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Post By If this one doesn't provoke some comment about what the poster-characters will do, the Hooded Hood doesn't know what will; and also it'll be a bit difficult to write #213 Sat May 07, 2005 at 06:55:30 pm EDT |
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#211: Untold Tales of Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises: Going the Distance | |
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| #211: Untold Tales of Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises: Going the Distance Previous chapters at The Hooded Hood's Homepage of Doom Cast Lists at Who's Who in the Parodyverse Location Descriptions at Where's Where in the Parodyverse  Nats struggled as the peristaltic waves squeezed him down the oesophageal tube into the great greasy stomach-bag, and telekinetically hurled away the lamprey-like organisms that swarmed over him to help with the digestive process. He commented on his current situation: “Aaaaaaaaagggghhhh!!!” The Mootarch of Pluug burped happily, its low grade gastronomic telepathy cutting in and lifting the message of greetings and peace from his race’s long-term rivals the Q!Vokh from the messenger’s mind. “I could have just given you the envelope,” Nats objected, holding up the soggy manila rectangle he was still gripping as he sloshed under the gastric fluids. The lampreys slithered over it, digesting the information. That was when the laxatives Miss Framlicker had coated the paper with cut in. “Oh sh…” was all the flying delivery boy had time to scream before powerful spasms rocked the Mootarch and he was propelled into a series of convoluted bowel lengths. The peristalsis squeezed him along, lubricated by other by-products of the Pluugian biological processes. One sphincter-pop later and Nats was in free fall, outside the floating sentient gas-sac. Then he felt the familiar nauseating whine of straining Dimensional Tuck Engines and only had time to spew his final tribute to the Mootarch’s hospitality before being dragged across eleven hundred light years of space to topple onto the transfer grid in the converted Gothametropolis firehouse of Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises. Amy Aston, EEE’s engineer, shut down the power system hastily. It cooled with a series of ominous pings. “I’m okay,” Nats called, not rising from his crumpled position gently streaming on the wire platform. “Don’t worry about me. I was just eaten by a big telepathic gas-bag then defecated at 70,000 feet.” “It’s always got to be about you,” Miss Framlicker scorned. “Can’t you see we’re dealing with a situation here?” “A situation. A situation other than me being eaten by a big telepathic gas-bag then defecated at 70,000 feet?” Al B. Harper, the company’s resident genius, looked up at the slightly oozing flying phenomenon. The bizarre lensed helmet the archscientist was wearing made his eyes look about ten times bigger than normal. “You had nothing to worry about,” he assured Nats. “The Pluugians evolved low grade gastronomic telepathy back in their prehistory to help them locate the free-floating glokh-fargh herds. Now it’s a good way of them sensing the true intent of messengers. You were never in any danger.” “I was eaten by a telepathic gas-bag and then defec…” “So get over it,” Amy snorted. “Cheez, like that hasn’t happened before.” “It was all in Dr Blargelslarch’s briefing anyway,” Miss Framlicker pointed out. “You said I didn’t need to read the briefing,” Nats objected, lifting himself off the transfer grid and squelching down to ground level. “You said the big words would only make my head explode.” “I always like to take care of less able employees,” Miss F assured Bill Reed. “Now let us get on with our crisis, please. You might want to think about a shower. You’ve been fresher.” “I was eaten by – oh, never mind.” He glanced around. “Um, where’s Uhuna?” “Well she was waiting anxiously for your return,” Amy consoled him. “But then Dancer called in to see if she wanted to go shoe shopping.” “Oh well, as long as it was important…” Then Nats’ brain caught up with earlier conversation: “What crisis? We have a crisis?” Al B. held up the letter he was examining. He’d read it already and now he was absent-mindedly shredding the corners for chromospectral analysis. “We’re doing the mail,” he explained. “Oh, the mail. Yes, I can see how that might take precedent over me being digested,” Nats spat bitterly. “Well it does,” Miss Framlicker told him. “This large pile here are bills due. You’d be amazed how much transdimensional vector converter coils cost these days. This statement here with all the unfriendly red lettering is our bank account. And here is the file of letters from clients declining our tenders because they’ve been offered special cut-price rates and extra incentives by the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation.” “Okay,” conceded Nats, “That does constitute a little bit of a crisis.” He worried a bit more. “Am I fired?” “Not if you stand in the corner and let me hose you down,” Amy Aston told him. “That stuff you’re dripping is mildly corrosive.” “I know. I was trying to tell you that. It kind of stings.” “I was thinking about the floors,” the overall-clad engineer noted. “Hold still while I uncoil the firehose.” “Are we going bust, then?” Nats said, hastily averting his gaze from the buxom young engineer who was only wearing overalls. “I mean bankrupt. Not bust. I wasn’t thinking about busts.” Amy turned the hose on him, full power. “We still have some core business from Bautista Enterprises, and some off-world work as a result of the Transworlds Challenge,” Miss Framlicker told the yelping delivery man. “But that’s about it. The new ITC management are trying to put us out of business, and they’re very close to doing it.” “But it’s this letter that’s really making me cross,” Al B pointed out, waving the correspondence he’d been studying before. It was clear he was cross because he was unconsciously carving quadratic equations onto the workbench. Amy finished sluicing Nats, so the flying phenomenon limped over to find out what had enraged the archscientist. Byrne Plaza, 111 Cathedral Street, Paradopolis, 10012 Dear Dr Harper Re: WeirdSciCon 2005 We regret to inform you that you will no longer be required as keynote speaker at WeirdSciCon 2005. Management feels that your topic “Fifteen Everyday Applications for Metadimensional Biophysics for the Busy Inventor” would not be suitable for our audience. We have instead invited Professor Brock P. Lydekker to speak on “Commercial Possibilities of Protophysical Research in a Post-MTV Era”. As you know, WeirdSciCon is the number one venue for advanced and fringe scientific and metaphysical concepts to be discussed, and management is keen that the content of our events remains relevant to the two thousand inventors, investors, and members of the public who frequent our events. We must therefore carefully select speakers and workshops to reflect the full range of interests and topics appropriate to our client base. Management’s view is that you and your company have, frankly, done little of note in recent months, and that your standing in the weird science community is somewhat diminished, or has perhaps been overestimated in the past. We also apologise that since you will not be on the speakers platform we are unable to provide your company with display stand space on the convention floor, or to accept EEE’s advertisements for our event brochure. Yours sincerely Albert Dweeber Convention Manager “And check the logo at the bottom,” fumed Al B. to Nats. WeirdSciCon 2005, proudly sponsored by ITC, for all your interdimensional transport needs. “You’re saying we’ve been shut out?” Bill Reed scowled, his own red-head temper flaring. “These guys dumped us?” “Dumped on us is more like,” Amy pointed out gloomily. “We were counting on our trade stand at WeirdSciCon to drum up some business,” Miss Framlicker mourned. “We couldn’t afford the plot fees, but back when Al was weird enough to be keynote speaker…” “I am plenty weird enough!” Al B. Harper objected. “Just because I don’t have a PR agent like Brock P. Lydekker…” “Or tenure at Paradopolis U like he has,” Miss F pointed out. “I would have had, if I hadn’t been trapped in a minor timespace continuum ripple for a couple of years on my way to the interview,” the archscientist retorted. “While I was away Brock published the stuff we’d been working on together in his own name and became a millionaire. As if he could even work out the perihelic albedo of a tangential heuristic algorithm shifting in a descending harmony through a modulating transductive vector! Brock got confused by how to operate toilet paper.” “So you know this Brock guy,” Nats surmised. “Professor Lydekker and Al go way back,” Miss Framlicker recalled. “Didn’t you once feed his tie into the transdimensional vortex, Al?” “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you,” grumped the scientist. “This was back when we were all at college you understand. I wasn’t as calm and centred as I am now.” “And they let you near sharp objects?” Amy wondered. “So what do you think we should do?” Nats worried. “I mean, if ITC is undercutting our business all the time, and we can’t even get to this convention thing to drum up new sales…” “Oh, we’re still going to the convention,” Al B. Harper said dramatically, rising to his feet. He’d have been more impressive without the owl-like eyes magnified in his optiviewingscope helmet, but all the same… “Here it comes,” sighed Miss F. “We shall go to WeirdSciCon 2005, and be weirder than they ever imagined!” Al promised. “And we afford tickets how?” Amy wondered. Al B manically waved the brochure. “Group rate discount if you take more than ten people,” he pointed out. “Where are we going to find ten or more people to go to this geekathon?” Nats wondered. And then the penny dropped. “Oh no. No.” “Get me Sir Mumphrey Wilton on the phone,” Al B. told Miss Framlicker. “I want to invite the Lair Legion on a field trip.” Yuki Shiro hefted the thug over her head, letting his momentum do most of the work for her, and neatly somersaulted him onto the pile of other thugs she’d been stacking in the corner. She spun back and adopted a classic front stance ready for any further attack. “And that,” she concluded, “is why a modicum of training is superior to any amount of muscle any day of the week.” “A very graphic demonstration, I’d say,” Mr Royd agreed, leaning against one mirrored wall of the practice hall. “You’re as good as your references.” I’m a lot better than my references, Yuki thought to herself, since the references are all completely forged. But what she said was, “When do I get my first paycheck?” Royd snorted. “When you’ve earned it, Ms Lee” he assured her. “Right, I’m also hiring you, you, and you, Jordan. I thought the way you got hurled to the mat by a slip of a girl was pretty macho, and we need the bodies to beef up security round here.” The three chosen thugs indicated their approval by groaning and struggling off the floor. “You’re having security difficulties?” Yuki asked her new supervisor. “Some,” he admitted. “Last night an intruder got past our perimeter, rappelled up one of the lift shafts past all our safeguards, and made it as far as the ninetieth floor before tripping one of the independent systems. That’s got our CEO a little spooked, so I get a budget hike.” So it was an independent system that tagged me, Yuki noted. No wonder I didn’t trace it through the mainframe programs. Clever. “Next few days will be orientation,” Andrew Royd told his new employees. “You’ll get your uniforms and sidearms, go through some basic dos and don’ts, hear a little about the company. Then we’ll check you’ve got the actual skills to pull a security duty for a high-profile firm like this. And then we might actually let you loose to guard something.” The new recruits rubbed their aching bodies and nodded. The half dozen failed candidates who had been part of Yuki’s pile started to slink away. “Before you go,” Royd called to them, “there’s another lesson you might want to learn. Ms Lee showed you how martial arts can allow a trained smaller person beat an untrained bigger one. But I’ll give you a glimpse of what happens when a small trained combatant fights a big trained one.” Uh oh, thought the undercover private investigator as Royd turned to her. She didn’t want to betray her cyborgs status and blow her cover. “What?” she asked her new boss. “Let’s see what you’ve really got, Lee,” he challenged. “Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you bad.” Yuki realised that Royd had something to prove. Damn, she concluded, I’m going to have to put up a good fight then let him beat me. She assumed a basic defensive stance and waited for his attack. Andrew Royd swept aside her defence, hammered a sudden shock blow into her midriff, and slammed her down onto the mat hard. It took less than two seconds. Then she found herself pinned to the floor under her attacker, unable to move. “Wha…?” Yuki gasped as she realised where she was. She’d been ready. She’d been watching. And Royd had put her down without even breathing hard. She wasn’t that fast and strong. Nobody was that fast and strong! “Here endeth the lesson,” Mr Royd told his recruits. “Welcome to your new employment with the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation.” All events are subject to confirmation. DAY ONE: 10.00am Registration 11.00am Keynote Speaker (Main Hall): Paradopolis U’s Professor Brock P. Lyedekker on “Commercial Possibilities of Protophysical Research in a Post-MTV Era”. 12.00pm: Lunch (Asimov Suite) provided by Waltz Dairy Products, demonstrating new applications of biogenetic nutrition technology. 1.00pm Onwards: Trade Stalls and Demo Stands in the Bradbury Suite 1.30pm Dr Keenan Broseman (Asimov Suite), Society of Skeptiks and Realists: “Why the Supernatural Does Not Exist”. 1.30pm New Tomorrow Enterprises (Kubric Lobby) demonstrating new behaviour modification software 2.30pm Dr Isobel Harley and team (Asimov Suite): “Recent Improvements in Mutate Profiling and Gene Realignment”. 3.00pm Panel (Main Hall): “The Case for Alien Breeding Programmes” with Dr Euphonia Mango, Evil Monkey, Professor Garrett Gale 3.30pm Baroness Elizabeth von Zemo (Kubric Lobby): “Basics of Establishing an Archvillain’s Empire, with Special Reference to Real Estate Teleportation.” 3.30pm: Dr Blargelslarch of Frammistat Eight (Asimov Suite): “Slides and Samples from an Archaeological Excavation of the Queasy Area”. 4.00pm: Occult Transmogrification 101 (Kubric Lobby), hosted by Dr Ludovick Trenchcoat, author of The Ghoul I Brought to Dinner and Lycanthropy, Our Hairy Friend. 4.30pm: Panel (Main Hall) “Import Tariffs on Foreign and Alien Technology” with King T’Chako of the Wakandas, Lord Thighmaster of Borovia, and Mr Jamie Bautista 4.30pm: Dr Lazlo Reevis, former HERPES weapons designer (Asimov Suite) “Why Nuclear Weapons Are Passé for the Modern Terrorist”. 5.00pm: Seminar (Kubric Lobby) “Aid and Assistance Available to Inventors of Alternate Energy and Fuel Sources”, sponsored by ZOXXON Oil. 5.30pm: Lee O’Callaghan, Paradopolis PD Forensic Consultant (Asimov Suite) “Crime Scene Indicators of Metahuman Activity”. 8.00pm: Bar and Disco in the Kubric Annex, with your host Splendiferous Stuart. 9.30pm: Videos in the Main Hall, including with “The Transworlds Challenge Hoax”, “Giant Robots and the Men Who Ride Them,” “Alien Dissections, the Pitfalls,” “Electrodes – An Addict’s Guide”, and “Nine Ways To tell If You’re an Evil Clone Double”. Please note that the seminar on Notation of Transfinite Mathematical Entities by Petar Tyolanh has recently been withdrawn from the programme. DAY TWO: 10.00am onwards: Trade Stalls and Demo Stands in the Bradbury Suite 10.00am: Dr Spankenstein (Asimov Room) “Do-it-Yourself Henchmen”. 10.00am: Dr Maximillian Valium MD (Kubric Lobby) “Atypical Psyches and the Villainous Meme: Some Case Studies” 11.00am: Panel (Main Hall) “Burn the Witch: Press Reporting of New Scientific Discoveries” with J. Jonah Jerkson, Bernice Teshmaker, and Greg Burch 11.00am: Sponsorship Seminar (Kubric Lobby) Odyssey Enterprises, including videocast with CEO Mr Gideon Book 11.30am: Ms Camellia Faye (Asimov Room) “Consciousness Expanding Chemicals and Other Unneccessaries”. 12.00pm: Desmond Djinn (Kubric Lobby) “Eliminating the Stain of the Supernatural”, with practical demonstrations 1.00pm: Lunch (Asimov Suite), sponsored by the Willingham Fishermans’ Trust 1.30pm: Entertainment from the Destiny Carnival (Main Hall) 2.00pm: Discussion Group (Kubric Lobby, if cleaned up by then) “Second Generation Applications of Irradiated Cyborg Implants,” based on the work of Professor Septimus Manyarms 2.30pm: Dr Muturius Scone (Asimov Suite) “The Low Evolutionary: A Practical Reappraisal” 3.00pm: Dr Letitia Gahagan (Kubric Lobby, via satellite link from Badripoor) “Mathematical Probabilities and Social Engineering”. 3.00pm onwards: A range of “Fringe” discussions in the Bradbury Suite, starting with “The Hole Man’s Holes – Who Dug Them Dude?” “How Mr Epitome Is Putting Wires In Our Brains”, and “Science’s Imperative to Manufacture More Beautiful Nude Butterfly Girls”. 3.30pm: Metahuman Archive Institute (Azimov Suite) “The Case for Reuse of Deceased Metahuman Cellular Material”, with special reference to upcoming US legislation. 4.00pm: Panel (Main Hall) “Extradimensional Faith Beings and Consequent Trade Agreements”, with Roni Y Avis, Sage Grimpenghast, and Arnie J. Armbruster. 4.00pm: Lacy Lindstrom (Kubric Lobby) “An Overview of Robotic and Semi-Robotic Life on Earth”, including notes on the Citizens of Cybernation, the Camorra Macchina, Ultizon, the Urban Robots and others. 5.00pm: Video (Asimov Room) “Z-Alloy, Vibratium, Adamantine and Other Miracle Metals – The Argument For Corporate Management”, sponsored by Turrets Inc. 5.30pm: Dr Leonard Day-Vincent (Main Hall) “Interpreting the Narratometric Shear of Trans-Finite Coded Potentions in Dynamic Parasequential Chains”, with simultaneous translation. 8.00pm: The “Inventathon” Contest (Main Hall) - Bring along your pet weird science scheme and let the judges decide who’s got the weirdest. DAY THREE: 10.00am: Magnetic Techbird Appreciation Society (Kubric Annex) “Magnetic Techbird Lives!” 10.00am: Dr Honoria Sessleby (Bradbury Suite) “Weird Geography, from Amazon Isle to Null Point Zero” 10.15am: Dr Victor Timelo (Asimov Suite) “Murdering One’s Own Grandfather and Other Time Travelling Amusements”, continued from next year’s lecture. 11.00am: Panel (Main Hall) “Ethics of Weird Science”, with Herbert P. Garrick and Ioldobaoth Winkelweald, and via satellite link with Dr Daio Waltz and Jonathan Armstrong Staang. 12.00pm: Lunch, provided by Harga’s House of Ribs 1.30pm: The 2005 WeirdSci Awards (Main Hall), presented by Secret Hospital’s own Lania! 3.45pm: Closing Remarks by Con Organiser Albert Dweeber It was almost noon when Ruby Waver staggered back to her flat off Frazetta Street. The third story walkup it was all she could afford these days, but she was determined not to give in like most of the other employees at Mr Lye’s Laundry of Doom and just move in to the sprawling sinister building. She had a personal nightmare that if she ever did that then she’d never get out again. “I was a model,” she said to herself. “I could have had a future.” But even as she spoke she knew she’d thrown away her chances and had done things that were hard to forgive. “Damn. When did I grow a conscience?” she frowned as she opened the door. There were six deadbolts to undo before she got in. Hogan wasn’t a good neighbourhood. She slumped inside and closed the door on the world, and especially on the bizarre shadowy dealings of Mr Lye and his mysterious cleaning firm. “What I need,” she told herself, “is a steaming hot bath, with bubbles, then a soft warm bed with silky-smooth sheets around my naked flesh.” “Sounds good to me,” the voice in the darkness said. “I can wait.” Ruby whirled around and flicked the light switch. The bulb was gone. “Who is it?” she demanded. “I’ll scream!” “In this neighbourhood?” chuckled the intruder. “Be my guest.” The girl turned back to the door she’d just multiple-deadlocked. She knew she couldn’t get away fast enough, but it was cover for her to slip her mace from her purse. She heard the intruder come up behind her and emptied the container into his face. He didn’t flinch. He did take the canister from her and crumple it into a tight metal wad with his bare hand. “Now that you’ve got that out of your system,” he said, “my employer requires a low-grade telepath to destroy as part of a plan to suborn the finest minds on the planet at the forthcoming WeirdSciCon 2005. You’re his number one choice. Congratulations.” Ruby didn’t even get to scream. Next issue: Yuki’s undercover op takes her into dangerous territory. Ruby faces an unpleasant future. Mystery villains are revealed. And a new investigator walks the mean streets of Gothametropolis York. The plot thickens, as it is wont to do, in Untold Tales of the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation: Executive Strategy. Return of the Footnotes: Extraordinary Endeavour Enterprises is a tabletop science company set up by eccentric genius Al B. Harper and administrator Miss Framlicker, with engineer Amy Aston and delivery agent Nats (Bill Reed). Specialising in transportation through teleportation, dimensional rifts, and other esoteric means they naturally came into conflict with Interdimensional Transportation Corporation (ITC), Miss F and Nats’ former employers and the monopoly-holder on such forms of commerce. EEE operate out of a former firehouse in the Greenwich Village-like Sixways area of Gothametropolis York. Their budget is somewhat tight. ITC used to be a fairly benevolent firm, formed with technology bequeathed by its founder Dane Janus, one of the dawn-of-time race specialising in dimensional physics. Fronted by the effete Mr Lundquist Limpquist and based in a skyscraper overlooking Off-Central Park but hidden behind perceptional barriers (it could only be found by certain people), ITC gained a reputation for getting the job done, done well, and done properly. However, after an attack by the villain Balefire (see UT#145-150), the company suffered serious financial setbacks. A new Board was appointed, with a new and mysterious Chairman. The company hired Roni Y Avis (famed inventor of internet spam) as their new Marketing Director and began serious attempts to put their rival EEE out of business – including hiring an arsonist to torch EEE’s headquarters. Yuki Shiro is a purple-haired private investigator cyborg with a previous and undefined relationship with Al B. Harper. And the People and Items from the Events Programme: For those who hate to miss the references… Waltz Dairy Products of course has no relationship at all with biogenetic lactose terrorist the Diabolical Dr Moo. New Tomorrow Enterprises was formerly a front operation for Peter von Doom. Dr Mango, fruit terrorist, was one of the villains behind the Lair Legion’s reversion to pregnant teenage girls in the Dancer/Fin Fan Foom Limited Series. Evil monkey is, um, a really evil monkey. Professor Garrett Gale, a.k.a. “The Surgeon General”, is a tenured academic at Paradopolis University, and stars in Adversarius’ Scrubs series. Baroness von Zemo, niece of Heinrich and granddaughter of Otto von Zemo, is the newest supervillain in town, and has recently planted her gothic castle in exclusive Pierce Heights. She appears in the “Baroness” series and has recently gained her own archive page at The Zemo Zeppelin. Scholarly Dr Blargelslarch came to Earth after his exile for betraying the Lovetoad of Frammistat Eight during the Transworlds Challenge. The Queasy Area is one of the interface areas of the bizarre otherdimensional Nagativity Zone Dr Ludovick Trenchcoat has not appeared previously under this name. King T’Chako of the African nation-state of Wakandybar is better known as the Black Pantser. Thighmaster is better known as the villain who keeps matching wits with Manman. It’s a surprisingly even contest. Millionaire Filipino industrialist Jamie Bautista is better known as founder Legionnaire NTU-150. HERPES (Hero Elimination Revenge Project Extermination Squad) is an international terrorist group led by the fanatical Count Wolfgang Fokker. ZOXXON Oil is a corrupt energy consortium. Their CEO is the corpulent Montiver Hole. Lee O’Callaghan is a consulting forensic scientist, and the poster character of one-time poster Crazy Penguin Lady. Splendiferous Stuart is one of the ruling clique of the cruel planet Apuffylips, and has the gift of getting people to agree with him. Petar Tyolanh turned out to be the herald of the Fairly Great Old Ones, Nyalurkhotep, and has recently been sat on by the Manga Shoggoth at the conclusion of the Tenth Caphan storyline. Dr Spankenstein offered bodily assault to various members of the Lair Legion during their world tour. Dr Valium is administrator and chief psychiatrist at the Herringcarp Facility for the Mentally Troubled J Jonah Jerkson is editor-in-chief and publisher of the Daily Trombone newspaper. Bernice Teshmaker is a trouble-making freelance reporter. Greg Burch is a disreputable hellraising columnist for the Gothametropolis Squire, and an occasional secret identity for the Dark Knight. Gideon Book, secretly the Word of Logos, is CrazySugarFreakBoy!’s sponsor and mentor (and archenemy). Camellia of Fay is the faerie in charge of the exclusive Willow nightclub. She’s not too nice. Desmond Djinn is a fanatical human slayer of supernatural beings. He takes his name from the skinned being he wears as a shield against magic. Willingham is a peaceful fishing village ten miles south of Paradopolis. We know nothing bad about it. Yet. The Destiny Carnival is a sinister collection of sideshows and scams that travels from dimension to dimension bringing woe and wonder. Professor Manyarms is a Goldeneyed villain currently incarcerated in the Safe metahuman prison. The Low Evolutionary is a mysterious geneticist responsible for the creation of “Nu-Men”, advanced hybrid animals with human-level cognitive abilities. Letitia Gallagher, the Idiom, is a problem-solving genius and former flame of Mr Epitome’s, currently receiving political asylum in the rogue nation-state of Badripoor. The Hole Man is a stunted underground-dweller who commands the beasts of Monstrous Island. Sage Grimpenghast is Master of Ignorance and Teacher of Deceptions in one of hell’s deepest levels. Arnie J. Armbruster is an attorney at large, whose exploits are chronicled in the series of that name. The Citizens of Cybernation were volunteers converted to cyborgs by Technopolis exile Hel Rotwang (Deus Et Machina). Hel was apparently destroyed with the majority of her cult by De Brown Streak. The Camorra Macchina are a bionically-enhanced European crime guild. Ultizon is an adamantine robot occupied by the sentience formerly known as Virtual Zemo. He was last heard of encased in adamantine in a holding cell in the Safe. The Urban Robots (some prefer Robo-Americans) are self-determinative self-replicating machines originally designed by Dr Weed Wrichards. Z-Alloy is the sacred gravity-manipulating metal of the Thonnagarian Pigeon Warriors. Vibratium is a sound and vibration-absorbing metal found in an ancient meteorite fallen upon the African kingdom of Wakandybar. Adamantine is an unbreakable alloy named after the mythical substance from Greek legend. Turrets Inc. is a munitions firm based in Paradopolis. They have the current contract to build the government’s mutate-hunting Sentinoid robots. Dr Leonard Day-Vincent, a.k.a. Renaissance Man, is one of the foremost scientific minds of his generation. Magnetic Techbird was an early mutant rights protestor, and his untimely death has converted him into something of a martyr amongst radical mutate factions. Dr Honoria Glossop is a cryptozoologist and world traveller, Alcheman’s ex-fiancee from the Alcheman series. Dr Victor Timelo has not appeared in this identity before. Herbert P Garrick, “Bad News Herb”, is the president’s Special Advisor on Metahuman Affairs. Ioldobobaoth Winkelweald is better known as… the Hooded Hood. Dr Daio Waltz is also known as the Diabolical Dr Moo. Jonathan Staang was the founder and former leader of the radical post-human adventurers the Commission, and is currently serving time in the maximum security wing of the Safe despite being a legal minor. Lania is the Lair Legion’s former spokescelebrity. Ruby Waver served for a while as the Lair Legion’s secretary before selling her tell-all story to the media and implicating Nats in charges of sexual abuse. After being proved a liar, Ruby found herself isolated and shunned, even by her cousins Whitmney Darkness and Lania. She found temporary employment in the weird and mysterious Laundry of Doom, where she is striving to turn over a new leaf. Well, she was. Al B. Harper image by Dancer Original concepts, characters, and situations copyright © 2005 reserved by Ian Watson. Other Parodyverse characters copyright © 2005 to their creators. The use of characters and situations reminiscent of other popular works do not constitute a challenge to the copyrights or trademarks of those works. The right of Ian Watson to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the UK Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. |
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