Tales of the Parodyverse

3(2) Short Stories about Mr. Epitome


Post By

killer shrike
Thu Dec 04, 2003 at 06:24:54 am EST
[ New ] [ Tales of the Parodyverse ]

3(2) Short Stories about Mr. Epitome


Story One: Tease


The Chronicler of Stories watched impassively as his servants cleared the table. It took a significant unkindness of ravens to pick up after breakfast for three, and it was difficult, noisome work. Still, one had to honor the conventions of the office.

Once the birds were gone the Chronicler looked over at his guests. Jury, the Shaper of Worlds, sat primly in her ornate chair and sipped her tea.

“A most agreeable meal, Chronicler. My compliments.”

To her right the third member of the Triumvirate snorted. Dark Thugos, the Destroyer of Tales, hadn’t touched his food, “These rituals are nothing more than pathetic sops to your lost humanity. We are the major cosmic office holders of the Parodyverse. Eating is pointless.”

“If you had tried the Eggs Florentine, you’d feel differently,” Jury chided.

Chronicler downed the last of his coffee and rose from his seat, “Breakfast was fine. However, Thugos is correct: there is work to do,” he gestured to his scrying room, “the Fates of the Parodyverse.”

*****


“… and as he drowns in the gore of his murdered friends and family and the dark, impenetrable void closes in around him, his last thoughts will be that all of his efforts have been in vain, and that he will die unlamented and unfulfilled,” Dark Thugos concluded triumphantly.

“What did ManMan ever do to you?” the Shaper, horrified, asked the craggy faced entity.

“That’s one way to go,” the Chronicler said of Thugos’s finale, “However, let’s assume the Parodyverse survives Resolution and we all still have our appointed roles. What then?”

“Well, the Nescience is due to be released. It will need to be dealt with,” Jury pointed at one of the room’s covered mirrors, “The Protector of the Multiverse has that responsibility.”

“Earth’s Librarian should play a role as well, given the nature of the threat. And I believe Coincidence will ensure Mr. Epitome and the Idiom are caught up in that battle,” Chronicler added.

Again Dark Thugos made a sound of disdain, “Epitome. That pissant. Another character in the narrative that starts more than he finishes.”

“I think Mr. Epitome meets a need. The Parodyverse is full of mavericks, outcasts, and underdogs. He will be a reactionary figure to counter the Anti-establishment,” the woman whose job it was to oversee origins summarized.

“I’m not concerned with beginnings, only endings. And none of his stories have ended,” Dark Thugos rumbled, “His family. The conspiracy. Factor X. Sybia. The Idiom. Artemis. His plot against the Legion.”

“The Legion has its own problems, with or without Epitome’s machinations. And after the Shadow Cabinet, we’ve had enough conspiracy stories for now,” Chronicler once again tried to explain pacing to the Destroyer of Tales, “However, Artemis will be involved in Mr. Epitome’s battle against the Omni-Mayor.”

Jury tutted, “Mr. Epitome versus spiffy. That doesn’t seem like a fair fight.”

“Prepare to be surprised,” the Chronicler declared.

Dark Thugos made what for him passed as a smile, “I have seen fit to use Epitome and the Probability Dancer to draw the curtain on one of the Hooded Hood’s moldering plots,” the former ruler of Apuffylips caught the concerned glances of his fellow office holders, “The Shattered Earths,” he said in explanation.

“Ah,” Jury nodded, and then looked at her watch, another human affectation she should have dropped long ago, “We should move on. There are entire universes to consider.”

The Triumvirate went back to work proofing Reality.



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