Dynamic Donar #54

The Parody Wars, part 4

Ominous clouds settle over the remains of Parodiopolis. Zemo laughs triumphantly, having captured the original Zemo just hours before. Dr. Moo stands alongside her benevolent dictator, as they both gaze out a tower window admiring the carnage below.

Zemo: "It’s too easy, you know…I don’t know why someone didn’t think of this sooner."

Moo: "Think of what, o’ glorious master?"

Zemo: "The whole world domination thing. Quite fun too…much better than that hero gig I had previously."

Moo: "Aren’t you worried someone will find out your identity, o’ killer of all things wholesome?"

Zemo: "Let ‘em…what can they do about it? It’s not like I have any weaknesses now!!"

:The Present:

Zebulon enters the lair, the slumped robo-carcass of The Apostate thrown over one shoulder.

Zeb: Anyone mind if I use this?"

NTU: "Hey, I got dibs, I was gonna make a nuclear breadmaker outta that!"

Zeb: "Any of the sane members have a problem with me having it?"

NTU throws a dishevelled look to the Legion.

All: "Take it Zeb."

NTU: "GUYS!! That coulda been good!"

Tina: "Correction hun, that coulda been our doom."

Jarvis: "Yeah, I don’t think the world is ready for toast that cooks itself, Enty"

Lisa: "Or glow-in-the-dark muffins.."

Tina: "Hun, you look down…why don’t you go fix the TV."

NTU: "I wasn’t aware it was broken.."

Donar: "I give thee 3 minutes. It shall be."

NTU: "Harumph…no-one appreciates me…fine, maybe I’ll just go modify the VCR while I’m at it. Im sure I left some C4 around here somewhere."

Enty wanders out planning to fix that slow eject function once and for all.

Lisa: "Right, can someone call Wayo in here?"

Tina: "I’ll do it telepathically…………….damn"

Jarvis: "What?"

Tina: "……I’m getting a test pattern"

Donar: "Allow me…*ahem* Doth anyone want the rest of these Cheerios?"

Wayo glides down the staircase grabbing the cereal on his way though to the kitchen.

Yo: "Where is he being going now?"

Rocket Raccoon arches his head through the doorway: "I think he’s putting cheez-whiz and m&m’s on the cheerios..man, he is sick."

Wayo returns: "Mucho thanx, Thunder dude…"

Donar: "Aye…couldst thou close thy mouth?..Thou art getting thin candy shell in mine hair.

Lisa: "Ok…so far we have been unable to determine the identity of the hero who betrays the Lair, but we have a giant purple Sulk mashing the city, a deceased droid that claims Vis is some John Connor type and I’m married to Zemo. Any questions?"

Wayo’s hand flies up.

Lisa: "Yes Wayo?"

Wayo|: "Can I, like, go score a Pepsi, Bosslady? I’m totally dry retching here."

Lisa: "sigh…Any real questions?"

Yo: "Where is my bunny?…I have seen it not since Sulk left lair."

Banjooooo: "It’s probably with spiffy."

Foom: "Lisa, have we ruled out the fact that there could be more than one Zemo?"

Lisa: "Good point, I could be married to Hank Zemo from Arkansas, hey Foom?"

Donar: "Wayo, who is this Him of whom thou spoketh?"

Wayo: "Dude, All I know is what you dudes told me in the future…you and the guy that blows stuff up."

DK: "Joel Schumacher?"

Wayo: "Not…that tinman dude."

Tina.: "Enty?"

NTU from the next room: "Yes?"

Wayo: "Shyeah he did..He was kinda pissed off tho’, like, with his girl dead and all."

The future:

Zemo ( the newie, not the Baron on the wall) prepares for Leader’s a.k.a. Visionary’s attack.

Zemo: "Summon Foom to me"

Serf: "Yes master"

Foom is escorted to the spa and pool area of Zemo’s palace.

Foom: "Pardon my impudence, my liege, but why are we in the spa room?"

Zemo: "The throne room is a mess. There’s charred servant all over the floor..that’ll teach me to kill the only cleaner I had. Come, sit down Foom."

Foom approaches Zemo.

Zemo: " I hope you brought your swimming trunks."

Zemo gets into a bubbling spa, armor, green cloak and all.

Foom: "Uh…you still have your armor on, master."

Zemo: "You got a problem with that?"

Foom: "Nononononono…not at all." He gets in as well.

Zemo: "It is nearly time for the final battle. With the information you have supplied, I will be victorious. That is, providing your information is correct??" A repulsor ray hums in Zemo’s palm.

Foom takes advantage of his liquid surroundings to wet himself.

Foom: "Yesyesyes…all correct checked them all myself, I did."

Zemo: "I believe you…you are too cowardly to attempt a lie in my presence. How the heroes have fallen."

The Present.

The team feel rather helpless at this stage. The impending doom of the future hangs over them, and they are unable to do anything to stop it.

It is decided to try and stop the Incredible Sulk from mashing the rest of Parodiopolis.

Visz: "OK team, there he..er..she..is."

The Sulk has mashed its way into the middle of a mall.

Looters run riot, the police unable to deal with the sheer size of the crisis.

Jarvis: "Looks like we got here just in time. Lair League!! Attack!!"

NTU flies at the monster, while Tin shields looters from his barrage. The Sulk turns to receive a face full of beams courtesy of NTU’s repulsors.

No effect.

Sulk rears up and swings wildly at Enty, Wayo pulling him aside just in time.

NTU: "Thanks, Chromey, I owe you one."

Wayo: "It’s cool bro, no need to be buggin’.

Sulk: "SULK MASH!!!"

Sulk brings down a supporting pillar in the food court, the two heroes buried in a mountain of Big Macs and Rivet Dogs.

Tina: "NTU!!!"

Wayo: "We’re cool, chick, I can, like, eat us out of here, no probs."

Jarvis draws the Sulk’s attentions away: "Hey!! You" Yeah, you big purple jerk why don’t you just get the f&%$ out of the f%$#ing m$@# before I take your d%&## and stick it %$##$ &%$ @ $%%^ *&^!!!!"

Sulk turns red in the face, before throwing a wall at the butler.

Jarvis: "Oh $#!T."

Yo leaps to the butler’s defence, imagining the wall to be made of shaving foam, thereby converting it to said material.

Jarv: "Wow..that was f%&*ing cool, Yo..how’d you do that?"

Yo: "Um..me not know, it just happen. I think and it not hurt us."

The Sulk’s attention diverted for the nonce, Donar unleashes blow after blow on the Sulk’s bunny-eared head, all the while narrating his lesson of good manners to the beast.

Donar: Thou. Shalt. Not. Trash. Thy. Mall. Lest. Thou. Smasheth. A. Sale. Item."

The Sulk reels back, recovers from the attack and responds by wrenching Mjalcom from Donar’s grasp.

It falls to the ground, pinning the Sulk’s fingers beneath it.

Sulk: "Sulk mash Stick Man with stick…why Sulk no lift stick?..Sulk saddest one there is..and sadder Sulk gets, THE STRONGER SULK GETS!!!"

Donar: "Hoo-boy."

Yo: "Wait!! Sulk!!"

Sulk looks over at Yo. Yo sees the monster is crying.

Yo: "Why Sulk so sad?"

Sulk: "Sulk have no friends..everyone hate Sulk,,try to hurt Sulk."

Yo: "Yo not hurt Sulk. Yo be friend?"

Yo wanders over to Mjalcom and removes the "Property of Donar" sticker. He then frees the Sulk from his finger torture by lifting the now harmless weapon from Sulk’s hand.

Sulk begins to smile.

Yo gives Sulk a hug, while the Lair League feel kinda embarrassed.

Sulks smile grows wider and he begins to glow. Yo stands back to see The Sulk shrinking in stature to become his little purple thought bunny.

Yo: "BUNNY IS BACK!!!"

The LL look at each other in disbelief, then to Tina.

Tina: "Uh..Gimme a minute…"

Yo: "I know how, Tina.."

Tina: "How? I thought the bunny was destroyed?"

Yo: "Yo was sad from Bunny gone, and everyone else was sad from things too, when we did mind link, all sadness became in me and Sulk came out because Yo is always happy. Sulk be sad Yo-being

And me make Sulk happy Yo-being , which make bunny."

Tina: "I was gonna say thought can’t be destroyed, but I like your idea better, Yo."

Donar: "Aye..Let us go and partake in thickshakes at what doth remain of yon Wendy’s"

Wayo and NTU finally pull free of the food avalanche.

Wayo: "Dude, go on without me, I can like, clean this up on my own…"

NTU: "C.mon, we gotta go fix the future."

Wayo: "Ixnay, homeboy. I can, like, feel the power comic returning to me, as I scarf down this pile of grindage. The future cannot be changed. I saw it in Star Trek last nite. Trust me man, we’re cool."

All: "I’d like to see that……"

The future:

Outside the castle, the resistance armies stealthily hone in on the entry points. The Leader gives the signal.

Leader: "Alpha ready on the kitchen entrance?"

Alpha: "Yes sir."

Leader: "Beta on the laundry window with the busted locks?"

Beta: "Beta team ready sir"

Leader: "Donar and Enty at the front door with the Girl Scout cookies?"

Donar: "Aye, Leader. Art thou sure thine pleated skirts and pigtails were truly necessary?"

Leader: "Yes Donar. And, good to see you both again"

Donar: "Aye..it is"

Leader: "On my mark…….."

Inside, Zemo commands the Army of Doom.

Zemo: "I know this is the battle we are all counting on. Some of us may die…actually, a lot of YOU will die, as I have many escape plans ready to go. Except the " Cryogenic Freezing in the Big Boy Satellite"…That one’s been taken….frikkin Dr. Evil…"

Moo: "The troops await your orders, master."

Zemo: "Fine….Men?..GO KILL STUFF!!

Next.

The conclusion to the Parody Wars.

The Identity of Zemo.

And a surprise revelation or two.