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This message De Brown Streak and the New Lair Legion was posted by DBS on Saturday, January 19, 2002 at 15:03.
De Brown Streak and the New Lair Legion
The battle is over. We see big piles of Sentinoids scattered all over a ruined dockside warehouse in San Francisco (the Parodyverse has a San Francisco, right? Well it does now.) De Brown Streak is holding a severed Sentinoid arm that is pumping out oil and is using it to write “Free the Mutate 7” on the wall.
The Sorceress: “Hey, Brownie…!”
DBS, turns rounds to see the sexy Sorcy: “Hey, Whitney! So you finally dumped that Hat-bum and saw sense, huh?”
Hatman: “A-hem!”
DBS: “Oh, Hatman. Didn’t see you there.” But DBS is still hopeful. “So did you dump him?”
Hatman: “That’s it. I’m going to kick his ass.”
The Sorceress: “Jay, you promised…”
Hatman scowls. He had forgotten how irritating De Brown Streak could be.
“Josh,” the Sorceress calls, “We’ve come with a very special proposal for you.”
DBS looks worried. “Really? Uh well, I’m flattered and all, and I’d date you in a second Whit, but the Hat-guy’s just not my type and…”
“We want you to join the Lair Legion, you idiot!” snarls Hatman. “I can’t believe I said that.”
DBS: “Oh.”
The Sorceress: “I’m afraid that’s it, Brownie. The dating thing isn’t going to happen. I’m deeply devoted to my Hat.”
DBS: “You’re only saying that because you haven’t smooched with the master of many speeds.”
Hatman: “Now can we clobber him?”
The Sorceress: “We all discussed this, remember Jay? If Josh is willing to give up all this mutant terrorist stuff then we’ll get him an amnesty and he can become a Legionnaire. With no hard feelings.”
Hatman is still sullen: “So you all said, yeah. But look at how he’s looking at you. He’s having hard feelings right now. You can’t hide them in a spandex runner’s costume.”
DBS: “You… really want me to join the LL?”
The Sorceress: “Yes.”
Hatman: “No.”
The Sorceress nudges him sharply.
Hatman: “Yes. Of course.”
DBS thinks: “Hmmm. Working up close with Whitney every day, tensions high, sharing life and death moments, passions flaring… And that Ziles is pretty hot too, and I’m sure the dragon isn’t sharing his super-schlong enough… And then there’s Dancer and Troia and Yo… And HALLIE…”
Hatman: “You do know you’re talking out loud, right?”
DBS, sheepish: “Ah. Right.”
The Sorceress: “C’mon Josh. We can’t promise you hot and cold running women, but we can promise you a life of not being hunted, of being somewhere where what you do counts.”
Hatman: “And this way I don’t have to hunt you down and haul your sorry butt into jail.”
DBS: “Like you could, cap-boy.”
Hatman: “I could take you with a Girl Scout hat on.”
DBS: “And I bet you’d enjoy wearing it!”
Hatman: “That does it! Now I’m gonna…” Then he sees Whitney’s face “…calm right down and talk to you reasonably, while I’m still in my own shape. Yeah.”
The Sorceress: Come on, Josh. What do you say?”
DBS: “It sounds pretty tempting. I mean you guys have a hot tub and everything.” He sighs and gestures to the wall. “But if I quit now who’s going to free the Mutate 7? Or save all those people who are getting persecuted by the government just because they happen to be born with weird powers? Who will make a stand?”
Hatman: “The LL stand up for justice all the time.”
DBS: “But you have to work with the government, within the law, even when the law’s an ass.” He shakes his head. “Thanks for the offer, guys. I mean really thank you. But I have a job to do.”
Hatman, trying to sound disappointed: “So you won’t join? Ever?”
DBS: “Let’s say now is not the time. I have things to do that will make you guys have to hunt me down and haul my sorry butt to jail. If you can.”
Hatman: “We can.”
The Sorceress: “Well, if you’re sure…”
DBS: “I’m sure.”
Hatman: “In that case, De Brown Streak, you’re under arrest. Don’t try anything…”
But with a brown streak, De Brown Streak has moved. He zooms over to Whitney, slips her a big kiss with tongues, and is over the horizon before Hatman can pull on his Hurricanes hat.
Hatman: “He got away. Couldn’t you stop him, Whit?”
The Sorceress: “I guess he was too fast for me. Really. That was it. Too fast.” She blushes.
And De Brown Streak hurtles away towards Mexico with a big cheesy grin on his face. But inside him he’s just a little bit sorry that he couldn’t stay with the Lair Legion and see what happens next. It could have been fun.
This poster posed from 212.1.140.45 when they posted
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