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killer shrike
Sat Oct 23, 2004 at 09:17:00 pm EDT
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Follies of Youth/Killer Shrike Tie-In Part Four
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Follies of Youth/Killer Shrike Tie-In, Part Four


The Part With the Surprise Guest Stars



Doctor Honoria Sesselby dipped her biscotti and cast another surreptious, disdainful glance at the table across from them, “Listen to those two: so dramatic. Honestly, I don’t know how you can stand to work with children.”

Michael Wooster smiled and shrugged, “You get used to the constant hyperbole. It’s a tough age. I certainly wouldn’t want to be a teenager again.”

The man casually stole a look back at the pair who had caught his friend’s attention, “Hm, looks like the young lady is a Yo fan.”

“Young lady? That’s a boy,” Honoria said as Michael turned back to her.

When he shifted for a second look there was a flash of light and a buzzing sound that tore through the street-side café’. Suddenly the area was inundated with enormous, slavering beasts.

“Giant Mustela erminea,” Honoria exclaimed, her interest as a cryptozoologist clearly piqued. She rose from her chair and removed her jacket.

“And a rampaging super villain,” Michael noted the tall man in the ornate armor shepherding them. He stood and looked around for a place to change, “This looks like a job for Alcheman.”

But Honoria was already off to engage in a little field observation of this potentially undiscovered species.

*****


“I am Steppenstoat!!” the alien warlord shook his Galactic Glaive menacingly, “Harrier of a thousand worlds. The forward guard to the great Dark Thugos. And I am here to kill the one called Yo!”

Yo sighed and drank her coffee.

Killer Shrike lay sprawled under their table, working feverishly to put on his armor and shock gauntlets. It was by some fluke of contrivance that his tech had morphed as he did, so he could fit snugly into his costume. Maybe a bit too snug.

“Die!” Shrike stuck his topknotted head up over the table and blasted the nearest varmint with his wrist blasters. The creature made a mewling sound and flew backwards.

Four more of the beasts took up the charge, knocking over the table and bowling into Yo and KS. Two of the stoats clamped their jaws down on the transmuted criminal. They were unable to puncture his costume but managed to wrestle Shrike to the ground.

Honoria stepped into the melee and cracked one of the creatures across the back with one of the café’s umbrellas. As the beast yelped in pain Shrike managed to free his arm enough to slash his attackers with his titanium claws.

“Thanks, babe,” he told the rather fearsome blonde as he took flight, barreling into another giant stoat. It took him a few punches to subdue the creature. Meanwhile, its master was that much closer to his objective.

“Resist, little thought being!” Steppenstoat commanded, “I want the details of this battle to be taught in Granny Grimness’s Orphanarium!”

Yo sighed, “What is being the point? There is no rhyminging or reasoning to this. All of us are pawns in this uncute cosmic game.”

The Apuffylipian loomed over Yo, his polearm pulsating with power, “Speak for yourself. I serve the Destroyer of Tales, the malefic Dark Thugos.”

“Steppenstoat does not,” Yo murmured with resignation, as the warlord’s blade swung towards his/her head.

A large figure constituted entirely of titanium alloy intercepted the killing stroke, taking it square in the chest, “Miss, er- young man, you need to evacuate the area immediately,” Alcheman shouted.

There was a flicker of concern in Yo’s eyes when Steppenstoat’s attack scoured a considerable wound across her protector’s midsection, but when he seemed unharmed the apathy returned.

“For Crissake, Yo, do something! Kick his a**!” Killer Shrike screeched as he beat another ermine insensate with a parking meter.

“That’s the real Yo?” Honoria said incredulously.

“Guardianing Angels should not being taking their employer’s name in vain!” Yo shot back, his/her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Steppenstoat used the shaft of his Glaive to pummel Alcheman to the ground. He stepped over the battered hero and raised his weapon once more, “Say farewell to this life, creature. No happy ending for you.”

Honoria Sesselby thought quickly. Once she had taken on the responsibility of helping her childhood friend Michael Wooster succeed as the superhero Alcheman, the young woman had set about learning everything she could about the genre. This, in concert with her knowledge of mammalian behavior and ability to read people (even those composed of thoughts) allowed her to discern the most appropriate course of action. She hollered over to Yo:

“The major component of a stoat’s diet is rabbit!”

The Galactic Glaive was caught mid-strike by the overly made up thought being, “Uncute Steppenstoat has to been eating bunnies?!”

And that’s when the fur truly started to fly.

*****


“And that’s when the fur truly started to fly,” Torkamahda repeated from his Torment Chamber.

Steppenstoat’s voice sounded hollow from inside the Ion Maiden, “Y-yes. The thought being and its allies managed to turn the tide of battle. It was… impressive.”

“I’m sure,” Torkamahda cleaned his hands with a bloody rag and walked to the open window, taking in the sirens and screams coming from outside the castle.

“But with the intelligence I have gathered, Apuffylips can prepare a counterstrike! We can return to Earth and destroy Yo once and for all!” Steppenstoat cried plaintively, “Please, cousin, release me!”

The Torture Tyrant of Apuffylips smiled and shook his head, “I rather think you are better off than most of us, old man, with what is going on out here.”

*****


Killer Shrike stared down the rest of the Offenders, “So, all this time, during all this s***, I was nothing more than a blasted stalking horse?!”

Blackhearted smirked from beneath his cowl, “We figured you’d be used to it, since you spend so much time as a horse’s a**.”

“We needed someone to keep an eye on Yo during the mission, in case something went wrong,” Sorceress explained to the still feminized super villain.

“Why not you then? You’re Weirdy’s friend!”

“Sorceress was needed on Apuffylips,” Keiko said coolly, “the…wards that bound Grendlarg were mystical in nature.”

“Indeed. But now that the brute is freed the servants of Dark Thugos will be too occupied to continue their campaign against Yo. With their meddling marginalized, events should be able to run their natural course,” the Hooded Hood swanned into the Asylum’s common room.

Simon Maddicks couldn’t believe his (now pierced) ears. The stoat bites, the bad poetry, the lacy unmentionables, had all been suffered for naught.

“I hate you! All of you!” he cried, stomping off to his quarters to sulk.

“Killer Shrike’s not going to be like that forever, is he?” Keiko asked the master of Herringcarp, “He has the potential of being even more of an embarrassment.”

“The transformation will reverse once Shrike has completely digested Dr. Mango’s wares,” the Hood assured his hirelings.

Blackhearted chuckled, “Thank God we don’t have to cure him the original way. I don’t even think Flapjack would be that desperate.”






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