Baron Zemo's Lair. - Dynamic Donar #60: Guest Starring <s>the amazing fernclad coat rack</s> spiffy

Baron Zemo's Lair

Dynamic Donar #60: Guest Starring ~~the amazing fernclad coat rack~~ spiffy
Saturday, 04-Dec-1999 02:16:19
198.142.243.22 writes:

Dynamic Donar #60

This week's episode: "Donar has a son??"

Lisa: "YOU HAVE A SON??"

She may as well have announced it over the supermarket's intercom for all the attention Donar was now receiving. Visz and spiffy heard it from frozen foods, 5 aisles away.

Donar: "Er..ah..Well, you see, tis..uh.."
Tina: "Yes? Go on.."
Yo: "Poor Donar be stressing much now."

Finny, spiffy, Visz and Asil all skidded around the corner, and sprinted towards their comrades, who had now cut of Donar's escape route by pinning him between the paper towels and the pine-scented cleaners. Of course, he could escape past the feminine hygiene products, but their capacity for holding blue ink confused and bewildered him.

Visz: "Did I just hear right? Donar has a gun? I can't keep track of these costume changes anymore…"
Enty landed behind them: "I thought she said sun. He has a Sun. That is so cool. I don't even have a star…well, except for Tina."
Finny: "Gag. Knock it off lovebirds, I can't hear Donar squirm!"

And he was too…verily, never had a Thunder God been seen to squirm such as he was right now.

Lisa: "Well?"

Donar took in a deep cleansing breath and began.

Donar: "Very well. As thou art all mine close friends, and nigh unto mine family, I shall tell thee a tale that didst transpire within mine youth. Twas a few centuries ago, when I didst walk among those known as the Vikings…

( Shimmering Flashback Effect )

…They were a brave race, tho their ways were oft misunderstood by those who didst surround them at the time."

A young Donar is seen walking, drunk, down a beach with two other men wearing similar garb. Of course, these men have no idea that Donar is their God of Thunder…they think him a fellow Norseman.

Donar: "Well mine fellows, twas a most enjoyable night. I shall now try to find mine place of residence and retire, so I may help thee till thy crops 'ere the sun doth rise"
Sven: "Doth sound good to me,Hank."
Olaf: "Tis a strange name thou dost haveth, Hank…wherein Norway didst thou cometh from again?"
Donar: "Err…. South Norway.."

(shimmery thing that sets us back in the S-Mart, Aisle 6.)

Donar: "So, I didst venture forth with mine new found allies and work alongside them for many months. For a time, mine godly duties wert forgotten…until the arrival of a visitor."
Foomy: "Your dad?"
spiffy: "no…it was Gail, right?"
Donar: "Nay…twas someone with e'en more power o'er mine heart…Freyda, the Ausgardian Goddess of Sex, Lust and Love."
Foomy: "There's a difference?"
Donar: "Er..nay, not really. But twas decided if she didst encompass all aspects of that emotion, e'eryone wouldst be covered."

(Another shimmery thing…trust me, the special effect looks great…bet you wish you had the right plug-in and didn't have to just read it, right?)

We see Freyda from behind as she walks towards the village of Olavskidorskjertumhiem…where Donar..er…"Hank" and his Viking associates reside.

Her long blonde hair is plaited into two long braids. And her armor leaves little to the imagination.
There is a feast in the middle of town, around a blazing bonfire. None of the townspeople can recall which festival they are celebrating…something to do with a "Moon Harvest", or a "Season's End" , or the sunset…any excuse for mead and wild boar.

Freyda spies her target. Though he's wearing mortal clothes and none of his Royal raiments, he's easy enough to find….just look for the 8 foot tall guy.
As she approaches him, he turns toward her, mid-jest with his friends. Their eyes lock, and she has him. She also has every other man in the village, as far as the looks of scorn from the villages women goes.

Freyda: "I have travelled far for thee.."
Donar: "Guh.."
Freyda: "Wouldst thou deny me my wish?"
Donar: "Hubbub..bah"
Freyda: "Come….walk with me."
Donar: "…Verily"

And walk they did. Freyda reminded Donar of his great powers, and the great responsibilities that come with them. Of his obligations to the crown of Ausgard, and his people. Of her unrequited affections for him and his ways.

Freyda: "So, willst thou returneth to thy proper place and leaveth this wretched mudball behind"
Donar: "Tis much thou dost asketh of me…These people need me.
Freyda: "As do I."
Donar: "Why only now do you say these things?"
Freyda: "I cannot lie to thee, Oldmanson. Thy father didst bequest me to come hence and retrieve thee."
Donar: "Aye…tis clear now."
Freyda: "Donar.."
Donar: "Call me Hank. There may be those who hear thee."
Freyda rolls her eyes. : "… "Hank"..Know that tho I am the Goddess of Lust, I am not of Betrayal…that art thy Half-Sister. I would not speak of mine affections wert they not indeed true."

spiffy: "AHEM!!!" ( we are rudely woken out of our flashback.)

Donar: "What."
spiffy: "Didn't you say that I was going to guest star in this ish?"
Donar: "Aye..so?"
spiffy: "Well?"
Donar: "Well, I am the star and thou art mine guest. Guest Star."
Visz: "Wouldn't that make him a "Star Guest?"
Donar: "Er.."
spiffy: "C'mon Greek Guy, gimme something to do besides hear you drone on about some chick from 1000 years ago."
Donar: "Very well…spiffy?"
spiffy: "Yes?"
Donar: "I bid thee go forth on a quest and locate the TV dinner with Roast Venison."
spiffy: "…..better than nothing."
Donar: "Now…if I may?"
Yo: "Please be talking more romantic God stories Donar."

( OK, shimmery thing…where were we…)

Freyda: "I just said "I would not say these things unless they wert indeed true."
Donar: "Aye Thankyou….And what if I doth agree to return to Ausgard? What of Midi-gard?"
Freyda: "Twould be consumed by flames of dragons who wouldst hatch from it's rancid boiling crust, and gorge on the souls of mortals..the humans would die a terrible slow fiery painful excruciating.."
Donar: "I get the picture milady..I fear I cannot leave here. This art mine home now, I cannot…."
Freyda kisses Donar on the lips, breathing in his very breath.
Donar: "…but on the other hand, they will all die regardless eventually, what art a bit of fire andst pain more?"
Freyda: "Come home."
Donar: "Believe me, I would like nothing more…but this is where I must remain."
Freyda: "Fine. So it shall be done. If thou dost remain, so shall I to show thee the shortcomings of thy friends."
Donar: "Why wouldst thou do such a thing?"
Freyda: "Tis what girlfriends do."

(shimmery thing…actually, you aren't missing much….just hold a magnet next to your monitor..)

Donar: "And so did Freyda remain on Earth…We didst find joy within each other's arms for a while, but we grew apart..Whilst I decided twould be best to raise our newly born son on Midi-gard, she didst wish for him to be surrounded by his blood-ties on Ausgard."
Asil: "Then why is she a few aisles up?"
Donar: "I guesseth I didst spoil Ausgard for her. The pomp and ceremony there have nothing on television and shopping here."

Next ish…we actually make it to the check-outs and pay for the stuff in the cart before the use-by-dates expire…

And a few suprises!!

( Well, not really, but read it anyway )

DONAR