Posted by Donar on September 20, 2000 at 04:40:13:
Deareth Diary.
Something hast transpired that doth chill me to mine bones, diary. Tis a threat the Oldmanson is unable to conquer, a fact which on it's own could cause empires to crumble.
E'en now doth I break out in a sweat at the mere thought of this ire dilemma..
The tv art broken.
Twas not mine fault either, regardless of the jibes Hallie didst so cruelly put forth. I know not what a "Technophobe" art, but it dost not soundeth good. But, as a lady, e'en a synthetic one, i shalt not pour coffee in her circuits again. I hast learnt from mine last attack that upsetting the one in control of the water temperature during mine shower, and with access to the securicams during mine icy bathe art not one to be trifled with. I must ask friend Enty to wipe her files.
Hmmm. I doth ponder e'en now what a quick "accidental" bolt of lightning wouldst do to her attitude. Nay, tis not the best idea...if she were to release any images obtained during mine *ahem* cold shower, e'en the sketches done by milady Troia could not dispel the myth.
It doth not bode well though to hear e'en Troia refer mine musculauture as resembling a "condom full of walnuts".
But, for the nonce, mine main concern art the television. Twas working fine this morning whenst I did spy valiant Buffy do battle with all manner of Ungodly nightcrawlers...one didst simply attempt to catch her unawares and i didst doeth my part by sheer accidental reflex alone. In hindsight, hurling Mjalcolm at the television wert not mine best of plans. E'en though, with the sparks and booming noise, i can rest knowing the creature was slain by mine actions 'fore the portal wert closed.
Enty didst volunteer his..uh..."talents" to repair whet wert left of the television. He didst not appear all too pleased with mine rendition of the battle howe'er. He didst howe'er make mention that the television art NOT a portal into myraid worlds..I can see he doth make light of the situation, as tis OBVIOUSLY a portal like those used by mine father to view Earth. Mine allies art such kidders...If I were to believe their jests, I would be lead to thinketh that Visionary art not our leader andst doth not e'er wish to be so, the Television art just some mechanical device with only technological reproductions of people twixt it's shell walls, and Lisa doth wish to mate with me on a daily basis! Now, I ask thee diary, couldst anything be farther from the truth?
At last check, it seems Enty hast made headway in the repairs...e'en though he hast admitted that he cannot understand WHY some parts were e'en used, having discarded them, and replacing others not there in the first place. Tis obvious I art not mechanically minded, for in mine thoughts, a television wouldst not needeth mercury switches, diamond tipped claws or a cold-fusion reactor. On the bright side, the television doth now make the most perfect toast I hath e'er tasted. Tis indeed unfortunate that whilst ejecting the aforementioned treat that it art expunged with such force as to imbed the roasted bread sections in the roof.
He art still having trouble with the picture as well it seems. All the programs are mixed up due to his tinkering ( an advantage, he assures me ). Whilst in his workshop, I didst spy Xena doing battle with Regis Philbin, all the time she hacked at him, he was asking "Is that your FINAL answer?" Twas most upsetting. After "tweaking" more the picture wert corrected, but didst have all dialogue in Spanish. E'en the Olympics. Yo is delighted.
Well diary, mine only option is to attempt to resolve this matter in the only way I know how. I art going shopping for a new television portal device.
Wisheth me luck.