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Dancer via Vizh
Tue Nov 02, 2004 at 12:19:22 am EST
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Hardly the Dancer/Visionary “Follies of Youth” Limited Series Anymore But That’s Wonderful #22: “Now What Did We Say About Not Dragging Al B.’s Underwear Three Times Over His Head?”
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Hardly the Dancer/Visionary
“Follies of Youth” Limited Series Anymore But That’s Wonderful #22: “Now
What Did We Say About Not Dragging Al B.’s Underwear Three Times Over His
Head?”


[The Scene: It is time for breakfast in the Lair Kitchen, but our heroes seem
strangely changed. Perhaps it’s because interfering interdimensional imp Eddie
has regressed them all to sixteen years old (except CrazySugarFreakBoy! who has
to be different and has gone to 60, natch). Let’s listen in on the
conversation…]


Master Epitome: No, really, I can easily bench press twice that much…


Trickshot: …chicks just love a guy in purple and green, really…


Fashion Accessory: This is blind school chicks, right?


Lisa: …big soft smelly thing right there on my bed, wanting to be rubbed…

Asil: And you didn’t remember you have a cat?


Hatman: …so then I said to Birthday Bandit…


Yo: Why is it they are not to be making black-coloured breakfasting milk?


Vizh: Is anybody going to eat that last slice of toast?


Sarah: I guess you’ve gotta keep your strength up, hmm?


Mumphrey: …most amazing gadget pops toast up right from inside it. Extraordinary
thing!


CrazySugarFreakAdult!: No, Samantha, the wrinkles don’t hurt, although as you
say there’s certainly a lot of mileage on me…


Kerry: When did this place become zit central anyway? Its worse than when the LL
were all uber-feebs.


Glory: *scarfs crumbs*


Al B. Harper, resident boy genius: …so I retroscanned the DNA samples and found
a passive regression in the morphic field interface that suggests…


Sarah Shepherdson: You know he has been explaining his experiments about us
being de-aged for fifteen minutes and I haven’t understood a single word.


Visionary: And he hasn’t actually paused for breath yet. That’s an amazing
super-power.


Master Epitome: Has he got to the bit where he explains why he spent half the
night jabbing me with needles?


Lisa: I think that was just because you keep stuffing him in a locker, actually.


Hatman: We have to find out why all this happened, and how to undo it, and not
be… not be dist… distracted…


[Enter dull thud and Cressida, but the LL’s resident tapeworm has pupated
to her sixteen year old form of a beautiful nude butterfly-winged girl.
Fortunately she is no longer in thuddy’s large intestine.]


thud: Morning all. Pass Cressie the honey.


Trickshot, gaping: *passes salt to Cressida*


Hallie: thud, I could have found some clothes for Cressida, you know. She
doesn’t have to fly around stark naked.


Al B.: Perhaps it’s just a public service?


Visionary: Not that we’re judging. I mean, if that’s her lifestyle choice OUCH!
*finds his coffee mug handle has improbably become loose dousing him in
espresso*


Sarah Shepherdson: Oh. Dear.


Cressida: Thank you for your concern, but I do not find clothes to be relevant.


Fashion Accessory: *sprays more coffee over Vizh and almost falls of her chair*
Cough! Never never say that again. You and I have got to talk.
Stat!


Trickshot, still gaping: *passes butter to Cressida*


CrazySugarFreakAdult!: Jay was quite right before he turned deep pink and lost
his train of thought. We need to find a way to rectify whatever has caused these
problems.


Lisa, looking at the guys looking at Cressie: As long as the solution doesn’t
involve any of the male members having to get up from the table any time soon.


Trickshot: *passes Visionary’s toast to Cressida*


Vizh: Hey!


Mumphrey, gallantly giving his seat to Cressida, then grabbing a placemat to
strategically and casually hold over his trouser-front: Hmm, quite agree with Mr
Foxglove. Need to address the situation, what?


Lisa: Why? What’s wrong with taking advantage of the wonderful second chances
we’ve got? Why not stay like this and learn from our past selves mistakes?


Master Epitome: You mean like not sleeping with so many guys. *adds quickly*
Lisa. I mean Lisa sleeping with so many guys. Not me. *glowers angrily* Stop
snickering Harper. There are more lockers yet.


Lisa: That wasn’t the mistake I was thinking about, although I do seem to have
been very inefficient about my dating life. I’m sure I could have fit more in.


[Now Ham-Boy starts choking]


Yo: There is to be being no point in trying to make things better. Life is to be
totally sucking. You are all to be making me sick. None of you are to be
understanding Yo. *bursts into tears, flings her breakfast at Visionary, and
flees from the room*


Visionary: What? What did I do? Um, can I have a napkin please?


Lisa: You unfeeling beast!


Trickshot: *passes napkin… to Cressida*


Hatman: Um, there are still a few unsolved mysteries about these
transformations. Things we haven’t worked out.


Sarah: Like where Dancer has got to? What could sixteen year old Dancer possibly
be doing out all night?


[Kerry Shepherdson is about to say something but just then her boiled eggs
self-destructs over her t-shirt. And Vizh.]


Flapjack, lurking nearby in case Cressida might need anything, like a body rub
or assistance showering: Whatever Dancer got up to it couldn’t we worse than the
midnight activities here last night.


Hatman, bless him the innocent: What do you mean. Were there security breaches?


Flapjack: I’m pretty sure there were breaches, but not the sort you’re thinking
of.


Lisa, crossly: I’m sure it’s nobody’s business who was breaching who. We’re all
only two years off being consenting adults.


Hallie: *quickly erases sensor logs before FBI requisition them*


Al B.: I’m thinking maybe we need break into Nats and Uhuna’s room before they
do themselves serious medical harm.


Mumphrey: If nothing else we should get them some strong tea of something before
they die of dehydration.


Sarah: Does the Legion have heavy winching gear to separate them?


Harlagaz: Mayhap if I arrange a storm in yonder bedchamber?


FA: You can arrange a storm in my bedchamber anytime, big guy. Oh wait, you’re
not de-aged are you, so I can tease you anytime. Forget I said that. *goes back
to flirting with Epitome*


CrazySugarFreakAdult!: While you all slept, or whatever it was you filled the
night-time with, Hallie, Asil and I tried to check up on former and inactive
members of the LL as best we could. We spoke with Prince Banjooooo, who has been
affected, and with Finny who said he hadn’t been but called us dudes. And I
could hear Dark Knight snickering uh-huh in the background.


Kerry: What about spiffy? Did he become like a bansai or something?


Asil: Well, he was apparently de-aged to sixteen but nobody actually noticed the
difference.


Hallie: G-Eyed hadn’t gotten a handle on his powers yet at sixteen, but he sure had his
attitude. But electricity burns heal fast at that age.


Visionary, checking the pictures on the walls for prompts about other
Legionnaires: What about this one? Donar?


Harlagaz: We wilt not speaketh of that. Bah! Twas mine mizzenbeast to scroffle
and tamp! *hurls his spoon into his groats, spilling them over Visionary, and
storms out to his room*


Trickshot: *hands fresh spoon to Cressida*


CrazySugarFreakAdult!: We certainly need to reverse the effects on Falcon. He’s
become the vicious evil punk he was before the Hooded Hood fiddled with his
origins. SPUD has had to take him into custody.


Hallie: His sister Lindy said it wasn’t necessary. She was quite willing to just
keep him tied in a closet and stun him with a cattle prod every hour or so.


Trickshot, having run out of objects to pass to Cressie: So… thud… where
did your charmin’ tapeworm spend the night?


Cressida: I was with Davie of course. I’d not used to sleeping without
thuddy wrapped round me.


Ham-Boy, who had just stopped choking: *chokes again*


dull thud: Aye, and now I’m gonna need intensive therapy for a whole new
set of issues. Excuse me, I have to go find a vending machine.


Hatman, eyeing the empty chairs where Yo, Harlagaz, Kerry, thud etc. were
sat before: This breakfast seems to have a high casualty race *flips on nurse’s
cap and performs Heimlich manoeuvre on Ham-Boy*


CSFA!: We also need to get the Legion’s Shoggoth back. Ebony’s getting quite
worried, and so is the major bit of the Shoggoth. He’s apparently quite off his
loathsome elder-spawning.


Mumphrey: Fortunately Nats and Uhuna are keepin’ up the spawning average for the
planet.


Fashion Accessory: Wait a minute, did April spend the night with geyser-CSFB!?
Ew.


Master Epitome: We so need to get back to our usual states. I feel so short.


Lisa: Lots of guys feel like that, so don’t feel bad.


Al B. Harper: *snicker*


Master Epitome: That does it. Cosmic-pantsing time!


CSFA!: Now what did we say about not dragging Al B.’s underwear three times over
his head?


Ham-Boy: That Epitome wasn’t to do it again till we could find a video camera?


Sarah: The problem is, as much as we might like being sixteen again – and it
does have some serious advantages from what I’ve seen so far – you are all
heroes, and the world needs you to be at your very best. If you struggled
yesterday against the Birthday Bandit and some unorganised escaped convicts what
happens when the world is in dire danger? I think you might have to turn back,
because…


CSFA!: With great power comes great responsibility.


Vizh: Also we have to save the world from Yo’s gloomy bunny-poems.


[And as if the plot was in need of developing, in swoops Amazing Young Guy]


AG: Hey, folks, I’ve figured out who the baddie is. Well, I asked my big
omelette-dude homie Eggo, after I’d finished arguing with him about my
allowance. But the point is, I know who’s doing this. It’s Eddie.


Everybody: Who?


Sarah Shepherdson: Is it fair for the mystery villain to be someone we’ve never
heard of?


AG: *explains the footnotes at the bottom of #1 to the LL*


Everybody: Ah.


Lisa: So to put this straight all I have to do is summon this imp, have Epitome
beat him up and stuff him in a locker, and things get put right, yeah?


CSFA!: Looks like. But you might want to stop and…


Lisa: I summons nasty interdimensional imp Eddie!


Eddie, appearing in a puff of purple smoke: Ah-ah! You don’t get out of this
that simply!


[And the whole of the junior LL vanish with Eddie in a puff of smoke]


Glory: So nobody will be wanting these leftovers?


[To be continued…]







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