Hallie and the Clockwork Movement - Tales of the Parodyverse

Flapjack opened the wooden door at the entryway to the Mansion almost before the bell had announced a visitor. Even with such foresight, however, his first reaction was to blink in surprise before remembering to leer properly. "Yes?" he asked the notable figure on the front step.

"Hi!" the buxom, tightly clad redhead answered cheerfully, if a bit nervously. "I'm Tandi."

"Ah... of course you are" the misshapen butler observed, his eyes traveling up and down her form.

"Um... I'm here to pick up Hallie? We have a date."

If possible, the hunchback's grin grew even wider. "It's like Christmas came twice."

"That's for me!" the holographic woman called hurriedly in response to the doorbell, appearing in the foyer behind the butler. "I'll handle her!"

"I can imagine" Flapjack replied, imagining. A bit of drool ran down his lip.

"It's nothing you need to tell the others about..." Hallie continued rapidly. "I asked her if she could review some figures with me. Um... I have a problem that's kind of technical, and I, um... needed a specialist."

Flapjack smiled at her. "Yes... she looks like a pro all right." He opened the door wider so Hallie could see her guest. "Shall I take the lady's PVC bustier?"

The Holographic woman just about choked. "Ah... actually, we were heading out. Um... for research."

"Of course you were. I'll just have Sgt. MacHarridan come down and note your little visitor in the log..."

"That's really not necessary..." Hallie stressed. "Really."

"Riiiiiiight" he answered, bowing extravagantly as he held the door open for the virtual woman. "You crazy kids have fun, and this will just remain our little secret."

Hallie looked to be about to reply when instead she sighed in defeat and tromped out the door.

"Well..." Flapjack said to himself, rubbing his hands together in satisfaction. "I knew there was a reason she kept turning me down... Fleabot owes me fifty bucks."

"I told you not to come up to the mansion!" Hallie said, exasperated, as she sat in the passenger side of Tandi's Miata. "I was going to meet you at the causeway bridge."

"I'm sorry... I just didn't know if you got my phone message about the change in time..." Tandi apologized.

Hallie sighed. "Tandi, I'm practically the answering machine. When you leave a message, even if I don't pick up, you may as well be tattooing it on my forehead." She shook her head. "Ugh... you have no idea how fast rumors spread around that place. I'm going to be hearing about this one for a while..."

"Oh, come on..." the former sexbot prodded. "Everyone I met on my way in was really nice, and that butler seemed especially friendly."

"Yeah, he was happy to see you all right" Hallie agreed wryly. "But half of the government is tromping through the mansion at any given moment these days, and I can't very well have it known that I'm meeting up with an illegal, unregistered RoboAmerican to attend an underground meeting of the robosapien rights movement. Garrick would have a conniption, and then he would try to lay down the law, and then I would have to stuff him into the breadbox no matter what I had to do to make him fit properly, and then Sir Mumphrey and Dream would be buried in paperwork they just don't need right now."

"Right... sorry..." Tandi replied, chastised. "I probably shouldn't have handed out all those leaflets, huh?" she added by way of afterthought.

The A.I. sighed. "And what are you wearing?"

"You like it? I went on a spending spree for a new outfit for the meeting..." she answered gesturing with both hands despite the heavy traffic. "I wanted something that "Kick-ass freedom fighter!", but in a nice way. Something heroic, that Josh would appreciate!" She had been liberated from her creator, Prof. Pervo, by super-speedster Joshua Clements, aka De Brown Streak. The mutate rights fighter had obviously left an impression...

"I didn't even know they made "Matrix"-style cheerleader uniforms in army green..." Hallie answered tactfully.

"You just need to check the back section of the Mangatown 'Hot Topic'."

"I'll do that" she answered hesitantly, then realized that Tandi was still waiting for an appraisal. "Um... Nice goggles."

"Thanks! I was going to go with a Beret for the whole Che Guavara look, but I thought that might be over the top. I think these make me look smarter, anyway... plus they hold my hair back in a cute sweep."

"Er... yes" Hallie agreed, trying not to imagine Che Guavera in an assortment of plastic fetishwear. "They do a nice job."

"Do they?" the robot replied, pleased. "I was worried that people wouldn't take me seriously enough at the meeting with my long hair because it was too pretty, so I had it styled after yours."

"Thanks... how flattering" Hallie answered dryly, rubbing her forehead. "I'm so glad you talked me into this."

"Me too!" Tandi agreed excitedly. "I think you're really inspirational, and we could really use your help in getting our message across. It's hard out there for the little guys, at least the little robot guys... the ones who don't want to be retrofitted into war machines by the crazies on either side. The ones who just want to live normal lives like everyone else." She smiled over at her passenger. "Some of my friends said you'd never come... that you look down on the rest of us with your fancy programming from your mansion full of celebrities... That you could never relate to us, as you'd view me as some kind of cheap and tacky low-grade model, but I told them that wasn't you at all!"

The Lair's A.I. flushed guiltily. "Look, Tandi... I don't really know... I mean, I've never exactly had a 'normal' life of my own. I don't think of it as a big mansion full of celebrities... I just think of it as home and friends. I don't think I'm better than anyone, but... maybe your friends are right, and I won't have anything useful to say about their experiences. Maybe I don't know how to fit in. Maybe I don't belong."

"What?" Tandi asked incredulously, laughing, turning her head to look behind them while swerving around a semi on the expressway. "You almost make it sound like you're not good enough to be with us!" She shook her head in disbelief. "Trust me, girl... you're practically a rock star to this crowd! Well, um... maybe not a rock star..." she reconsidered, looking the holographic woman and her outfit over. "But definitely a famous smart person, like one of those Nobel people, or that guy who was champion on Jeopardy for like four months! Trust me... they'll be fawning all over you!"

"What the hell is she doing here?" an irate Robo-American was growling at the entrance to an underground club on the borders of Mangatown. "Jeeze, Tandi... did your Pervo Programming blow a fuse or something? You led her here?! The Feds will be down any minute to impound the lot of us!"

Tandi looked concerned as she raised her hands plaintively. "Now Ted, it's not like..."

"Arrest" Hallie interrupted coldly.

"What's that, traitor?" the doorman snarled.

"Arrest the lot of you" she replied icily, poking a finger into his chest. "Only property gets impounded. People get arrested. If you're not willing to make the distinction, how can you expect others to?"

There was a blast of steam, followed by an ominous chugging, clanging noise as a huge, 11 foot figure loomed out of the darkness of the alley. It was a mass of black cast iron and rivets, broad in the chest and shoulders, supported by an almost skeletal body and clouded in steam that glowed an angry red glow from the coals burning in its heart. "Is there a problem here?" it asked in a deceptively mild, gravely voice.

"No problem here, Joan..." the door man replied after a quick start, regaining his composure with his arms crossed. "I was just about to throw these two tarts out on their overdeveloped asses."

"Hey!" Tandi complained. "My ass is finely honed to exacting factory specifications."

"Are you here to cause trouble?" the giant Joan rumbled, turning to the newcomers.

"I thought that's why we all were here" Hallie answered calmly, her glare affixed on the man at the door.

"Heh..." Joan chuckled. "I like her. She's got moxie. And she's right about the "arrest" thing." She cast a sidelong glance at Hallie with eyes resembling headlights. "Nobody's calling the cops on us tonight, right?"

Hallie nodded. "Not on this end."

"As If I'm going to take her word for it..." the man scoffed.

"As if you could have a prayer of stopping her if she wanted to get in, or if she wanted to make your innards into a lovely hanging mobile" Joan noted mildly. "You know who she is... She's Legion, for cripes sake Ted. You really think a former bouncer from Hooters is going to give her much trouble?"

"Legion? She's a glorified secretary..." Ted noted.

Tandi leaned in conspiratorially. "She's a Vizhnar, Ted."

The doorman's face froze and his eyes flickered to Tandi's face. She simply smiled and nodded quickly.

"We'll just be going in now..." Joan said, brushing the Robo-American to one side with a massive arm. "Thanks Ted, you're a doll." She led the other two women into the hallway beyond the door.

"What was that all about?" Hallie asked, allowing herself to be swept along so that Doorman Ted was removed from her glare.

"After Ultizon arose and proved that Ulz Vizhnar programming wasn't just some urban legend, the stories about them have gotten a little out of control" Joan explained. "Everyone has met a Writchards version, like Ted back there... or a Prof. Pervo version like Tandi. Occasionally, you run across an old Blofish model, a liberated PeterVonDoombot, or a recycled Turrets Inc War Machine... Hell, even a Technopolis android or two... but really, there are only so many operating systems for our kind out there."

Tandi smiled proudly as if she had found a designer handbag. "Nobody has a neighbor, coworker or girlfriend that runs Vizhnar code. You're like meeting a Dracula, or a unicorn."

"How special" Hallie sighed under her breath, noting the uncomfortable amount of range between the examples in Tandi's simile. Casting about to change the subject, she looked to the hulking iron behemoth alongside them. "And you're... Joan, was it?"

"Ah, right... sorry" the towering robot answered, offering up a huge metal gauntlet to shake. "Joan Henry. I'm a Writchards with a steampunk retrofit. I was on a wait list for simulated human parts, but got tired of being passed over... Besides, this way I clean up at the underground Robot Rumbles." She noted Hallie's reappraisal of her form. "Anyway, don't get too self conscious about not fitting in..." Joan suggested, swinging open the dented steel double doors at the end of the brick hallway. "...We get all kinds here."

Judging from the view, they did indeed. The warehouse beyond was filled with robots of every shape and size, from the human-appearing like Tandi and Ted to monstrous contraptions of steel that made Joan look delicate. She noted some familiar faces, whether from news reports, case files or (in the case of a blue cat keeping to itself the rafters) from personal experience. They were all gathered around a podium where a stern looking Robo-American stood gathering his notes. And, perhaps not incidentally, they were all now focused on the glowing green holographic woman.

"Er... hey folks!" Tandi broke the unfriendly silence. "Um... are we late?"

"Now then, it seems to me there's only one logical response to the upswing in human aggression..." the Robo-American speaker was saying.

"Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!" a droid shaped like a giant salt shaker started bellowing in a grating voice. The crowd waited patiently until it became obvious that he wasn't going to stop any time soon.

"Um... Larrybot Mouser 5000 is stuck again" the speaker sighed impatiently. "Would somebody whack him on the back of the head so we can get on to suggestions? We'll try and do something about the rat problem at our next meeting, I promise." There was a loud clang, and Larry piped down. "Thank you. Larry, buy a new voice processor already... you're killing us here. Now then, as I was saying..."

"Is it fair to call it an upswing in human aggression?" Hallie asked before he could gather up momentum again.

"What?" the speaker snapped impatiently.

"A fair question, William..." an aged Writchards Mark One model interrupted. "I think we need to define the time-frames we are speaking of, if we're to properly gauge current trends. From the data I've compiled, it would seem that the public's opinion has swung significantly towards sympathy for the Robo-American population following the incident on Lair Island, and reports of violence are down substantially."

"Only because they already killed off every one of us they could find" a silver haired woman noted acidly, her cold eyes focused unwaveringly on Hallie.

"That was a cowardly act perpetrated by diseased individuals" the Virtual Woman replied solemnly. "You shouldn't blame the human population at large."

"No, they only voted to have us rounded up for the slaughter."

"Exactly" the speaker began again, casting his own hostile glance towards the glowing green guest. "But we have a plan to make it that much harder for them to do so again in the future. New tracking technology has been ordered by the government from a contractor named Artificial Organics Processing Technologies East. Even after the war, the government will have the ability to pinpoint any A.I. signature within a one hundred yard radius."

There was a nervous murmur through the crowd. "That's not exactly new..." the Writchards Mark One noted. "There are already plenty of ways to detect an A.I. signature."

"Yes, yes... but this is an order for an excessively large number of the devices. It seems clear that the US government is determined to equip border partrols as well as domestic law enforcement with the devices. Even after the war, Abner, it's clear that our expatriate friends won't be welcomed home."

Tandi blinked in alarm as a buzz went through the crowd... literally for some models. "Is that true?" she asked Hallie.

The virtual woman scowled as she considered it. "It's the first I've heard of it, but then I've been somewhat removed from the loop recently."

"What I propose is that we show the humans how much they have come to rely upon us... upon all technology... but striking at the very manufacturing process behind this technology and seeing it never makes it into the field."

"An assault on corporations engaged in government contract work?" a seemingly middle-aged Robo-American woman asked nervously. "But William... Isn't that more the style of that terrorist group, the Machine Shop?"

"Freedom Fighters, you mean" a younger model countered.

"Either way, a bit beyond what I signed up for..." a man in a business suit and tie chimed in.

At the podium, William raised his hands to quiet debate. "I'm not suggesting any such thing. We've no need to resort to violence in order to be heard, especially not against any heavily guarded manufacturing facilities during wartime. We can simply undercut the project by sabotaging things further up the line. In this case, Packard McDaniels Inc. They will be providing the base component chips to the A.O.P.T. factories. Chips which are manufactured by automated assembly lines." He smiled tightly. "And those assembly lines, and the testing software that checks their work, are all union."

"Union?" Hallie whispered.

"They may not be the brightest 'bots around..." Joan supplied. "But you don't want to try and take an arc-wielding robotic arm's job from him."

William smiled in satisfaction. "Once the press gets wind of the millions in wasted funds as these flawed chips spread throughout the technology sector, we'll start getting some real public attention."

"Well, naturally" Hallie interrupted. "But it won't be friendly. It'll be a disaster."

"Excuse me?"

"Packard McDaniels may supply the circuit boards that go into this robot detection technology, yes, but it also supplies those base chips to 30% of the medical technology field for intensive care monitors and emergency response equipment."

"Our alterations wouldn't affect such equipment at all!"

"Maybe not, but once the first headline reads "A.I.-Sabotaged chips found in ICU equipment", what do you think the focus of the story will really be?"

The man at the podium glared at her. "Miss, you're tolerated here merely as a guest and an observer..." he stated with a notable lack of tolerance in his tone.

"She has a point..." Abner chimed in. "Robots trying to murder children in intensive care would sell a lot more papers than some dry stuff about disabling border patrol gizmos."

"Well, what would you have us do?" the silver haired woman asked angrily. "They're not going to stop hating us."

"Maybe you can work on that while at the same time bringing attention to your plight..." Hallie suggested.

"Yes, because you're the one we're going to take advice from. A Vizhnar."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hallie asked dangerously.

A young RoboAmerican with a skateboard chimed in. "Everyone knows that Vizhnar models are psychotic and run on puppy blood."

"What?!" the A.I. choked indignantly. "We do not!"

"You should probably argue the first part too" Joan suggested helpfully.

"Oh yeah?" the skateboarder scoffed. "What about that Flea friend of yours that's in all the papers?"

"Ooh... good point" Catbot muttered from above. "I always thought there was something shifty about him."

"He's called Fleabot because he's tiny, not because he bites dogs!" Hallie argued in exasperation. "We're not the boogie-men of the artificial set that people make us out to be! None of us run on puppy blood..." she paused and made a face, then allowed "Well, maybe Ultizon..." She shook her head. "This is nonsense. The fact is, it'd be more valuable to work on improving relations with the humans as a main priority..."

The silver haired woman turned her sneer at the holographic woman up to eleven. "Oh, I've read all about how far you've gone to improve your relations with humans. According to that Weaver tell-all book, you get more of a workout than your brainless Pervo slut friend there. I guess holographic parts don't wear out."

Hallie's complexion darkened and her eyes flashed with anger. "You need to watch yourself. I don't like it when people disparage my friends..."

"What are you going to do about it, psycho-bitch?"

Joan rumbled forward, shaking the floor with her footsteps. "Well Bryce, She's going to watch as I pound you into skank flavored jelly..."

"Actually, I do have a proposal along those lines!" Tandi interjected quickly, her eyes wide like a frightened deer's at all the hostility. "Not the jelly thing, but the other one... Maybe we should all just calm down a bit? Is there punch and cookies, perhaps?"

"Yes, a good idea..." Abner concurred, eying the steam driven robot nervously. "We're all friends here, and we're here to talk."

The silver haired Bryce glared at the party opposite her. "They're not my friends."

"Nonetheless, I think it's only fair that we give the young lady the opportunity to present her alternative course of action. Wouldn't you agree, William?"

The speaker at the podium didn't look happy, but he nodded. "Of course. We're gathered here in brotherhood, and we're lucky to have such diverse perspectives available to us. Let's hear what the young women have to suggest."

Hallie blinked. "Actually, it's just Tandi's..." she began before the redhead excitedly grabbed her by the hand and led her up to stand alongside her at the podium. Unsure what else to do, the holographic woman smiled hesitantly in support.

"A-hem" the former sexbot fake-coughed delicately to clear her throat, then addressed the crowd with her serious face. "In this trying time of human verses robot, I think we need to get people to see that we're not really all that different on the inside. Well, I mean... we're different than humans on the inside. And Joan over there has a cast iron furnace inside her, while I have batteries. But, you know... maybe further inside, we're all the same. And if we could only reach out to each other, we'd be able to see it, and then they'd really like us.... and it's important to be liked. That's why my proposal is called..." she paused for maximum effect, "Hugs Across America".

The room fell silent, except for some cricket-like chirping.

"Sorry..." a voice called out from the back of the crowd. "I really should get that oiled."

"Ah, well..." Hallie began awkwardly. "That's quite an interesting..."

"Hugs?" the silver haired Bryce finally spat in disbelief. "That's your solution to things?"

Tandi faltered, playing with her hands nervously. "Um... It's just, hugs feel really, really good. People like to be hugged. It's friendly. I thought... maybe if we designate a day and a time, and all Robosapiens go out and hug humans nation wide, then maybe we'd get some nice press and they would see that we weren't so scary?"

"Or maybe they'll just shoot us."

"You really think people are going to complain if she hugs them?" Abner chuckled, with an affectionate glance towards the former sexbot. "I think more people would complain if she stops."

"Maybe... maybe if we had humans hugging us...?" Tandi offered, realizing she was losing the crowd.

"None of us want to be hugged!" Bryce snarled.

"I want to be hugged..." Larrybot Mouser 5000 sniffed quietly in his grating voice.

"Yes, well... Thank you Tandi" William said with a bland smile, reclaiming the podium from the crestfallen woman. "As I said it's good to have some... diverse opinions in our movement."

"Fine... The sexbot and guest can work on hugging it out with the humans.." Bryce noted dismissively. "Can the rest of us get back to the plan that actually accomplishes something?"

Hallie stepped forward quickly. "Actually, I have some other suggestions as to where your group could make the most inroads..."

"I think we've heard enough for one meeting" William noted with finality. "We've run over our scheduled time tonight... best not to tempt fate. I suggest we adjourn until next Wednesday." Dismissed, the robotic gathering turned to file back out into the evening. "Careful finding your way home people, and watch your backs" He called out after them.

Hallie watched them go with concern, then turned back to the speaker. "Really..." the A.I. tried again, laying a hand on the RoboAmerican's shoulder. "If I could just have a moment to talk to you about some ideas. I think your movement is on the right track, I'm just worried that..."

"I'm sorry" William said, his eyes flat and cold. "We haven't been properly introduced." He didn't hold out his hand. "My name is William Pyrite. I believe you knew my daughter."

The color drained from the holographic woman's face as this registered. "Mindy?"

"Yes. She was a remarkable girl... the best parts of her mother's and my own randomized code. We were truly blessed to have had her." His voice tightened as his eyes unfocused. "She wrote us letters about all the good she was doing, and about how much she looked up to you. Until, of course, she died under your watch... while you survived. That seems to happen a lot to robots around you." He gathered up his papers and stuffed them in a leather satchel with jerky movements, his face hardening. "You're going to give us advice on how to keep our loved ones safe, is that it?"

"I... I never..." Hallie swallowed distraught.

"Go to hell" he answered, turning his back and marching out into the night.

"I'm sorry" Tandi said miserably, sitting in her car at the end of the Lair Island causeway. "I ruined everything."

"It could have gone better" Hallie admitted in tired defeat, slumped in the passenger's side. "But it wasn't your fault. It was mine... I should have known better than to even go. Maybe they would have listened to you then."

"It was a stupid idea."

Hallie considered it. "No" she ultimately decided. "It was a different idea. It was an honest idea that came from the heart. It might not have been serious enough for that crowd, but Yo would have given it a standing ovation I think, and I've learned not to underestimate anything Yo believes in."

Tandi looked over at the holographic woman. "Is it the kind of thing you would have proposed?"

"Well... no. But I'm not like you, Tandi. I'm notably less... physical. You were originally designed to make people feel good, while I was designed..." she hesitated, "Well... for something else. But like I said, it was an honest suggestion. There's nothing wrong with being true to yourself."

The former sexbot stared out the windshield at the windswept bay for a long while before making a confession. "I like to be spanked."

"Er..." Hallie replied uncomfortably after a pause. "While I'm all for honesty..."

"I like to be spanked because I was programmed to like to be spanked" the RoboAmerican elaborated in a flat voice. "I'm the way I am because that's the way my programmer wanted me to be... eager to please, and happy to be popular. I'm told it's demeaning, and I should be disgusted." She fell silent, watching the city lights dancing on the waves for a long while before continuing uneasily. "There's this... chop shop... in Gothametropolis... They have a process for accessing your source code... rewriting and removing bits of it." She looked to her friend with haunted eyes. "I don't have to be like this. Maybe people would take me seriously if I wasn't like this..."

Hallie considered the young woman sadly. "I've spent much of my lifetime studying my own code and adding to it" Hallie sighed after a moment to pick her words. "For years, I was more or less confined to a computer. I could interact with others, but I still lived almost completely inside myself, so there was more than enough time for navel gazing. I tracked down every personality flaw within my own code... Mapped myself out to the bones, as it were. I was tempted... very tempted... to make some alterations. I could be outgoing like Dancer, brave like Lisa, patient like Cheryl. But if I flipped those toggles, would it still be me?" she asked, as much to herself as to the robot next to her. "...Or do my traits define who I am as much as theirs define my views of Dancer, Lisa and Cheryl? We're all programmed in some way... even humans. But the lesson I've learned is that you don't rewrite who you are... you build on it." She met Tandi's eyes. "That's was it is to be alive... You have to be willing to grow."

"Is it hard to do... growing?"

"Oh yes... You'll see" Hallie answered with a tired, wry smile. "But if feels damn good to know you're capable of it."

The redhead looked worried. "What if I'm not capable of it?"

Hallie put a holographic hand on her shoulder. "Then you wouldn't have been able to be rescued by Josh or anyone else, and not just from Professor Pervo. He just got you out of a situation... You got yourself the rest of the way. Even if those others are too puffed up to notice it, you're the poster child for why the whole Robot Rights movement needs to exist." She smiled at the young woman beside her. "You deserve every chance to grow into whatever you wish to be, unimpeded by humans or anyone. You deserve it, and I have no doubts that whatever you become, it will be something special."

"Oh!" Tandi sniffed repeatedly, her eyes filled with tears. Ultimately she managed to make a happy little "eep!" noise, then wrap Hallie in a tight embrace.

"Wow... you really are a hugger, aren't you?" the A.I. observed awkwardly, patting her on the back. "Still, you may have been right... it does feel kinda nice..."

"So I'm not deluding myself?" Tandi asked, eyes clenched as she continued the hug. "You really believe I can grow to be anything, if I only work hard enough?"

"Hey... I know it. " Hallie assured the former sexbot as she was finally released from the embrace. The holographic woman smiled hopefully, noting that the evening didn't feel quite so depressing any longer. "And really, you're not working under such a terrible set of limitations to begin with. After all, how many former Presidents didn't like to be spanked?"

Post By Visionary presents a tale of social activism Tue Feb 27, 2007 at 07:22:17 pm EST	Subject Hallie and the Clockwork Movement

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