205.200.28.44 writes:
"His real name was Earl Conolley," the hero known as CrazySugarFreakBoy! said. He and his partner Hatman soared above the streets of Parodiopolis, Hatman clutching CSFB! around the waist as his Winnipeg Jets hat gave him the power of flight.
"He and Zemo had a few run-ins during the war. It was Zemo that branded that H over his right eye, as a sign to all the Nazi's that he was their enemy. Kinda hard to infiltrate one's headquarters when his face is branded, I guess."
"I still can't believe I had never heard of him. Weren't there any news reports contrasting us when I first showed up on the hero scene?" asked Hatman.
"Probably. But NTU had only started working on his news monitor system when you first showed up; Zebulon didn't fix the exploding problem until a few weeks later," said CSFB!. While his expertise was comic books, he had a good memory for anything that could have come from the funny books.
"I still can't believe it. I wasn't the first Hatman," commented Hatman. In the past two weeks someone had been murdering people and in every case the bodies were found decapitated. The latest murder was that of the original Hatman, by the hand of Messenger.
"Don't worry; you'll be the last!" cackled CSFB! He disengaged himself from Hatman, snagging the Capped Crusader's Jets cap in the process. Hatman found himself in freefall as CrazySugarFreakBoy! launced his yo-yo and snagged a flagpole. He then calmly swung down to the street.
Hatman fumbled at his belt for any hat that could save him. The Steelers hat would protect him from the impact, but there was no telling how much harm he could do to the people below. The Supersonics cap was useless. His Miami Hurricane cap!
Hatman whipped the hat from his Hatlity Belt and slammed it onto his head. He grabbed his cape to act as a parachute as he created winds to slow him down. He floated down to the street.
Then CSFB! hit him.
Hatman crashed to the ground, and quickly leapt to his feet. "What's wrong with you, Dream?" he demanded. CSFB! didn't reply as he shot a blast of silly string at Hatman.
Hatman rolled to the side, and was nearly caught in an explosion. A parcel bomb. Hatman threw his Steelers hat on to protect himself. He did so just in time as three razor letters tried to imbed themselves in his chest.
"Show yourself, you coward! I won't be as easy to kill as that little girl!" he shouted. He then noticed an odd transformation taking place as CSFB!'s head disappeared. The lack of eyes, however, did not throw off his aim as the yo-yo flew out and hit Hatman in the face.
"I knew it couldn't be Dream," he muttered to himself. There was no way CSFB! would betray his partner. Then someone hit him from behind.
"I see you've added fighting dirty to your rap sheet, Postman," snarled Hatman as he faced his two foes. Messenger didn't say anything as he bounded forward and slugged Hatman in the face. Though invulernable, the blow sent Hatman staggering back a step.
"Leave him!" called out a voice. A figure walked out of an alley, and Messenger and the faux-CSFB! stood aside, allowing him passage.
"I have a message for you, Hatman," he said as he produced a tape recorder from a pocket. He pressed the button and the message began.
"Hey Hatty, remember me? This is your old pal HeadCase talkin' at ya. I imagine you're in a bit of shock, what with your partner losing his head and all. No, that isn't the true CrazySugarFreakBoy!, but he's pretty close, huh? Other than that lack of a head, I guess. Guy always had a big mouth anyway."
"As you can see, Messenger has come over to my way of thinking. We're going to teach you Legion guys who the true superpowers of this world are.
"Remember that old guy that Messenger killed the other day? I think his name was, oh, what was it. Oh yeah, Hatman! Well, the guy holding this recorder is a genetic copy, only restored in age. Of course I've played with his mind a bit, to get rid of that nasty do-gooder trait. He was actually planning on training you, y'know that? Oh yeah, he's also your father! What a hoot!"
Hatman looked on in shock. The original Hatman couldn't have been his father. He didn't even have the same last name. And he would have for sure heard of him if they were in fact related.
"Okay, I lied, he isn't your father. Had you going, didn't I? You heroes will believe anything. Hey Hat, the sky's falling! Oh man, I slay me. Anyway, seeing as how this guy in front of you has all the tactical knowledge, not to mention upgraded weapons, of the original, plus the age to efficiently use them, I'm going to have him teach you a lesson. Oh don't worry, he won't kill you; I plan on doing that myself! Toodles!"
Hatman knew he was in trouble. He was confident he could defeat either one of his foes; just not at the same time. At least the crowd had scattered; when a guy's head sinks into his neck most people get a litle freaked out.
"Don't worry Hatman, I'll only maim you a little bit. As HeadCase said, he wants you for himself. I'll just get the ball rolling." The copy whipped of his cloak to reveal his costume.
"Time for FEDORA to kick your capped ass!"
"CrazySucroseHeadlessBoy!, go and rejoin the rest of the Horde. Messenger and I will handle Hatman," ordered Fedora. The faux-CSFB! swung away on his yo-yo as Fedora and Messenger moved in on Hatman.
"No, we won't," said Messenger forcefully as he punched Fedora in the face. Fedora stumbled back, a look of shock on his face. Hatman warily watched both the two men as Messy launched a razor letter at Fedora.
Fedora rolled out of the way, then sprang to his feet. "You fool! For betraying HeadCase, you must die!!" Fedora pulled a razor-brimmed bowler from his bag and threw it with dizzying speed at the Postman. Messenger deflected it with a razor letter.
"Hatman, go! HeadCase is launching an attack on the Legion with headless clones even as we speak. I'll hold back Fedora, you warn the Lair Legion!" commanded Messenger as he threw a parcel bomb.
"How do I know this isn't another ruse, Messenger? How can I leave you free after what you've done?"
"Cause if you don't, the Legion is gonna die. Those clones' powers have been magnified; the only advantage you have is there is no clone of you or me. HeadCase is taking your spot in the Horde's line-up, and he believes I'm loyal to him. So go! Your friends need you!" shouted the Postman before engaging Fedora hand-to-hand.
"What about that little girl, Messenger? Why'd you kill her?" Hatman joined the fray as he pulled Fedora off of Messenger and held him with his superstrength.
"I didn't! He used one of my razor letters, to make you angry and careless. If I'd known he'd planned on killing that girl I would have stopped him sooner. Now it's up to us to take him down!" Messenger moved closer, and reached for his gun. Then he remembered Hatman was already suspicious of him. He pulled out a nylon cord, and moved to bind Fedora.
Hatman loosened his grip slightly, and it was enough for Fedora to jerk himself free and take off running. "I must inform HeadCase! He must know!" he shouted to no one in particular.
"You get him. I'll get to the Legion," commanded Hatman as he pulled his Houston Rockets hat from his Hatility Belt. While the Jets hat was his usual hat for flying, the Rockets hat was capable of granting higher speed while sacrificing some maneuverability. "And don't kill him!" Hatman blasted off as Messenger raced after Fedora.
"Like hell," mumbled Messenger.
* * * * *
"Lisa! We've got incoming!" called NTU from the next room before the wall caved in. A headless robot flew through the opening and a headless, rather Ausgardian-looking followed on foot.
"Verily, we shalt smite thee most quickly, Legion. You shalt die at the hands of the HEADLESS HORDE!!"
"Wonder where his voice comes from," said CSFB!
NEXT: It's the Legion VS the Headless Horde. Can the Legion defeat souped up versions of themselves? Will Hatman arrive in time to help? Will Messenger kill Fedora? And just why does HeadCase bother to decapitate the clones? All this and more, coming your way soon!
Hat, would like to apologize for the shoddy quality of this issue. I'll try and pick it up next time