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Post By Dancer apologises for her unexpected absence and offers this story to say sorry; slightly edited and posted via HH Fri Jun 08, 2007 at 02:11:11 pm EDT |
Subject Dancer’s Tie-In to Untold Tales #314/315: “I wish I hadst not consumed yon three jars of pickled eggs ere the adventure began.” Originally #315: Virtual Command, or Three Things To Bear In Mind When Conquering the World - Chapters 5 - 9 (Complete) |
In Reply To More world-conquest worries from... the Hooded Hood Thu Jun 07, 2007 at 01:38:20 pm EDT |
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| [The Scene: Trickshot, Donar, Mr Epitome, Glory, Yuki Shiro, Queen Annj, Amazing Guy, and Marie Murcheson have got themselves trapped in Untold Tales #314. More specifically, they’ve got themselves locked in this unbreakable Spectral Zone cube that Citizen Z asked them to try out. What they didn’t know was that Citizen Z was actually the wickedy Baroness Elizabeth von Zemo, finally cutting loose with her plans to Conquer the World. If they’d known they might not have gone into the Spectral Zone so easily. Or feel like such dingbats about it afterwards.] Donar, thumping the side of Spectral Zone cube with his enchanted baseball-bat-with-a-nail-in-it: Open up! Open up that the smiting might begin in sooth for the nonce, egads! Marie Murcheson, clutching her temples: Must you keep on pounding so hard and so long, Lord Donar? I am developing somewhat of a headache! Queen Annj: Please, now I’m getting flashbacks to conversations when he’s come home after quaffing night at the Ausgardian bier-und-pukenfest. Yuki: Okay, it’s clear that we’re trapped in here. We’re going to need to think this through. Trickshot: Wow, Yuki, I can tell that you’re a detective. I never would’a thought of that. Yuki: I can believe that. Donar: Thinking? Wilt the torment never endeth? Mr Epitome: It is clear that we have been deceived and betrayed. And not by me this time. This is most disturbing. Amazing Guy: Hold on a moment, everyone, while I further the plot by tuning my cosmic awareness onto the problem. This should give us some idea about how badly screwed we actually are. Trickshot: Didn’t it say up there at the top that we were in an Untold Tales plot? That means we’re really badly screwed. Glory, still with ruffled neck-fur from seeing Citizen Z walking out of the room laughing: It is true. We are all confined in a very small cube of unbreakable force. What happens when we have to go walkies? Yuki: You’re referring to the absolute lack of en-suite bathroom facilities in our eternal prison space? Luckily I have on-board systems to process waste and recycle it into even more annoying dauntlessness. But the rest of you… Marie, shuddering: I wish you had not mentioned the need for… for personal ablution facilities [* she blushes furiously the crossed her legs *]. Trickshot: Yeah. Plus we need a little archer’s room as well. Well, when I say little… Yuki: I wish you wouldn’t continue that sentence. Donar: I wish I hadst not consumed yon three jars of pickled eggs ere the adventure began. Queen Annj: We all wish thou hadst not consumed yon three jars of pickled eggs ere the adventure began. Glory: I am unlikely to have any problem tracking you, Lord Donar. Although we may run a risk of the atmosphere in here catching fire. Amazing Guy: Never fear, Miss Murcheson. Although my omniversal energy powers cannot zap us free from this Spectral Zone cube I can use my energy constructs to create a fully functioning porta-loo in the corner of our prison. Mr Epitome: For as long as your concentration holds. Amazing Guy: Er, yes. And I need practice at energy toilet roll. Trickshot: I knew we shouldn’t have trusted that Citizen Z! Now we’re trapped in a plot point that’s about to explode before we get to use a temporary bathroom to keep AG concentrating. Donar: If thou had’st suspicions of yon Citizen Z it wouldst have been helpful if thou hadst mentioned it ere now. At any time o’er the last year or so, really. Yuki: What the irritating archer means is that he _should_ have had suspicions but was too busy being his usual annoying self and shooting his mouth off to be of any use as usual. Trickshot: Gee, yeah. I should have picked up on that. Because I run a private detective firm when I’m not running around in tight leather pants… [* he gets distracted *] …tight leather pants… AG: Stay out of my bathroom. Glory, who isn’t good at smelling Trickshot’s sarcasm: I thought Yuki was the P.I.? Has Trickshot been wearing her clothing again when she is not around? Marie: I wish there was room in the box to swoon properly. Queen Annj: Swooning might be a good idea, Marie. There’s probably clearer air at the bottom of the cube. Donar, defensively: They wert very tasty pickled eggs. Also, you said you liked when when I art pounding… AG, quickly: Okay, cosmic awareness update flash coming in, right now! Really. Everyone has to stop talking about any pounding of any kind that doesn’t include hitting the sides of this box. Now, let’s see… Mr Epitome: Do you have any useful explanation of why Citizen Z might suddenly trap us in a tight confined cube? She is supposed to be our acting acting leader, isn’t she? I found she had the advantage of not being CrazySugarFrealBoy! Trickshot: Yeah. She’s supposed to be leading us to being blown up by the Parody Master, not to experimenting with new and disgusting bits of force-construct plumbing. Queen Annj: Are not Amazing Guy’s force constructs somewhat transparent anyhow? Marie: * whimpers * AG: Uh oh. Looks like the missing piece of information about Citizen Z that we hadn’t worked out before is that she’s not actually a hero. She’s actually nasty villainess Baroness Elizabeth von Zemo, using her Lair Legion cover as a way of putting together her plans to rule the Earth. Glory: But she does not smell of nazis! Profiteroles, sometimes. Mr Epitome: Von Zemo! And you don’t think it would have been helpful to have your cosmic awareness mention this to us before we all climbed into this Spectral Zone cube at CZ’s say-so and let her lock us away while she takes over the planet? AG: That’s not how cosmic awareness works. You have to kind of focus on one particular thing and sort out that information from all the background stuff. Trickshot: So you’re saying that you can’t tell what colour underwear Yuki’s wearing today unless you specially concentrate on knowing and think about it? AG: Exactly. Unless I think about it I… um… [* blushes as he can’t help thinking about it *] Yuki: Hey! AG: Sorry. As soon as Trickshot mentioned it… Yuki: * Hits Trickshot * Trickshot: Hey, I didn’t peek at your undies! I won’t know what colour they are till you use that transparent portapotty. Mr Epitome, without thinking: She’s not wearing any. Um, not that I was specifically using my x-ray vision to know except that when someone mentions something like that it’s natural to glance and… Yuki: * Hits Trickshot again * Trickshot: Ow! Hey, why are you hitting me not him? Yuki: He is invulnerable. You go ow. Donar: Tis no shame to wear no undergarments. I myself art commando e’en as we speak, and wilt gladly demonstrate. Queen Annj: He will, too. Marie: * swoons again quickly * Trickshot: Better view from down there? Marie: * unswoons hastily * Glory, feeling the plot discussion needs progressing: So all this time Citizen Z was really an evil meanie! Yuki: Yes, but the new information is that she was also Baroness von Zemo. That explains so much. Although it fails to explain why she didn’t shoot Visionary months ago. Queen Annj: I have the feeling that there’s going to have to be a proper, better explanation in a different tie to this one. Mr Epitome: One that does not include transparent toilet plumbing. *sighs* I used to be such a Tom Clancy hero. Now I appear to be Tom and Jerry. Trickshot: So, we gotta find a way outta here before one of Donar’s farts detonates, to overcome the Baroness before she takes over the planet, and without the help of any of Yuki’s underwear. We’d better get to it! Donar: If it will help, I couldst smite yon cube with mine big stick. Queen Annj: Isn’t this where we came in? Continued back in Untold Tales etc.  Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2007 reserved by Sarah Shepherdson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2007 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Sarah Shepherdson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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