205.200.28.44 writes:
I was only a kid when it happened. Technically, I still am a kid, but you'd be amazed at how fast you can grow up when you have to. That's not the point. The point is, I'm going to fill you in on my background, my 'origin' as the Man* would put it. It may not sound too exciting to me, but hey, to each his own. So settle into your seats and grab your popcorn kiddies, you're about to hear the history of the one and only Hatman.
[*Stan "The Man" Lee, creator of such comic book characters as Spider-Man and the Hulk]
Guess I should start with my real name, eh? A secret ID just doesn't seem to be my style. Not like Spider-Man or Green Lantern; those guys'll do a lot to protect their secret. Anyway, my name is Jay Boaz. I'm a 17 year old high school student at Rivertown Collegiate. I live in Rivertown, a small community in rural Manitoba. One of those places where everybody knows your name, eh?
That's one of the things that sets me apart from those heroes in the comic books. I don't live in a big city infested with crime. Other than the odd break-in, there isn't much around here. I probably spend most of my time chasing down drunk drivers, and I hate dealing with drunks. Unfortunately drinking is the most popular activity out here in the boondocks.
So while I may dislike that part of the job, I have these powers, and it falls under the old axiom "with great power comes great responsibility". Kind of a drag sometimes, but it's true. And while I may not be as powerful as those guys in the funnybooks, I'd say I rank pretty high power-wise in the real world. I mean, who else can run at supersonic speeds, or walk through a hail of gunfire?
Y'see, I have the ability to place a hat on my head and, this is where it gets confusing, gain the power of the logo or slogan. Head hurt? Don't pull out the Advil yet, I'll give you some examples. Let's say I put a Winnipeg Jets hat on my head. Now I have the ability to fly. Or a Seattle Supersonics cap. That hat allows me to run at supersonic speeds. I haven't tested my speed with this hat yet, but I'd be curious to find out someday. So, does that make it any clearer?
And where do I carry these hats, you ask. That's easy. My Hatility Belt. Yes, it sounds corny, but I like it. Basically, I have a hat hanging from each belt loop on my pants. I can unsnap it, resize it, and slap it on my head (as well as replace the one I was wearing on my belt in place of the new hat) in a matter of seconds. Better than hauling around a duffel bag, anyway.
And that brings us to my costume. I won't lie to you, I really don't look good in spandex. I got a slight gut that wouldn't look that great in a second skin. So my costume consists of a pair of sneakers, a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt (with a logo that I'll explain in a minute), my black hat with "H" logo, and a red cape (for that classic feel and look).
When I first started out, I didn't have the time (or skill, for that matter), to make myself a logo to stick on the shirt. So, I dug through my drawer and found this shirt. It has a sign on it (one of those diamond road signs construction workers use) that says "Abundant Source of Natural Gas". Hey, if you can't scare the bad guys, you may as well laugh them into submission, eh?
My "H" logo is basically a circle with an H inside. It's a solid royal blue that stands out nicely against the black hat I wear when I'm not using my powers. It isn't quite as flashy as Superman's "S" or anything, but it does the job.
Now that we have the basics established, let's get on to how I gained my powers. Now, a country boy like me isn't that fond of the city. I loathe crowds, preferring the open spaces. But, I consider it a necessary evil to venture into the city for some essentials like clothes, shoes, and so forth.
So one day, I was in Winnipeg (capital of my fine province) to do some shoe shopping. As I was leaving one mall in the downtown area, a local street gang approached me. The lead guy asked if I had any smokes. Me, being the smart-mouth that I am, answered that I didn't and that smoking was bad for one's health. Had I known about the baseball bats, knives, and guns they had, I probably would have held my tongue.
The leader just smiled, and told his posse to sic me. Now, at this time, I wasn't a hero or anything, I was a 15 year old kid. So I did the natural thing. I ran like hell. Unfortunately, I could not yet outrun a motorcycle. The leader cut me off, and his gang caught me from behind. I tried to fight back; managed to grab one of their bats and managed to konk one good on the head, as a matter of fact. But sheer numbers and my lack of street fighting experience led to my utter defeat.
As I lay bleeding on the sidewalk, one of the gang commented to his leader about their latest shipment of drugs, and how they had gotten a few "bad" vials of cocaine (being a straight shooter in the area of narcotics I find all drugs "bad", but that's besides the point). So they decided to find out the effects it would have...on me. Had I been fully conscious I would have been quite opposed to the idea.
Just so happens one of the newer members was having second thoughts about all this As they injected me he called out for them to stop and leave me alone. Wish he'd thought of it a few minutes ago, but beggars can't be choosers. The rest of the gang didn't like that idea, but this guy happened to be "packing heat". He told the gang to back off or he'd start busting caps. As none of the rest had their firearms drawn, they were forced to leave.
The guy took me to the nearest hospital. Lucky for me it was a slow day and I actually got in to see a doctor right away (as opposed to waiting in the hallway for a week). Turns out that batch of cocaine...somebody had tried experimenting on it wi th radioactive energy. And they were trying to make in injectable to get rid of the deteoration of the cartilage in the nose by sniffing the stuff.
The doctors decided an experimental treatment would have to be tried if there was any hope of saving my life. It involved x-rays, and a whole bunch of other stuff I don't even remember. As the treatments went on, I suffered from an increasing amount of headaches. I had never had a headache in my life prior to the beating, so I didn't take to these well. My parents allowed the doctor to give me pain-killers, but I refused them. I'm not too fond of pills, and I usually try to let diseases and such to run their course on their own without taking pain killers (I'm stubborn that way).
The story had been in the paper, and I even got interviewed for the Channel 5 news. I told them how this one guy had saved me (I didn't mention his name, so he wouldn't get in trouble for being associated with the gang), and some other things. And, get this, the local CFL football team sent down a couple of their players to cheer me up. I know it was a publicity stunt, but what the hell, I was gonna get a free jersey and a hat.
So these guys showed up (can't remember their names now. One was a quarterback and the other was a wide receiver) with the goods, and a camera crew in tow. They gave me the jersey and I put it on; they even put my number on the back (good old number 8). I slipped that on, and the quarterback handed me the hat. I put it on...and the wall exploded.
Y'see, the team name was the Winnipeg Blue Bombers. The combination of the drugs, the radioactivity, and the treatment had caused me to gain superpowers! Yeah, I know it sounds lame, but hey, I'm not going to argue with the results.
So I'd just blown up the wall, and the reporters grabbed their cell phones to call in to their bosses. My parents tried to get them to leave the room. But what good would it do; there was no wall. However, when I accidentally caused a video camera to explode, they got the point and left.
Now, I had been a reader of comic books since I was 8, so I grasped what had happened well before my parents did. I took the hat off my head quckly. My theory had so far proven true; nothing else exploded. I had been wearing a Rivertown Eagles (local hockey team) baseball cap when I was attacked, and I asked my dad to hand it to me.
After putting on the hat, I tried to will myself into the air. Nothing happened at first (and I already thought of the 'think happy thoughts' crack, thank you very much). After a few seconds, however, I blacked out.
When I woke up, I found out I had slammed into the roof and been knocked unconscious. I was rather glad at this point I hadn't been outside when testing this particular hat. I decided to try one last test. My brother (who had been ushered out of the room after the wall exploded) was wearing an Anaheim Might Ducks cap. I called him back into the room and took his hat.
I resized it to fit my head, and slipped it on. Almost instantly I transformed into a duck. A strong duck, but a duck nonetheless. I grabbed at the hat, and found I couldn't remove it. Kinda hard to grab something when you have no hands, eh? I asked for it to be removed, and after a few snickers it was taken off my fine feathered head.
The doctors wanted to keep me there to study me "for my own good". More like the good of their careers, I say. I wasn't having any of it, so my parents took me home. Did it ever feel good to get out of the city and back home. I can't stand the water they have there; I much prefer the well water back home. Rich in iron and minerals, too.
My parents wanted me to keep my powers quiet. I agreed, although the only reason why was I wanted to refine them first before showing them to everyone. So a couple days later I told my volleyball coach I wanted to stay after school to practice on my own. He agreed and gave me permission.
I didn't want to start with the flight powers, for obvious reasons. A fall from a 2 and a half meter ceiling onto a bed I can handle; a fall from the roof of the gym to a very hard floor I can't. I decided to start with something where I wouldn't have to, in theory, exercise conscious control. After rooting through my bag I found my Pittsburgh Steelers hat. I slipped it on my head, and I felt, heavier. I looked in the mirror I had brought and saw I was covered in steel.
I went to the equipment room and came back with three objects; a volleyball, a medicine ball, and a shot (thrown in the shotput event in track and field). First, I dropped the volleyball on my foot. I didn't feel a thing. Next I tried the medicine ball. Again, no effect.
Then I picked up the shot. Praying I wouldn't break my foot, I dropped it. It landed with a clang on my foot, and again I felt nothing. I was invulnerable! I was so elated at this that I kinda sorta jumped up and when I landed my feet imbedded themselves in the hardwood. Horrified, I disengaged my foot and removed the cap. Now, if you've been given permission to use the gymnasium after school they don't expect you to wreck the place. I wracked my head for ideas. And seeing as I was in a panic I forgot about my powers.
After I calmed down, I realized my powers could help me out. I searched through the bag and found a plain black hat. I decided to test another theory. Grabbing a piece of paper and a pen from my bag I scribbled "Silver Surfer" on it. I taped it onto the hat, and looked around for something to plug the hole with. The garbage in the change room would do, I figured. So I brought it out and dumped it in the hole. After packing it in, I concentrated. The garbage began to glow, and I pictured it forming into wood and merging with the floor. Just so happens it worked!
After this, I thought why even bother using the other hats if paper will work? So I wrote down Spider-Man and taped it on. I went over to the wall and took a small hop. The "small hop" took me 10 feet up the wall. Then I stuck to it. I was feeling pretty good, but I wasn't confident enough to climb to the roof.
Good thing, considering at that moment my "spider-powers" left me and I crashed to the ground. I lay on the floor, winded. A 10 foot fall will do that to a guy. After about 5 minutes I got my breath back. I decided that the paper route wasn't quite as reliable as the stitched in logos. And I finally decided to try the Winnipeg Jets hat.
I pulled it out of the bag, and was about to put it on my head when an idea occured to me. I pulled out all the mats in the equipment room and laid them out at various points throughout the gym. With luck, if I did fall, I'd hit one of them. I also had another back-up plan. I pulled out the Steelers hat and held it in my left hand. If I did fall, I'd have time to slam that on my head before I would hit the ground. I could worry about the floor later.
So I put the hat on my head, and nothing happened. I tried picturing myself 3 feet above the ground. Slowly I rose off the floor, until I was hovering at the desired height. I was overjoyed! I cried out in triumph. I mean, wouldn't you be happy if you just found out you could fly?
I concentrated, and I flew up a few more feet. Then I zipped around the gym, dipping and arcing. I had never been fond of heights, but then again I couldn't fly before. Then I had another idea (I seem to have a lot of these, eh?).
I snapped the Steelers hat, a Seattle Supersonics hat, and a Calgary Flames hat onto the belt loops on my pants. I stashed my gym bag in my locker, and left the school. Once I was outside, I willed myself into the air and flew up on top of the gymnasium. I landed hard on the roof; I hadn't quite gotten the hang of landing just yet. I stood up, and gazed out at the town. I had never seen the community like this. I decided an overhead view might be interesting.
I got bolder and jumped off the roof. I dropped a few feet before regaining control and I soared up. A flock of Canada geese was flying overhead. I grinned and flew up to join them. I just hoped a local hunter wouldn't mistake me for one of the birds.
The birds scatttered as I flew up at them. Guess I had them pretty startled. I dipped back down and lopped lazily over the town. I decided to test my speed. I willed myself to speed up, and soon I was racing over the countryside. I reached the nearby lake within a minute; a 6 minute car ride.
I dipped down and landed (still kinda hard) on the beach. I removed the hat and snapped it to my belt. I reached down for the Calgary Flames cap. I placed it on my head. I didn't know what to expect; for all I knew it'd just give me a sunburn. Then I caught my reflection in the water.
I was on fire!
To be continued...
Hat