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Post By The Hooded Hood belatedly welcomes the Baroness to the Parodyverse Thu Dec 09, 2004 at 11:14:01 pm EST |
Subject At Home with the Baroness Originally The Baroness, Part 14. Hatman and CSFB! encounter Baroness Zemo (after some more schtick, of course) |
In Reply To J. Jonah Jerkson Wed Dec 08, 2004 at 11:29:09 pm EST |
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| At Home with the Baroness The clock was just striking noon when the doorbell rang. Baroness Elizabeth Sweetwater Dewdrop von Zemo didn’t recall modifying her door chime to Toccata and Fugue, so she answered the call with a modicum of caution. “Good afternoon,” said the Hooded Hood. “I already bought a copy of the Watchtower,” the Baroness replied. The cowled crime czar chuckled. “A sense of humour. It seems the Zemo family is learning new tricks.” Beth sighed and opened the door to let the archvillain enter. “I suppose this was inevitable sooner or later,” she admitted. “I hadn’t expected a call so soon.” The Hooded Hood entered the small living room. “How do you do?” he bade the ghost of Elizabeth’s grandfather, the late Baron Ottokar Attila Kublai Tamerlane von Zemo. “Still dead,” the cranky old man replied. “You?” “Still quietly manipulating the fabric of the Parodyverse.” “You’d probably want a coffee then?” the Baroness suggested. “Sally!” The young woman’s call dragged Silicone Sally from the kitchen. “I say when you’ve conquered the world you find the guy who designed that piece of crap microwave oven and…” Then the zaftig supervillainess spotted the Hooded Hood. “Aaaagh!” “Miss Resilyant,” the Hood said to her. “The Hooded Hood!” Sally warned, pointing at the man mantled in the grey cloak sat in the armchair. “Yes, I’d noticed,” Beth said calmly. “Now get the coffee on and don’t keep the archvillain waiting.” Mentally the Baroness was trying to analyse how her visitor had this effect on people and how she could duplicate it. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone together,” Baron Ottakar told them. Then, in an aside to Elizabeth he said, “Seduce this one if you have to. An alliance with his house could be very useful before you destroy him.” He caught his granddaughter’s look. “Just saying,” he shrugged before fading out. “Grandparents can be very embarrassing,” the Hood sympathised as the Baroness turned back to him with a brittle smile. “That’s why I retconned mine out of existence.” Elizabeth bit back a request for a quote on doing Ottakar. “Here’s the coffee,” Sally said, bustling into the room with an urgent nervousness. “Only, um, one of them seems to have turned into tea.” “That would be mine then,” the Hooded Hood suggested. “Thank you, Ms Resilyant.” “I’ll just be…,” Silicone Sally backed away, “Um, if you want me, I’ll be out shopping. Bye!” Beth sipped her coffee and looked expectantly at her guest. “So what is the purpose of your visit?” she wondered. “Or rather purposes?” The Hood nodded approvingly and sipped his Earl Grey. “First and foremost to welcome the latest scion of the von Zemo dynasty onto the world stage,” he answered. “The bullion robbery was most entertaining, and the sequel with Ms Akiko equally enlightening.” “And you wanted to check out the competition and get a general feel for what I’m doing,” the Baroness suggested. “And to ensure proper lines of communication between us hereafter. I always found it useful to maintain a level of contact with your uncle Heinrich.” “Until you retconned him out of existence,” Beth pointed out. “Also you probably want to check whether I’m harbouring a grudge about that.” “Are you?” “You’ll know if I am. I don’t suppose you know what happened to Uncle’s castle?” “I’m afraid I shifted it out of history along with your Uncle and his Scourge,” the Hood apologised. “I can arrange for its restoration at a location convenient to you if you so require.” “I’m not sure I want to owe you a favour just now.” “There are some other locations you may wish to consider for a base,” the cowled crime czar noted. “The old Paradopolis Variety Theatre has been derelict these many years, and comes complete with underground lake and a splendid organ. Or the convent of the Little Sisters of Discipline is empty these days except for a few self-abusive vagrants. And I believe ITC is leasing space in its tower.” “I’m making arrangements,” Beth assured him. “Very well then. Let me know if you change your mind about the ancestral castle.” “I’ll be sure to keep your pager number handy.” The Hooded Hood cradled his fingertips together. “When will you be seeking entry to the enclave of senior villains?” he enquired. The Baroness didn’t miss a beat, even though she had no idea what the Hood was talking about. “In due course,” she replied. “When I feel the need to network.” “Indeed,” the cowled crime czar replied. “Perhaps once your current oil to water scheme is completed.” “Maybe. As you’re obviously aware, I’m still in the early stages of setting up my plans.” “I watch with interest,” agreed the Hooded Hood. He rose abruptly. “Well, I mustn’t take up any more of your valuable time just now, Baroness von Zemo.” “Oh please, call me Elizabeth,” the Baroness replied, also rising so she could show the Hood out of the door. “And you must call me Ioldobaoth, of course,” the cowled crime czar assured her. “It’s been fascinating to make your acquaintance. I look forward to our next encounter.” “Till then then… Ioldobaoth,” Beth replied, and she didn’t slump against the door until it was shut with the archvillain outside. But she did watch through the letterbox as he strolled down the road past Visionary’s Condo and noted the sudden leap from the bushes as a young woman urgently stamped out a firecracker she’d been planning to hurl at her neighbour’s guest. And then the Baroness sipped her coffee and began to think. She felt as if a contest had just started and she needed to work out the rules. And the goals. And how to win. Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2004 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2004 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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