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Dynamic Donar: 2000 Annual, part 1 Saturday, 18-Mar-2000 09:50:51
Dynamic Donar 2000 Annual Once upon a time, there was a place in a sunny happy valley, called Parodiopolis. And deep in the heart of Parodiopolis, there were some very special friends, called the Lair Legion. One day, the Lair Legion, or LL as they were affectionately called by friends, enemies and illiterate journalists, were sitting around their headquarters. spiffy, a dashing young chap with a twinkle in his eye and a fern on his head, was looking at the state of their beloved home. "Dearie me" he thought aloud. "The lair is a mess! I'll have to do some cleaning." With that he strode off to get his work done, whistling as he went. As time went on, spiffy grew quite tired. "I'm sooo tired" he said. "I'll have to get some grown ups to help me cleaning." With that, he dashed off to the sleeping quarters of the mansion. He came to a quite large wooden door. On it was written "Herein doth verily lie Prince Donar Oldmansen, lord of lightning, master of the storm and heir to the royal throne of Ausg..". Obviously the door wasn't large enough. Spiffy knocked three times. No answer. "Hmm." He thought aloud again. "That is strange." With that he skipped merrily off to the next door. On it was written "Guest Quarters" and underneath that, in green crayon was "Vissonary and Cherly's Rom" He knocked three times. Nothing. "Hmmm. This is VERY strange." He noted as he skipped to the next door labelled "Lisa's Entry." Again he knocked three times. Nothing. "Hmm" he again spoke aloud "This is very VERY strange." He was getting tired of skipping so he did a sort of quick jog to the next door. It had "Being the door of which is the one joined to the room that Yo sleeps in it" on it. He knocked three times while saying "Hmmm..This is very very VERY strange." The happy little fellow frowned and stormed to the last and final door in the corridor. On it was written "NTU and Tina's Room: WARNING: Knock silently as walls are lined with nitroglycerine for security measures" spiffy knocked three times again. Knock. Knock. Knock. Nothing. "Hmmm" spiffy again noted. "This is frikkin ridiculous!! If I get my hands on those bastards I'm gonna rip 'em to shreds..screw this "cleaning up" crap..where the bloody hell are those good for nothing freeloading retards?" PARODIOPOLIS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT AND DRY CLEANING Six shadowy figures stood at the entrance to the Airport. Three men, three women. They looked around nervously and kept a close watch on their luggage. One of them, wearing a Dark green suit with a red shirt and yellow tie checked his watch. "He's late" he remarked. "If he doesn't show, this plan is bust." A slender woman in a blue Armani suit reassured him. "Have faith..all will go to plan." Her eyes then spotted something…someone…advancing towards then through the automatic doors. "oh…my…god.." she exclaimed, completely destroying any comfort her previous statement held. "Hello friend peoples! Yo is here and am sorry for lateness he is causing to all to be having now!" The six figures looked around nervously to see if anyone had noticed a guy dressed like Zorro with a bright yellow turban on his head enter the Airport. They had. The group quickly surrounded Yo, hiding him as best they could. "Yo? Remember how we said to wear a costume? We meant besides your NORMAL costume." "Is being okay donkey, Visi! I am turban wearing, Yo looks like he is a taxi person who drives one!" "Um..Yo honey?" Cheryl interjected. "A turban..especially a fluorescent yellow one, is not really good for hiding amongst people in an airport." "Aha, but me cannot be Yo without bunnies, right? Look!!No bunnies!" Yo held his arms open triumphantly as his shirt wriggled against him. A figure in jeans and a leather jacket spoke up. "Yo..If I may asketh thee, without seeming too personal, what dost thou haveth within thine shirt?" "You never ask me that." complained Lisa. Yo looked downward, somewhat shamefully. "Yo sad..*sigh* Am being bunny." He fished in and lifted forth the rabbit from the neck of his shirt. "But is only one bunny, not give Yo away." "Sorry Yo" Tina apologised. "But the bunny has to stay here, he's not allowed on the plane." Yo appeared angered by this remark. "That is being Bunnyism. Me not going on Bunnyist plane then." "Yo? How about if the bunny stays, and when we get to our destination, I buy you a flowery shirt and a snow cone?" Visionary negotiated. Flowery shirts were indeed special..but then again, so were bunnies. Especially ones as fluffy as this one. "What flavor is cone with snow to be being?" Yo asked, unsure of the conditions. "Um..red?" Visz haggled. "Bunny stays. Is being lucky for bunny him am homing bunny." Yo held the bunny in both hands and threw him aloft "Be flying home, Rudolph!!" Rudolph opted to remain on the rafter he'd landed on. "We'll get him on the way back…C'mon…we're behind schedule." The pack hurriedly hustled towards a large desk with an x-ray machine, next to a doorway. "What manner of sorcery be this doorway with nay a door, that doth shriek like unto yon banshee whenst a weapon it doth detect within it's folds?" Donar stated. "It's a metal detector. And I'm gonna need help to get through it, buddy." Enty advised "Hast thou lose use of thy limbs? Verily our mission hath not e'en begun and we doth haveth a casualty.." "Uh..no, I mean I need help to get my armor through." "Oh. Verily. I knewest that. How didst thou fitteth thine armour under yon t-shirt and jeans?" "I'm wearing a prototype torso exoskeleton. You know. So I don't die and stuff." "Aaah. Tis clear to me. I shalt observe mine allies trespasses through yon device and formulate a strategy to o'ercome the foul mechanisation." "You do that. This is gonna be a looooong trip." Lisa was first to approach the counter. A spotty faced woman who appeared as though she'd never seen the sun before spoke. "Anything to declare?" "Yes" Lisa offered. "I like sex. A lot. And I'm really good at it. And I like using cool-whip for purposes not mentioned on the packet. And I've always fantasised about tying Mel Gibson to the hood of his car in Mad Max and smothering his.." "I meant, anything in your luggage you want to declare?" "I knew that. I was bragging. Nothing in the luggage." With that, she placed the bag on the conveyor belt and wiggled through the detector. A green light blinked and she was allowed to pass. Cheryl followed suit, and joined Lisa at the other side, checking her watch and hoping there wouldn't be any hold ups. "Um…I thought that Lisa's..um..personal recreational appliances..had metal in them?" "They do!" Enty grinned "Maybe there's hope for me yet!!" Visz stepped through as alarms squealed and sirens blared. "…..or not" Enty added. Visz shot his hands up over his head, closed his eyes and screamed "I surrender" as usual. Two security guys scanned him over with hand held devices. "He appears to be completely made of metal" one of them remarked. "HEY" Visz declared indignantly. "I'm real, dammit!!" "Hey..Brian..reset console A7 will ya?" The second guard strode over and applied his technical knowledge, gained only through diligence and observation for 14 years in airport security, to the offending console. One swift kick to the thingy with the flashing blue bit later, Visz was declared safe to pass. "See?" he said, more to his colleagues than the guards "Told you I was real.." "..or ceramic" Enty added. "..Or ceram..HEY!!" Visz pouted and sulked off to his beloved. Tina went through without any problems, as did Yo. Enty was next, but deftly managed to yawn, stretch and step behind Donar. "Looks like yer next, Big guy..don't forget.." he said, winking and tapping his chest. "Uh, I do find thee handsome, Jamie, but the scion of Ausgard art not….that way inclined.." "The armor, idiot. Don't forget to eckwray the etalmay etectorday." "Verily thou dost speakest most vexingly." Donar stepped forth to converse with Mole woman. "Anything to declare" she droned. "Aye..er, I mean, yes. My walking stick." With that, Donar plonked Mjalcom down on her desk. She looked at the brutish weapon, then at Donar over her tortoiseshell glasses. "This is a walking stick?" "Yes." "..for helping you walk?" "Yes." "…kinda looks like a baseball bat with a nail through it, doesn't it?" "No. It is a walking stick." "Yeah. So you said." She went to lift it. Donar cringed…he forgot about the "worthiness" thing. "Kinda heavy innit?" "Not for me. I'm strong." "Yet you need a club.." "…stick.." "…stick… to stand up." "Yes." Donar was growing nervous. This was taking too long. "Um..so how are you standing up now?" With that little burst of logic, Donar threw himself to the floor, screaming in agony. "Oh my leg!! I'm crippled and this airport employee is harassing me." Lisa's senses kicked in. She could sense a lawsuit. She dove headfirst into the gathering crowd. "Stand back! I'm a lawyer!! This man is in need of counsel and dirty great wads of cash!!" Donar looked over to Enty and nodded as he kicked console A7, rendering the detector impotent. "Oh, the pain..I think she's caused my spleen to burst." Enty casually sprinted to his friends on the other side. Mole woman looked more ashen. Litigation was serious stuff…especially if it was revealed she'd teased a crippled guy. In a panic, she tried to throw Donar his "walking stick." Donar saw her pointless effort and summoned Mjalcom to his side. "Oh, my stick! I am feeling okay now." Lisa helped him up, Donar of course was unsure that first aid demanded a fallen person be helped to stand by one hand to the crotch, and another to the right buttock. "Well, you're lucky my client hasn't decided to sue." Lisa intimidated. Mole woman looked somewhat relieved. "I'm terribly sorry sir, how can I ever apologise for this lack of judgement?" Oh, forget about it..really" he said as he walked off with the rest of the group down the walkway, Mjalcom slung over one shoulder. Lisa caught up with them. "Um Donar? A question?" "Nay milady, I cannot sleep with thee, because.." "No, a different one this time…how did you change speech like that?" "I simply faked a mortal accent. Tis easy enough to do, but thine language doth soundeth so verily strange and perplexing unto hitherfore, and so I ne'er oft useth it." "uh…gotcha." She lied. "While we're on questions" Tina enquired "Why didn't you set off the alarms there, Advocatrix?" "Oh.. you mean the metal? Easy. I didn't bring anything like that.There's a rule that we all have to abide by from this point on.We are not LLers. We are not superheroes. If we're gonna make this mission a success, we leave all that heroing stuff behind, and that means no-one can use their natural powers or abilities." "I cant use psychokinesis?" Tina lamented "I don't have to keep you lot out of trouble?" Cheryl rejoiced. "I have to...uh...think?" Visionary stammered. "Yup." Lisa confirmed. "And no acting in character, or we may as well go home now. Agreed?" "Aye..but I have still the ability to use mine own tongue, do I not milady?" "Only if mine's not busy, big guy." Lisa flirted. And with that, they boarded the plane. Donar |
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