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Saving the Future – Part 19: Probable Cause |
Saving the Future – Part 19: Probable Cause
Previously: Scattered across strange interlinked lost worlds, the Lair Legion, their staff, their Mansion, and the SPUD helicarrier and crew struggle to survive, to reunite, and to learn where they have been transported and how to return home. Unexpectedly explorations of the lands have turned up Yo, Nats, and Uhunalura. The heroes’ efforts have been hampered by the attentions of many of the evil powers dominating the thirty-two remaining realms stitched together in the Land That Common Sense Forgot.
But the most potent threat is one they brought with them. Powerful psionic Edward Cromlyn is no longer a prisoner in the Lair Mansion. Instead he has taken control of the telepathic squid-headed Spawn of Umsharr, forged an alliance with the undead of the Eternal Empress, psionically altered Al B. Harper to be evil and to serve him, and has begun to take his revenge upon the heroes that have thwarted him. Al B. Harper has captured the helicarrier and mentally dominated its crew. Cromlyn has captured the Lair Mansion, except for the computer core where Visionary, Hallie, and local adventurers Thungore and Glumkeep are trapped.
Meanwhile Champagne and Grace O’Mercy, the Night Nurse, have travelled to the mysterious Tower of Light said to have created the thirty-two realms, and have discovered it is Visionary’s lighthouse.
Previous Chapters
The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom
Who's Who in the Parodyverse
***
Night had come again, and the sense of fear returned to the encampment in the ruins. SPUD operatives hefted almost-spent sidearms of limited use against undead marauders. The surviving students from the original archaeological dig clustered together for mutual security. The hundred plus natives who’d come with votive offerings huddled together hoping for the protection of their newfound gods. Sergeant MacHarridan watched his troll patrol with beady eyes.
Hatman gathered together the remnants of his strike force for an emergency consultation. Sir Mumphrey Wilton sat frowning at the fire, his grand-daughter Samantha quiet beside him. CrazySugarFreakBoy! was alert for danger. The human shape of the Manga Shoggoth experimented with twigs, puzzling how stubborn their dimensions were proving to be. Nats and Uhuna, Killer Shrike, and Silicone Sally completed the circle.
“The mystery’s solved about where we are,” Hatman began with no preamble. “The Shoggoth’s got a theory that seems to meet all the facts.”
The Shoggoth looked up. “No, it’s a twig, actually,” he explained earnestly. “And it seems very stuck in its ways.”
“You had a theory before,” Samantha prompted the elder being. “Before the twig. As humans count befores.”
“Oh yes,” agreed the Shoggoth.
“Is there any chance you could share that theory?” Hatman sighed.
“Oh why?” growled Silicone Sally. “Let’s just keep on with this till the undead swarm all over us.”
“They’re late,” noted CSFB! “They came at sundown the other times. Maybe they’ve worked out that there’s superheroes on patrol here and that crime doesn’t pay?”
“Tell me about it,” snorted Shrike, whose bank account was struggling at the moment. “You know the overheads that Screwdriver charges these days for… er, nothing. Carry on.”
“Perhaps you’d better tell us for the Shoggoth, Jay?” Nats prompted. “We wouldn’t want to interrupt any serious, um, twig research.”
Hatman glanced over at Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Sir?”
The eccentric Englishman took up the thread. “We know we were transferred here via some techno-organic runestones created a very long time ago. We know this place is composed of dozens of lands literally stitched together via more techno-organic gateways.” We know there used to be more realms, but they vanished.”
“The Grey Walkers came, they told us back at the Forbidden Valley,” Uhuna chipped in.
Mumphrey nodded and went on. “We’re living in an old world under a dyin’ sun, surrounded by some remarkable remnants of civilisation from different cultures and races.”
“Many of which might be mutually exclusive,” Hatman noted. “It’s like all kinds of places have just been pulled together and mixed in.”
“Like recombinant pizza,” offered CSFB!
“And slowly devoured and digested like it,” interjected the Shoggoth unexpectedly. “Like this twig, so full of entropy, tending to a null state. And refusing to have a respectable number of dimensions.”
“Is there a point to all of this?” Killer Shrike interrupted. “Only I’m hoping we can get to the blowing stuff up part soon.”
“Hey, you’re lucky we’re not using you as a missile weapon, villain!” Nats flared.
“There is no way those native chicks were thinking of you when I did ‘em!” the butcher bird growled back.
“Moving on,” Hatman prompted firmly.
“The Shoggoth became a human chap here, and we’re separated from all the usual demiplanes and whatnot,” Mumphrey continued. “My pocketwatch isn’t recharging. There’s no magnetic field and it’s even possible this world is flat. We’ve had troubles with a Space Fandom. All our powered devices are running out of power far faster than they should do.”
“I can keep recharging them with my Con Ed hat for now,” Hatman assured them, “but the fact they need it is significant.”
“So what does all that mean?” Sally demanded. “Where are we?”
The Shoggoth looked up from his twig and waved it about to illustrate his words. “This? It’s Comic-Book Limbo. Or at least a conglomeration of abandoned and deleted worlds pulled together in Comic-Book Limbo.”
Those who knew what Comic-Book Limbo was looked disconcerted. “Aw crap!” said Nats.
“Of course,” said Samantha. “The Grey Walkers who came and devoured realms… the Hero Feeders!”
“Aw, double-crap!”
“So what’s this Comic-Book Limbo place and why’s it a bad thing?” demanded Shrike.
“It’s like the trash bin of the Parodyverse,” Hatman explained. “Things, people, worlds get dropped here then gradually deleted. And once you’re in then there’s no way to teleport, or plane-travel, or dimension hop or whatever out of here.”
“There is no elder influence here,” the Shoggoth added, “and therefore no true physics to sustain a Shoggoth biomass. That’s why I had to form a human body. Most disconcerting.”
“And no time,” added Mumphrey. “So no Chronometer recharge.”
Uhuna was appalled. “All these people trapped here are going to die?” she gasped. “We have to save them!”
“We have to save us!” argued Silicone Sally. “I mean, come on, there must be ways out. You guys know about this place, so there must have been some survivors.”
“You get out by being pulled out,” CSFB! told her. “You gotta be rescued. That’s the rules.”
“Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises, maybe,” Hatman suggested. “If they knew we were here, and where to look.”
“But there’s got to be some way we…” Sally continued to question. She was interrupted by Nats jumping up.
“There, in the sky!” he pointed. “Incoming lights!”
Everyone looked over at the bright traces in the tropical night.
“Those aren’t lights,” Mumphrey warned. “Those are incomin’ missiles!”
“Action stations!” Hatman called, pulling on his Jets hat. “Bill and me form a cap, Mumph and Uhuna, get people to cover inside the ruins, Dream, Shrike, Sally, check what this could be a distraction from, Sam, keep the Shoggoth from dying or eating twigs. Let’s go! Lair Legion Line Up!”
“People say that now?” Nats asked. “Without being mocked?”
Then there was no more time for talk as the SPUD helicarrier peeled off another battery of missiles.
***
Inside the tower of light the main chamber was a mass of black stone inlaid with minute silver circuit-board traces.
“This is like the material that broke up from the ground at the Lair Mansion before we all got shanghaied,” Champagne noted. “And similar to the stones at the Callejón de Huaylas site.”
“The legend was that an ‘ancient’ here pulled together all the realms and linked them with stitch-gates,” remembered Grace. She kept examining the building to try and overlook the fact that vampiric regeneration was a thirsty business and her companion was starting to look very tasty. “And that this was the place he was supposed to do it.”
Champagne examined an inscription carved over the main archway to the spiral stairs that led to the light. “Nequaquam Parody,” she read. “The parody should not exist. That’s the motto of the medieval Knights Improbablar.”
“Does that make any sense in this context?” asked Grace. “What does it even mean? I asked Dr Whitwell once but he didn’t say either.”
“Dr Whitwell?” Champagne questioned. “You’ve seen this inscription before?”
“Only down in the foundations of the hospital where I work. There used to be some sort of religious foundation there, long before Phantomhawk Memorial was built in the 90s. That carving’s above a bricked-up archway, but Dr Whitwell said it was best to ignore it.”
“Interesting. This case just keeps getting better and better.” Champagne loved mysteries.
Grace turned round. “Can you hear that?” she asked. “A sound like… screaming?”
“No,” the international jewel thief replied. “But then, I’m far less… wait, yes. Like a woman in agony. Or in rage.”
“And coming towards us,” the Night Nurse noted. “Coming right towards…”
Then the banshee burst through the wall, her hair wild and her head thrust back and her mouth impossibly wide, howling her threnody, screaming her wrath, destroying the intruders.
***
“Perfection, the assault upon the Umarr ruins has begun,” the vampire prince reported to the Queen of the Dead. “The mortal vessel under the command of the brain-chained newcomer is causing devastation.”
The Eternal Empress found this satisfactory. “And the expedition to the tower?”
“We have not heard from Prince Goreslash since sunup. Something may be amiss there.”
“Find out. This isn’t the time to allow a rogue as powerful as that Grace bitch to wander loose. If she’s somehow escaped again I want her dead. Set the Plaguemorts to it.” She unclasped her hands from her minion’s arm, drawing out the razor-nails she’d skewered him with. “And Golgamoria?”
“The armies of the night are gathered, perfection. We await only your word to overrun that defiant bastion of humanity and drag them screaming into the dark.”
“The word is given.”
***
“Feel that?” Anna asked Glory and Griffin as they hid in the ventilation ducts of the helicarrier. “The attack has begun. Harper is using air to surface weaponry to cluster the people on the ground together in the ruins.”
“So he can use the carrier’s main transmission dish to project the squid-head mind control and take over everyone down there,” Glory concluded.
“That’s terrible!” worried Griffin. “My sister might be down there! We have to warn them.” He frowned. “If only I could figure out how to fly like a Griffin should!”
Anna gave the boy and encouraging smile. “But Griffin, when you are intangible you don’t fall through the floor or float in the air. How do you do that?”
“I dunno,” Visionary’s son admitted. “It just happens. Sometimes in the dark I accidentally sink into the ground or something.”
“So if you had your eyes shut, do you think you could walk down through the carrier and through the air below and get to the people on the ground?”
Griffin thought about it. “I could try,” he offered. “A Griffin is supposed to be brave.”
Glory had spotted Anna’s duel ploy of getting warning to their allies and getting Griffin out of the combat zone. “You’d better try then,” she woofed. “Please take special care.”
Dog and android waited until Griffin seemed confident in his movements and watched him sink through the steel shell beneath them. “By now Colonel Drury and Yuki should be free and causing trouble,” Anna considered, “assuming that person did what you asked him to.”
“Al B. Harper is very clever,” Glory warned. “I don’t think one distraction will be enough to bother him.”
“That’s why you arranged me a feed into the computer core, isn’t it?” Anna noted. She jacked into the maintenance node that was now hard-wired directly into the carrier’s main systems. “It’s time to give Harper some more things to worry about.”
***
“What happened?” demanded Yuki, coming back to consciousness and hastily reviewing her systems. “Dan Drury, how did you manage to get my primary brain casing open?”
“Because I’m damned good,” snorted the head honcho of SPUD. “An’ I needed to add some’a this anti-psionic goop inta your brain-feed. Now it’s only a temporary solution, and I figure we got an hour tops before we go back ta being zombies like th’ rest o’ the crew, and we don’t have no more. I just injected about three million bucks o’ taxpayers money into us. So we better do something good an’ do it fast.”
“What did you have in mind, Daniel?” asked Contessa Romanza, rubbing her sore arms and neck. “You felt that control in your mind just like the rest of us. Somehow Harper’s projecting his thoughts as commands. What can four of us do to stop him?” She glanced at Ronald Beesleyhuxtoy. “Three of us and him.”
“Hey, don’t knock the kid,” Drury said. “I’m guessin’ he didn’t get mind-zapped ‘cause his mind’s someplace else, but whatever he just saved out butts.”
“I just did what the nice doggie asked,” Ronnie shrugged. “I asked her about Chad but she didn’t seem to understand me. I guess she doesn’t know what an accordion is. She seemed confused about Little Cat too. And Mister Spooky. And that recipe for applesauce dumplings I gave her.”
“Please tell me the psionic field is affecting his brain,” begged the Contessa. “Please.”
The carrier shuddered.
“Feel that?” Yuki asked. “The ship’s just taken a hit. We’re in battle.”
“Then we gotta get ta the bridge,” answered Drury. “No matter who’s in our way. Wah-hoo!”
“Well, if you just kind of walk like a zombie nobody bothers you,” offered Ronnie rather anticlimactically.
***
The free city of Golgamoria occupied a cleft in the mountains, its high defensive walls and towers protecting it from the threats of its neighbours just enough to make it worth allowing its existence as a neutral meeting and trading point. But now that delicate equilibrium had been broken by an alliance of the greatest powers of the thirty-two realms. The Nightwalkers and the Spawn of Umsharr had banded together and had laid claim to the free city and all who dwelled in it.
Golgamoria itself had no ruler. In line with its tenets as a free city it operated on custom and ad-hoc democracy, appointing officers and representatives at need and by merit. Of late it had come to depend upon the Wise One, an alien visitor whose simple truths had won respect and confidence from the people. Yo made them happy. Now it was to the pure thought being that the dwellers of the free city turned in their final hours.
“Night has come,” Ophelo worried. “Where are the attackers? I’d have thought that we’d be hip-deep in Plaguemorts by now. What are they waiting for?”
“Maybe they’re gather in overwhelming numbers first?” suggested Chelema in a voice which tried not to betray her fear. “Maybe the wards are holding them off.”
Navali the steward was even paler than the adventurers of the Order of the Fuzzy Bunnies. “Those wards won’t last. And if those squid-headed thought-twisters come they could command us to rip them down with our own hands.”
Koom was just shaking off his wet cloak – the weather had deteriorated into a heavy downpour – after his scouting mission beyond the walls. “They have some of the dwellers of Ur Tavim,” he reported. “And it looks like they have some of those lizard troopers too. But not trolls, and no sky-pirates. Odd, that.”
“Any sign of my father?” Magweed asked hopefully. “Um, the promised one, that is? And the promised one’s Lair Legion?”
Koom shook his head. He looked hesitant to reveal his news to the young girl. “I did overhear two of the Nightwalkers mentioning some massacre they’d arranged for some strangers in Umsharr…”
“Ah,” said Magweed. “That’ll be my friends, then. Good.”
Chelema looked shocked. “Good? They’re your friends!”
“Yes,” agreed the girl. “But they don’t massacre easily. And then they tend to come and put things right.”
***
In the darkness beyond the city the undead shimmered forwards, testing the defences. The first of them shied away, surprised at how effective the wardings were.
“Yo is to be thinking that you can not to be coming in,” Yo told them all. “And what Yo thinks is to be what is to be.”
The Nightwalkers understood then who their enemy was. They began to press inwards, slowly, cruelly, seeking to overwhelm the lone defender of Free Golgamoria.
Yo strained and waited for Yo’s friends to come to the rescue.
***
Nats and Hatman powered up to the SPUD helicarrier that was opening fire on their encampment. “So has the scorecard changed while I was gone or is this new?” Bill Reed asked the capped crusader as they swatted away air-to-surface missiles.
“New,” answered Jay Boaz, harmlessly deflecting a Turrets Industries Widowmaker 4000 into the lake below. “But anyone could have got hold of the carrier if it was dropped here like we were.”
“I thought it might have been a good idea to put some sort of password on all the shooting-missiles systems,” Nats noted. “We might have to mention that to Dan Drury when we see him.”
“The carrier’s not fighting at full capacity,” Hatman pointed out. “No fighter cap, no Sentinoids, and the air to air barrage looks to be on automatic. We should get in there.”
“Okay. Let’s do the derring thing then. You want to damage government property or shall I?”
Hatman pulled on his Torpedoes hat and went in.
The helicarrier moved into position so its main transmitter array was right above the ruins where the refugees were gathered.
***
Edward Cromlyn stood outside the sealed doorway to the Lair Mansion computer core. “Open the door,” he commanded Visionary, bending his mind-control to take over the possibly-fake man.
Hallie’s face appeared on the security monitor. “First off, Vizh isn’t controlling those doors, I am. Secondly, my data store is protected by heavy lead shielding and force fields that work quite nicely against psionic interference too. So go away.”
“Open the door or I begin executing your friends,” Cromlyn bluffed.
“Damn,” hissed Visionary. “What do we do now?”
“I’ll talk to him,” agreed the Librarian. “Step away from the door, Cromlyn, you and your tentacled friends. I’m coming out to parley.”
“Bookman?” frowned the psionic. “I already made you my slave.”
“I got better,” snapped Lee. He didn’t feel the need to explain to his enemy about Space Fandoms and barbarians.
“Shall I go out and cleave the sorcerer?” Thungore offered.
“Better save the cleaving until later,” advised his companion Glumkeep.
Thungore looked down at the fallen form of Marie Murcheson. “There will be cleaving,” he promised.
“Oh, I’m with you on that,” growled Visionary. “Lee, are you sure about this?”
“We need to get Hallie access to the main mansion systems,” the Librarian noted. “This is the best way. I read Hallie into me, as if I was a living HED. Then if I can get to a control panel out there I can shift her to the mainframe where she can operate the Mansion defences.”
“It feels a bit weird going into you mind,” Hallie admitted to the Librarian. “Wow, there’s a lot of space in here! I mean that in a good way.”
“You take good care of her,” Vizh warned the Librarian. “She’s not just some file. She’s unique and special.”
Hallie blinked. “Why Vizh, I didn’t know you cared.”
“That’s part of the problem we currently have, yes,” the possibly-fake man admitted. “Well, let’s do this before Cromlyn does bad things to Dancer and Amber and Flapjack. Or does more than two or three bad things to Garrick.”
“I do not understand this plan,” objected Thungore.
“Welcome to my world,” answered Visionary.
“Downloading now,” Hallie announced, then sparked to nothingness.
A strange light appeared in the Librarian’s eyes. “Oh my…!” he breathed. “She is unique and special, isn’t she?”
He emergency-released the door and stepped out to face Cromlyn.
***
“And here they come,” declared Al B. “Hmm. Note to self: get minion for exposition purposes. It’s really no fun gloating with nobody there except mind-controlled living zombies. I can see why Moo keeps Davidowski around.” He turned back to his rewired control board.
The ship’s entire sensor array blacked out.
“And here we go!” the archscientist smiled to himself. “So that’d be Anna and presumably Glory and Griffin. Clever patch into the main computer console.” He activated the auxiliary system he’d invented earlier and the sensors flashed back up. He likewise diverted Anna’s attempts to suborn the gravity compensators, the internal fire suppression systems, the atmospheric regulators, and the emergency core shutdown routines. “Clever girl, trying to sneak those little alterations in behind the big ones,” Al admired. “Maybe I’ll make her into my minion.”
Hatman and Nats crashed onto the command deck, powering through sixteen inches of armour plating to arrive where Al B. was running the show.
“Nats?” Al B. noted, his eyebrow raising a little. “Trust the Legion to pull something unexpected. Nice one.” He triggered the telepathic domination field and watched as the two heroes squirmed on the floor.
The vessel shuddered again as Drury, Yuki, and Natalia announced their escape by driving their borrowed Sentinoid armour through bulkhead doors towards the main power core.
Al B. didn’t even bother to try over-riding the Sentinoid armour. He had more respect for Yuki and the others than to attempt that. He simply remote-activated all the rest of the suits to dogpile them while he prepared another approach.
External hull sensors warned of a contact. Al B interpreted the data correctly. “Silly string,” he chuckled. “CSFB! Let’s give him a dose of the old mind-control as well.” The archscientist adjusted the domination field and watched the wired wonder topple from the underside of the helicarrier. Dreamcatcher Foxglove was struggling with himself, clutching at his head. He didn’t react well to attempts to dominate him. He bounced when he landed.
The additional interior sensors Al had cobbled together warned him that Glory was incoming, biting her way through interior walls in a way that would cause some serious rethinking of internal hull design later. “Oh, now what are you meant to be distracting me from?” the archscientist wondered. A twist of the sensors grid revealed all. “Hello Anna,” Al B. greeted the stealth-cloaked android who was sliding out of the ventilation duct behind him. “You really should have stayed down when I gave you the chance earlier.”
Anna sprang, only to be restrained in a force net her own advanced sensor array hadn’t know was there.
“You think SPUD would design an android they didn’t have some way of restraining in their own command headquarters?” Al B. chuckled. He seemed happier as a villain. He tapped the codes that changed the frequency of the brain-control signal he was broadcasting. Anna’s own neural array was able to compensate in seconds now it knew what to look for. The remote device in Glory’s ear couldn’t adjust in the same way. The pooch of power went down.
“Why are you doing this?” Anna demanded of the archscientist. “Why have you betrayed everyone?”
Al B. shrugged. “Oh, psychic surgery to start with,” he admitted, “and then an alliance with some very bad people who think I’m working for them. Mostly for fun, because I can. Old Al B. kind of held back, you know. New Al B.’s going to be a lot more proactive.”
The heavy security doors that sealed the entrance to the command deck hissed then fell inwards. Contessa Romanza fired some kind of wrist weapon at Al. Drury let loose with a whoopers roar and left fly with his neural dampener cannon.
Dr Harper’s personal force field screened him. “Ooh, clever!” he admitted. “Anna, was it you who slipped in those false sensor readings about the Sentinoid armours being occupied? Looks like I underestimated you and your little dog.” Hypersonic bursts took down the commander of SPUD and his premiere agent. “And now let’s see what Yuki’s up to,” Al decided.
Yuki’s anti-detection equipment was state of the art. Al had developed the art.
“Ah, there she is, nearly at the nuclear reactor. Were you planning a stand-off or spectacular suicide? With Yuki it’s always a toss-up.” Al slammed down emergency blast bulkheads to trap the cyborg P.I. in the section of ducting just before the nuclear cooling vent. His knowledge of Yuki’s stats told him that she’d not have the strength to hammer through nine inches of vanadium steel, although she was bound to try. He detected and neutralised half a dozen other precautions she and her comrades had taken in case things went this badly wrong.
“Who else now?” Al B. considered. “Oh, that Beesleyhuxtoy kid. Better confine him so I can dissect his brain later.” He programmed a couple of SPUD-drones for the job. “There, done... And we hopefully have some more Legionnaires on the ground down there. I hope one’s the Shoggoth. I’ve been thinking hard how I’d take down the Shoggoth. And I notice Griffin’s not accounted for. I really need to devise a means of tracking that kid. I don’t really want to activate the carrier’s active phase-defence grids and kill the poor child. Just dominate him along with everybody else.”
“You could still stop this!” Anna called out. “It’s not too late. You’ve not killed anybody yet!”
Al considered that. “I haven’t, have I?” he noted. Then he raised a device to Anna’s entangled forehead. “Soon put that right.”
***
“You are not the man I met before,” Edward Cromlyn realised as the Spawn of Umsharr secured Lee Bookman with their extendible face-tentacles.
“No. I’d been replaced by a double,” the Librarian admitted, since Cromlyn could pull the information from his mind anyway; he didn’t want Cromlyn rummaging there just now. “It’s an occupational hazard in the Lair Legion.”
“A Space Fandom,” Cromlyn read off his captive. “Interesting. This place becomes more and more of a puzzle.”
“So where are your hostages?” demanded Lee. “What do you want to release them?”
“Oh, right now I’m just interested in collecting the set,” the psionic told him. “After that I have a number of fascinating, painful, and degrading scenarios planned for my former captors.”
“Ah. One of those people,” the Librarian sighed dismissively.
“I arranged the destruction of one generation of heroes,” Cromlyn reminded him. “Another is no trouble at all. Of course, last time I had the help of the world’s governments to arrange tax frauds and sex scandals and quiet blackmail to make the metahumans of the second world war go away and retire. I hardly had to resort to altering their minds at all. This time will be far more visceral. Grand guinol.”
“You’re proud of the evil you’ve done? I suppose really you have nothing else to bolster your self esteem. You’re served shabby causes for shabby purposes all through your extended shabby life, so what else have you to cling to?”
Cromlyn smiled thinly. “I can see in your mind that you’re playing for time, trying to get me annoyed. It won’t work. Better men than you have tried to psyche me out.” He reached cold fingers to caress Lee’s forehead. “And now to do to you what I did to your double.”
“No!” Lee cried out, jerking his head back to avoid the probing fingers and the thoughts that came with them. There was no way to break free, to touch a control panel and release Hallie into the Mansion systems. “Get off me!”
“That’s just what your other self said,” mused Cromlyn. “Before he joined the team.” He turned to the viewing screen as he rewrote the Librarian’s mind. “Are you watching this, fake man? Because your turn will come, once Bookman serves me again and informs me of the new over-ride codes to that door.”
And the Librarian screamed.
***
Griffin forced himself not to panic as he overstepped and plunged deep through the darkness of the ground. He’d dropped from the helicarrier with an important message. He couldn’t afford to get lost beneath the earth, intangible and unrescueable. Not when people needed him.
“Think up,” he told himself. “Griffins always know which way is up.”
He clawed his way through untouchable nothing, hoping his sense of direction was good. He felt the rock pass through him as he climbed. After long terrifying moments in the dark he broke gasping to the surface.
Chad was sitting there cross-legged waiting for him. He waved at the boy.
“Who’s in charge?” Griffin gasped. “Is my dad here?”
Chad shook his head sadly but led Griffin off to the heavy walls where Sir Mumphrey had gathered the SPUD refugees and lost archaeologists and terrified locals. Some property in the ancient black stones with their curious circuit engravings was shielding the huddled humans for now from the projected mind control of the helicarrier.
Griffin saw somebody he could rely on and raced forward. “Sam!”
“Griff? Where did you come from?” Samantha Featherstone reached out for the exhausted boy and found him solid. She dragged him to cover and half-carried him to her grandfather.
Mumphrey listened to Griffin’s story without comment, but then frowned. “Harper, eh? Hmph.”
“Wait,” called Killer Shrike. “Harper’s running the other team? Then what am I doing down here?”
Silicone Sally laid a warning flexible hand on his shoulder. “Behaving,” she replied.
“This is quite disconcerting,” the human Manga Shoggoth admitted. “Like when gravity insists on pulling your primitive matter arrangements in one linear vector.”
“How did you get down here, young man?” Mumphrey demanded of Griffin.
“Griff can probably air-walk if he’s intangible and thinks about it,” Sam supplied. “Right Griff?”
The boy nodded. “And in this place I can take more than my clothes with me.” He shuddered in memory of some earlier experiments in intangibility. “I carried Glory.”
“Really?” Sir Mumphrey considered. “Fascinating.”
***
The scream ululated around the tower of light, a soul-tearing, sanity-rending, life-draining screech that dragged the hearer to the very core of the abyss. And then it stopped.
“Ouch,” said Champagne. “What did you do, Grace?”
“Nothing,” answered the Night Nurse, struggling to her feet. “Against a ghost that powerful I couldn’t do anything.”
Champagne had a powerful need to understand. “Then why…?”
“I stopped because a true guardian has to have some discrimination,” answered the banshee of Marie Murcheson, gliding down the spiral staircase towards them. “Neither of you have evil intent. Well, neither of you are giving in to evil intent, which is actually rather nobler. So here we are.”
“Marie?” Champagne did some rapid deduction. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
“I was dying again anyway,” the Lair Banshee told them. “But this is unexpected.” She gestured around her.
“Any chance of an explanation?” Grace O’Mercy pleaded, without much hope.
“The Lair Mansion was attacked. Mr Bookman was possessed. He killed me.”
Champagne’s mind went running ahead. “And this time the Mansion was separated from the cosmic forces that had previously bound you there as an supernatural faerie guardian so there was nowhere for you to go but death. Except that Visionary’s lighthouse is part of Lair Island now too, and it has some very weird multi-dimensional properties apparently. So when you couldn’t become a banshee again in the Mansion you were automatically dragged back here.”
“But you said this tower wasn’t Vizh’s lighthouse yet,” Grace objected.
“Very weird multi-dimensional properties,” Champagne emphasised. “Am I right, Marie?”
“I think so,” the ghost girl answered. She looked down at herself. Her hands touched her throat then her temples. “But this is so much different from how it was when I served before. Then it was like… a sleep, a bad dream, stirring only to howl in misery as I sensed loss in the family. This time… I’m me!”
“Well that’s a good thing,” Grace said, in the encouraging tones she used with patients who’d faced amputations. Marie had effectively undergone a whole body amputation. “So do you know what this place is supposed to be now?”
Marie shook her head. “It had some nasty things here, but I just screamed them away. You should be safe now.”
“What this place is,” Champagne said carefully, “is a tower that will one day find its way to Willingham, Earth. What this place is is a way home.”
***
Dancer reappeared just where she’d vanished, wet and naked in a bathroom of the Lair Mansion. Edward Cromlyn was waiting for her.
“Hello, my dear,” he smirked, fixing her with all the mind-control power his command of the Spawn of Umsharr could furnish him with. “I’d be very interested to hear how you managed to achieve that little vanishing trick.” He’s known she was returning. He’d sensed her fear.
“I went shopping,” Dancer told him defiantly.
“While, while you were away I managed to… convince the Librarian – the real Librarian – to see things my way. Right now my loyal squid-headed followers are breaking into the computer core and showing a hairy barbarian why a big sword is no match for a big brain. And then we’ll reunite you with your dear adopted brother and see if we can’t make it a memorable and painful family reunion.”
“Or,” suggested Dancer,” I could stop pretending your mind-control works on me any more and kick your ass from here to Badripoor.”
And she danced.
***
Lee Bookman’s mind snapped back to normal. He’d arranged for a timed dump of his own diary into his own memory to remind him who he really was and undo whatever Cromlyn might have overwritten. He smiled politely at the Spawn of Umsharr who were dragging Thungore, Glumkeep, and Visionary from the computer core and placed a hand on the nearest networked computer interface.
Hallie went home.
“Unauthorised intruders,” she announced through the Mansion’s speaker systems. “Tonight’s menu is sushi!”
***
“What’s happening?” demanded Garrick as he reappeared in the Mansion Operations Room with Amber and Flapjack. “What’s that squealing noise?”
“I’m guessing that Hallie’s worked out how squid-head ears work,” the hunchbacked major domo speculated. “See how they’re all clutching their heads and writhing?” He planted a heavy kick somewhere it would guarantee to double over one of the intruders. “But luckily I’ve given this one something else to think about.”
“We’re allowed to kick them?” Amber realised. A slow smile crossed her face as she picked up a fire extinguisher.
***
“You think you can defy me?” Cromlyn sneered at Dancer. “I am older and more powerful than…”
“Oh, put a sock in it,” Dancer told him crossly, offering him an arabesque to the gut. “You think you’re powerful, with your little tentacle-headed mind-twisting homeboys? I will show you power!”
***
Hatman and Nats were struggling to resist the mind control. Of course they were.
Al B. turned away from Anna, granting her a stay of execution to grade his former team-mates. “Not bad. Bill’s calling on that weird bit of psychology the psychostave inflicted on him and Jay’s trying his Thinking Cap. No wonder you guys annoy the villains so much.” He shot them down with a stun gun he’d designed while he was waiting. “That whole multiple-attacks to keep the enemy off balance thing and each of you being so flaming resourceful must be a royal pain for anyone who’s not as brilliant as I am.”
Yuki had almost convinced one of the bulkhead maintenance programs to open the blast doors that confined her. Al shut off all power to that section, plunging her into darkness.
Anna had almost analysed the frequency of the force net restraining her. Al changed the frequency.
He’d been expecting the comm-signal from the ruins below, too. “Ah, Sir Mumphrey. And how are you tonight?”
“Be better if you weren’t tryin’ to blow the hell out of innocent people on the ground, Harper,” the eccentric Englishman growled.
“I’m not trying to blow anyone anywhere,” the archscientist assured him. “I’m only gathering you all together so I can zap you all with Umsharr-spawn mind-control at the same time. I calculate that your Chronometer’s not recharging here so even you can’t hold me off for long, and this stuff is awesomely strong. Cromlyn must be on a real power high.”
Mumphrey’s face hardened. “Cromlyn!”
“Yep. We were holding him in the cells when the whole Mansion and its people got dropped here, and he got thrown to Ur-Tavim where the Umsharr Master Brain lives. Somehow that dab of Shoggoth-goo in Cromlyn’s stomach wasn’t working to stop his powers so he was able to dominate the Master Brain – become the Master Brain – and then he could control all the other little squids. From there it was alliance with the vampires and the Nazi lizards and brainwashing me to be his evil minion.”
“Break free, man. Fight it!”
“Oh, I’m free,” Al B. Harper promised. “First thing I invented was a way to erase his control of me. No need to tell him that yet, of course. But I’m still very very evil. And I’m loving it.”
Uhuna’s face came into the monitor picture. “Al, let me try to cure you. I can repair whatever Cromlynn did to you.”
“Princess Uhunalura too? I should have guessed once Nats crashed my party. So who would you transfer the being-evil psionic surgery to, exactly? Who gets to be their evil twin?”
Uhuna had no answer for that.
“So anyway,” the archscientist continued, “the big plan is that I capture you all, get my helicarrier crew up to full strength, devise a better and more permanent way of controlling you all – I’m thinking Obedience Brands or similar – then take out the Eternal Empress and the Raptorfuhrer and especially Edward Cromlyn and then rule over all. Comments?”
A muffled voice from somewhere behind Mumphrey called out “Can I be on your team?” before being quietened under what sounded like a heavy blanket of rubber.
“Comments,” pondered Sir Mumphrey Wilton. “Well, I’d have to say you make a better good mad scientist than an evil one, Harper. You’re fallin’ into the old gloating trap, even though you know…”
“That it’s a distraction while young Griffin sneaks in and tries to sabotage my defence control panels, freeing Anna to take me down?” the archscientist concluded. “Yes, I spotted that once the defence panel monitor signals began to shift.” He isolated the controls so the boy couldn’t do any damage then activated the anti-phasing grids in the walls so the kid couldn’t leave. “What else have you got?”
The unfamiliar figure that Griffin had brought back with him shuffled forwards checking his pockets. “I have a piece of vine, a used teabag, a sock, eleven acorns, a snail’s shell, and a pencil,” answered the Manga Shoggoth. “And also a strange rash on my epidermis where I sat on those curious plants while excreting unwanted biomass after gastric matter energy interchanges.”
Al B. hammered the mind-control field into the room to take down the unidentified intruder as he’d taken down Hatman and Nats.
Every Spawn of Umsharr everywhere began to scream as their minds plunged into the Shoggoth’s.
Hello, the Shoggoth greeted the squid-headed psionics across the thirty-two realms. So you want to know what I’m thinking, do you?
Psionic feedback across thirty-two realms. Even without the sudden random accidents happening across the control board and the staggering SPUD personnel who’s been stumbling through the tasks assigned to them, the archscientist could recognise a probability event when he saw one.
“Uh oh,” said Al B. Harper as SPUD Agent Matt Jackson snapped out of his mind control and came at him with his rifle butt.
***
The ancient swamp-surrounded domes of Ur Tavim shuddered then collapsed as the Umsharr Master-Brain improbably exploded.
In eleven dimensions.
***
“Stop!” commanded Cromlyn, focussing his whole will on the woman who had hammered him to the ground and hit him again every time he got up.
He saw it now, the little knot of joy that was absorbing all his attempts to dominate the Probability Dancer. With a vicious thrust he smeared it away and clamped his will upon his opponent, jerking her to a sudden halt.
“You think you could oppose me? You dared to strike me?” He staggered to his feet again, screaming at her. “You… nothing! You…” He shook his fist in the frozen girl’s face. “How I laughed at you, Dancer! You lost your powers, and suddenly your life started going right. Ever wonder at that coincidence? The minute your ability to subconsciously manipulate events your way vanished you found love and success and a future you’d always dreamed of but never expected to get. While you had your powers you always got what you expected – failure, misery, betrayal, being used as a doormat! Your own worst enemy, giving yourself what you deserved because deep down you knew you deserved it. And you couldn’t see it, you dumb bitch!”
He snapped his fingers derisively in front of Dancer’s frozen face. “And now you’ve taken your powers again, after all your secret attempts to keep them away. You’re back to how it was before, punishing yourself for your slutty, dumb, naive, interfering, irritating, vapid, pointless life. I think being my slave will actually come as a relief to part of you. Pain and shame are what you want.”
“What I want,” Dancer forced herself to spit back, “is this.”
The bathroom door almost flew from its hinges as it was kicked open. Cromlyn swung round right into Visionary’s fist. Then his other fist. Then his first fist again.
Vizh kept on repeating the formula until he’d run out of breath and Cromlyn was a pulped heap bleeding on the floor.
“Good to see you, Vizh,” Dancer half-sobbed, dropping into her adopted brother’s arms. “I knew the chances were good.”
“When you’re in trouble the chances are always 100%” Vizh promised her.
A pair of fleeing Spawn were cut down by a happy barbarian swordsman. He spotted the naked woman to be rescued and perked up immediately. “Fear not, maiden!” called Thungore the Mighty. “I shall rescue you forthwith!”
“She’s already rescued,” Vizh snapped back, grabbing Dancer’s towel for her. “In fact she rescued us.”
“No, that’s alright,” Dancer said distractedly, noting the way the warrior’s prominent muscles played across his broad tanned back and completely forgetting the towel. “I don’t mind if I have to be rescued.”
Vizh kicked Cromlyn again.
***
“I’m sorry it hurts,” Magweed told Yo, holding his/her hand. The pure thought being and the fairy princess were in the Wise One’s chambers in besieged Golgamoria. Ophelo and Koom and Chelema were on the battlements now, fighting losing battles to hold back the encroaching undead horde. Navali still kept running in with ever more gloomy reports about towers breached and gates sundered. The Free City could not hold out much longer.
“Yo is not to be minding of hurting,” Yo assured Visionary’s daughter. “Yo is to be happy of being able to help of cute-Golgamorians.” The thought being winced again as another savage attack began upon the mystic wards guarding the walls.
“I wish I could help,” Magweed told him/her. “You brought me here to help and so far I haven’t been able to do anything!”
“Is not to be true,” Yo answered. “Is to be cheering up of Yo, and is to be being here so Visi is coming to be finding of you.”
“Do you… do you think my dad will come for me?” Magweed asked in a voice that hardly dared hope. A father was still a new idea for her.
“Yo is thinking so. Yo is thinking is Lair Legion to be Lining Up.”
“Soon?”
“Yes,” Yo said hopefully. S/he knew it had to be soon or not at all.
***
It was the darkest part of the night. Then suddenly it was dawn. Creatures that had every reason to fear the sun screamed and fled away, seeking shadow, tearing through their own comrades to find shelter from those burning rays.
Nobody burned. Hallie’s massive hologram only lasted for long enough to disrupt the ranks and seed a thousand personal feuds.
“What is that?” demanded the Eternal Empress. “Who is the illusionist who dares assault us?”
The low-flying LairJet wasn’t an illusion. It was Visionary moving at around nine hundred miles an hour four feet above the battlefield through the enemy ranks.
“War engines!” commended the Empress. “Signal the raptors to destroy that vessel!”
Vizh jinked the ship as Dancer caused a whole row of velociraptor siege equipment to catastrophically malfunction.
A giant shadow rose up and plucked the LairJet from the skies. “Uh oh,” said Vizh as the ship was sucked down into the darkness, Visionary and Dancer with it.
“Don’t give up yet,” Sarah Shepherdson encouraged him. “There’s always a chance.”
The Eternal Empress’ command tent detonated in a barrage of air to surface missiles as the SPUD helicarrier transited through the stitch gate. Thirty or so still-working aircars flanked the vessel, the SPUD pilots alert for flying dead, more than ready by now to blow the hell out of anything that crossed their paths.
“This is Dan Drury of the Super-menace Principle Undercover Directorate ta any slimy undead whut’s threatening that city,” boomed the carrier’s speakers. “Golgamoria’s under our protection and you kin all kiss my hairy grizzled butt. Wah-
hoo!”
“Diplomatic,” noted Al B. Harper from his security handcuffs. “I can see you’d have a future as a motivational speaker.”
“Bring that thing down!” hissed the Eternal Empress, reforming from the atoms to which she’d just been blown. “Bring to them the fear of the night!”
She exploded again as Killer Shrike figured out the right range for his bazooka.
And then the front of the helicarrier flight deck slid open and Hatman, CSFB!, Nats, Yuki, Anna, Glory, and Silicone Sally powered down onto the undead horde.
“Lair Legion Line Up!” shouted Nats.
“Nah, that still sounds dumb when you say it,” Yuki assured him.
And then the battle for Golgamoria began.
***
Next Time: We come back down to Earth without the Lair Legion as various other contenders settle their conflicting claims once and for all – and the winner gets to go on and meet with Onslaughter in the final! Juniors, A-Team, Purveyors, Wyrmfood, Citizen Z, the Carnifex, and anything else that seems good to throw in there in There Can Be Only One - coming as soon as my new job allows and possibly after I finish off some other PV loose ends.
Tie In Notes:
I’m sorry this has got so convoluted that it’s hard for other folks to kibbutz in. I hope we can get back on track after this. At least people could chronicle reunions now if they want to.
Next time we meet the cast from this episode will be the final chapter in the Land That Common Sense Forgot. Our whole cast will get reunited, we’ll see who stays and goes, we’ll find out once and for all what TLTCSF is all about, we’ll discover the origin of the lighthouse, and we’ll send our heroes onto the next leg of their round robin.
Comments and suggestions about either that plotline or the one back on Earth are encouraged. In fact reminders about all the Earth-based sub-plots we need to tie-in to a conclusion would be a big help too.
Time-wise I reckon people have probably got as couple of weeks to post anything they want to that will have an effect on the closing two chapters of this section of Saving the Future. Then we’re on to the last phase, wherein Liu Xi learns the truth about her grandfather’s plan, the Lair Legion travel to places they’ve never been before, the Celestian Madonna has to make a heart-breaking choice, and Danny Lyle becomes the Moderator!
***
Previous Chapters:
#1: “And just when did Danny find time to take over the Parodyverse?” by Dancer
#2: "Sometime you have to turn flammable again!" by Visionary
#3: That’s the Way the Story Goes by the Hooded Hood
#4: See No Evil by the Hooded Hood
#5: Whodunnit by the Hooded Hood, Visionary, Killer Shrike, and Jason
#6: Suspicious Behaviour by the Hooded Hood, Jason, Hatman, and CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#7: Accusation and Denial by the Hooded Hood, JJJ, Jason and L!
#8: The Final Solution by the Hooded Hood and Dancer
#9: The Land That Common Sense Forgot by the Hooded Hood
#9.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#9.2: Chad and Ronnie by L!
#9.3: “In addition to cappuccino and personal hygiene these tribespeople have not yet invented underwear.” by Dancer
#9.4: Lone Lost Boy & Heroines Hanging Together by CrazySugarFreakBoy!
#9.5: From Dross into Gold by Killer Shrike
#9.6: Old Friends and New Allies by Visionary
#9.7: Taking a Swim by L!
#9.8: A Post-Swim Chat by L!
#9.9: Champagne and the Land That Common Sense Forgot by Champagne
#10: The Age of Villains by the Hooded Hood
#10.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#10.2: The Baroness #55 by JJJ
#10.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#10.4: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 1 by Killer Shrike
#10.5: Ewe Gotta Have Hart 2 by Killer Shrike
#11: An Age Undreamed Of by the Hooded Hood
#12: The New Lair Legions (And Other Heroes) by the Hooded Hood
#12.1: I Hate You by Visionary
#12.2: Champagne and the Tower of Laments by Champagne
#12.3: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#12.4: The Hearing by Visionary
#12.5: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#13: Exploring the Forbidden Valley, or Samantha Featherstone and the Crystal Goddess by the Hooded Hood
#14: Real Heroes by the Hooded Hood
#14.1: “I’d like to be clear that I’m a no-skewer zone, and have been since college.” by Dancer
#14.2: Catherine & the Danger Zone by L!
#14.3: “Do you know how much shaving I had to do to put this thing on?” by Visionary
#14.4: “Well we can’t just wait here till we find a use for Visionary. We’ll starve to death.” by Dancer
#15: Change and Decay by the Hooded Hood
#15.1: Adventures in Parodyverse by Jason
#15.2: Hazardous Chemicals by Killer Shrike
#16: One Moment In Time by the Hooded Hood
#17: Slaves of the Brain Eaters, Thralls of the Blood-Drinkers by the Hooded Hood
#18: Now Get Out Of That by the Hooded Hood
***
Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2008 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2008 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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The Hooded Hood checks that new stories are still allowed on the board
Sat Jun 21, 2008 at
10:28:14 am EDT
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Copyright © 2004-2008 by Mangacool Adventure
