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The Hooded Hood Chronicles #2: An Apology to the Board Tuesday, 16-Nov-1999 14:50:00
The Hooded Hood Chronicles #2: An Apology to the Board Herringcarp Asylum Stroker's Island April 8th On behalf of myself and the staff and faculty of Herringcarp Asylum I would like to extend a board-wide apology for the unwarranted and intrusive posting placed on the BZL last night, from a figure purporting to be "the Hooded Hood". Quite clearly there can be no such person, and only a deluded and disordered mind could possibly make up such an idea. Such is the deluded state of Mr Ioldabaoth Winkleweald, a long-time resident of this establishment, who has somehow managed to find his way towards a computer terminal and post the inaccurate and insulting material which found its way onto your screens yesterday. In mitigation of our laxity I feel I must now breach some professional confidences so that you will understand the nature of Mr Winkleweald's condition, and to calm any qualms which his irrational and disordered fiction may have caused. Mr Winkleweald was once a fine and upstanding member of the community. He bought Lass-scout cookies. He patted passing dogs. He collected comics. And it was this last trait which caused his downfall. It all started when Steve Englehart left the West Coast Avengers. Some of you may recall that in a Byrne-inspired marketing move the magazine was retitled Avengers West Coast. Now this may not seem very important to you, but for an obsessive collector like Ioldabaoth it was devastating. Should he now file these issues under W or A? Should he move his entire West Coast Avengers collection and place it after the regular Avengers title? Where would the Hawkeye limited series fit in? What about the former Solo Avengers title, now Avengers Spotlight? The transformation of the WCA into Force Works was enough to send poor Mr Winkleweald entirely over the edge. He was picked up by the police trying to felt-tip out the title of every issue of the fold-out-cover version of FW#1 in his local comic shop. In his home they found that in his madness he had committed a terrible crime. Every single issue of the Thomas run of Avengers had panels cut out and pasted into a big scrapbook for souvenir value. And Avengers #4 was neatly sliced up into little Captain America paper chains. I'm sorry to go into such gory details which may distress some readers, but I am keen to show how disturbed this unfortunate man had become, and that he had to be incarcerated for his own good. Once imprisoned for the safety of society (for no comic book was safe if Ioldabaoth had scissors) the only way he could be pacified was to be allowed to fondle the embossed cover of Silver Sable #1, with the 3-D 38-D's. And then he retreated entirely into the puerile fantasy that he is some super-powered villain named the Hooded Hood. As a well-known and trusted medical figure and expert on superhuman psychology, let me assure the public that there is no danger whatsoever from this sad, deluded figure. You have my word on that. Dr Maximillian Valium MD Excuse me… is that a lettuce I smell over there…? More past-its-sell-by-date material from the early days of the Hooded Hood |
| The Hooded Hood Chronicles #2: An Apology to the Board (More past-its-sell-by-date material from the early days of the Hooded Hood) (16-Nov-1999 14:50:00) |
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