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| Tales of the Parodyverse >> View Post |
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Subject: Chad & Ronnie Vs. The World, A Saving the Future Tie-In |
Parrodipolis. Dullard's Corner. Ronald Arnold Gerrimoto Beeslyhuxtoy, recently appointed temporary agent of S.P.U.D., has just returned from a fantastical journey & like how all his adventures end: he goes off to relate what has happened to him to his ex-girlfriend: Jane Tarzania. Ronnie knocks on her door. Oddly enough it opens shortly after the first set of knocks. He's a bit surprised by this & little disappointed: he didn't get to do the "shave & hair cut, two bits" knock that is almost a tradition when he comes to her apartment. There in the door stands Jane: she dressed in a pale pink blouse, a dark chocolate brown cotton skirt that went to her mid calf. Under that are a pair of skin colored nylons & a pair of sensible leather pumps on. Her mousy brown hair was styled in a partly messy fashion. Ronnie was dressed in his borrowed Navy blue S.P.U.D. uniform with all the extras that come with it (except for the gun & the knife set, Dury took those away). "Hi, Ronnie-ie-ie." Jane says. "Are you cold?" Ronnie asked. "No? Why-y-y?" "Well, you didn't have that stutter thing the last time I saw you, which I know was a while ago. Well, I think it was awhile ago but it might of just been yesterday for you. I don't how time flowed in the place like a river or molasses. Yum. I like Molasses." "Ok-k-k-k." Jane said with a smile. It was kind of creeping Ronnie out but let it slide. "I have tons to tell you." Ronnie said as he walked to the apartment. "Like what-t-t-t?" "There's that stutter again. Something is wrong here but what?" Ronnie thought. "Well, you know the Legion have been elsewhere, right?" "Yes. It's been on the news outlet almost everyday-ay-ay-ay." Jane said as she sat down on to her couch. Ronnie stood before her. He find it was better to be standing when telling a story, It allowed for greater movement. "Ok. And you know they have just returned, right?" "Yes. One can't turn to any media source without hearing, seeing or reading about it-t-t-t." Ronnie went into his long convoluted story which he didn't have all the parts. But those parts he didn't have he made up & that was the fun part. As he talked, Jane just sat there on the couch intently listening to every word he said & nodding when she thought it appropriate. This creeped Ronnie out more then the stutter did. Jane was taking all the fun out this story: he had gotten use to her not paying attention to him so he would slip in a few thing that he knew would get a reaction out of her but she was paying attention so he couldn't do that. Also, she hadn't rolled her eyes once since he showed up. Normally by now she would have done it a half dozen times, he liked to count along. His record is 1,586: it was during Chrismahannaqwanza two years ago when he was relating the first Chrismahannaqwanza to her. "Jane?" "Yes, Ronnie-ie-ie?" "What's wrong with you?" He asked with some concern in his voice. "Nothing. Why would anything be wrong with me-e-e-e?" Jane said all that with a smile. Jane hardly ever smiled when He was around. "I don't know. We have known each other for awhile & I've come to pick up on certain things..." Jane interrupted "Like what-t-t-t?" "Well, your being to nice." "Weren't we lovers-s-s-s?" "Yeah. But most of the time, if Movies & TV are to tell us anything about real life, Lovers don't remain friends after the break-up." "Then why are you here? We broke up years ago-o-o-o." She said then asked. "Didn't we-e-e-?" "yeah. But that doesn't mean we can't still hang out." Jane paused for a few moments to think & then said. "But that doesn't make sense-se-se-se." "Maybe. But you've gotten use to that by now haven't you?" Jane didn't reply at first but then unsure said. "Yes-s-s-s." Ronnie looks at Jane for a moment or two then walks over to thermostat on Jane's wall. He looked at for a few moments & then tapped a few times with his gloved finger. "Is there something wrong with it-t-t-t?" She asked. "I don't know. It seems to be working & says that it's 78 degrees in here so you should be cold but you are." "Why do you think I'm cold-d-d-d?" Jane asked. "The stutter! You've never done that before so the only reason for you to do that is being cold & according to that round device on your wall you shouldn't be." Ronnie said then the tone of his voice changed. "Who are you, really?" As he said that his pointed his finger at her in an accusing manner. Jane just sat there for a few moments & then said as she fought back some tears. "You know who I am. I'm Jane Tarzania, your ex-girlfriend-d-d-d-d." Ronnie just looked at her with some scorn & then asked. "What's your middle name?" "What-t-t-t-?" Jane said a bit puzzled, still fighting back the tears. "Yeah. You heard me: What's your middle name? If you are who you say you are then that should be an easy question to answer." Ronnie said a bit angry. "Ronnie-ie-ie-ie." Jane said at bit hurt. "No. That's not it. It would have been kind of funny it was. I think we would have gotten a good chuckle out of it. But that's not it, what is your middle name?" He said with a bit of a half anger chuckle. "Ronnie-ie-ie-ie." She said again, this time she was on the verge of losing her battle with her tears. "We just went over this." Ronnie said. He apparently didn't care. "Stop it. This isn't funny anymore-re-re-re." She said as she started to cry. "This was never funny." He said seriously. "I want to know who you are because your not Jane. You may look like her, dress like her, walk like her, sound a bit like her except for that stutter thing, you might be living in her apartment but your not Jane!" "But... I am Jane-ne-ne-ne!" She said angrily with tears in her eyes. Jane got up from the couch & start to run at Ronnie, she had her fists up. But before she could land a punch, he hit her first. Right between the eyes. She recoiled back, cupping her nose with her hands. "Ow. What did you do that for-or-or?" "You were going to hit me, so I fought back. I know I don't normally hit girls but I'm not sure your a girl." "I am too a girl, you jerk-k-k-k-k." Jane said. "Plus, I think you broke my nose-se-se-se." "I'll break more if you don't tell me what you did with Jane." "I am Jane-ne-ne-ne!" She screamed. Ronnie didn't reply, He just turned to leave. As opened the door & he stopped. He didn't turn back but did say. "I will find her & once I do you will be in so much trouble. My Jane is quite a fighter. You don't want to be on her bad side & right now you are so on it." He walked out & closed the door behind him. He heard something hit the door as he walked down the hallway. A short while later outside the building, Ronnie had meet up with his friend, Chadwick L. Swiss. He gave Ronnie a somewhat puzzled look. "Jane's not coming with us." Ronnie said. Chad still had his puzzled look on his face. "She's been replaced by someone." Chad's eyes got big in a somewhat shocked sort of fashion & then leaned in toward Ronnie. Chad whispered something in Ronnie's ear. "What do you mean?" Ronnie asked. Chad whispered something else in Ronnie's ear. "What do you mean no one is who they say they are?" Chad motioned with his head for Ronnie to look at the people milling about. Ronnie looked & noticed that everyone was acting weird like Jane had been. He heard a few of them speak to each other & they too had the stutter. "whoa." Chad shook his head in agreement. Ronnie turned back to Chad & asked "How'd you find out about this?" Chad reached his hand into his coat pocket & pulled out a small fuzz ball. "Little Cat!" Ronnie exclaimed. Chad shook his head in agreement & Ronnie thought for a moment. "Of course! Animals have always had heightened scenes beyond those of you or me." Ronnie turned back to look at everyone else & asked suspiciously . "Who can we trust?" Chad shrugged his shoulders. Then, Ronnie began to feel an odd vibrating sensation in his hinder quarters. "Ahhhh!" he screamed. He then grabbed for what he thought was making him feel that way. He found it in one of his belt's pouches, it was some sort of device. He pressed the blinking red button on it & it's screen turned on. "Dan D.!" Ronnie said happily when he saw who came on screen. "Yes, Beeslyhuxtoy. It's me. I'm calling you back in." The head of S.P.U.D. said & then chopped down hard on his cigar. "Why? Is because of all the fake people walking around?" "What?" Dury said surprised, he almost dropped his cigar. "Yeah. Me, my friend Chad & our Pet Little Cat.." Ronnie said as he introduced each member of his party he turned the device to show them ".. have found that there's some sort of secret invasion of the body snatchers going on. And these invaders all seem to be really cold." "Why?" "They all stutter." "Hmm.." Dury said, rubbing his chin in a thoughtful way. He then said. "Good work, Beeslyhuxtoy. It's nice to see you've embraced the S.P.U.D. way." "Does this mean I can get a gun?" "Maybe. We'll think about. You & your friends get back to the Helicarrier as soon as you can." "Okey Dokey, Artichokey!" Ronnie said with a sloppy salute. Dury grumbled something & the transmission ended. Ronnie put the device back in one of his belt's pouches & turned to Chad. "You heard Dan D.: It's back to S.P.U.D. for more fun!" Chad nodded in agreement, he put Little Cat back in his coat pocket & they were off. |
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