Tales of the Parodyverse

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Subject: The Visit




Author's Note: This story follows upon the events in "Driven", which can be read here: http://mangacool.com/php/show.php?msg=parodyverse-20071014172231






"All right..." the bored, overweight guard announced, coming through the door head down while flipping pages on a clipboard. "Mr... Harmon, here to see prisoner #21403... you're up."

The visitor put down the 2 year old issue of "People Weekly" that he had been paging through in the waiting room. "Actually, that's Hatman" the capped crusader noted mildly as he climbed to his feet. "Sorry... I suppose I could stand to work on my penmanship. You'd think with all the paperwork, it would be getting better..."

The corrections officer's eyes nearly leapt from his skull. "I... you... you're Hatman!" he announced excitedly, clutching his clipboard to his large belly.

"Er... yes, I know. I'm the one that told you" Jay agreed with a friendly smile. "Nice to meet you, Officer... Bradley, is it?"

"Yes sir!" C.O. Bradley answered hurriedly, rearranging his visitor list to free a hand in greeting. "Can I say, this is an honor, having you here sir?"

Jay shook the offered hand. "Thanks, but you really don't have to call me "sir"..."

"Sorry... old habit" Bradley apologized. "...Still haven't quite readjusted to civilian life after the war. I tell you, I got to see the Legion in action during the offensive on the conceptual plain, sir... did I say what an honor it is to meet you?"

The Legionnaire shook his head and patted the man on the shoulder. "If you were in that offensive, then you saw plenty of action yourself. The honor is all mine." He nodded to the locked door. "So how does this work? Do we head on back now?"

"Oh, right... sorry!" the guard hurried to apologize, ushering the superhero to follow him as he led him through a small hallway to another steel door and pressed a button. After a moments wait, a buzzer sounded and the door unlocked with a loud "klatch!". Bradley held the door open, allowing Jay into another, smaller waiting room where an elderly female guard sat behind a large wooden desk.

"You wait here until the green light comes on, signalling they've brought your prisoner up from the cellblock" she explained. "I have to ask you to empty all of your electronic devices into the bin here...cel phones, watches, mp3 players, anything."

"My watch? It's not even digital."

"Unless it's a wind-up one..." Officer Bradley noted, shrugging apologetically. "I'm afraid it's procedure... all battery operated devices are scanned for. We're not allowed to make any exceptions."

"I'm afraid you'll have to make one for this" the leader of the Lair Legion noted, holding up his electronic comm-card.

"Whazzat?" the elderly guard asked, squinting and raising her head to look down her nose. "Is that one of them I-phonie contraptions? How trendy." She turned her squinty gaze on his face. "You look familiar... Got the pretty boy looks of a model... I know I've seen them somewhere before..." She snapped her fingers dryly. "Are you the boy on that underwear billboard downtown? You know the one... Guy's package hanging over the McDonalds in Parodiopolis Plaza..."

"I'll take your word for it, but it's not me. At least, not that I know of" Jay responded, silently noting that with Flapjack in the mansion and a Photomat right across the bridge, one could never be too sure.

"Well, no matter who you are, you have to go by the rules. If you want to fill out the forms to request an exception, we can give them to you..." the woman snorted, digging around in her desk. "Form 17-J-195b. I think the turnaround from the Bureau is... what? Three weeks? Is that going to be a problem, Mr. Tighty-Whitie?"

Bradley coughed apologetically. "Er, don't mind Doris, she doesn't mean any offense. Although, I'm sorry, Mr. Hatman sir... those are the regulations."

The Legion Chairman considered arguing the point, but ultimately decided to go along... After all, he knew the general nature of the rule, or he wouldn't have been the one that needed to come down here. "Let me know immediately if there's a call" he instructed Doris.

"Yeah, yeah..." the elderly woman replied, stuffing all of his items into a plastic bag and handing him a receipt for it. "You kids and your text messaging... can't go ten minutes without it."

Thankfully, the green light on the opposite wall came on before Jay could reply. "Your prisoner is up" officer Bradley informed him quickly, leading the Legionnaire to the next security door.

Jay noticed the guard shifting his sidearm uncomfortably as he opened the door for the hero. "That's quite the cannon" he observed. "I don't think I recognize the caliber."

"Another regulation" Bradley explained, unholstering the weapon for the Legionnaire to see. "It's new ordinance... They were originally designed to penetrate Avawarrior armor for use in the war, but they didn't get out of development soon enough. Instead, they're part of the new government contract with Artificial Organics for robosapien pacification. It's a four shot revolver, with tankbuster shells... kicks like a mule on the firing range..." he shared, rubbing his arm knowingly. "The idea is to penetrate an outer chassis and rely on ricochet damage to disable enough internal components to bring down a robot. We have to wear them when working with these prisoners."

Hatman nodded, while keeping his expression neutral. "And have the prisoners given you any trouble?"

"Oh no, none at all actually..." Officer Bradley assured him. "In fact, I find it a lot more pleasant overlooking these ones than keeping an eye on the human population in the other cell blocks . You wouldn't believe what those animals will throw on you as you walk past..." He nodded to a chair set in front of a large, shatterproof glass wall. "You sit there. There are holes drilled in the glass for sound... no extra electronics allowed, so no phones to talk back and forth. I'll be just outside the door here watching. If there's any trouble... well, I mean, you're Hatman... you hardly need me to... Still, um... I'll be right outside."

"Thank you officer" Jay smiled and nodded as the man retreated, then he took a seat.

There was a loud clang as the door on the other side of the glass unlocked. "Is it time then, father? Come to lead me to the chair?" the prisoner called out as it opened and she was let into the room on the other side of the partition . "Isn't it customary that I get a last meal first? Or at least an oil change?" She stopped as she saw her visitor for the first time, and her eyes shields narrowed warily. "You're not Reverend Fleetwood."

"Sorry to disappoint you..." Jay noted with a friendly smile. "But Mac couldn't make it today... He's visiting Margaret Wilburson in the hospital. I offered to come in his place... and I'm afraid I only brought your mail, no meals." He took a moment to look over the robot he had come all this way to meet. She stood at least 11 feet tall, with broad shoulders and rather impressive boilers spaced side-by-side across her chest. Steam leaked from her joints and her rib cage, and her body was an intricate network of pipes and cast iron pieces, riveted together like something from the 1890's. "You must be Joan Henry."

"Yeah?" she answered grudgingly. "And which one are you?"

"I'm Hatman."

"Right. Figures, what with the hat and all." She shifted her considerable frame. "So why did a mighty Legionnaire come all the way down here to see little ol' me?"

Jay held up a bundle of notes. "I told you... I have your mail." He put them in the pass-through drawer and pushed it over to the other side of the glass. "There's one from Mac, a few from Tandi, and a bunch from Hallie."

"Great" the huge robot answered flatly, making no move to accept the missives. "But why did you come down here. You're not even wearing a postman's hat."

"I'm always afraid it will turn me into a post-apocalyptic Kevin Costner" Jay deadpanned, waiting for a reaction. "No? Am I the only one who saw that movie?"

"Probably" Joan replied.

He took a deep breath and answered her question. "I came because it was important to Hallie, and she's not allowed to come visit you herself. Tandi as well."

"So?"

"So Hallie's my friend... and friends help each other when they need it."

Joan crossed her arms in front of her. "I wouldn't know."

"I think you would" Jay judged. "Especially if you'd stop being stubborn and take the letters."

"I never even responded to the first batch she sent. What makes her think this time will be any different?"

Hatman leaned back in his chair. "Will it?"

The steam-driven robosapien held up a giant metal hand. "These aren't exactly designed to work prison issue pens" she growled. She looked over to the metal drawer containing the letters with anger. "I don't even bother to read them, you know."

Jay shrugged. "That's your business. I'm only here to deliver them, and to see that you're okay."

"Okay?" Joan asked sarcastically. "How exactly would you define "okay"?"

He met her gaze. "I would define it as being treated with the respect that should be accorded any prisoner awaiting hearing" he answered, mentally editing out the words "rights" and "trial" as he did so, knowing that Robosapiens were currently afforded neither. However, fallout from Special Resolution 1066 had at least opened debate on the treatment of non-human prisoners, and they were in fact given a day in court before a judge, if not a full trial.

"And?" she challenged. "Am I "okay?" She flexed a massive arm. "Human prisoners aren't kept so low on fuel that they can barely move, are they?"

A troubled expression crossed his face. "No. No they're not. Are you saying that they're denying you sustenance?"

She looked back at him defiantly at first, but then her posture slumped and she turned away. "No... I voluntarily accepted the limits as a compromise. Human prisoners can't punch through these concrete walls when they're full of energy. It... wasn't worth the fight."

Jay raised an eyebrow at this assessment from a natural brawler.

"Besides, it beats being locked away in a virtual concentration camp awaiting deleting" she added with venom, but there was something off about it... she still refused to look him in the eye. "I told Mac he could pass that along to Little Miss Hologram... but I suppose he didn't relay that part, did he?"

The Legionnaire frowned. "Oh no... I was there when he told her. And Tandi." His eyes grew hard. "Hallie's reaction isn't the kind of thing I'd forget."

The robot's head raised guiltily. "He... he actually told her?" Joan asked softly, pausing to consider that. "And... she still wrote me letters?"

"Hallie's not a quitter" he answered. "She's got a hell of a lot more fight in her than most people realize, and lord knows she's learned how to take a hit."

Joan stood on her half of the glass, staring at the drawer full of letters. "What do you know about me, Hatman?" she asked finally.

Jay considered it. "I know you were arrested for 21 counts of felony property damage and public endangerment while engaged in battle with other, unidentified robosapiens from the riverfront to Dullard's Corner. I know you're also facing charges of Assault in the Second Degree against one Edward Douglas Sullivan, for burns and scalding he claims to have received in an attack on his person which required the intervention of the as-yet-unidentified robosapiens. I know you're suspected of being involved in the illegal gambling bloodsport "Robot Rumble", and what's more, I know that your reputation within said "sport" is in shambles after allegations, later revealed true in your booking records, that your internal structure is composed of non-sanctioned, performance-enhancing materials."

"In short, that I'm a cheat, that I tried very hard to boil all the skin from Sully's fat frame, and that I tore into some of my "coworkers" with zero regard for the well being of anyone or anything around me" she assessed. "And you know what? It's all true."

"I'm not Mac Fleetwood..." Jay hastily reminded her. "Confessions to me aren't protected in any way..."

"So knowing all that... Knowing exactly what I am..." Joan continued, ignoring him, "Can you give me one good reason why the hell anyone shouldn't just give up on me and let me rust in peace?"

He gave a subtle shrug. "If you really wanted friends who would abandon you when you were at your lowest point, well... you really did a lousy job of picking them. You asked what I knew about you... Obviously, Hallie and Tandi know something more. They see something worth fighting for in you."

Her eyes met his again. "And do you?"

The Legion Chairman stood. "Not yet. But then, I don't need to. The first thing I learned about this job was whose opinions I could trust." He walked to the security door and knocked to be let out. "Your hearing is scheduled for next Tuesday... I know you've turned down the option to have representation" he told her as Officer Bradley returned to collect him. He looked to the hulking robot watching him from behind the shatter-proof glass. "I wouldn't count on being there alone, if I were you."

She looked helplessly from him back to the metal drawer waiting, open on her side of the glass.

He gave a smile as, with a small sigh of steam, she gently reached out for the letters as the door closed behind him.











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Visionary offers something inspired by the recent chat

Sun Mar 16, 2008 at
09:16:54 pm EDT
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