Dynamic Donar #40 *Double size anniversary issue*
Monday, 09-Nov-98 02:08:15

203.29.193.25 writes:

Lisa sits at the table for the defense, next to Donar.
She has beaten Ally two to nil, and she is letting everyone know it.
Lisa: "Weeee are the champions, weee are the champions. You are a loooser and weee are the cham.."
Donar: "Milady, whilst thy jubilant singing dost display the jovial mood, 'twould seem it also sets off mine Donar-sense.
Could thou possibly cease thy warbling?"
Lisa: "Donar-sense? I thought that was called pain?"
Donar: "In Ausgard, we feel no pain. Except when thy television cable is out."
Lisa: "So you are saying, with all your Fancy-shmancy words, that my singing is SO bad, it hurts your ears?"
Donar: " Uhhh...Nay..I simply meant...that...uhh..Thy singing is cognizant of the sirens of legend that would call sailors
to their death upon the rocky shores..."
Lisa: "Now you're saying I pick up sailors? Who you been talking to?"
Donar: "Nay, your crooning dost sound too beauteous for mine rugged ears to bear."
Lisa: "Nice save"
Donar: "I thought same"

Ally sits at her own table. The smug grin that sat wryly on her face has all but disappeared.
In it's place, hatred. She will get her revenge on Lisa, make no mistake. She resorts back to her confident facade, and calls her final witness.

Ally: "Your honor? I call the Mighty Thor of Immortal Asgard"
Lisa and Donar: "Who?"
The doors fly open forced apart by the maelstrom heralding Thor's arrival.
Paperwork flies and scatters in all directions. The wind dies down, then ceases completely.
Thor then busts in through the wall to the right of the door.
Thor: "Let it be known that Thor, God of Thunder, scion of Asgard doth appear before thee!"
Donar: "He doth speak in a tongue most strange."
Judge: "uhh...Mr. Thor, sir?"
Thor: "Aye mortal?"
Judge: "Why did you tear down my wall?"
Thor: "Twould appear Thor is still under the control of Dan Jurgens. I hath been unable to use said portals since my
return to Midgard."
Judge: "Oh."
Thor strides towards the witness box arrogantly. He places himself in the seat and lays Mjolnir across his lap.
Bailiff: "Do you swear to tell the truth, so help you God?"
Thor: "Which one?"
Bailiff: "Uh..I'm not sure. The parodyverse doesn't really HAVE a god. Banjooooo thinks he's God, Baron Zemo acts
like a God, Jarvis has the physique of a God..."
Thor: "I swear to Mjolnir that I shalt not defraud thee"
Bailiff: "..whatever."
Ally rises, allowing her gown to open before the Thunder God. She stalks towards him with intent.
Ally: "Thor, I'm glad you could...come."
Thor: "Tho' I know not how I happen here. It seems moments ago I was in a strange place I had ne'er been before.."
Ally: "That would be "Wizard's top ten". Don't hold your breath."
Ally places one leg askew, revealing more flesh than before, if that's possible.
Lisa: "YOUR HONOR??"
Judge: "What now, woman?"
Lisa: "I object again!! The plaintiff is badgering the witness"
Donar: "Twould seem the opposite. Appears that Thor is witnessing her.."
Donar is cut off mid-sentence by a look from Lisa that could only be defined as pure unadulterated evil. Or daggers.
Same thing.
Judge: "Sustained. Ally?"
Ally pouts and does up her clothing. A sigh fills the courthouse.
Ally: "Now, Thor. Could you give us a rundown on yourself?"
Thor: "Aye. I am the son of the Allfather, Odin Lord of Asgard. I am the god of the thunder and the storm. My trusted
weapon, Mjolnir, is an uru hammer forged of might and magic. I can call forth the storm, and open portals with its powerful arc."
Ally: " I see. Whilst Donar, the accused, is the son of the Allpappy, Oldman, Lord of Ausgard. He appears to be a god of over-dramatics, brutality and television, and uses his enchanted-baseball-bat-with-a-magic-nail-in-it, Mjalcom to
beat on things and open portals. Coincidence?"
Thor: "Twould seem not."
Ally: "Indeed. Your witness."
Lisa rises to approach Thor, as Ally seats herself again. Lisa looks sternly into Thor's eyes as she deliberates her counter-attack.
Lisa: "O.K......Hang on a minute"
Lisa scurries back to her table.
Lisa, quietly to Donar: "You are him aren't you?"
Donar: "'Twould appear so."
Lisa: "Dammit. We need a new strategy. We can't summon someone to drag him off. You can't fight him. What the hell are we gonna do?"
Donar: "Lose?"
Lisa: "Besides that. This is personal now. If I don't beat that little bitch over there...."
Donar: "..I shall be imprisoned indefinitely."
Lisa: "Uhhh...That too."
Donar, hiding the "Property of Donar" sticker in his palm: "I have a plan. If I may?"
Lisa: "Knock yerself out."
Donar rises and approaches Thor.
Donar: "Thor? Thou be a warrior born, aye?"
Thor: "Aye"
Donar: "And thusly, thou art bound by a warrior's code?"
Thor: "That I be."
Donar: "I too, am governed by such a code. Mine rules are slightly different, I might envisage, but it is a code nonetheless. As such I ask you this. Are there any other beings with power similar to yours?"
Thor: "Aye. There be several."
Donar: "Dost thou view these countenances as allies or foes?"
Thor: "They be allies all. To the death."
Donar: "And how doth they gain thy powers?"
Thor: "Through the wielding of sacred Mjolnir."
Donar: "Ergo, if I were to wield yon sacred hammer, would it not mean I was an ally also?"
Thor: "Irrevocably so. But such a task has rarely occurred before, and only e'er in times of dire sales"
Donar: "May I attempt yon feat regardless?"
Thor: "I canst see why not."
Thor places Mjolnir before Donar, on the Judges desk.
Donar reaches forth, hand trembling, the sticker still shrouded within his palm.
He holds the handle of the hammer, pressing the sticker firmly in place.
Donar: "Behold!"
Donar lifts Mjolnir proudly over his head. He then places it back on the judge's desk before pocketing his sticker once again.
Thor: "Well done, my brother. I shall not waste another moment here on fraudulent charges against thee. I shall rest well knowing this strange New World is in safe hands.
Farewell all!!"
Thor spins Mjolnir around his head until the lightning caused swallows him into a void.
Just as suddenly as he appeared, he is gone.
In his place stands a shrouded figure.
Donar: "You? How dost thee happen here?"
Mysterious Shrouded Guy: "Donar. Nice to see you. How's my creation doing today?"
Donar: "Mjalcom is fine wise one. I can see not the purpose of thy visit."
MSG: "I'm finding you a little difficult to understand. Perhaps this will help."
The MSG snaps his fingers and Donar is transformed form a 2000 year old, 7 foot Ausgardian God to a 25-year-old, 6 foot mortal.
Lisa: "Huh? Where'd my Nordic Lovemuffin go?"
Gavan: "I'm right here, Lis."
Lisa: "NO WAY!! You look more like that Ares guy from the Hercules show. Not bad, but not godly."
MSG: "You have me to thank, Lisa."
Lisa: "And who the hell are you?"
The MSG pulls back the cloak and hood to reveal a 24-year-old guy, similar to a cross between Austin Powers and Satan.
Mysterious Not Shrouded Guy: "I AM ZOOKD!!"
Gavan: "a.k.a. Jason, one of my friends, in particular the one that created the concept known as Mjalcom"
Lisa: "Zookd? What does Zookd mean?"
Zookd: "Perhaps I will reveal that to you someday. But for now, I want Donar a.k.a. Gavan to concede that Mjalcom
was an idea of Zookd a.k.a. Jason a.k.a. SOL a.k.a. Jason Pty Ltd."
Judge: "Order!! I demand an explanation!!"
Zookd: "Begone"
The judge disappears in a puff of reality.
The courthouse, and in fact the entire Parodyverse, begins to fade and swirl, like a bad dream-sequence from " The Brady Bunch".
Gavan grabs Mjalcom and smashes it on a table to transform back to his Godly status.
Gavan: "KRAKA-THOOOM!!!"
Zookd: "Oh very droll. Well? Do you concede or not?"
Donar: "Zookd! Thy presence doth undo the very fabric of the parodyverse! Real life cannot be contained within its boundaries!! 'Tis a place of Parody and Jest, and where Lisa is concerned, graphic sex!"
Lisa: "HEY!! You're only saying that because it's true. I notice we haven't done it yet?"
Donar: "I am thy protector. So, thusly, we shan't.* " (*Ever. Unless I write so. Subliminal note to all posters )
Lisa: "Your loss."
Zookd: "Well Donar? Do you accept defeat on my term or do I get....creative?"
Zookd points at Ally, creative energy crackling from the tip: "The force is great in this one."
A bolt flies from his hand and strikes Ally in the chest. Before disappearing with a high pitched maniacal laugh, she is transformed into a super-villain**

(**To be added to Lisa's, and subsequently, Jarvis's hall of foes. Description at their whim.)

Donar: "I say thee enough!! I relinquish mine weapon to thee."
Zookd: "Touching. I don't want it. I want credit for it."
Donar: "Fine! When it is written, so it shall be done. Mjalcom is no more. Long live Mjalcom (tm).
Zookd: "My work here is done!! I bid thee good-day, Donar."
Donar: "Get thee gone."
Zookd: "Can I still borrow NFS III next week, Gav?"
Donar: "Yes, Jas. Now piss off. I want to post this thing."

Zookd disappears into a smoky hazy spooky eerie mist.
Lisa and Donar are left in front of the mansion, as if they had never left.

Lisa: "Well. That was weird to say the least. And I've gone four posts without sex.
Either you are gay, or that was a hallucination."
Donar: "I can assure thee, Milady, that Donar doth bat for the right team. The scion of Ausgard doth not bite yon pillows. Verily I find thee quite attractive, but my code will not allow me to succumb to pleasures of the flesh."
Lisa: "So. A hallucination then."
Donar: "I would have to agree."
With that, an explosion sounded behind them. They turned to see a woman standing amid the rubble of the east wing of the mansion.
Donar and Lisa: "ALLY!!!"
Ally: "No. I was once Ally, but now you face "Dominatrix!!". All your little men are mine, Lisa, and no-one can stop me!!"
Lisa rushes towards her. Donar follows, swinging Mjalcom (tm) around his head.