Dynamic Donar #38
Saturday, 31-Oct-98 10:53:04

The Courtroom. About 5 minutes after we left it last.

Our intrepid heroes sit at the table for the accused, gaping in a mix of shock and horror at the sight before them:
Lisa, at the stunningly beautiful naked Prosecution Attorney, Ally McBareass, who has just waltzed in (pun intended) and stolen her thunder, rained on her parade and any number of other meteorological humiliations.
Donar, at the fact that Lisa's hair is totally obscuring his view.

Lisa: "Your Honor, I object!!"
Judge Stern: "The case has not yet begun, young lady. There is nothing to object to."
Lisa: "I object to her..um..nakedicity.."
Judge: "Well you appear to be the only one who does. Over-ruled."
Ally: "Teehee"
Lisa: "Damn. She's good. But I'm better.."
Lisa pulls two cans of CoolWhip from her attaché case and begins shaking them vigorously Lisa: "Donar, pass me those ping pong balls, will ya?"
Donar: "Hast thou taken total leave of thy senses, woman?"
Lisa puts the cans down on the table.
Lisa: "You're right. What was I thinking? I'll need some vacuum attachments as well.."
Donar: "To serve what purpose.......nay, do not answer that query!
Rather, look at yonder table.."
Ally sits at the table for the prosecution in a black silk dressing gown.
Lisa: "Damn, now she's using something more powerful than nudity!"
Donar: "What power dost thou speak of?"
Lisa: "Cleavage."

Judge: "Court is now in session. The defense may proceed.
Let's get ready to Ruuuumbllllllllle!!"
Lisa struts around the jury box, like a Stephen Bocho creation.
Lisa: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The prosecution would have you believe that my client is a big rugged Aryan hunk of manflesh, with a strong, chiseled jawline and big...powerful......shoulders so wide he....could block the....Brooklyn Bridge...."
The jury sits in silence, as Lisa just stands there with her eyes shut, lost in her own train of thought.
Donar sits with his head in his hands, wondering if prison food is really as bad as they say it is.
He looks up a few heartbeats later to see that Lisa has not yet recovered.
Lisa: "..."
A pen flies through the air and hits her, with Ausgardian precision, in the back of the skull.
Lisa: "..Ow. Um.Yeah, she's gonna say that he's bad. But he's not. The prosecution will attempt to prove my client did,
with malicious aforethought, plagiarize the trademarks and visages of her clients, who are, apparently, SOOOOO concerned they didn't even show up."
Lisa walks back to Donar and sits down.
Lisa: "Top that, bitch! That'll show HER. Thought she could phase me, did she.."
Donar: "Um..Milady?"
Lisa: "What?"
Donar: "Perhaps you should sit in your CHAIR, and not mine lap."
Lisa: "Oh. Yeah........................."
Donar: ".....Now?"
Lisa: "I'm going...."

As Lisa sits in her own chair, Ally stands and approaches the jury box.
Ally: "Good men and ladies of the jury. It would seem my opponent has misled you. She wants you to think that the accused is innocent of any wrongdoing, as those he has so blatantly stolen from are not present. The fact is, the plaintiffs are too NUMEROUS to fit in the courthouse. And, furthermore, as Madison Square Gardens are unavailable* ,
it is unlikely that all will show up at one time. What we will try to do is present the plaintiffs with the most dire grievances as a unified front, and sue Donar's ass back to the Ice Age."

*(As destroyed by Baron Zemo and Spiffy in "The Revengers" Vol 3 No. 5)

Ally: "I call as my first witness, Al Simmons."

The two doors leading into the courtroom fly open as a mass of red material
flutters in forcefully through them. The material continues to enter the room
for the next few minutes. Still no sign of Al.

Lisa: "Nice cape"
Donar: "It doth defy the laws of physics! How canst one fight evil amid
such superfluous fabric?"
A little lightbulb appears over Lisa's head, to signify that she's just had an idea.

After what seems like another several hours, but is only six, Al enters the courtroom,
He is followed by the Spawn-mobile, 28 T-shirt vendors, 8 Hollywood movie
executives, a hockey team, and some "Todd" guy with a slight Christ complex.
Al sits (eventually) in the witness box, his cape gift-wrapping the entire back wall.

Bailiff: "Do you swear to tell the truth so help you God?"
Al (starts giggling to self): "Sure, why not?"
Judge: "Ally, dear? Your witness."
Ally: "Mr. Simmons. You are the "hero" known as Spawn, are you not?"
Al: "Yes"
Ally: "And part of your repertoire includes magic with exaggerated hand gestures and pompous poses?"
Al: "Yup. That's me, alright."
Ally: "And these "moves" as we shall call them, are now part of another hero's act. How does this make you feel?"
Al: "I feel Violated. How's a Hellspawn supposed to rule an alley full of bums with some new guy using his routine?"
Ally: "Your witness."
Lisa stands and approaches Al.
Lisa: "So, Al. Mind if I call you Spawn?"
Al: " I prefer Al, actually."
Lisa: "Well, Spawn, I take it you dislike heroes taking other hero's facets and claiming hem as their own?"
Al: "Yes. It's not fair. I was here first."
Lisa looks to Donar and smiles an impish grin. She nods. Donar begins spinning Mjalcom behind him.
Lisa: "So, this cape of yours. Quite impressive."
Al: "Thank you."
Lisa: " How do you manage to negotiate it during battle? Must be quite tricky avoiding all that material."
Al: "No, it's quite easy, actually. My costume is symbiotic"
Lisa: "Meaning..."
Al: " My costume is alive. It reacts instinctively to whatever confronts me."
Lisa nods to Donar a second time. In the midst of Mjalcom's arc, a portal opens. A large, black, shadowy figure leaps forth from the portal, straight at Al's throat"
Al: "What the...?"
Lisa: "Spawn? Meet Venom. He's kinda pissed at you."
Venom: "You are the one We've been hearing about. We don't like symbiotes stealing our tricks.
At least Cassidy has the guts to wear one We made"
Al: "Who the..McFARLANE!!! GET OVER HERE!!!WE HAVE TO TALK!!!"
With that Venom, Spawn, and his entourage disappear back into the portal. It then closes behind them

Lisa: "No further questions"

WHO WILL BE CALLED NEXT TO TESTIFY?
WILL ALLY GET NAKED AGAIN?
WHY IS THIS PART TYPED WITH CAPS ON?
WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING WITH THIS?