Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike
Sun Feb 05, 2006 at 02:41:10 pm EST
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Re: #254: Untold Tales of the City of GMY vs Al B. Harper, or I Fought the Law… Tie-In
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#254: Untold Tales of the City of GMY vs Al B. Harper, or I Fought the Law…
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The Hooded Hood details the LL's foray into the courts, and what happened next
Fri Feb 03, 2006 at 10:30:11 am EST
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Tie-In to Untold Tales #254 “The Day Before Their Day in Court”





The Nazi designed robotic assassin known as Fleabot hopped his way into the Extraordinary Endeavors Enterprises breakfast nook and greeted one of the company’s owner’s with a cheery wave of his antenna, “Morning, Al.”

“Good morning,” Al B Harper, while he multi-tasked eating his breakfast, watching a tape of his deposition, solving a Sudoku puzzle, and perusing the latest Paradopolis Penny Saver.

It was the last feat that Fleabot chose to comment on, “Looking for some bargains?”

The mad scientist unplugged himself from his iPod, “Hm? Oh, yes: checking the swap meet schedule, actually. I’ve been able to make some excellent purchases there in the past. One time, I picked up a Kirilian Wave Motion Oscillagraph at a 75% discount. It was thrilling.”

“I bet,” the mechanical parasite demurred, “Good to see you’re making post-trial plans.”

“One must plan ahead. In fact, when I finish my coffee I’m heading to the lab to evaluate my computer simulation of the physics behind ‘the perfect slider.’”

“Beg pardon?”

“The baseball pitch,” Al looked embarrassed briefly, “I’m teaching Cody.”

“Ah,” Fleabot nodded at the reference of Harper’s newly discovered son, “Well, that’s-“

Al’s eyes suddenly widened as he read his paper. He reached over to trigger the firehouse alarm, “Everyone report to the conference room!” he called over the intercom.

*****


Al read from the advertisement:

”I want to use this as an opportunity to thank Dr. Al B Harper and Yuki Shiro for liberating the planet Apocalyspe. I, like thousands of others, was kidnapped by the government of that alien world for the purposes of cruel experimentation that no living thing should be subjected to. Despite the fact that Dr. Harper and Miss Shiro did not know me, in fact, they did not even know themselves, both of them exhibited innate courage and decency saving us. To me, whatever the circumstances, they are heroes.”

“Wasn’t that nice?” Harper enthused as he put down the periodical.

“Sure, Al. Real nice,” Amy Aston agreed hesitantly, “Er, what exactly are you doing reading the Penny Saver anyway?”

“You know you wrote this, don’t you?” Al looked to Yuki.

The Silicon Shamus nodded, “Sure, but-“

“It was very considerate of her, given the current climate. And I’m guessing it cost her a bit of money to do so as well.”

“It was a hundred word ad in a free periodical, Al-“ Muffy Framlicker began to object.

“Eighty nine,” the arch physicist corrected.

Muffy ran her tongue over her perfect teeth in frustration, “Fine. Eighty nine. It was a nice gesture, but we have more important concerns right now than a testimonial that was read perhaps by fifteen hundred people.”

“I think we should go thank her,” Al again spoke to his fellow Legionnaire as he fished his car keys from his lab coat pocket, “All of us.”

Yuki’s violet eyes narrowed in incredulity, “In the Jag?”

Al wasn’t so much an absent-minded professor that he didn’t pick up on the hint, “Oh, very well. You can drive the Masarati. Keys are on my nightstand.”

The Silicon Shamus grinned in anticipation, “I know,” she admitted.

*****


Dominic Clancy looked up from his crouch in the corner of the shop, “What are you doing here?”

“Hello, Mr. Epitome. Is Miss Allen about?” Al inquired as he and the rest of his coterie entered the hand-dyed cloth shop of Katarina Allen.

The Paragon of Power gritted his teeth and the mention of his code name. He made another scan with his enhanced senses to be sure they were not under electronic surveillance and answered, “Of course. In the back.”

In a few moments the store’s proprietress made her entrance, “Dominic. Who- oh! Doctor Harper. Miss Shiro. Hello.”

“Hey, Kat. It’s Yuki. Hearing you say Miss Shiro gives me parochial school flashbacks.”

“And you can call me Al,” the arch scientist told the pretty young blonde, “This is Dr. Muffy Framlicker and Miss Amy Aston.”

“Howdy,” Amy peered over to where Dominic was squatting, “Whatcha doin’ there, Epitome, laying carpet?” she chuckled.

“Yes,” he stood, “You’re parked in the store’s loading zone.”

“We won’t be long,” Al assured before turning his attention back to Kat, “We wanted to come by to thank you in person for what you did.”

Kat blushed slightly and went about arranging some swatches on her sample table, “It wasn’t anything, really.”

“You’re wrong,” Yuki reached out to halt her busy hands so she would look at her. She smiled benignly, “The press is trying to make me and Al out to be like Frankenstein and his creator. It was nice to see some nice things about us in print.”

Muffy interjected, “Actually, your analogy is flawed. Al should be Frankenstein. You’re the creation, the monster, which had no name,” she gave a brief smirk at the resultant stares, “Just being metaphorically accurate.”

“Whatever,” Yuki huffed, “The point is what you did took guts.”

Al nodded, “Yes, indeed. Throughout history there have been several instances of society rejecting scientific advancements on the grounds that they are immoral or inherently dangerous. A century ago it was considered blasphemy to operate on the heart because it was believed to house the soul. It took people of conviction to assert that such surgery was not only beneficial, but ethical. And it took those in the public who were willing to listen to the facts and stand by science’s findings to overcome such false notions. Like what you’ve done today with your statement.”

“Thank you,” Kat said softly.

“You’re welcome,” the Legionnaire’s face became less solemn, “Now, before we go, I was wondering if you made uniforms. EEE needs them.”

“We do?” Amy grimaced, absently tugging at one of her coverall straps.

“Well, not for the office staff, obviously. I was thinking for our delivery personnel. Whoever that’s going to be.”

Kat blinked several times, “Yes, well, I don’t really design uniforms. I’m not a tailor. I just make the fabric that makes the uniforms.”

“Then we’d like to buy some fabric then. Something flashy.”

“And within our budget,” Muffy addended.

“And heavily stain-resistant,” Amy smiled.

After a brief period of haggling and handshakes the EEE crew departed, leaving Kat and a grave-looking Dominic alone.

“Nice face you have on there,” she joked.

“You did it. You paid to have that statement you showed me published,” the Man of Might stated.

“Yes.”

“You signed it?”

“Yes.”

Dominic’s eyes darted around the room like he was looking for something to break, “That was… an error.”

“Says you,” she shot back.

“You’re making yourself a target.”

Katarina Allen moved to stand in front of the big man in the Army regulation crew cut, “I was a target for four months on one of the most dangerous planets in the Parodyverse. I survived that. I’ll survive this.”

“The circumstances are completely different, Kat. On Apocalyspe, you could run and hide from the threats. Here, there is nowhere to run. These agencies that are behind Harper’s and Yuki’s trial and the Patriot Brands, they are much more subtle. I can’t keep you safe if you continually ignore my advice and get involved.”

“Wait,” Kat held up her hand, “You’re saying not to try and defend what’s right? You, a former soldier and a current superhero, are telling me to care about my own interests and not the principles that made this country?”

“I wasn’t… I’m not…” Dominic stumbled with his words before finally speaking what plagued his mind, “If they get to you, Kat, if they use you against me, I- that’s what I’m afraid of. I would do anything to keep you safe. Even betray my country. My actions nearly killed you once. I won’t fail you again.”

Kat saw the total agony that roiled in Dominic’s blue eyes, “Well, then, it seems like we’re at a bit of an impasse.”

“Apparently.”

She looked at him defiantly, “What do we do?”

Mr. Epitome told her.


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