could shout a bunch of Eku words again if it’ll make you feel better. “

Then, the column started spinning, and drew everything into it. Nitz was the first to go, screaming profanities as he flew into the energized whirlwind. Then came the Umbra, then the Designer, and finally Lance Flutterby. Molly was the last to go, uttering a silent prayer to a generalized “ God “ that everything would be okay. All evidence, however, pointed to the contrary.

NEXT: The debut of “ Happytown “.

The Commission: The Silver Age #4
By Neil Kapit

Professor Phillip Hobbes Smith awakened to find himself in a black void. He looked at himself and saw the same repulsive freak of nature he had known for the past ten years, clawed hands and all. He felt perfectly fine, barring a slight headache. Even as a confirmed atheist, he had his suspicions about where he was. Purgatory, perhaps? An inky void between Heaven and Hell?

Smith noted that he was completely undamaged; apparently one’s soul looks nothing like one’s body, and all injuries and diseases are cleaned up before the voyage to the great beyond. But why was he still a feline, instead of a human being? Maybe deep down, his soul was that of an animal, not a man. Or maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t died, and was teleported to another world instead.

He looked forward, and noticed that several other beings were lying down unconscious, passed out on the ground ( though nothing could be seen but their illuminated forms, glowing in an otherwise pitch black world ). He recognized the armored man and leather-clad woman as the two superheroes who had visited him earlier. Unrecognized were a gargantuan, well-built young woman, a thin young man in a steel helmet and red duster coat, and an extremely muscular, hairless man in zebra pants. Quickly all of them got to their feet.

“ Professor Smith? “ the Umbra asked him after rebooting her systems. “ What are you doing here? “

” The question is, “ Smith noted, “ What are all of us doing here? “

” You’re here because I wanted you here, “ a little girl’s voice boomed loudly.

“ Stacy! “ Molly screamed. “ Where are you? “

” I’m everywhere and nowhere, mother, “ the voice replied. “ I’ve transcended three-dimensional space and now exist on multiple planes. Many of which I created myself. “

Molly looked on with an expression of confusion. Metaphysics was never her field.

” So what are WE doing here, “ the feline professor asked. “ Specifically, what am I doing here? “

” You’re here because I like kitty cats, “ Stacy Infinity’s voice told him. “ But that’s besides the point. I noticed the faults of your world and created my own for you. While I put the finishing touches on the new world, you’ll be waiting here comfortably. “

“ New world? “ the Umbra asked. “ Excuse me, but I still have work to do on MY world. I don’t know about the rest of you. “

“ This is your world. I made it just for you. Watch. “

Suddenly, in a vibrant flash of light, the backgrounds around the Commission and Professor Smith changed. They were now standing in the middle of the street in a small town. They were in the downtown section, with several businesses instated in the buildings, and people walking everywhere. The entire area was vibrant with pastel colors; colorful signs on the buildings, lush green trees on every corner, a powder blue sky and puffy white clouds, and people wearing a variety of bright tones.

The people were of many different persuasions; there were young children and elderly pedestrians, men and women alike, people of many different skin tones. The thing they all had in common was that they were smiling. Everyone had a broad grin as they walked down the street. When they noticed the Commission and Smith, they didn’t react with horror, anger, or even shock. Everyone just walked over to them.

“ Hey, strangers, “ a 15 year-old boy told them, as he walked up to Nitz the Bloody. “ Welcome to Happytown! I’m Roy James! “

” You-toe-pia? “ Nitz asked skeptically. “ Pronounced in segments? “

“ Sure, “ another boy told them. “ It’s the greatest place ever. We have friendly people, good food, and good weather everyday, every week! “

” Yeah, “ an old man piped in, “ Except for those Carnibots from outerspace. Those hooligans always mess things up. “

” Carnibots? “ the Umbra wondered.

“ You’re new here, aren’t you? “ a young woman in a pink dress beamed. “ The Carnibots attack us every day, and destroy all our buildings. And whenever we rebuild our town, they attack us again. It’s a real drag.

“ Here they come now, “ a small child shouted, more dissapointed than afraid. A wide black flying saucer materialized over the town. As everyone looked up, five grey robots fell from the sky. Each of them was a large, stocky humanoid form. Each one had a large head resembling that of a predatory animal; there was a wolf, a hammerhead shark, a gavial, an eagle, and a potato bug. They had bright, individualized color accents interrupting an otherwise silver color scheme.

“ Attention Happytownsfolk, “ the wolf-headed robot shouted, “ I am Carnis the Overlord! I have come from outer space, where humanity has been DEstroyed! And I have come to destroy you! Yes indeed! “

Within a second, the robots started firing a rainbow of different colored lasers. Each laser was targeting a building, and within seconds, the busy street became a war zone. Soot and smoke filled the air as the town itself crumbled under the fire of the Carnibots. All the civilians ran for their lives, though none of them were actually hurt.

“ Run, pathetic humans! “ Carnis laughed. “ Run for your meager lives! I will destroy you all! Yes indeed! “

“ Darn! “ Roy James shouted. “ If only we had a hero or team of heroes to save us! “

“ We’re heroes, aren’t we? “ Nitz asked his teammates. “ Breakeku! “

Typically, the mystical command would cause mechanical things to ( as per the title ) break down, shatter into thousands of pieces. Instead, nothing happened.

“ Breakeku! “ Nitz screamed. “ Shattereku! Crumbleeku! Destroyeku! Fuck! Nothing’s happening! “

” Shouldn’t you have destroyed them by now? “ Lance Flutterby asked.

“ No, something’s wrong! “ Nitz shouted, sweating profusely. “ I don’t feel it! The mystical connection, the ancestral consciousness, the space rhino-- it’s all gone! “ And then, Carnis’ giant robot hand grabbed him, and lifted him up. As the wolf-headed robot stared at Nitz, it started to slowly squeeze him.

“ What is this? “ the robot demanded. “ A human trying to stand up for Happytown? I laugh at your feeble attempt to harm me! Yes indeed! “

” Let him go! “ Molly screamed, lunging for Carnis at her full size and punching it in the chest. It moved back a few feet, a large fist-shaped dent in its silver chestplate. Its grip loosening, it dropped Nitz to the ground, a seventy foot fall which would have killed him had the Bateleur not caught him. Carnis paused, then got to its feet.

“ What is this? A human with strange powers? And more of you, as well! Carnibots, attack! “

The Carnibots responded, and rushed towards the Commission. An epic battle ensued, with both sides fighting as fierce as possible. For the Commission, it was actually a relief, to fight foes they had no moral scruples about killing. For Professor Smith, it was rather pedestrian. He was watching a superhero team and a collection of goofy B-Movie robots beating the hell out of each other. He had better things to do, like get back to killing himself.

Then, he noticed that the boy in the red duster coat and medieval mask was cornered by a small robot with a potato bug’s head. The boy was backed into an ice crema parlor, gritting his teeth. Smith could smell his fear. The robot, however, kept trudging towards him.

“ Potator will destroy small leathered human, “ the robot squealed in a voice that sounded befitting of an insect, or a small child. “ Potator will get promotion from Carnis! “

” Incinereku, “ Nitz screamed at the robot as he was up against a refridgerator full of ice cream containers. “ Shockeku! Freezeku! Avalancheku! Shit, shit, shit , shit... “

Smith’s initial thought was to let the other superheroes handle it, but they were all tied up with other concerns. The giant woman was wrestling with Carnis, the man in the zebra pants was holding the others back with fusion rifle fire, the Umbra was slithering around the perimeter of the robots in an attempt to contain them, and the Bateleur was kneeling on the ground, holding the sides of his head. Nobody but Smith could save the young man.

“ Bloody hell, “ Smith grumbled, as he leaped towards the small robot known as Potator and tore off one of its arms with his brute strength. He proceeded to beat Potator repeatedly with the severed limb. Nitz watched in amazement.

Finally, Carnis screamed, “ Carnibots, retreat! We will fight against the humans another day! Yes indeed! “ as they started to fade away. Soon, the Carnibots and the flying saucer they came in were gone.

The super-team got to their respective feet, and reunited in a circle. The civilian public of You-Toe-Pia slowly walked back from their hiding places, and looked at the Commission. Their faces expressed shock, but also awe, and finally happiness.

“ Golly-gillickers, “ Roy James exclaimed, “ Those super-heroes saved all our skins! “

“ Three cheers for the Commission, “ an old man yelled at the top of his lungs. “ Hip-hip-hooray. “

Every single man, woman, and child joined the old man and Roy in thunderous applause. The smiles on their faces widened as much as possible as they clapped and cheered.

“ They’re....cheering us.... “ the Designer noted.

“ Of course they are, “ Stacy Infinity’s voice boomed. “ You saved the day! “

A small, round man with grey hair moved through the crowd walked up to the Umbra, holding a giant gold key. “ As Mayor of Happytown, for your bravery against evil, I award you the key to the city! “

” Uhhh....thanks? “ the Umbra spouted.

“ Let’s have a parade! “ Roy James shouted. “ We have heroes now! “

***

The parade went on for hours, as confetti flooded the streets and marching bands trudged through it. Loud, upbeat music filled the collective ears of everyone present. Everyone was as happy as could be. The members of the Commission were a bit reserved, but they smiled and waved as they walked down Main Street. Professor Smith marched with them, but didn’t bother to look at anyone. He just stared down at the ground.

And so, the rest is up to you...




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