Schloss Schreckhausen has been a family seat of the Zemoes since the mid-19th century, when Baron Waldemar Zemo won it in a rigged whist game from Count Dumbo von Jägermeister. Jägermeister had already sold off almost all the grounds to finance his alcoholic attempts at a hangover cure, leaving only the Schloss and about fifty meters of land around it. Nonetheless, it was an imperial fief, and when hostilities broke out between the brothers Ottokar and Heinrich over the Zemo domain at Castle Zemo, the lands were split. Otto established his fiefdom at Schreckhausen, taking the title Zemo von Saxe-Lurkburg-Schreckhausen. Until World War II, he remained there alone, immersed in arcana and atrocities. His wife, Fanny Sweetpea Dewdrop, never saw the property, having been wooed and married at Zemodorf.
After World War II, the East German regime formally expropriated the property but never took possession. Baroness Elizabeth Zemo reclaimed it in early 2005 and then moved the entire Schloss to Pierce Heights, Parodiopolis, using her great-uncle’s castle-moving technology.
Schreckhausen (“house of fear”) is an especially menacing property. Coal-black stone looms over the entrance, with a surfeit of gargoyles, mounted knights trampling peasants and impaled heretics carved over the granite arches. Dormers and gables, adorned with moldy shutters and leaking roofs, emerge every which way. Cracked glass casement windows are almost opaqued by dust and dirt. The wall around the courtyard sports holes and breaches from WW II artillery shells and a rusted sign by the archway to the pitifully small gardens warns, Achtung! Minen!
Inside, though, the principal rooms are modern, although their décor varies according to whether Baron Otto or Baroness Elizabeth has control of the room. The main salon is filled with comfortable chairs and sofas, German antiques, and an amazing array of hunting trophies ranging from bear skin rugs to mounted elk heads to tigers. The Baroness is remodeling to include two media rooms, indoor pool and running track, computer room/library, exercise room, central air conditioning, four guest suites, minion wing, safe rooms with emergency escape systems, mad science laboratory and a gigantic control room with a large red button to activate the self-destruct system. Also notable are the underground aircraft and helicopter hangers and garage. Baron Otto’s domain includes two dungeons (medieval torture and modern), a meditation room, the alchemical laboratory, a séance salon and a fully equipped mini-morgue.
The Schloss will be open for visiting during the Parodiopolis Junior League’s annual House Tour and Crepe Breakfast charity event on May 21. Participants wishing to see the lower levels should bring overshoes to protect against stray bodily fluids (or worse) from the Baron’s dungeons.
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