Tales of the Parodyverse

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CrazySugarFreakBoy!
Sun Oct 01, 2006 at 09:45:04 pm EDT
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No Going Back Now: The Chapter That Changes Everything
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No Going Back Now: The Chapter That Changes Everything

April Alice Apple sat naked on the edge of the bed, watching Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove strip off his fluorescent orange and neon green Silly Suit to reveal his own day-glo yellow-skinned nude body. “Yeah, that’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“What, this?” Dream gestured casually down the length of his luminous physique. “You’re worried your folks won’t take too kindly to you dating a colored boy?”

“Ha ha ha, smartass,” April rolled her eyes. “It’s just … odd, is all. Even more so than usual for you, I mean. Before, as soon as you took off the suit, the day-glo yellow in your skin would go away. But now – ”

“But now, the glow is for good,” Dream shrugged in acknowledgment. “Is that … not good?”

“Not at all,” April rushed to reassure him. “It’s not ‘not good,’ I mean. When I was a vibrator-addicted virgin, I had elaborate fantasies about getting gang-banged by black guys, but I never dreamed I’d be dating an ethnic minority of one when I grew up.”

“Heh. I got you a box of Cracker Jacks,” Dream proudly presented, shaking the small cardboard container in front of her.

April peered appraisingly at the package. “Mm. A box of Cracker Jacks that you already opened, I see.”

“I saved the prize inside for you,” Dream enticed in a sing-song tone.

April smiled gently and smoothed his hair back. “Thanks for the thought, sweetie, but those things have sucked since they passed all those child safety laws for small toys.”

Dream sighed impatiently. “Trust me, I think you’ll like this one.”

April arched her eyebrows. “Uh-huh.”

Dream narrowed his eyes. “‘Uh-huh,’ what?”

April smirked with pursed lips. “You think you’re so sneaky, but I am on to you, boy. For a guy who loves to lie as much as you do, you’re pretty poor at it.”

Dream’s mouth gaped in disbelief, even before he spoke. “Hey, I take exception to that. I happen to be an exceptional liar.”

“Yeah?” April challenged teasingly. “Prove it.”

“Okay,” Dream nodded eagerly, taking her bait. “If I’m not as sneaky as I think I am, then you should know what it is that I’m actually lying about. Which you don’t.”

April blinked in surprise, at having her own trap turned against her, before sticking out her lower lip in an especially exaggerated affect of a sulking pout. “Hmph. Fine. I’ll play along, for now. But whenever you spring whatever trick you have planned for me, don’t expect me to be surprised.”

Dream flashed a winning grin. “I bet you will be.”

“I bet I won’t,” April insisted reflexively, as she withdrew a fluorescent orange and neon green plastic egg from the Cracker Jacks box. Upon popping the two halves of the egg apart, she discovered two similarly colored plastic trinkets inside, each bearing a distinctive smiley face symbol. “What are these, rings?” she wondered aloud to herself, before she glanced up from the prizes in her lap, to observe that her boyfriend was gazing up at her, on bended knees.

“I didn’t want to go jewelry shopping without making sure that whatever I bought would be exactly what you wanted to wear for the rest of your life,” Dream apologized, even as he slipped one of the fluorescent orange and neon green plastic rings onto the appropriate finger of her suddenly limp hand. “But I needed to have something to hand you, when I did the whole getting-down-on-one-knee thing. Heh. See? I told you you’d be surprised.”

April went wide-eyed and swallowed hard. “You’re serious? I swear, I will kill you if you’re kidding about this.”

“No joke,” Dream promised her quietly. “You’re, like, Althea to my Larry Flynt … only, you know, without the spinal disabilities, or the drug addictions, or the screaming dysfunctionalities – ”

“Getting off track,” April interrupted, shutting her eyes tight to fight off the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Dream winced like a whipped puppy. “Sorry.”

April inhaled sharply and trembled as she exhaled, for an otherwise silent moment, before daring to voice her hurtfully honest opinions. “I’m gonna be a bitch and pretend to be a realist here, just because one of us has to. People in our … profession have a lousy track record for grabbing onto the ‘happily ever after’ brass-ring ending and holding onto it, and that’s without a lot of the baggage that you and I are already bringing into this from our own families. I can’t rely on my memories of my parents as role-models for anything remotely resembling a healthy relationship, and even your folks, as much as they love you and each other, still couldn’t manage to stick together – ”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Dream soothed his girlfriend, cupping her face in his hands and caressing her cheeks. “What’s past can be prologue, but it doesn’t have to be predestined. I mean, it’s like … I spent, like, years of my life, feeling like I was living under the shadow of my dad, yeah? First, because I was sure I’d never live up to his legacy, and then, because I was afraid I’d live out all of his same losses. Well, as it turns out, I’m not my dad, and even if I wanted to be him, I couldn’t, and I can’t. There are so many things, that he’s handled and held together in his time, that even now, I could never cope with or keep from falling apart, but you know what? I’ve gone on and done things of my own, that he’s never even dared dream, and yeah, maybe I don’t share his strengths or his smarts, but I’m okay with that now, because that also means that I don’t have to make his same mistakes. He’s him, and I’m me. We each do what we do, and it’s not a contest. Point being, you’re not gonna be like your mom, and I’m not gonna be like my dad. We’re not gonna be like our parents. We’re gonna be like us.”

April bit her lower lip pensively, but as soon as she worked up the nerve to meet Dream’s pleading stare, the worries that sat in the pit of her stomach were outweighed by the hopes that hovered in her heart, that she saw reflected in his eyes, and with that, she threw her arms around him and devoured his mouth with kisses.

“So … is that, like, a yes, or … ?” Dream confirmed dazedly, after they’d both broken away from their embrace to catch their breath.

April burst into a brief fit of laughter, even as tears trickled down her cheeks. “What do you think, you fucking retard? Put on your ring too, so we can make it official, or whatever.”

“Halloween wedding?” Dream tested his sales pitch, slipping on his own engagement ring. “Costumes mandatory for all attendees? You walking down the aisle, dressed as Slave Girl Leia, complete with choker chain and skimpy metal bikini – ”

“And you standing at the altar, done up as Mirror Universe Kirk, with a dagger in your sash belt, and your arms and chest all bare and glistening with sweat, and I really think we need to start practicing for our honeymoon right fucking now, don’t you?” April hissed through gritted teeth as she fell backwards onto the bed, while grabbing the hair on the back of her fiancé’s head to pull him on top of her. “I love you, Foxy Boy.”

“I love you too, Aphrodite,” Dream gasped hungrily, leaving a trail of kisses from her mouth down her face, neck, chest, breasts, stomach and hips, letting his fiancée push the top of his head down, down, down, until his face was nestled between her tightly clenched thighs.

Dreamcatcher Kokopelli Foxglove
And
April Alice Apple
Hope you can stop by
And say hi
When they get hitched
On the thirty-first
Of October
At three o’clock in the afternoon
Outside the Lair Legion Mansion
On Parody Island
Off the coast of Parodiopolis
Be there
Or be square
We already got a fondue set



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