Baron Zemo's Lair. - Dynamic Donar #59

Baron Zemo's Lair

Dynamic Donar #59
Friday, 12-Nov-1999 22:14:59
198.142.186.94 writes:

Dynamic Donar #59

"Who put the Super in Supermarket?"

Our little tale begins with a van full of heroes once again searching for a parking space. This time they are doing laps around the local S-Mart.

Visz: "Oooh, stop! There's one!"
Enty: "Where?"
Visz: "Nup, ya missed it."
Enty frowns…this is the ninth time Visz has "helped".
Lisa: "There's one!"
Enty: "I don't see any parking space!"
Lisa: "Parking space? I was referring to that single guy over there.."
Donar: "How canst thou tell he art not married from such a great distance? He must be 300 feet away!"
Lisa: "No wedding ring. Trust me…move it Enty.."
Enty: "No, I'm parking this damn van, not trawling for Lisa-victims."
Hatty: "Uh Lisa? You know your single guy up there?"
Lisa: "Yeah?"
spiffy: "Heh heh…he just got on his boyfriend's motorbike…"
Foomy: "…not that there's anything "wrong" with that.."
Lisa: "I knew he was too cute to be single."
Visz: "Ooooh, there's another space!!"
Enty: "Shuttup."
Visz: "No really, just there!"
Enty turned his head…there was indeed a vacant car space..and only about ½ a mile from the mall entrance. It was practically next to it for god's sake! Enty deftly spun the tyres and launched the van forward, in a maddening race to beat any other competitors for the space. As he fishtailed around the corner, a middle aged man in a immaculately clean 4X4 vehicle with a bullbar, cut him off and took the space.

Enty: "THAT SON OF A…"
Donar had remained passive for too long…this was a pet hate of his…slowly he unfolded his arms and stepped out of the van, much to the rest of the LL's horror..he looked rather..uh…upset.

Donar walked over to the vehicle and gently rapped his large knuckles on the mans driver-side window. The window wound down, drowning the airwaves with Backstreet Boys.
The jerk inside turned his head to see a belt buckle. Donar crouched a little…much better, now the guy in the car could see Britannica's definition of "pissed off".

Donar: "Pardon me, sir, I doth believe thou hast erred."
Jerk: "What? Hey, first come first serve buddy, you snooze, you lose."
Donar: "I see. So thou hast no regrets in thy actions? Perhaps I shouldst mention that thy vehicle is quite unsuited for urban life, and I wouldst guess the closest this vehicle hast been to the wild outdoors, was a weed on thy driveway?"
Jerk: "Hey, this is a Humvee pal, you know what this is worth? More than you and your stupid friends all put together. Now get outta my way so I can get some shopping done."
Donar casually strolled back to the van.
Lisa: "So, uh…you were quite restrained there, big guy…well done."
Donar: "Nay Milady, I did just come hither to let the ladies know I wouldst soon be violent, and thy hath the option of closing their eyes."
Lisa: "What, and miss all the fun?"
Donar smiled as he turned towards the Humvee. With a primal roar he picked it up over his head and threw it in the air. The guy inside looked a little bit completely terrified. Donar then caught it and placed it to rest upside down, in the nearby fountain.
Visz: "There's your space Enty…but Cheryl's gonna have a field day explaining this one.

With the van parked and Donar's stress relieved, the group headed towards the food section on the mart. Yo ran ahead to obtain a trolley, while the rest were stopped occasionally for an autograph, and in Lisa's case, photos and phone numbers. Yo returned somewhat dismayed.
Yo: "Yo am being sad."
Foomy: "What's wrong?"
Donar: "Aye, what ails thee, my friend?"
Yo: "Trolleys am all chained up like slaves. And some is broken and left to die in car park. Is not nice to treat things so mean."
Wayo: "Chill dude, they're like, not alive or nothin'."
Yo: "They am…and they sad."
Lisa: "How do you know they're alive, Yo?"
Yo: "Yo did speak them to. They did say not much, but am still sad…see?"
Yo pointed out the obligatory wonky wheel on the shopping cart he..er..sh..Yo provided.
"It am been crippled so it can't run away and be free."
spiffy: "Tell ya what bud. After we go shopping we'll set this one free, ok?"
Yo smiled. "Yo are liking that idea. Liking like bunnies."

It's not every day that superheroes go shopping, let alone in full costume. Enty kind of wished for the first time in his life that he had smaller gauntlets on his armour. They made every piece of fruit he picked up into jam. Tina on the other hand was off with Lisa, both looking at the 99c underwear display like it was out of some Medieval Torture Museum.
Lisa: "How could anyone wear…."
Tina: "Don't say it…that bra looks like a double barrel slingshot."
Lisa: "And the colours..light yellow is NOT a good color for panties."
Tina: "Unless you're an incontinent Space Ghost."
Lisa: "You mean there's more than one kind?"

Donar and Yo had been left in charge of the trolley. It was decided that the best way to get the shopping done quickly was to send teams off, and have them retrieve the goods needed, then take the full cart to the checkout and let Visz pay. Visz started to object to this plan, but spiffy and Foomy had already come back three times with armfuls of Coca~Cola and Pop-Tarts before he could finish his first sentence.

It was in aisle 4, noodles, kitchenware and cleaners that the group hit their first major hurdle…
Donar: "On no! It cannot be.."
Yo: "Who is what?"
Lisa and Tina came in from the other end of the aisle.
"HEY! DONAR! CAN WE GET SOME ICE CREAM??"
Donar crouched behind Yo and tried to hide his face, much like a grizzly bear hiding behind a bunny rabbit.
Donar: "shhhhh"
Yo: "What is being wrong Donar?"
Lisa and Tina ran up to the trolley…they looked around confused.
Tina: "Gee, where did Donar go? He was just here a second ago."
Lisa: "Hey Big guy? That's called sarcasm. Stand up."
Donar: "I cannot…look yonder…tis she whom I dareth not be seeneth by.."
Yo: "who?"
The women..and Yo…turned to look up the aisle. Standing near the Tide laundry detergent was a rather attractive blonde woman, about six feet tall with dazzling blue eyes.
Tina: "Wow. And you want to avoid her?"
Lisa: "What is it with you avoiding attractive babes anyway?" she had a tinge of envy in her voice.
Donar: "She art no mere babe, sweet Lisa. She art a Goddess whom I doth know quite well. Well, I didst know her for a brief period on mine homeland, but she didst go her own way, when I chose Parodigard o'er Ausgard."
Tina: "What's her name?"
The blonde woman was now directly behind the foursome.
"It's Freyda..Isn't it Donar?"
Donar stood, looking rather sheepish. "Uh..verily..heilsa Freyda."
Freyda: "Still using the native tongue huh? I ditched it years ago, when I moved down here. I'm surprised you haven't."
Donar: "Mine princely duties doth excuse me from such change. I am bound by mine birthright."
Freyda: "C'mon, that's not the only thing you've ever been bound by…remember the night before the Battle of Hastings? The silk .."
Donar, looking more embarrassed: "Uh, and how hast thou been?"
Freyda: "Fine fine..I have my own company here now..I design lingerie."
Lisa: "Hi there…I'm Lisa, and this is Tina, and Yo." Lisa smiled an evil female grin. "So, you're an old flame of Donar's huh? Walk with us.."
Donar covered his eyes and wished that the ground would open up and swallow him…it didn't.

Wayo, Visz, Asil and spiffy were about three aisles up, rummaging through the "expired food 50% off" bin.
Visz: "Hey, can popcorn actually go off?"
spiffy : "I don't think so…it just tastes that way all the time."
Wayo: "Dudes. That why you gots ta put sugar and butter all over it.."
spiffy: Y'know, occasionally, he does make sense…well, very occasionally. More likely to be sheer luck, but it could be random wisdom."
Foomy wandered past, arms full of frozen food.
Visz: "Uh..whatcha got there, Finny?"
Foomy: "I've got the Y2k thing figured out..I'm a genius!"
Asil: "Do we really want to go into this? If there was a brilliant thought on the new millennium, I know the Great Visionary would've had it by now."
Foomy: "Nah, there's no problem anymore..see, I'm gonna buy all this food on my Dragonvisa Card, and when Y2K hits, the bill will be cleared, and I'll have enough food to see me into the first few years."
Spiffy: "Um…"
Foomy: "..what."
spiffy: "You do realise that the second Y2K hits, all the freezers will crash and your food will thaw out. And that the Visa people will still know you owe them money."
Foomy: "….so what's your point, fern-boy?"
spiffy: "You will have shelled out $6000 dollars on rotten pizzas and TV dinners."
Foomy dropped the food he was holding. "Well, I didn't say it was a fool-proof plan.."
spiffy: "Why don't you just fly around and snack on livestock?"
Foomy: "Shuttup."

Aisle 8. It had been four lanes of misery for the Thunder-God, the girls..and Yo…all laughing like old buddies.
Lisa: "So he's got a weakness for Buffy too?"
Freyda: "Oh hell yes…before that he had a thing for Jeannie."
Tina: "So does Jamie…must be the belly-button."
Donar: "Well, twas great to see thee again, Freyda but we must all be off, MUSTN'T WE LADIES?"
Lisa: "…………No, not really."
Donar sighed.
Freyda.: "Really, it's OK girls, It's been fun, but he will have some explaining to do later. Besides, I'll have to leave some stories for next time."
Donar: "Next time?"
Tina: "Yeah, we've invited her around to the lair next week. It'll be fun!"
Donar: "Allfather, slay me now, I art ready for the icy embrace of deat.."
Freyda: "Relax Donny. I'm going. See ya later girls, it was so cool to meet you."
Lisa : "You too!"
Yo: "She am nice lady."
Freyda: "Oh, and Donny?"
Donar: "…Aye?"
Freyda: "Our son will be home in a few weeks. You should catch up with him…it's been 450 years."

DONAR HAS A SON???
OY VEY!!

Coming sooner than later in DD#60

DONAR, suddenly writing more regularly than "Battle Chasers"