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Introducing the newest villain of the BZL ... ODDLING!!! A very out-of-character story featuring Baron Zemo and the Hooded Hood ... Sunday, 26-Sep-1999 20:35:03
Zemo: What are you doing in my laboratory? Hooded Hood: Silence, fool! I am using your complex villainous scientific equipment to do complex villainous scientific things and put my complex villainous scientific plans into motion, because that's the type of complex scientific villain I am! Muahahaha! Zemo: Um, well, I kind of figured that, seeing as how you had the glowing electric thingies on, and the flashing buttons and outer-space sounds on full speed, but I guess I was just wondering why you had plugged all of it into my toaster over there, unless you have absolutely no idea what you're doing with all that science stuff in the first place. Hooded Hood: What? I mean, uh, I knew that! Do not question the brilliance of my complex, erm, villain ... type ... vision, and stuff. Yeah! Or I shall be forced to smite thee! Anyhow, I am busy at work, working to bring about the end of my hated enemy, CrazySugarFreakBoy! Muahahahaha! Zemo: Um, well, okay, but if you want my opinion, it would be easier to throw my toaster at him instead, and then just hit him on the head with it while he's down ... Hooded Hood: Easier? You speak to me of easier? If we did things simply because they were easier, we would never have any complex scientific villainous schemes in the first place, now would we? No, instead of explaining our plans to our enemies, and thereby allowing them to defeat us, we'd just kill our enemies, and take over the world without opposition, is that it? Zemo: Er, yeah, that's pretty much the solution I was going for. Hooded Hood: You sicken me! Where would be the fun in that? No, we must hatch unnecessarily elaborate plots, so that we will have something to do with our time, when Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not on! When the world is mine, Willow and Cordelia SHALL be my pleasure slaves! Um, not that I watch that show! Zemo: No! Neither do I! Nor did I watch Cruel Intentions, simply for the purpose of watching Sarah Michelle Gellar's ripe underage cleavage, as it bobbed across the screen, over and over and OVER - Hooded Hood: Yes! Well! The information I'm getting from the doodads on this thingamabob over here tell me that my science type sort of sinister experiment stuff has concluded, or something! This means that we must talk in nothing but exclamation points now! Zemo: Yes! I agree! Explanation points are important now, because they give a climactic and dramatic feel to our vaunted and diabolical proceedings, even though you still haven't explained to me what the hell you're doing yet! Hooded Hood: ExCLAmation points, damn your pink rag-covered face! Zemo: You dare challenge Zemo, in the sacred sanctity of his, um ... sanctuary, or something? Zemo is nobody's coffee waitress bitch! Hooded Hood: Quiet! Our bickering is unimportant now! It is done! Gaze upon the weapon I shall unleash upon CrazySugarFreakBoy! to bring about his destruction ... ODDLING! A four-year-old Dreamcatcher Foxglove steps out of the Hooded Hood's Portal of Pretentiousness, a raggedy stuffed bunny in his arms, clad in zip-up pajamas with the feet sown on. Zemo: Um, this is your weapon? To destroy CrazySugarFreakBoy!? Hooded Hood: Brilliant, is it not? I have plucked a younger version of CrazySugarFreakBoy! from the past, from an alternate timeline in which, instead of always wanting to be a comic book superhero, he has always wanted to be a comic book supervillain! And he shall be raised by me, without the influence of his accursed family, so that he becomes a comic book supervillain - a comic book supervillain that knows as much about comic books as CrazySugarFreakBoy!, and will therefore defeat him! Muahahahaha! Zemo: But, without a SillySuit to give him superpowers, won't that make this younger version of CrazySugarFreakBoy! just as useless as CrazySugarFreakBoy! was before he became CrazySugarFreakBoy!? And won't you have to spend the next twenty years or so raising him before he can try to defeat CrazySugarFreakBoy!, by which time somebody might have already taken over the world, or CrazySugarFreakBoy! might already be gone? You did think of this beforehand, didn't you? Hooded Hood: Um ... yes! Of course I did! And I've thought of ways around all that ... stuf, that you just said! The Hooded Hood sits down to think, and Oddling begins crawling up his legs, to curl up in his lap. Hooded Hood: Stop! No! What are you doing? I command you to stop curling up in my lap! Now! Oddling: Shhh. Be quiet, please. I am sleepy. Oddling gathers the Hooded Hood's cloak around him like a blankie, and begins to suck his thumb. Hooded Hood: Listen here! I am a serious supervillain! You cannot do this to me! It will ruin my credibility! Oddling: I am going to sleep now. Night-night. Zemo: I bet he is still a bed-wetter, too! Hooded Hood: Noooooo! A weird one-shot, introducing the newest member of the Scourge of the BZL and the Purveyors of Peril, from ... CrazySugarFreakBoy! |
| Introducing the newest villain of the BZL ... ODDLING!!! A very out-of-character story featuring Baron Zemo and the Hooded Hood ... (CrazySugarFreakBoy!) (26-Sep-1999 20:35:03) |
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