|
Potholes in Memory Lane continues |
"So..." Hallie began mildly as Visionary drank from a carton of orange juice in the kitchen. "How many alien slave girls did you impregnate?"
The Regular choked dramatically, fumbling with the carton and catching it just in time to spray half the contents over his chest instead of letting it hit the floor. Weakly wiping his chin with the back of his sleeve, he looked over the open refrigerator door at the newly arrived holographic woman. "Ahem... Um, Hi there" he began casually. "Did you, er, have a question?"
"Oh, I was just wondering how much genetic material you've been spreading around the Parodyverse in the last decade..." she answered with a tight smile. "Apparently the "I'm real, dammit!" protestations were more deep-seated than I thought."
"Um... who have you been talking to, exactly?"
"That Dancer woman was quite helpful in cluing me into a few things..."
Visionary winced as he pondered that. "Um... well, the thing about Dancer is that, while she means well, she's maybe a bit... imprecise in her wording, and it can lead to all kinds of wacky, hilarious misunderstandings. Like, do you remember Three's Company?"
"Sadly, yes" she noted. "Even though it was on 20 years before I was created. You not really clear on how amnesia works, are you?"
"Not really, no" the Regular admitted. "At least, not as it applies to someone like you."
"Like me?" she asked dangerously.
"Er... Well, you're pretty unique, you know" he offered quickly. "Or, ah... maybe you don't... But in any event, since you're practically made of information, nobody's quite sure how you even can have amnesia, let alone what it means."
Her eyes narrowed as she pondered this. "You're just trying to change the subject away from sex slaves."
"As often as possible" he agreed. "Ah... Orange juice?" he offered, holding out the dented cartoon.
She took the bait despite herself. "Do I eat? Or drink?" she asked, giving the carton an experimental sniff with her holographic nose.
"You have, on occasion..." he informed her helpfully.
"Uh-huh" she answered, continuing to look down at the carton's lip. "And... I've done other human things..." she noted. "I've... had sex."
He gulped, not really sure where this was going, and not really wanting to think about it too much himself. "So I understand."
She nodded. "With... how many?"
He blinked in confusion. "What?"
She blushed furiously, turning a dark shade of forest green. "Well, all these people who are showing up in the mansion now..." she continued, not able to meet his eyes. "How many of them have I... slept with?"
"I don't... what?" he choked again.
"It's just... it could be embarrassing if I'm meeting someone for the first time, and they... I've... They've had..." she balled up her fists. "...knowledge of me." She finished huffily. "I think it's only fair of you to give me the heads up as to how many more of them I've... you know."
"None!" Visionary answered. "None more! What kind of a program do you think you are?"
She paused and bit her lip, then called up a holoscreen in the center of the kitchen. Across it scrolled a wide selection of blogs and articles, with phrases highlighted to jump out. "...Legion's digital "stress relief..." "X-rated video game..." "holographic blow-up doll..." She wouldn't meet him in the eye. "This is just what was still saved in my browser cache."
Visionary's faced darkened. "Listen to me. These... people --and I use that term loosely-- these people that write these blogs, they don't know a thing about you. They don't want to know a thing about you. To them, you're simply a symbol that's easy to attack... One that they need to tear down in order to deal with their own insecurities."
Her brow furled in confusion. "Why would any of these people care about the Lair Legion's message sorter enough to try to libel it?"
"You're not an "it", dammit!" he snapped back. "And you're a hell of a lot more than a message sorter. It's just... some people have a problem with robosapiens, and you've become something of a high profile target in the debate on sentient rights."
She looked at him blankly. "Robowhatsis? Sentient rights?"
"Yeah... it's become something of an issue since that whole thing with Evil Monkey and... Well, a lot has happened."
"Of course" she muttered under her breath. "What else is new?"
"You're just something of a figurehead because of all that you did for the war effort, and your relationship with Epitome, and being offered Lair Legion membership, and..." he stopped when he realized that she had frozen, mouth slightly agape. "You... you did know about Epitome, right? That's who the "I've had sex" bit was about, right? Because if Flapjack has been telling you that you're the one to deliver his morning whippings, then I'm going to have to remove some of the more nondetachable pieces of him with the hedge clippers..."
She swallowed. "I... I was offered Legion membership?" she asked softly. "As a Legionnaire?"
He nodded slowly as his mind got back on track. "Sure. Mumphrey offered you a spot on the team a few years back as a full, active field Legionnaire."
"Me?" she double checked, staring off into the distance in a bit of a daze. "Are you saying I turned them down?"
He smiled at her. "I told you that you're a hell of a lot more than a message sorter."
She nodded her head, eyes still wide, then glanced at him. "So I'm really not some "artificial Twinkie", like this blog claims?"
"No. I don't even know what that means" Visionary admitted, rubbing his chin. "It seems to suggest there's such a thing as a naturally occurring Twinkie, and I find that more disturbing than the existence of the Shoggoth."
She smiled slightly. "And you... You don't just have a thing for easy green women?"
He snorted as he blushed slightly himself. "Um... Believe me... there has been nothing "easy" about any of my relationships" he noted carefully. "But then, I suppose that's what makes them so worth having."
She raised an eyebrow as she looked him over. "Now that might be the first truly good answer you've given me about any of my questions so far." She smiled at him. "You know, you're not nearly as clueless as you look."
He shrugged modestly. "I've had ten years to work on it."
Next: A villain's perspective...
|
|
|
Posted from U.S. Network
using Mozilla Firefox/Windows XP
|
|
|
Copyright © 2004-2008 by Mangacool Adventure
